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Loving yourself

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How can I learn to love myself, /adv/? I don't think I necessarily hate myself, but often I will talk and think in self-derision. Many times I break promises I made with myself, and think it's only natural, since I'm a bad person.

I don't have any motivation to do things that align with my values, but conclude that this makes sense -- after all, I'm a lazy piece of shit. I can't trust myself when making an important decision, because I have no confidence in myself -- thus, I succumb to the fear of being responsible for my actions.

If I try not to think in this way, and instead to envision myself as worthy, it feels like I'm pretending, lying to and deluding myself. It just seems wrong and fake.

So how do you actually grow to like yourself? Is it about deluding yourself until you truly believe it? Is it about accepting your flaws but somehow thinking of them as traits that don't define you as a bad person? Is it about taking action to change yourself into a person you could love?
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>>17357102

lets start here. you say it sounds delusional but go ahead and list things about yourself that you do like, as well as a few accomplishments you are happy about.
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>>17357102
you gotta remember that numero uno is the only fucker that matters in this world. start carrying around a knife and stab any dickhead who tells you otherwise
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>>17357116
Uhh.. I'm good at FPS video games. I'm not particularly stupid. I think of cool ideas sometimes. I.. like my own opinion on a lot of things?

As for accomplishments... I finished high school. I "hacked" a website before. I did something I feared recently even though I was 99% sure I would back down.

That's about all I can think of for now.

>>17357119
What do you mean? Are you saying I should focus on becoming number one in some kind of niche?
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>>17357129

>uhh...

see stop doing that. this is a forum. uhhhh is only ever added for our own benefit. so you added it to lessen your achievements. you literally only typed 'uhhhh' to imply that you had to think really hard and that they arent worth mentioning.

do you enjoy first person games?

how do you implement these cool ideas.

what are some opinions of yours that you enjoy?

was finishing highschool a big deal for you? why?

as for hacking, what exactly did you do.

what did you do that you feared?

serious answers only please. im not here to judge you. im here to help you. and im serious.
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>>17357129
youre already number one because in your existence, youre the only one who matters. something happens to you and youre fucked in the most absolute sense.
>only your feelings and opinions matter and you should live life to please yourself and accomplish your own goals

>set goals. accomplish them +10 self esteem
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>>17357135
Yep, that's exactly why I put "uhh" -- I wanted to show that none of these are particularly great achievements. Nonetheless, they are at least something I like about myself.

I enjoy FPS games but I've gotten bored of them lately and stopped playing.

I don't implement most of these ideas because they generally require lots of work and determination, and I'm too unsure of myself to put any effort into them -- what if it ends up being a waste of time?

I enjoy most of my opinions.. I mean, they are my own. I'm not even sure myself what I meant by this one. For example, an opinion of mine is that FPS games are cool -- but is it really any surprise, then, that I agree with this opinion? I suppose what I really meant when I said I like my own opinion on lots of things is that I judge, despise, and laugh at people who don't share this opinion.

Finishing HS wasn't a big deal, at least I don't consider it to be. If I think it about it, it was indeed a big part of my life and many struggles came with it, but I didn't feel particularly accomplished when I graduated. But society thinks of it as a big step in your life, so I was compelled to put it on the list.

I don't really want to incriminate myself here so in fact, I didn't hack anything :)

What I did that I feared is going hiking alone at night. Kind of stupid, I know -- especially without telling anyone where I was going.

>>17357139
Ah, well I agree with this. I'm generally pretty selfish already but I don't really hate this part of myself. However I don't love myself so I don't care about sabotaging my own life, disregarding my goals and procrastinating my life away, etc.
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>>17357173

>thats why i put uhh

and thats what im saying, dont. you are purposely putting yourself down instead of embracing literally anything good about yourself.

in your mind you have decided dthat something isn't worth even enjoying unless its in the top percentage of ratatas. thats simply not the case.

the first step to self love is validating yourself by celebrating your accomplishments. im not saying throw a party, unless its your birthday. but its okay to enjoy doing something you are happy about. its not egotistical to say 'im happy i did this'.

>i enjoy most of my opinions

this is a good step. you like where you are and what you think. thats normal, but its healthy to acknowledge. keep this. dont be afraid to change and try to be open minded, but its good to enjoy these things.

>finishing highschool

highschool is more challenging than just the educational aspect. people expect you to act better than adults do (by say, abstaining from sex and alcohol and the like) but give you less credit, praise, responsibility, or reward for it.

it is considered 'normal' for a 15 year old to have more self control than someone ten years his senior. simply because his parents tell him not to do something. on top of that you are experiencing everything for the first time, everything is extreme, and your hormones are raging in a way that makes it HARDER to abstain than an adult would.

getting through that on top of the many many many learning lessons is something to be proud of. you probably didnt think of getting through highschool as a big deal cuz graduation tends to focus on academics. but it sounds to me like you had a very long personal journey in schooling and you never took the time to celebrate that.

>didnt hack anything

touche, but ultimately something to enjoy. i was happy i was just able to use my knowledge of html to get advanced episodes of a favorite radio play
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>>17357173

>hiking at night on my own.

dont think of it as stupid.

consider the following
>no one is perfect
>you are not expected to be the exception
>some people are 'better' at others in some things
>but there is always someone even better than them

ergo, to belittle yourself simply because you are not the best is silly.

the only real measure of worth would be how much someone can or has grown. if you can face your fears, and strive towards being a better man, than does it really matter if someone is better at that than you?

When i first started making videos i was shit. i had only just started and everyone told me what a fucking waste of space i was. this is actually going to sound stupid, but i was in a fan community that made fan made new seasons of shows like sailor moon.

I was not the first of the project, and those who had started before me, and had much older much more experienced workers would just shit on me. for years they told me id fail.

but instead of just saying 'yeah i suck' and therefore quitting, i kept working.

8 years later, none of those projects that attacked me even exist anymore. they all failed at 2 episodes in, at most. they live normal lives where they hate their day jobs and never actually do what they supposedly love.

whereas i actually finished my project, got wide recognition, over a million views, fan art, fan fictions, fan ACTION FIGURES are even being made.

but most importantly, i improved. a lot. i appreciated my work for what it was at the time. something i enjoyed doing and worked hard on. and each day i got better.

tonights a night hike for you. eight years from now? who knows.

hope this helps man.
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>>17357216
>you are purposely putting yourself down instead of embracing literally anything good about yourself.

Yes, because I feel like I would come off as arrogant if I didn't.

>its not egotistical to say 'im happy i did this'.
I feel that it is. When I see other people say that, I think badly of them. So I apply the same logic to myself, and figure that others will think badly of me if I talk like that. Guess it comes down to caring too much about what others think.

>>i enjoy most of my opinions

The thing is, I believe it's more that I think I'm better than everyone else and put others down if they don't share the same opinion. It's not really that I enjoy most of my opinions, I enjoy feeling superior to others because I think my opinions are "better". Is this really a good thing?

>>finishing highschool

Funny, but most of the things you describe weren't a challenge at all for me. I guess I had some other challenges, but it's more something I endured, rather than learned how to overcome. I still can't really feel accomplished because of this. Yeah, alright, past me went through all these things and came out alive, but why should I care? What I mean is that I don't -feel- any kind of emotion about this, it's just a fact about me, just a memory. Should I use this to compare myself to other people or something? Yeah, I guess I'd feel more accomplished if I laughed in the face of a guy who DIDN'T finish high school. But from what I've heard, this isn't a good habit to fall into.
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>>17357265

>why should I care?

because you can't love yourself if you can't appreciate what you've done. otherwise, what do you have?

would respond to the rest but that^ is what it all boils down to. you came here looking for advice. you got it. you got the dissection of hows and why.

now you have to decide if you will take it or just continue pretending not to be egotistical.

good luck man.
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>>17357232
>ergo, to belittle yourself simply because you are not the best is silly

But isn't praising yourself just because you are not the worst also silly? Maybe I'm just judging my worth incorrectly, I don't know....

>the only real measure of worth would be how much someone can or has grown

Hmm... I judge my own worth based on how close what I did was to what an ideal me would theoretically do. And I account for factors like things not going the way you plan in reality, people not being perfect, etc.

Judging myself on how much I've grown just doesn't seem to be enough, I always want more. Even if I did something better than a me from years ago would do, I always find something negative about it. It doesn't feel satisfying to just have grown as a person, I want to be nearly perfect. How do I stop feeling like that?

>over a million views, fan art, fan fictions, fan ACTION FIGURES

Holy shit, that's pretty fucking awesome anon. Did you make your own anime of Sailor Moon or something? Or a doujinshi?

>>17357285
>because you can't love yourself if you can't appreciate what you've done.

Yes, but if I try to care only for the reason that I can't love myself if I don't, then it feels fake and shallow and like I'm pretending. If I naturally, inherently, cared -- then it would not feel shallow and I would be able to love myself. But I don't feel like that, and this what I'm trying to change.

Thanks for the advice man, but it's always hard to actually change yourself. I still don't understand how I can start to CARE, rather than pretend to care, force myself to care, or what else have you.

P.S. sorry I take so long to reply, have to consider each sentence for like 5 minutes before I understand how I feel about it.
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>>17357332

>but isn't praising yourself just because you are not the worst also silly?

sure. but thats why you are praising yourself. you are praising yourself for accomplishing something difficult. im not saying pat yourself on the back for eating celery for lunch or going a whole day without masturbating. but celebrating achievements that you KNOW you are happy about is the only way to acknowledge your self worth.

>judging myself on how much ive grown isnt enough

than make it enough.

>i want to be nearly perfect

you never will be

>thats awesome

thank you. we basically cut out the characters frame by frame to put them in front of new backgrounds. we also animated new characters and recolored footage to give them new suits similar to what they had in the manga.

it is awesome. but its not perfect. even at my best we still didnt look 'as legit' as the other projects. but the point is i actually finished instead of giving up.

i was just as happy getting 50 thousand views a month as i was getting 100 thousand views a month. was even happy years ago when it was only 1000 views a month.

the point is that I did something, stuck with it, and even though its not the best, it is done, and it is my work, and I'm very happy about it.

>if i only care for the reason that i cant love myself if i dontetc.

you are giving this wayyyyyy too much thought and trying to make it complicated to keep your world view in place.

lets be real here, you want to be jaded. just a little bit. you do. its part of your 'egotistical' side. even on an anonymous board most people wont admit the things you have about mocking others for having different opinions.

it all builds into this persona you've built up and you are afraid to explore yourself in a positive side.

caring starts by doing something you want to do, then appreciating the fact that you did it. thats all. its not faking. share the excitement with someone. anyone.

like you with my show.
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>>17357285
I struggle too to love/accepting who I am but not like how OP puts it. But your response to him gave me a different perspective. Just wanted to say, Thank you, whoever you may be.
*random gif
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>>17357369

glad i could help someone.

remember the first step is to always acknowledge your accomplishments and growth. otherwise you are static as a person. if you are constantly improving, then whats wrong?

after that you can dive into what you dont like, but you have to acknowledge the good first. good luck anon
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>>17357380
It makes perfect sense what you said.

I was a game and porn addict but I managed to change all that by reading books (helped me change perspective in general), found other hobbies but sometimes I fall back to the things I hate about myself. So again i tried going to the gym but didnt know how to use the equipment. Stayed home to exercise and changed my eating habit lost more than 25kg under 8 month..but one can never be perfect like you said (true without a doubt) but thats no reason to stay static or to try to change for the better. But I guess we all need a helping hand sometimes. Or a reminder. So Thank You! again.
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>>17357353
>sure. but thats why you are praising yourself. you are praising yourself for accomplishing something difficult. im not saying pat yourself on the back for eating celery for lunch or going a whole day without masturbating. but celebrating achievements that you KNOW you are happy about is the only way to acknowledge your self worth.

As far as I'm aware, I already do this. I didn't throw a party after going hiking at midnight, but I did feel proud of myself for doing it. I still don't love myself as a whole for this and the other minor (as I feel about them) achievements I've done. I just think I'm a decent person.

Maybe this is enough? Maybe the only way to truly love your whole self is to delude yourself and be a douchey faggot. If that's the case, then it could be that my whole theory here is wrong and the reason I don't have confidence, sabotage my life, and so on isn't because I don't love myself. I don't know.

>>judging myself on how much ive grown isnt enough
>than make it enough.

...How? This seems to actually be a problem I run into often when I create a thread asking for advice. It all comes down to me feeling a certain way, and not knowing how to change how I feel. I can try to "make" it enough, force myself to think differently, but that's just pretending; deceiving myself. It only makes me dislike myself even more because I'm not being true to my feelings.

>you never will be [perfect]

I know this consciously, but I can't stop wanting to be nonetheless. That's just how I feel. How do I change how I feel?

>thank you. we basically cut out the characters frame by frame to put them in front of new backgrounds. we also animated new characters and recolored footage to give them new suits similar to what they had in the manga.

Interesting, no idea how that would work. Link? I'd like to see the final result.
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>the point is that I did something, stuck with it, and even though its not the best, it is done, and it is my work, and I'm very happy about it.

I don't feel very happy about the things I've done - at least that I can think of. I mean, I'm glad HS is over, and it's "cool" that I'm good at FPS games, but none of those feel like enough for me. But I know that literally NOTHING would feel enough for me, because happiness is temporary and based on perception. It feels nice when you just did something great and it's fresh in your memory, but after a while you get used to feeling this way and suddenly you need much more stimulation to feel that way again.

Fuck, I forgot where I was going with this.

>you are giving this wayyyyyy too much thought and trying to make it complicated to keep your world view in place.

Indeed I am, but isn't this only natural? I think it's human for people to justify their actions and beliefs. You may be right, even if I don't give this much thought it's not like my life will suddenly fall apart. But I'm trying to make my life better, which is why I'm considering everything so carefully. I don't want to change my world view to some other random one, which is likely to create as many problems in some areas as it solves in others.

>you want to be jaded.

I'm not sure what you mean, clarification please? If you mean that I want to appear cynic, then you may be right. Maybe it makes me feel more grown-up. How should I act instead?

>even on an anonymous board most people wont admit the things you have about mocking others for having different opinions.

Ehh.. okay. I was just being honest with you, since I thought this would help in giving more accurate advice. This is really how I feel.
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>caring starts by doing something you want to do, then appreciating the fact that you did it

I see. I think I might be doing a lot of things because I feel like other people would think "that's cool". But fuck, again, how do I just bam and appreciate the fact that I did something? It doesn't just happen naturally for me. How do I induce this feeling?

Again, sorry for taking so long to think and type this out. I appreciate you giving advice; at the very least it helped me think things through much better than I could on my own. It has also given me a different perspective on things which is always nice. Thank you.
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>>17357475
>How should I act instead?
OP here again, just realized that this sounds pretty dumb. I shouldn't "act", should I? As the famous meme goes, I should just "bee muhself :^)". But I don't even fucking know if what I want to be is what the true me really wants, or if it's something I'm doing for others.

And if I just stop thinking and act based on my first instincts, I have no way to improve myself as a person.
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>>17357463

no problem man. and iget it with the sliding back into hold habits sometimes.

its like the legend of 'sissyphus' the greek guy who had to push that rock up a hill for eternity, and each day it'd roll back down. you just gotta believe that it hasnt rolled farther down than before.

good luck man.

>>17357480

>how do i induce htis feelings

by doing what you want first. then sitting down and enjoying that you did it. trust me, it will come. stop acting like its science. its not. its spirit.

despite our disagreeances im glad i could help in some way.

>>17357501

i think this is the best way to START. self change is a big part of self love, but the first step is acknowledging what is good abotu you and yourself.

you need to stop TRYING To see the bad, TRYING To see the negative.

it may seem silly but go look in a mirror, examine yourself, and write down what you DO like about your body. then go through whatever old projects you have done and write out what you DID enjoy investing your time in. just do this about your life. times you think you DID act good, whether it was standing up for yourself, or soemone else, or simply learning something new instead of having what you may now consider an old school of thought.

but you have to stop saying 'I CANT JUST ENJOY THAT I ENJOYED SOEMTHING'

it sounds dumb, but trust me it works. worse case scenario, go buy yourself a bottle of really nice cream soda. then make the list. then enjoy the drink AFTER you write it, to celebrate your accomplishments.

good luck OP
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>>17357790
>self change is a big part of self love, but the first step is acknowledging what is good abotu you and yourself

I see, it makes sense to acknowledge the things that are already good about you before trying to change anything.

I have a journal and I'll try to write about times when I think I did something well from now on.

Thanks again for the suggestions anon.
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>>17357924

no problem man. it can be as simple as noticing somethign you liked in the moment.

let go of the concept of ego. if you're already worried about being too egotistical than you know you'll be able to keep it in check.

its not about 'WOW IM SO GREAT'
but rather 'i really like the hair on my toes' or rather 'i did pretty good with that meeting today'. even doing slightly ebtter than expected is worth appreciating.

and thats what it is, appreciating. good luck man
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>>17357102

Are you me?
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>>17358154
It's really hard to not be egotistical, I'm too scared I "won't be me" anymore if I let go of my ego.

I'll try to do what you said though.

>>17358172
Yes, I'm your clone.
Thread posts: 25
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