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Breakup

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I just broke up with my bf today and I don't know how to cope.
What are like the first steps? What helped you make this a little easier?
I just wish I could shut down my emotions and feel nothing.
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>>17183734
Grieve for a bit but keep your mind busy. Pick up new hobbies, meet new people.
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>I just broke up with my bf today and I don't know how to cope.

Then why did you break up with him in the first place?
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>>17183743
He broke up with me actually. Sorry, I expressed myself wrong there.
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Ask Mare S. Ephemeral to reap your nightmare.
>>
Hit the gym. The exercise will make you feel better and boost your endorphins, helping you fight depression. You girls always have better break ups, though it doesn't feel that way now. You're in pain now while he feels relieved. In a month or two, you'll be feeling better and he'll start to realize how much he misses having you around.

A month or two after that, you'll feel fine and he'll feel like crap.
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>>17183761
I actually already go, but will focus on it soo much more from now on...
I hope it will be like that (but don't wish him being miserable I guess, no matter how sad/miserable I am atm).
>>
Jump to guy B
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>>17183789
I wish it was that easy, forgetting the one you love.
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Keep yourself busy. The more things you have that fill your day, the less you will think about your loss. Think about it this way, if you have a large meal but you hate all plates, you will feel yourself bad. If there is only one plate that is awful but the rest is good, you will feel less bad. Look for small successes, in tge short term, in tge long term time will heal tge wound. The more you keep yourself busy, the faster it will heal.
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>>17183795
Why did he dump you?
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>>17183778
You sound like you really love him. Sorry for your loss. You'll be back in shape, just keep your mind busy. Is he your first? The first is always the hardest.
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>>17183809
It's a long story, I even made a thread about it a couple of weeks ago. I don't wanna get into it right now. I didn't cheat, if that's what you're wondering.

>>17183863
It is actually. 6 years down the drain.
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>>17183880
No, I wasn't thinking about cheating. I just wants to know what was wrong in your relationship.
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>>17183880
>It is actually. 6 years down the drain.

Ugh, that's really hard but you need to stay strong now anonette, it will only get better from now on. Don't blame yourself for what you could have done differently and what would have happened. The past is the past and if you live in it you will only make yourself feel like a failure because you internalize his judgement and set yourself goals to change the past which is not possible. Do something to keep your mind busy and love in the present. You will find happiness.
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>>17183880
It's not down the drain. You had some good times, it just ran its course. Keep the good memories and try not to dwell on the rest.
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>>17183880
Are you the one who had issues with your bf spending more time communicating with you?
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>>17183936
No, I'm the frigid bitch one, who started to love sex again after he cheated on me (or rather, after I though he would leave me). Maybe you saw that thread. Everyone told me to dump him or communicate. I didn't want to leave him, he didn't want to communicate, felt empty inside and guilty about what he did.

>>17183930
Yes, I pretty much know all this but it's hard. I don't even know why I made a thread, I guess a desperate need for a little attention? Just being honest here...
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>>17183958
>cheated on them dumped
You are better off without him. The guy doesn't respect you a bit. If he did, he wouldn't have done this. Believe me, he did you a favor.
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>>17183967

6 years though, something drove him to do what he did.
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>>17183984
The most you can do is learning from it and doing better next time. Cheating is always a decision of the perpetrator, you can't blame yourself or antyone else for it. It's only a sign of the lack of his spine.
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>>17183984
True. He even told me "why did you made me do it".
Look at my previous post and you'll see why he did it. For 2-3 years I only wanted to have sex 1-2 times a week in average. After he cheated, I wanted to have sex everyday. But he said all the years of being unhappy about it made him emotionless. It is my fault. Wish I could turn back time and take his problems seriously.
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>>17183998
Maybe he should have showed some concern about your problems instead of just thinking about himself.
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>>17183958
I understand. Attention helps.
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>>17184005
I mean, it's not all black and white... We both did our share of fuck ups there. I was just hoping we were strong enough to survive it.
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>>17183998
1-2 times a week isn't a lot but chuck in a BJ or a handy as well and it's fine. Sucks but if he cheated then fuck him desu
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>>17184013
It's not about strength, it's about values. He didn't value you and although you could forgive him he didn't value your kindness and rather escaped to get rid of the guilt.
>>
>>17184061
>>17184015

I wish it could make me hate him or something. Atm I'm just a ball of tears and regret. But thank you, your words do help a little.
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>>17184081
Don't hate him, just live your life. The more you care about him either in a positive or negative way the harder will it be for you to get over him. Besides the best revenge is success. You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened the guy really sounded like a douche. Even if you screwed up a lot of things cheating is not the answer. He should have communicated with you his problems, relationships don't work if you can't trust each other with your problems and solve problems together well.
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>>17184100
But that's the thing. He told me what was bothering him (he has a high libido and because of reasons I had a low one) and I would try and change it but went back to my "old ways" two weeks after.
I'm angry at myself because I waited for that "oh shit" moment (him cheating on me) to snap out of it and change.
He actually didn't dump me because it was too late. He dumped me because "he can't handle this anymore" after I went batshir crazy when asking to see his phone (that's how I found out about the cheating btw).
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>>17183998
>why did you make me do it
Fuck that. If he was unhappy he should have broke up with you before cheating. It's not your fault that he would rather cheat than talk to you, no matter how little you were having sex. He didn't have the balls to end it before it got that far.

fuck him, he's an asshole.
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>>17184126
I found out about the cheating a month ago. And what he did after is not showing me his phone. So I went crazy today, couldn't control my emotions and here I am.
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>>17184127
He said he still loves me, but wanted to break up because he can't handle me being an emotional wreck every couple of days. I couldn't help but be paranoid. He isn't showing me any emotion (because he said he's emotionless inside) and he won't show me his phone. I wish I was chill about it but I can't, I'm an emotional person and I admit my feelings get the best of me.
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>>17184126
This is nothing out of the ordinary. In almost all relationships one partner has a higher sex drive than the other and they make a compromise. You shouldn't be angry at yourself because he was the one who refused to make any compromise and when he saw that he didn't get what he wanted he went behind your back and cheated. This is not the way to solve problems in a trusting relationship. Once he destroyed this trust he gave you a very good reason not to trust him and want to look in his phone I don't think you were in the wrong not to trust him because he give you reason for it. You would have been batshit if you did this without any previous evidence. Don't blame yourself.
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>>17183734

>What are like the first steps?
Crying.

>What helped you make this a little easier?
Thinking about how good you had it and crying some more.

Seriously, get it all out, go through the grieving process normally, and you'll be fine in a while.
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>>17184151
This is just emotional blackmailing on his part. He was the one who made you the emotional wreck because he completely disrespected you and destroyed the relationship with his behavior but then he put the blame on you. If he loved you, he would take responsibility for his actions. The only thing he's not bsing about is that he's emotionless inside as in feeling no regrets or love.
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Feel as much pain as fucking possible in a concentrated period time and you'll be able to move on without repressing anything.
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>>17184161
The biggest reason I'm blaming myself because I had the power to change myself before he cheated.
After I found out about the cheating something in me clicked and I wanted to have sex everyday, still do. I guess it was a thought of losing him that made me go 180.
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>>17184198
Did you? It sounds for me that you actually tried to change but basic desires like sex drive isn't something you can change from one day to the other if you just want it. There is a reason some people are sexually incompatible. Cheating was an emotional trauma that you wanted to avoid again so you had sex for that, but this is a blackmail situation. You had sex to avoid something bad, not to enjoy it.
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You need to cut contact for six months, and start meeting new people. If you can't talk to people, then start to learn how to talk to people, because you might need to meet many people to find someone you really like and that he's a better match for you.
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>>17184210
Haha but really, it's not that (at least I don't look at it as emotional trauma??)
I am literally hornier than before (I also lost a lot of weight so I feel much better about myself so that is probably one of the big reasons my sex drive is bigger). After the cheating, not one sex move from my part was being forced.
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>>17183734
I'm sorry to hear about this anon.
Cry it out and exercise. Get in shape and find feel better about yourself. Forget him, but make him regret not giving you a chance if you guys ever see each other again.
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>>17184217
It's hard to do, since we live together and have a can together. We both agreed to be friends and all, because we didn't break up on really bad terms, it was all a sit down and talking about it.
I have an apartment I work from, so will slowly move there. But yeah, I should meet new people, since all my friends were basically his friends first, eh...
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>>17184224
cat* not a can rofl
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>>17184219
So you were convenient before the cheating. Still cheating is not the answer for that and if you destroy trust with cheating, you need to bear the consequences like you bring distrustful and wanting to look in his phone. He had no right to whine about that.
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>>17184230
Yeah... I already told him once to show me his phone and found nothing. What pissed him off is that he "already showed me once and I found nothing, so why do I do it again and go crazy on him" I mean... it's been a month since I found out and he's cold to me, I was thinking my reaction is pretty normal? I wish I could keep my emotions to myself but yeah, I cracked.
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>>17184254
Nope, your reaction was normal. He destroyed the trust. Keeping emotions like this inside just to please the other is only good to poison your love slowly but surely.
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I am in a 4yr relationship, and we definitely don't fuck twice a week. Some weeks sure, but on average, absolutely not. I was thinking I was being a shit for getting annoyed about it occasionally, but it would never make me cheat. People are fucking entitled I guess, jeez.
Thread posts: 48
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