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I'm so tired of this, I don't see myself getting any

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I'm so tired of this, I don't see myself getting any better. These are days or moments where I feel okay and I think that things will turn out fine and there are days like today where I'm fucking afraid of my future , I have this huge anxiety who makes me want to off myself.

I don't know what to do, I was told here to focus on my main hobby (art) and that Exercising is a good idea too.
I started lifting at home for à month and I try to draw more often, but I think that drawing is the only salvageable thing in me.
I don't have anything to do since no one gets in touch with me, if I don't call no one will see me and fuck this. It's summer break, no job and no car yet.

I don't see myself getting any better, I 'm 19, never had a date or anything, only person I loved it out of my league and already has someone since years, I can't get her out of my head and I even fucking dreamed about her before waking up with 5hours of sleep and unable to sleep anymore.
>>
>>17308685
You do realize this is everyone's life? You are literally bitching about things everyone else bitches about.

What makes you think you're so special? That you deserve some extravagant life to be dropped into your lap?

Newsflash kiddo: you're still young. And life has more ways to fuck you in the ass than you can count.

If dreams can't come true, why not pretend?
>>
>>17308890
Hey man. The plans simple. You just got to be a Isolationist like me who just talks to himself all the fucking time. You got yourself friends on the mind, all the time. And as >>17308914 said. Just Pretend everything's fine, and you got that special someone on your shoulders and a buddy to spot you. And if you keep telling yourself It's gonna be fine. It'll end up being fine.
>Source: Someone who has suffered from loneliness for the past 13 years after Grad.
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>>17308914
Not saying I 'm special, but don't tell me everyone has those problems.
Almost everyone has relationships, people to count on, jobs, and so on. Not everyone is spending months in his dark room on his computer or on a sheet of paper.
I' m young, yes, that's who it shouldn't be like that.

>>17308922
I couldn't bear it, I try to keep telling myself I can do it, but I can't get past the "how" part.
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