[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | | Home]

How do I get someone to shower?

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 23
Thread images: 5

My brother won't take a shower. He hasn't taken a shower or changed clothes in 2 months. I keep telling him to shower and he says "ok, I will" but he never does. He has a history of mental illnesses (depression, OCD, social anxiety, psychosis and whatnot), deluded thinking and some rather aggressive episodes. He also never goes out of the house to do anything. He's also obese. He won't even go out to go to the psychiatrist or psychologist. The psychiatrist agreed to still give him prescriptions just by what we tell him. He does little things out of distraction or laziness that bother me a lot. For example, when he gets water or soda from the fridge, he pours it for him and leaves it on the table, bottles still open. When he gets cake, he tears it with his own hands. So, I berate him (I used to speak calmly, but he plainly wouldn't listen) and I can get him to return stuff to the fridge sometimes. I think my parents are to blame for this, they are and always been too soft with him and now he's even more messed up. I thought I'd go to a psychologist so I can learn ways to deal with him, but I'm very skeptical about it. I'm very skeptical about psychologists in general. What should I do?
>>
>I'm very skeptical about psychologists in general
Why?

He sounds at the very least highly autistic. has he ever gotten any test made? how old is he? how old are you?
>>
>>17319267
Move out? Seriously it's not complicated, you don't need a psychologist. Your brother is not your responsibility, you have the freedom to move out, find a place that doesn't smell like shit.
>>
>>17319267
Somehow get him outside and spray him with the hose.
Then say "Well I guess you gotta shower now".
Repeat until he gets the hint that he is a dirty, dirty little sewer child.
>>
>>17319280

He was never diagnosed with autism, but I can see how it's similar. I know that he was diagnosed with OCD, depression and social anxiety back in the day.

I have yet to meet a psychologist that effectively helps me sort out my issues and I'm far more willing to work through things than my brother is.
>>
I'm 23 and he's 30
>>
>>17319322
Jesus Christ, just move out already.
>>
File: 1466572114038.jpg (2MB, 3000x2506px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1466572114038.jpg
2MB, 3000x2506px
>>17319328
yes. MOVE THE FUCK OUT
>>
>>17319284
I did that before. This time, I thought I'd challenge him. My parents have always been too soft on him and that's why, although he's not a threat to them like he used to be, his lifestyle has only gotten worse over the years.
Ten years ago, he could attend medical appointments at least. Now he spends his days mostly in his room, on the computer, talking to people who somehow he's met over Facebook. I think one of them is a psychologist and I think he definitely likes her. Sigh.
>>
Buy him an ukulele, look at how happy I am with mine
>>
>>17319328
Yes, that's my plan, but how can I get him to take care of himself? that's my concern. If he doesn't take care of himself, he will likely get some sort of illness. And when that happens, it's going to be my problem. My parents will die one day and I'll have to look after him anyway, as the only more or less sane person. Isn't it better if I tried to change him now than trying to change him later when it's harder?
>>
>>17319267
Dear OP.

Gonna sound the alarm here too.

Move the fuck out.

I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me. We're both highly intelligent, but perhaps his egg got a bit scrambled in the cooking process. From 15 to 30, he developed a plethora of psych problems, culminating in a combination of manic depression, bouts of psychotic episodes, and delusional thinking. He's spent the majority of his life on a bevy of mental brain chemistry balancing perscriptions. I moved out a long time ago, but the crystallizing incident was that accaused me of raping him, drugging him , and letting strangers rape him while in front of our parents. I left the next month and never regretted the decision

Your problem is reversed in age. He's the older. You the younger. You need to Gtfo as soon as you can. You're not gonna fix him. He's not gonna get better and if your folks are hell bent on supporting him, then you need to leave as soon as you're able. He is a dead weight in your life.
>>
>>17319299

I'll definitely try that. my parents are probably going to be pissed, but I don't care too much about that. He won't fall for that more than once, though.
>>
>>17319350
Older anon here again.

Your caring for him will have to take the form of putting him in an assisted living facility for developmentally challenged people.

Do not take on your parents burden. Keep him safe if you must, let others tend to him and keep him the fuck out of your life. He wont contribute. I know it's hard, family and bonds n whatnot, but in these instances, you have to be more of a self-centered realist
>>
>>17319358

>From 15 to 30, he developed a plethora of psych problems, culminating in a combination of manic depression, bouts of psychotic episodes, and delusional thinking

Your brother sounds a lot like mine, except he's never accused us of raping him. I'm sorry to hear it's gotten to that point. I know it's pretty fucked up and he's been like this since I'm 9 years old. From early on, I'd always hear members of my family saying I'd have to support him in the future and it kind of screwed me up for a while (affected my career choices). After going through mental health treatment myself, I realize none is my fault nor my responsibility. Yet I don't see how he's going to be able to live by himself after my parents die, he's way too dependent.
>>
>>17319365

I live in a small capital in South America and I'm not entirely sure if we have those around. I'll try to get informed. The supported housings I know of tend to cost a lot near my area (+20.000 a month).
>>
File: Snoopy Van Gogh.jpg (97KB, 500x500px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Snoopy Van Gogh.jpg
97KB, 500x500px
So your plan is to bully him until he does what you want?

It sounds like he's not the only one who needs therapy.
>>
>>17319439
Lived in Panama for several years. I've a taste for what central and south America is like.

If you're a typiCal central/south American person, then family is pretty important. I'm not saying you have to wash your hands of them , but your primary focus right now has to be on you. Get some kind of training or certification or skill that gets you the fuck out of the home and allows you to live independantly. This is important.

If you're ever going to be in a position to help, you have to be able to successfully stand on your own. I get it. Because I'll one day have to make the same damn choice. You living on your own will give you the life experiences to be able to cope and hopefully allow you to network with the right people to find a place for him.

Remember though, you can't watch over him. If you start a family of your own, you keep him the fuck away. Its a harsh thing to think about, but if he doesn't find some kind of manageable ballance, then he's a liability in terms of the saftey and wellbeing of others. I have to think the same way about my brother. He's highly functional. Helps my folks out, drives the car, gets groceries, helps around the house, but he has his meds and then fucks up the balance by self medicating with stimulus drinks and menthol cigarettes ( the meds make him....tired? Lethargic, bland and muted). He fucked up a lot in life. Can't hold a job. Took online college courses for several years, good grades, but....he'll never work and can't live on his own and when his brain is unplugged and the meds are needed....it's like looking at and dealing with an empty animal.

You care about your family, I get it. If you want to help your folks, get skills, a job, and become a fine and strong person. This will help them more than you realize. Then, if and when you have to step in, you can do it from a point of strength and with the ability to really help
>>
>>17319345
Your brother is a schizophrenic. Without medication and structure he is going to decline. Challenging him won't do anything.
>>
>>17319497
Like I said, he's been on medication for 13 years now. He is indeed more stable now. So, it's not like he hasn't being medicated.
He's also tried psychologists before to little effect.
I spoke with a cousin today and she recommended me a psychologist that offers online therapy sessions over Skype. Now I'm a little more optimistic about it.

>>17319456
As I said before, I tried to speak calmly before many many times, explaining how having a healthier personal hygiene is going to be beneficial to him in every way. Surely, I don't always have the patience to deal with him. If I knew the passive approach would change anything, I'd definitely give it another try.

And it's not like I'm bugging him 24/7 and calling him names. I considered spraying him with a hose, but, on a second thought, it's not really a good short term solution, as he'd be extremely pissed and possibly aggressive.
>>
>>17319931
>online therapy sessions over Skype

Fun fact: my malpractice insurance informed me that I'm on my own if I choose to do that.
>>
>>17319476

Thanks for your response. It's somewhat comforting to know I'm not the only one having to face the same type of responsibility.

I tried to get my brother to start one of those online courses. He's smart but he can't pay attention for long. When he's studying, he has to take a bunch of notes (I don't know why!) and ends up wasting too much time on it, not covering nearly 10% of the topic. He has trouble remembering things, I guess because he's been on meds for such a long time.

People here are typically more family-oriented, yes. I have a few issues with my parents and I used to feel slightly more sane when I wasn't living with them. I'd still miss them a lot though.

I wish my brother was more functional and helped my parents out around the house, but that's too far fetched to him. I'd be happy if he had a healthier hygiene (baths at least once a week, brushing everyday) and didn't leave open bottles and dirty plates around the house. That would be a huge achievement.

As you said, the only way I can help them out is moving out and working on becoming a stronger person and also arrange therapy for him with the psychologist I mentioned earlier (I've been told she's good).
>>
>21 replies
>crtl+f
>"shower with him"
>0 results

Come back after you've done this. Greentext the story, please.
Thread posts: 23
Thread images: 5


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.