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I'm an alcoholic. I get insanely drunk to the point where

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I'm an alcoholic. I get insanely drunk to the point where I lose money, injure my body, and do crazy shit like smoke crack.

Idk what to do anymore. I don't -really- want to do it in the grand scheme of things. Drinking just doesn't align with my goals and sets me back in a number of ways. But, then again, a part of me does want to do it, simply because I greatly enjoy the feeling, despite the repercussions.

It's getting old. But sometimes it's like somebody else is controlling my body and before I know it I'm back at the liquor store. If you're an addict I expect you to identify with that statement, otherwise you probably won't understand.

I've been to rehabs, sober livings, a bazillion AA meetings, I've worked the steps numerous times, tried SMART, blah blah blah etc. Nothing stuck.

I think the main thing is I'm incredibly lonely. As sad as it sounds, I can get drunk and get on CSGO and talk shit with other stanklords and it feels like I have something of a friend, or a buddy at least. Sober, nah not so much. Can't do it. Too nervous, too autistic.

But fuck all that. I don't want to use it as a crutch, or have it be the one good thing in my life that's actually bad.

Idk. Feeling lost. Hoping for some insight or tips.
>>
Are you just an alcoholic, or a general addict?
If you're the latter, like I am, then just find a different thing to abuse. Preferably one that generally has a positive outcome to it's abuse (at least in comparison). I used to slam about a fifth a day of liquor before I started messing around with hydros and have since stopped drinking entirely. I usually only pop about 20mg to get a decent high going so I'm actually doing my renal system a big favor.

If you're just an alcoholic, then you have to WANT to quit. Get a sponsor from AA, keep going to the meetings, go live in a dry county.
>>
>>17386370
general addict. I've run the gamut with drugs, you name it I've tried it and did too much. Esp stimulants. I don't do that shit anymore though
>>
In a similar boat, anon. I was 4 months sober before a relapse in April that's led to a continuous binge til now. AA is hit or miss, but I've taken a few nuggets of wisdom out of meetings. It's really hard for people of mild intelligence or ego to buy into the higher power/no control over alcohol gibberish. At the heart of it, regardless of your childhood, genetics, or anything like that, you're an addict and you're sick. It's a sickness that convinces you into staying sick. That's the part of you that still wants to do it. The social aspect is a big trigger in my relapses and sounds like yours too. I ain't got an answer for you. Honestly, kinda drunk. But really, the whole "hitting bottom" thing doesn't ring true. After hitting my bottom that included a night that could've easily landed me in jail, I still haven't learned and gotten into the same old habits. I'm sure you've probably heard all of this shit before, but man, you gotta stay constantly busy to stay sober. And it's not just a matter of finding and indulging hobbies. Gotta search for shit outta life. I dunno. Sorry anon.
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>>17386360
Alcohol is a depressant and as such if you are depressed you'll be even more depressed even though you attempt to do outlandish things.

With that said, how are you drinking? Are you drinking by yourself and then going out to do these crazy things? Or are you in a social situation and just can't control the amount you drink and find yourself and your friends doing bad things?

If you are drinking with friends, perhaps you should not associate yourself with these people any longer. Or simply go do something else than drink.
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>>17386401
>how are you drinking?
I slam a pint of vodka and then go do stuff, or sit at my computer and play CSGO. I don't have friends.
>>17386398
Thanks mate. I'll try to stay busy more, I think that's good advice. It'll help me forget how much I hate myself and maybe I'll even improve as a person and won't have to hate myself so much.
>>
>>17386401
>Alcohol is a depressant and as such if you are depressed you'll be even more depressed
That's not what that means, you fucking moron.
It's a nervous system depressant, as in the opposite of a stimulant
As in it has absolutely nothing to do with "making you depressed"
>>
>>17386370

Don't take opiates OP. Shit is worse than alcoholism.
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