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About LDR

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I had some questions on long distance relationships and also wanted some advice. I'll give a bit of backstory first, I've technically never had a gf before, I've spoken to a few girls long distance and got in "that" stage but they crashed and burned and resulted in hurt and messing up my hopes of dating etc. I've become quite scared of ldr relationships and have been determined to believe they do not work out ever. But even offline, I don't know any girls neither get the chance to meet any plus i dont really think any take interest in me.

I planned to stop with LDR for good, but i met someone recently and I'm unsure on what to do since she likes me and i kinda like her to (want to like her more also).

Anyone have any long distance relationship success stories? Tips to making them work? Advice on what to and what not to do? I have alot of trust issues (due to bad experiences i had with people before) but I want to fix that.
>>
If you have bad experiences why do you think LDR is even anything you CAN do?

LDR hardly ever works because of bad experiences. They hardly ever work out for a reason.

Save yourself the trouble, go on a local dating site or just put yourself out there somehow.
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>>17311162
>>17311172
To add. This is and definetly will be the last time I ever try giving anything online a chance. I'm tired of it. I'd rather not go on dating sites, plus I'd be embarrassed if people i knew found me on those.

I'm not quite sure how to put myself out there, I dress presentably, I'm certainly tall enough to be seen. But im always alone, even though i dont wish to be.
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>>17311178
What's embarrassing about someone trying to find someone?

At the end of the day, if you do find someone locally and it works out who cares what others think.
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>>17311182
I guess you're right. Though, wouldn't meeting people in person, introducing myself to people be better? Though I haven't a clue on how to do that well. I'm just tired of expecting anything from something online, plus I fear everything will just fail as always.
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>>17311162
I'll say the same thing I say every time an LDR thread pops up - LDR's take complete commitment from both sides to work.

Without that they are essentially doomed to failure. Also, you cannot stay in an LDR too long, eventually you have to end it or shift to face to face.
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>>17311608
Yeah, everytime that has always been in my mind. To shift it to face to face. In the past I was always the only committed one which really sucked, I just hope this time it'll be different.
>>
Having Married someone who I was in a long distance relationship off and on for 9 years, It takes work and understanding, Sometimes you need a break and explore other options. If you are meant to be you will end up back together.

We dated for 2 years before we broke up and took a break, I talked to him nonstop while we both dated others, He talked to me while I was in college and I when he was in Afghanistan.

I found out later from a friend that my husbands girlfriend at the time was fucking men behind his back while he was away and didnt even send him one letter while he was at war. I sent him stuff not even wanting to get back together (as I was dating someone else) But to talk to him as my dad let me know how lonely it was to be in a foreign country.

After he got back his ex dumped him when he confronted her about sleeping around and my Girlfriend dumped me ironically around the same time.

What kinda solidified it was when we were walking to our hotel after an event and I was nearly hit by some guy running from some kind of Confrontation. He Grabbed me around the waist and pulled me away before the other guy could knock me over. Later that night we were joking about what happened and He admitted he still was in love with me and didn't want me to get hurt. His friends all told me afterwards that he was love sick puppy when talking about me and was too nervous to say anything.

However Even when he was halfway across the world or 5 states away we both still cared enough to talk to each other and support each other when we needed each other the most.

4 Years later I'm married to him. LDR are a LOT of work but can be well worth it. They will not always be available and the lack of psychical contact can really suck, however you need to make sure they are serious about it and not pulling you along for the ride as I noticed a lot of people do.
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>>17312302
I just wish I could have something serious and dedicated as I've always been down to be dedicated as long as theres constant communication and mutual trust and love.

That's a cute story though and its nice it worked out. I just wonder whether things will ever work out for me.
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>>17311162
Stop calling it a LDR. You have never been in a relationship. All you have had are internet crushes. If you find yourself liking a girl on the internet, then do what normal adults do and go meet her.
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>>17312411
You are patently wrong. Just because your opinion doesn't match up with how others see LDR's doesn't mean you should try to drag others down.

I quite literally went through an LDR where we met online, and after 2 years we first met, and now we are coming up on 9 years together (not to mention we are living together and have been talking about marriage.)

You don't have to meet a person in real life to be able to fall in love. It's just rare for it to be A) mutual and B) strong enough to put aside everything else.
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>>17311162
My mistakes with ldr was going for poor guys with no ambition.
They wouldnt even meet me half way.

One guy lived 8 hours away and i suggested we meet half way between us but he would always say i had to come to him.
Needless to say it didnt work out.

I recently started a new one about jan this year but this time he is half a world away. He has a good job and money so meeting probably wont be an issue.. however i feel like ive made a mistake, i know long distance rarely work out and that we will both get hurt when shit hoes south.

Idk what i was thinking.. but now im in too deep to back out. I have more than the crush on him that i originally started with
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>>17312425
It's fine to have doubts. But if you really like this guy, and he is equally committed, you can make it work.

Just make sure you get around to talking about who will move to who in the long term. If neither of you are willing to move, then things will fall apart and it's better to know that sooner rather than later

This is coming from a guy that flew from NZ to NL to be with his girlfriend.
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>>17312431
Well i live in NZ funnily.
I know i would have to move there because his family has a successful business and he is an only child, so he will have to take over.

I only have one concern about moving there and that is the fact that the NZ government subsidises an injection i have to take for the rest of my life.
Even though he is wealthy i dont feel comfortable him helping me pay what will end up being $40,000-$60,000 usd a year for my medication.

We have been friends a long time so its not like he doesn't know about it, i just feel asking him to move here and abandoning what he works so hard doing is unfair.
It would be ideal for him to come here but i dont know if i could do that to him.

This is where i wonder if it is doomed to failure.
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>>17312461
Talk to him about it. He may know about alternatives that could let you get your injections without having to rely on him, and he might just be fine with paying either way.

One thing I have learned, don't let an illness take away what you want in life.
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>>17312469
I should talk to him more seriously about it some time, you're right. Im scared though.
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>>17312481
Nerves are normal. It is bad enough telling anyone personal things, it's an order of magnitude worse when you aren't even on the same continent.

But if it's a relationship you want to pursue, you will bring it up eventually. It's unavoidable, so just let it happen naturally.

Good luck anon. :)
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>>17311162
I advise against them OP, you need authentic, normal dating experience before tou can make a more challenging dating scenario work.

Many married couples fall apart when having to ldr. Look at marriages in the military. Here you have someone getting shot at and could possibly die anyday, and he will still cheat with a female service member or she'll cheat with some asshole back home - usually the female cheats since there aren't many females deployed. They have the fear of death over them and still can't take their lives seriously enough to not cheat.

Not what you want to hear, but I recommend reading some books on how to improce your self socially, and another book or two about how to date or get women, whatever. Not necessarily PUA stuff, but just something regarding the dynamics of male and females dating.

I hope you find someone OP. I'm sure you deserve it.
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>>17312411
Why are you talking out of your ass? Who are you to talk for me? They were never just "internet crushes" and nothing in my post hinted at that you autist. I clearly mentioned "that" stage as in like dating but not necessarily made official in person etc.

>>17312423
Thanks anon and I agree completely with your point. Thanks alot.
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>>17312520
I really do. but I'm convinced girls irl don't like me or atleast that im a hopeless romantic. I don't know what books there but i'd just want something to work out for once. I dont have much experience and I feel trust is a very big issue.

Thanks, I hope so too.
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