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Need help considering narcissistic mother

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My grandfather is old but well for his age. My mother is a narcissist and I want to ask my grandfather about how she was as a child and if he has ever noticed that her behaviour isn't normal. I haven't told anyone in my family (I'm not really close to anyone and although my father is the one I'm closest to he enables my mother's behaviour even though he knows she's unfair to us) about my mothers abusive behaviour and the mental health problems she's caused me (generalized anxiety, moderate depression, social phobia, eating disorders and self-harm) and I'm worried about how my grandfather would react if I suddenly tell him my mother's been abusing me mentally and I'm also afraid that he will get angry and not tell me anything if I ask him about her childhood, as in him assuming that I'm blaming him for her behaviour though that isn't the case. I can't picture my grandfather as a narcissistic type himself so I don't think he'll automatically take my mother's side though. He's stubborn but not the dominant type like my mother. Has anyone else been in the same situation? General advice?

First of all you need to cut of contact with your mom. You staying with her wont make you any happier or healthier.

Also Narcissistic people tend to be very two sided, so it is possible that your grandfather hasnt seen her behaviour that she has around you. But thats very unlikely since its her dad were talking about.

Overall Id say go for it. If it gives you and understanding and maybe a reason to forgive her for her behaviour then why not. Dont be scared if your grandfather gets mad or upset with her because she deserves it. She will blame you for it but thats what needs to be dome imo.

Try to become independet from your family.
My mother is super special awesome, but she can be extremely controlling (my stepdad is pretty much a cowering yes man to her.)

My main issue I had when living at home was my parents habit of getting pissed off wine every 2-3 days, so much so furniture was thrown and my mum would randomly fall on my bed and wake me up at 2am saying she loved my like a drunk 13 year old, only to scream at me when i tell her WTF get out. They bicker constantly and my mum is a professional at emotional manipulation. My best friend growing up and on a forum I would moan on could see it more than I could, being a big contributor to my bouts of depression, low self esteem and social anxiety.

Everyone said move out and once I did, although tensions can be high and there is the odd explosive fall out (when I lived at home I rarely argued as it fell on deaf ears) when we do get along it is much higher quality than my years as an adult living with her.

My mother is an amazing person and sees the drunk her as a bit of fun but living with her drunk is another story.

Move out if you haven't yet and keep a bit of a distance. My mother is desperate for me to live in the same town as her, she's not getting any younger (which she tells me all all the time that makes me feel like shit living 200+ miles away) and, as much as i'd like to support her by living closer as her health likely declines, I could never live round the corner from her.
Heh, maybe you should video their "fun" drunk times and then show them when they are stone-cold sober.
Ha! tried that, never catch the more violent times but have taken short clips on mums phone and left them on when I have had a chance. She is sweet and innocent the next day and in complete denial, sees pics and says something like "whats this, urgh, why do I have that" she finds months later.

When I was living with he it was emotionally distructive for me. She forgets it so it's nothing to her but I'm the one kept up late with loud music and people breaking into my room and remember the things she (and my stepdad but he usually pretends to sleep during drinking) says and does. Its when she phones people up she doesn't realise what she has said and done and what people think. Some are like "ah, anon's mum just being fun and silly", others she has been very nasty to.

Most of her calls however have been her calling then forgetting she is on the phone, sluring so much it sounds like taz or saying "like" so many times nothing makes sence. It is usually to her best friend, my divorced dad or me. I am terrified she calls someone like my boyfriend's parents who have never really met her longer than 10 mins and may soon be inlaws.
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