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obsessive unrequited love

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Long time listener, first time caller. Here's the story:

I met a cute girl (solid 7.5, but a 10 to me) when I was 15, and we became fast friends. Whenever we met each other, both of our eyes lit up and we had lots of fun.

Over the course of the next two years, I fell madly in love with her. Never told her though because I noticed she only dates Chad and I was short and skinny.

One day she was telling me she had a "creepy" stalker (just like me!) and I barfed all over the floor due to embarrassment over being in exactly the same situation as the creepy dude. I then told her I loved her (vary vary romantic, I know). She of course did not reciprocate.

I fell into a deep depression; my attendance was so bad at school my senior year that I had to rely on SAT scores to get into a good college.

Literally for the next year after I tell this girl I love her, we text every night about how I want to kill myself and I can't live without her. She legitly tried to help, but the contact just made things worse. Then for the next two years I became more and more obsessive and she responded less and less until finally she told me not to talk to her again. We stopped talking.

For the next few years, I got into heavy self improvement, gained a bunch of muscle (I also grew a few inches since I was 15). Things were going fairly smoothly as I simply buried myself in engineering coursework.

But I never talked to women except as acquaintances or casual fuckbuddies. Never felt comfortable with a woman.

But now that I have time for reflection, the same extremely obsessive thoughts are crawling back into my mind and eroding my self-esteem. I try to divert my attention but all I can think of is this girl.

For those who are kind enough to respond, I'd like to leave this post open-ended. I simply haven't the slightest idea what to do. Should I give up on women altogether given my obsessive personality?
The only other options I can think of are trying to get together with this girl again now that I'm better looking and financially successful (maybe that's crazy) or seeking therapy
I'd seek therapy man. Sounds like you still have some self esteem issues. I used to have the same, sounds to me like you're not happy with yourself. Could this be the case or am I way out of the ball park?
Thank you for the response.

Yes I believe I may have problems with self-esteem; I constantly try to "assert my dominance" with other guys (it sounds so stupid I know) and I think it just comes off as douchey. And as stated in the post, I can't really form a relationship with a woman.

If you don't mind my asking, what did you do to overcome your self-esteem issues? Did therapy help?
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To be honest I just learned to like who I am and be who I am. By that, I mean that I stopped caring about what other people were and what I was not. I guess you could say I tried to pretend I had an interesting life and loved going outside because that's what most normies do.

Truth is though, I stopped going outside and became somewhat of a NEET.I stay inside, play vidya, go out with really close friends every now and then, and that's it. I started doing weight lifting 4 nights a week, and sleep it/play it off the other day. I don't have a job right now, but I'm planning to go continue my studies so I can get my degree and enroll in the police force.

This may not apply to you, everyone is different.

>TL;DR I like staying inside and playing vidya so that's what I did, and I like weight lifting so I stuck with that. I grew my hair long to LeafyIsQueer length, and I'm happy with it. I wanna be a cop, so I'm doing that because that makes me happy.
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