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How do you explain self-harm scars to coworkers/etc people whose

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How do you explain self-harm scars to coworkers/etc people whose business they aren't?
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>>17356003
Just tell them you went thru an autistic phase, I'm sure they will understand.

Wear long sleeves? Do surgery?

Or you could just ignore their questions.
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How about quit being a bitch who cuts?
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>>17356008
And are you retarded?
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>>17356008
>phase

What about the fresh ones?

They're on my forearms and upper legs (girly places, I know, fuck off) and perfectly covered by a work uniform, but there's still locker rooms, and work bonding shit often includes a sauna, so I've seen all my male coworkers naked and vice versa. Refusing to go would be unsocial and highly suspicious, and I really want to go.

How do I tell them it's none of their business without sounding like a sullen teenager?
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>>17356009
I need it to calm down.

Any other suggestions for something instantly soothing that doesn't cost massive amounts of money? Alcohol alone doesn't do, weed makes everything worse and sex is out of the question.
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>>17356003

You're right to recognize that the scars aren't their business, and you'd be right to convey this to someone who asks about them.

However, when doing so, also recognize that the person asking about them likely had no intention of prying into your business. When people care about one another (and coworkers can care about one another), it's normal to show concern, and visible injuries can make a person feel obligated to ask about them. "If I don't ask about anon's scars, maybe he/she will think I don't care about him/her." This is the worry that might cause people to ask about them. So as right as you are to demand privacy for your private life, try to do so in a way that shows the person that you appreciate their concern for you.

Because that's what a person asking about them most likely is really trying to say; "I care about you, and I want you to know it."

Whatever words and tone you choose, your message back should be, "I can see that you care about me. Thank you. I am fine, and this matter is private."
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>>17356013
Are you OP?
If not fuck off.

>>17356016
Fresh ones? Wtf.
How old are you?
Op tell us more about yourself, what is making you cut yourself?
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>>17356026
How do I do that in a nice way that makes them stop fussing but doesn't insult them?
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>>17356008
I mean you can come up with some sort of lie but everyone knows what those are

I just don't understand why people would ever do this to themselves. I can understand a heroin addiction, it's still stupid, but I get it. but cutting yourself?


you made your bed nigga now lay in it
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>>17356003
I was ill but now I am not.
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>>17356033
Just make some ridiculous joke and make it playful.. like you fought a bear or some bullshit. Make it funny and stick with it then eventually people will get the point.
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>>17356021
Butt sex, easily. Even if you use a cucumber. Better than cutting
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>>17356031
Wasn't OP.

I'm 23. I do it recreationally. There's just nothing that makes me enjoy myself than downing a bottle of wine with a boxcutter. I'd lie if I said I've actually tried to quit - doing anything else with my free time is just so boring and frustrating that I give up and end up doing it anyway.

Most of my coworkers are older guys with wives and kids so the concept of spending most of their freetime to self-indulgence is probably pretty foreign to them, so I haven't even tried to explain.
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>>17356041
That's a troll. Cover it with a long sleeve shirt/jacket/sweater and say you're cold, duh
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>>17356045
>There's just nothing that makes me enjoy myself than downing a bottle of wine with a boxcutter.
Dayum
That
Is
So
Fucked
Up
Shit
...

Do you have any loved ones?
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>>17356048
Did you even bother reading? >>17356016
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>>17356045
Wtf m8. Sure the wine is fine but does it have to include the cutting?
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>>17356053
Yes, and that's why I don't stay over at mom's place anymore. There would be no end to the nagging.

Dad used to drink, too, and mom just can't wrap her head around the concept. Her understanding of human psychology is on the level of a child who thinks credit cards mean infinite money.
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>>17356062
Yes. They compliment each other but I like cutting more. Drinking enough to bring the same satisfaction isn't possible anymore, I don't get the euphoria just from being drunk.
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>>17356033

I am the person who wrote the post you replied to. Please ignore the advice of the other person. I don't think it's good advice.

I suggest: First, remind yourself that, most likely, the reason the person asked is that they care about you and want you to know it. This is actually a very kind sentiment. Despite the intrusive nature of their question, they're trying to be kind. Try your best to respond to their intentions, instead of their actions. So, smile warmly, if you can manage it. Not a beaming, "Oh! Thank you!" smile, that would be creepy. Just a, "hm, thanks for your concern" smile. Then say, "It's private, but thank you for your concern."

The person may worry that they've offended you. If they look really uncomfortable, you might want to reassure them that you're not mad at them for asking, and that everything is okay between you.
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>>17356076
I absolutely understand they're doing it out of concern. People don't like it when people look nasty.

I just don't know how to make them stop worrying.
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>>17356016
Say nothing. They probably won't dare to aks, if they do, you say that you'd rather not talk about it.

It's that simple.
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>>17356132
Usually I just shrug and remove myself from the room/situation/concersation and completely ignore them if they persist, but that feels really rude.
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>>17356138
It's completely acceptable to say that you don't want to discuss it in a neutral/polite tone of voice. If anything they will probably feel self conscious for asking. But yeah, absolutely removing yourself from the conversation is off and kind of rude.
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>>17356115

"It's private, but thank you for your concern."

If they persist, then say, and as calmly as you can, "I can see that you care about me. Thank you. I don't want you to stop caring about me, but I do want you to stop worrying about this. It's a private matter, it's a very personal matter, and I need to ask that you respect my privacy."
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>>17356150
>>17356154
Shit, I'm really bad at that stuff.

Especially since that kind of shit doesn't translate well to my first language. It comes off sarcastic and super rude immediately.

I mean, shit. You can't even call someone he/she unless you're mad at them. People are referred to as "it" in any normal context.

How do you say "I aknowledge your concern" in a normal voice in a normal conversation without it coming off the same as sarcastically curtsying to an authority you don't respect?
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>>17356167
You're Finnish, right? Or at least Scandinavian?

If this is the case, they are even less likely to ask. Obviously I can't give concrete lingual advice though...
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>>17356171
That's what makes it so awkward. I know what a huge damn deal it is to butt into someone else's business in the first place, and what a massive insult it is to slap that kind of an offer out of the air.
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>>17356178
How about saying that you don't feel ready to share anything about this with someone else? And can you really not think of any way to phrase appreciation that is not sarcastic - disregarding that I feel this has more to do with your tone of voice and facial expression than with the words you choose?
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>>17356016
>How do I tell them it's none of their business without sounding like a sullen teenager?
You don't. That's a sullen-teenager thing to do.

Older scars can be handwaved as an accident; it's a lie, but no one will question it. You can even get away with fresh scars this way, but only once or twice. After that it becomes suspicious, and strange though it may seem, if that happens then you WANT them to conclude you're self-harming. The alternatives are even worse.

Your only other option, if you want to continue self-harming but hide the fact that you are continuing to self-harm, is to disguise the scars as something else. Look up scarification as an art form. You will still sound edgy and X-TREEM, but it will effectively hide your real reasons.

If even this is not an option, then you have a choice to make. Is continuing to self-harm worth your co-workers finding out about it? If you decide that it is not, then you need to seek treatment.
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>>17356181
It's the action of refusal itself that is rude.

Even if you could think of a pleasant way to say "I fantasise about cutting off your mother's head and then fucking the windpipe", the niceness of your tone would only come off as sarcastic in contrast to your words.

This is a very frustrating thing to try to explain outside of cultural context. Sometimes, entire cultures are autistic.
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>>17356197
Scarification isn't really considered "socially acceptable" even among the body mod people around here. I'd have to go abroad for it.

How do I avoid any and all company "bonding day"-things without seeming suspicious or losing social value in the workplace?
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>>17356207
>Scarification isn't really considered "socially acceptable"
That's a crock of shit and you know it

I've seen plenty of people in Norway with scar tattoos
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Burn all the evidence
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>>17356248
Cool story Norway fag, now come kneel..
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>>17356207
Just don't go?? Come up with some sort of excuses.
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>>17356356
You don't seem to understand the bonding factor of mutual nudity.
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>>17356377
This guy's right.

Finland doesn't have a nudity taboo in specific situations, including saunas. There is a certain element of bonding in mutual nudity, obviously there's no going around naked in public transport. You're somewhat selective of who has or has not seen you nude, and in what context.

Refusing an offer to that kind of a situation is somewhat similar to refusing to eat someone's food. A way of saying "no, sorry, we're not friends".

Always coming up with an excuse is a very neat and polite way of telling your coworkers that you fucking hate them.
Thread posts: 39
Thread images: 3


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