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Lack of affection and sex is making me insecure about my relationship.

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Lack of affection and sex is making me insecure about my relationship. I've been with her for 2 years. She got an insertion birth control in her arm around a year ago and our relationship completely changed after that. as in less sex, and less affection.

As a result, I have become way more insecure than before and have been trying to fill that void somehow.

I started working out and I look a ton better body and face-wise. I should be feeling less insecure right? wrong. I'm still insecure about this relationship.

As much as she loves me and shows me that she loves me, I don't feel loved. I feel like everything she does is forced. We've had talks before about her ignoring me in public. As in, not showing me any affection whatsoever. I wouldn't be surprised if people think we're just friends sometimes.

That's what the problem is. This is how it is now. The lack of sex makes me feel unwanted and whenever we go to a party/festival, I'd be lucky getting one kiss from her. She doesn't hug me. Ever. Every interaction of her seems forced and we've had arguements about this where she's told me that she feels forced to give me attention when we go out and it just made me feel like shit.

I want a girl that's gonna enjoy doing shit with me. I want a girl that's gonna wanna show me SOME affection when we go out. I understand that she wants to have fun and shit but imagine going out with your girlfriend only to be ignored.

Yesterday we went to a party and the only words she spoke to me were asking me to get her food. Which I wasn't gonna do because it was just disrespectful how that's the only time she'd talk to me.

I get more jealous as a result of this. When there are guys that talk to her in parties/festivals. Even though I socialize with other people too, why does she talk to other people but will literally ignore me? Like I'd really have to work for her attention to even get her to talk to me. It's fucking stupid and I'm getting tired of it.
>>
Get your boys snipped and she'll go off the birth control.

If she doesn't change drastically, then break up and move on.
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>>17319734
>I wouldn't be surprised if people think we're just friends sometimes
that is exactly why she does this in public and keeps her options open for male attention
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>>17319738
She says she wants to take it off too but she always puts it off so I gave up trying because we end up fighting whenever we talk about it.

Can I undo that process? What If I end up wanting to have kids when I'm older?
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>>17319741

She tells me she just doesn't like PDA because it makes her feel awkward. She's never done anything and anytime a guy flirts with her she tells him she's got a boyfriend and leaves.
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>>17319734
Birth control affects hormones. It's normal.
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>>17319749
>anytime a guy flirts with her she tells him she's got a boyfriend and leaves
how do you know this? do you see it happen? if so why does she run off to hang with guys she doesn't know with you off somewhere else
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>>17319749
>doesn't like PDA
with you but she loves hanging with guys she doesn't know until they take it a little too far? wtf
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>>17319759

She's very good at telling people she's taken but not very good with the whole affection thing.

If a guy doesn't flirt with her or anything, she'll just talk to him briefly and just walk away. She wouldn't do anything like that I've seen it happen and she's told me about it multiple times. She doesn't hang out with them, as I said, it just a brief conversation and that's it. I do the same thing and she doesn't seem to care.
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>>17319765

Nah as I said in another post, she doesn't hang out with them. It's just a brief conversation and if they show any sign of flirting or anything she just nopes out of there. I've seen it happen and she's told me about it multiple times.
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>>17319772
then why the fuck are you getting jealous? On one hand it seems she is ditching you in public but chatting up other men but now you say she doesn''t. Which is it?
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>>17319772
Just research some studies out there that do exist on hormone/pheromone production in males and females when using birth control.

Basically, you'll find that she is getting more attraction from the opposite-sex and if she hasn't acted on it by now you're okay. Talk with her and find other methods to prevent pregnancy, including condoms.
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>>17319785

Because we don't talk. Like ever. She never wants to talk about shit with me. She always seems more enthusiastic with other people. Girls or guys. Like yeah she makes it known that she's taken but she just completely ignores me. I don't know if that makes any sense to you.
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>>17319734
I wonder why she is in a relationship. Do you know OP?
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>>17319794

I mean she loves me a lot. She always tells me she loves me. She gives me presents for my birthday, always buys me things, tells me I make her happy, tells me I'm handsome, but VERY minimal physical affection. She's in a relationship with me because she wants to be in a relationship with me. But I don't know why she does a complete 180 sometimes.
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>>17319790

She's never acted on it and has never been disloyal. I guess I can start with the whole BC thing.
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It seems like you're in a relationship with a refrigerator OP. If she doesnt want to talk about it dump her. Also try to behave coldly towards her and see her reaction.
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>>17319796
Uh, OP you described a sister or your mother or your lesbian friend
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>>17319814

Fuck man... Seriously that's what it feels sometimes. I feel so trapped. It's been 2 years. Our sex life was so good. There was so much affection. I'm an affectionate guy. Like am I being a little bitch? I want my girlfriend to give me attention when we go out and not just "Oh I have a boyfriend", You know? Are there girls out there that will always be open for affection?

>>17319809

Tell me about it.. My life has been shitty because of it. I'm just really unhappy but I can't leave. I feel like it's my fault or something. Feels like I'm being a little bitch by wanting so much affection.
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>>17319803
OP birth control doesn't make her ignore you in public and head off for fun with other guys and girls. Here's the thing. She lets people know you are taken yet she behaves as if she isn't.
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>>17319827

This is what baffles me. This is my first relationship ever so the only experience I got was from this relationship.

Is that normal? Like for people to go to festivals and be okay with leaving their boyfriend/girlfriend behind and going to other people?

When I tell her it bothers me when we don't stick together she just tells me I'm being controlling and not letting her be free and so I just feel like shit.
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>>17319821
>There was so much affection
in public at the first or has she always been distant in public?
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>>17319821
You're not a little bitch and there isnt anything wrong with wanting some affection.

The problem here is your bitch girlfriend, I think birthcontrol can low her sex drive and.make things a little bit cold but not to the point of she ignoring you and talking to you just for food. Thats plain desconsiderated from her and she shouldnt treat her boyfriend like that.
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>>17319843

Way more in private, about the same amount in public.

I wasn't as insecure though because there was , as I said, affection in private so I got my share of affection that I wanted and as a result I was secure enough to be okay with no affection in public.
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>>17319846

Sometimes if I talk to her about the whole affection thing she just gets mad and tells me I'm being a little bitch about it and to stop being annoying. Takes a lot of power to not leave and go talk to other girls when she treats me like that but then I remember how she treats me when she's good.
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>>17319841
It depends OP. Usually around people you know at a party you guys can go your separate ways and head home together rarely speaking to each other but that is with people you both know. What you describe is unusual for a couple to do, going to a festival or party where you don't know most of the people and take off. Sounds to me she's checked out of the relationship already. Are you guys living together or does she depend on you for financial help?
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OP, I am a girl who is on birth control for almost 2 years now as well and I also talk a lot to my female friends about it.
I am in a relationship for 2,5 years now and since I started taking the pill I got depressions. So I changed the brand and it got better. After more than a year I now realized I barely want to have sex anymore, even though I was the one always wanting sex before. Also I love my boyfriend but we also argue about me showing lesser affection. I am not as bad as you describe your girlfriend, but I think she should stop birth control with hormones. Friends of mine stopped taking the pill and suddenly they felt great, were much happier and also much more into sex than before.
I changed my method of birth control recently and hope I get better.
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>>17319861

She tells me its normal for couples to be like that. Her sister does the same shit but even worse and I suspect her older sister makes her think that way.

Her older sister has a boyfriend but she'll go to festivals with a guy friend and just act weird with him.

Dude thank you. She fucking made me think that it was normal to just leave each other at a festival. She drops x sometimes and she just gets really happy and giddy with other people and I get jealous because she never comes to me, she only goes to other people to tell them how happy she is.

It makes me feel like shit man.. I used to love going to festivals and now I dread them because I know I'll get jealous and it'll be a waste of money.

We're not living together and she doesn't depend financially on me.
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>>17319862

Yeah I actually did a lot of research on it on my own because I was obsessed with this problem. Some birth control really fucks with hormones and that makes perfect sense. I hope your new method works for you. That's definitely something I need to keep discussing with her. As I said before, she always talks about taking her birth control out but never going through with it (she has the arm insertion) and everytime I remind her she either tells me "okay I'll do it" (but never does) or to leave her alone and that its her body but its so infuriating.
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>>17319857
>she just gets mad and tells me I'm being a little bitch about it and to stop being annoying
boy OP, the cunt would say that to me once and I might let it slide but say it again after doing nothing other than use me for a ride and get her food I'd leave the bitch high and dry. Let her disrespect some other fool because she doesn't love you and she's not doing a very good job of covering her total distain.
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>>17319896

I usually just ignore her and she calls me apologizing and buys me a meal. I'm bulking so I'll take a free meal anyday. I don't even care anymore to be honest. This relationship depresses me.
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>>17319889
Thanks. I really hope so, too. But the best is probably to get rid of these hormones completely.

If she somehow doesn't want to do it, it's a bit more difficult. With me, it is the other way around. I hate taking that stuff and would be perfectly fine stopping it. My boyfriend doesn't force me to continue but he prefers it and would try to convince me just like in the beginning. He also thinks my mood changes don't come from that.

Anyways, you might try to tell her the advantages of stopping (feeling better and such). Or do you perhaps know, what makes her continuing? Unfortunately I don't know much about arm insertion. Just stop taking the pill might be so much easier.
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>>17319877
I'd get out OP. She not going to change her behavior and as you see it is getting worse. She wants to play and you want a more serious relationship and grow up. Doesn't mean you are right and she is wrong just that you both are not at the same place.

As I described before when my gf and I go to a party and we know most of the people there are times we never speak to each other till the ride home and we are having a blast but we trust each other and everyone knows without question we are a couple. Whenever we go someplace we do not know the people (especially if we have dropped a little something), like a festival or club she sticks to me like glue.
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>>17319909

Yeah I don't want to be controlling because she's right when she says that its her body. I don't want to tell her I'm on the verge of leaving the sexless and affectionless relationship because I don't want her to make a decision based on an ultimatum. I just don't wanna be that guy, you know? She has to get the insertion taken out of her arm and it might be painful. So far I've even offered to pay for it and be there with her if they let me in but she hasn't budged. It just sucks...
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>>17319913

Fuck man that would be perfect for me. That's the kind of relationship that I want. My girlfriend? She thinks a relationship like that is controlling. She wants to be free to talk to whoever and to just leave me with someone else and go with the other half of our group at a festival.

Your relationship boundary would work best for me. My girlfriend acts really energetic when she drops shit and it freaks me out even though I know she wouldn't cheat. She just goes and talks to people and shit and it's just weird. I'm just tired of it. It's not like I don't want to have fun or anything. She acts like being with me is lame and controlling and it makes me feel like crap.
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>>17319920
Yes I completetly understand and you seem to be a really good guy.
Doesn't the insertion need to be refreshed once in a while? If so, that would be a good chance to stop then.
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>>17319734
To this day OP, I curse the arm implant. I believe it was a large contributing factor as to why my ex and I broke up. Before she got it, she was happy to talk to me and very affectionate- and then about a week after she got it, her mood around me worsened, she got more and more quiet and depressed and snappy with me, until finally it blew up one night and she dumped me in a drunken sobbing fit because she couldn't handle the supposed stress of being around me anymore.

Figure out a new way of BC pronto- while it may not always be this extreme, it seems like you're being effected more insidiously and that's shitty. Talk it out with her, OP. Go over non hormonal options, like the disc, condoms, or the IUD. Hell, get a vasectomy if you never want kids.
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>>17319933
my gf is very independent. She has her own place, her own business, money, etc but she is with me because she wants to be. We are in our late 20's so it may be a maturity thing and not one of rebellion like yours. My gf sticks to me at a festival or club (where we don't know the people) because we went together to have the experience together and she knows it is SAFER, especially if we are fucked up.
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>>17319951
I think this is more simple than her birth control. I think she just wants to party and drop x and it's not what OP wants anymore so being in a relationship restricts her. She needs to be single and free.
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OP, birth control does mess with a lot of girls hormones. Especially if its the first time on it/if they are young. When I first was on birth control, I would get depressed and I had an incredibly low sex drive with my bf at the time. He would urge me to go off it but I was afraid to go off it because I was young and didn't know what my other options were.

Long story short, that bf and I broke up and I went off hormones and was so much happier.

The other side of things is, maybe you two spend too much time together. Sometimes when couples do EVERYTHING together, resentment builds and manifests in behavior like your gf's.
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>>17319946

It's very like 3 years so 2 more years for her :/

>>17319951

Yeah dude fuck the insertion. Worst thing ever. It seemed so good at the time and then a week after she got it, that's it. Our whole relationship changed. Sorry about what happened with your ex, man. Some birth control really is not worth it. I'd rather use condoms.

>>17319960

She never goes to festivals with me to "Experience it with me" if we're in a group, she doesn't care if we split up and it just makes me feel like shit. I want someone to experience shit with. Not someone that makes me feel lame and shitty about myself.

>>17319965

See but I'm pretty open to that shit. I'm always open to us trying new things and new drugs and shit. I've actually talked to her about this before and she told me that that's not what she wants.. She sure acts like it though.

I want to be free of this bullshit but why is it so hard to break up with her and leave her... I guess in my head there's somehow a way to salvage this but I know i'm in denial.

But yeah dude. It's not like I'm restricting her of anything. Our boundaries are pretty normal..
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>>17319977

She's always the one who wants to hang out with me! that's the fucking thing I don't understand. I'm very busy with school and we used to see each other like twice/3 times a week at most and now we see each other like 4-5 times a week. It is too much and we've talked about it and get this:

Last week, she told me she was gonna come to my house the next day. I said okay. Next day comes, she tells me she doesn't want to come to my house because she just wants to relax at home. That's fine. I told her It's all good. What does she end up doing? She comes to my house... Then she gets upset at me and tells me that we need some time off. So we took 4 days off hanging out with each other and she shortened it by a day so we ended up with 3 days off hanging out with each other.

What the fuck am I supposed to do lmao
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>>17319984
Yeah, that's not that surprising. It's pretty common when young people are in relationships (especially 1st time serious ones), to find it difficult to communicate a need for space effectively.

She probably thinks that the amount of time you spend together equates to how much you love each other. That means that the less time you are together, the more insecure she feels in the relationship.

So, she will continue to spend time with you because of this common (and false) expectation. When you spend a lot of time with anyone, without doing anything, it gets irritating, resentment builds and then manifests in dumbass behavior.

You could tell her you need to build more trust and space on regular days and do special things when you spend time together. This will probably go down badly though because both of you have different views and expectations about what you want and need out of a relationship.
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>>17319993

I would be fine with spending some time apart and frankly, we probably do need it. She wouldn't take it well if I told her I want a few days off. Even though when she does, I'm okay with it.

A couple semesters ago (about 8-10 months) we used to spend about 2-3 days together and it was actually a lot better than now. Felt like hanging out was actually something rather than "oh lets hang out" you know?

This is just tough. This isn't her first serious relationship but it is mine. I guess I'm learning a lot about myself and my needs too.
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