I'm a loser nineteen-turning-twenty that's slowly entering

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I'm a loser nineteen-turning-twenty that's slowly entering college, if I've got nothing else going for me. I constantly disappoint my girlfriend lately (year+ relationship), and she owns it. Whenever I feel too depressed to do something she wants to do, she gets upset. Whenever I try to do something for her, I fuck it up. Et cetera et cetera. We've been trying to organize a meet for the past month, and now she's constantly bringing up that I seem non committed to the relationship whenever she tries to book everything. She's willing to pay and needs to know immediately for the highest savings, but I've never actually traveled myself before, much less fly on a plane. I'm staying in a hostel alone for the duration of about four nights, and I have major anxiety and depression if that wasn't obvious.

I'm paralyzed with indecision because of the potential of of wasting all of her money, as I lately do not even feel worth the effort to her. She clearly loves me since she's still more than willing to work our meet out, on top of paying. But even despite apology after apology of yelling at me, sometimes when I'm even feeling suicidal, it happens again the next morning. I'm so desperately worried that I'm going to disappoint her and make her despise me for wasting all of her money. I'm so pathetic. How do I stop being so fucking shit?