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my gf was studying with some random guy and apparently kept complaining

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my gf was studying with some random guy and apparently kept complaining about her back being sore, he asked if she wanted a massage and she said yeah, he ended up kissing her

she just told me this, and she told me she told him she was taken afterwards and that it couldn't ever happen again.
She told me all this herself through text, and she keeps saying she's crying over this. I haven't said a thing to her but she just assumes I left her and she wants me to take her back.


What do I even do in this situation? I want to take her back because honestly I love her personality, and we've both invested a lot in one another, she's really attractive, like way out of my league, but honestly she's like, classic attention whore in all honesty.
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>>17176798
>What do I even do in this situation?

If it was a mistake then she should have no problem cutting contact with this guy for your relationship no ifs, ands, or buts.

If shes not willing or ever goes back on her word then youre being played and its time to move on before she ruins your life.
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if he just kissed her and she did not kiss back, she would not be freaking out like this. something more probably happened.
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>>17176805
she told him she was shocked for a second and let him for a second but then told him to stop

she's just scared because throughout our relationship I've always told her if anyone cheats on me, like kissing and heavy flirting onwards I'll just leave them, and I've always been adamant about it
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>>17176807
You need to talk to her in person then, dont fuck around like this is some movie plot.

Go talk to her set your terms and if you find shes being sketchy or keeps close contact with this guy end it.
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>>17176804
oh she will
I just don't know if I should honestly take her back

I mean, if you agree to a massage from someone you know what's coming. She didn't really think it through desu because this is just classic attention seeking behavious bs kicking in, and when he kissed her it sunk in, and she freaked. I just don't know if I should date someoen like that though. But on the other hand she put a ridiculous effort into us, and I know she clearly cares about me. I love her and I want to keep her but idk, I just hate her right now after this because I sort of saw something like this coming.
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>>17176807
>she's just scared because throughout our relationship I've always told her if anyone cheats on me, like kissing and heavy flirting onwards I'll just leave them, and I've always been adamant about it
It's easy to say this shit until you're actually faced with the prospect of having to follow through, huh?
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>>17176811
He's her friend
She isn't cheating on me repetedly. It was just a one time off thing, I might be an idiot right now and not seeing a lot of bs, but this was just her classic attention shit, and it got out of hand.
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>>17176812
>oh she will

Then the question is answered OP

>I mean, if you agree to a massage from someone you know what's coming

Cant say youre wrong
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>>17176798
its gonna keep happening dude

cut your losses
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>>17176812
Yeah, massages aren't innocent. She can't play dumb to the offer and what eventually ended up happening. I'd leave her 2bh
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>>17176812
>But on the other hand she put a ridiculous effort into us, and I know she clearly cares about me.

Then she needs to put more effort, she fucked up dont take no shit man the wort is you avoid a bad thing the best is she shapes up and its all good.
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>>17176816
Yeah, fuck, it is. Fucking pua bullshit doesn't account for this shit. I totally get why people take fking scumbags back sometimes.
I've never gotten anything like this happen to me but fuck idk, she's just young as fuck and it was clearly a mistake she made and didn't think through but fuck I just don't know what to do right now.
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>>17176817
>but this was just her classic attention shit, and it got out of hand.

Classic attention shit is getting mad about playing too much vidya

Shes being a whore and thats not acceptable, well it shouldnt be.

Id give her one more chance with very clear terms that if not met end the relationship.
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>>17176828
>Id give her AT MOST one more chance with very clear terms that if not met end the relationship.

Sorry left that important part out OP
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>>17176823
If I take her back yeah it's going to be on the premise that she cuts him off completely and changes her behaviour around guys.
But what does it say about me if I take her back desu? I've always thought people who did that sort of shit were weak af, and desu I get it now.

I want to tell myself she isn't special, because before all this I always told myself that people who think that way are idiots, and I want to just fucking leave her, but I also want to take her back and go back to things the way they were, but idk if that's the right thing to do, but this might be small enough for me to let it pass maybe?
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>>17176798
Sounds like she just made a mistake since like you said, she loves attention.
Personally i would take her back, especially since it sounds like you've otherwise got a good thing going. Might as well keep trying.

If it happens again, dump her ass in a nanosecond since that means she just doesn't learn or change and values her shitty behavior more than the relationship.

>>17176842
>But what does it say about me if I take her back desu?
To me it just says that you fell in love with "that kind of girl" and want to make it work.
It's not really weak, being patient and flexible is practically mandatory if you want to try a monogamous relationship with a monogamy-challenged girl.
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>>17176817
>He's her friend
>she told him she was taken afterwards

What bullshit is this? Don't friends know when their friends are taken?

If you don't snap her in line now OP she'll end up doing this shit again. Letting some other guy massage you.. That's not girlfriend material... To counter something like that I would make her a hard submissive.
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Watch the movie Secretary OP and make her your slave as punishment. Any women who knowingly breaks the rules really just wants to be found out and tied up and spanked.
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>>17176816
>It's easy to say this shit until you're actually faced with the prospect of having to follow through, huh?

Welcome to probably 75-95% of 4chan.
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>>17176798
She slept with him. I was with a girl who did the exact same thing, right down to saying that they just kissed, because in her mind that isn't as bad as the truth.

If she did this once, she will do it again, and probably has before this - maybe not with you, but probably with some other guy.

I suggest just telling her you don't believe her. That's what I did. You should immediately be skeptical about everything she says from here on out, because most likely, it's all a lie.

Also, things rarely go from 0 to "study time" in a single day. This whole thing was likely either planned out to some extent or has been somewhat ongoing for a period of time.
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Thanks to everyone for all the help and suggestions.

I'm gonna give some thought to this. I'm gonna talk to a couple of friends first too, I'm thinking I might take her back seeing as it was just a dumb little mistake and I really don't want to lose what we had. Idk yet, I need to think this through. I'm gonna take a week desu since I have so much shit at work to go through first, and then, when I cool off, I'll give it a second thought.
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OP leave. You managed to get one girl out of your league you can do it again.

Don't waste your time on whores
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>>17176842

Things will NEVER go back to the way they were.

Jesus, brother, i'm serious here. Just invest in other bitches, and keep fucking her (otherwise you'll miss her) but DON'T get attached, and believe me, if she was capable of doing that while the relationship was GOOD, imagine when it is not that good.

I wouldn't take that bitch back. Just fuck her and be done with it.
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>>17177028
This OP, just use her for sex because she's indicated that's all she's good for

Also, this brings up another thing. Fuck this whole letting your gf "study" alone with other guys who you haven't met and are single. Like, what the fuck business does your girl have being alone at a guys house? I don't care if its for a final and her grade depends on it, I'm not letting my girl chill with a guy who I know is just as if not more horny than me especially if I've never met the dude. If you let your gf do that bullshit she will cheat, end of story. give her an inch and she'll make a mile out of it whatever that saying is
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>>17176798
>*kissed*

lolololololololololol
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>>17176812

There have been several times at work when my closer colleagues, both male and female, have given me a massage and it doesn't mean anything. I can't talk about your girlfriend specifically but the whole encounter could have been something totally innocent that developed only because of the moves from this other guy.

I have also been on the receiving end of kisses that came out of nowhere, when I was in a relationship. It made me feel awful even though I had no part in making it happen. People choose their moments to do things like that and it can often catch the recipients off guard.

If you know for a fact she feeds off the attention of other men, you might want to speak to her about how uncomfortable you're feeling. If she continues to do it, it might be that she's not ready to settle with one person. It seems like a lot of people who have responded have already decided that your girlfriend is a whore but you know her better than anybody on here, so you should make a decision based on that.
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>>17176804
This shit right here. Nuff said brah
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>>17177048
Thanks for this, to be honest though, she was alone with him at his house, and asking for a massage or w/e in this situation is completely different from work or wherever to be honest. Even if he didn't kiss her I wouldn't be confortable with this, at all.
I guess it's just something we have to talk through.
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>>17177107
classic /adv/

Ignore 90% of advice and then justify themselves when that one other person agrees with their original bias.
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>gf lusted after some guy
>gf gave signs to this guy to make a move
>guy made a move
>(guy probably pumped and dumped her)
>at the very least he touched her and had intimacy with her
>gf feels guilty about the whole thing and runs back to her boyfriend who "doesn't give her enough attention"
>gf cries to anon to diffuse the situation, claiming the role of the victim instead of having equal or even majority blame for the happenings

op gets a nice healthy dose of dealing with a woman.
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>>17176807
Grill here, bf of 4+ years and actually love him. If I were in that position and some guy kissed me I would physically push him away, punch him or shout at him. If this wasn't her reaction, end it. No doubts and no regrets.
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>>17177388
>bf

Fucking slut.
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>>17176804
THIS.

>>17177406
Lol, whut?
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>>17176817
>One time thing

Sure thing cucky.
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>>17176817
>He's her friend

not much of a friend is he? when will you people ever learn that men and women can't be friends?
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>>17176816
Seems like she's just scared to death because you've been an insecure autismo and kind of traumatised her that way
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>>17177472
Please be a troll. And stop abusing the word trauma. It's an insult to genuine trauma victims.
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If they're still friends cuck
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>>17176798

Sorry OP, but this >>17176893

If he was her friend, he obviously knew she was taken.
If she didn't tell him, he was not her friend, but some guy she was somewhat interested in (-not necessarly in a sexual way, but looks like it-)
OP, if you want her back, tell her it's her last chance and she will not have one more after this bs
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Her asking for one seems suspicious but I've had a guy give me one before with my fiance there. He was showing him how to properly do it because my fiance sucks at it and I was at Disneyland and had a migraine from it. Honestly if she was just looking for a massage and he kissed her and she pushed him off and didn't kiss back then she didn't cheat and reacted appropriately. I've been cheated on. Trust me. It could be worse.
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>>17177487
Not really but I kind of take back my words because as I've finished reading the thread I can't stop but think your girlfriend is a whore and you should dump her. I'm a femanon and at first I thought they studied in the library or something like that. What the fuck. She's at home with him ALONE (nogo number one) and says ok to masssages (nogo number two)? And the guy didn't know about you beforehand (no-fucking-go number three)?!

You say she's young. How much is your age gap anyways? Are you not man enough to handle mature woman your age in the first place?
If so you've had it coming for you.
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>>17177487
Btw I'm a victim myself, so I'm allowed to use that word how and as much as I like
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Write her a text back and say......" well its funny you should say that about you and the guy and I think its time to come clean, once I came to your house and it was raining and you weren't there. Your mother was and anyway she offered to dry my clothes as I waited for you and anyway.......as I was sat on the couch your mother slipped a hand under the bathrobe and started to play with my dick.........after a minute I jumped up and told her to stop and nothing happened." then see her reaction when you send the text.

Let us know what happens.
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This isn't cheating, retard.
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>>17176812
I guess I see your point I just don't think she cheated on you. Not by any stretch of the word. Like she was totally horrified when he kissed her, and immediately contacted you crying.

If I had been friends with a guy for a long time and he offered to give me a back rub I probably wouldn't think anything of it. That's a normal friend activity; all my girlfriends and I have exchanged massages at some point. If I'd just met him I might think he was trying to hit on me, but I can totally see how she would think it was innocent. A few weeks ago, I met a girl and we hung out, went to the spa together to an outdoor hot tub. I thought that's just something girlfriends do together... But she came on to me. So I can see how your gf would not have thought a massage is inherently sexual because they aren't. It's not always that easy to read someone's intentions.
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OP UPDATE: Talked to her again. She told me about this a bit more.

Apparently she had already finished an assignment they had, and he invited her over to help him
She kept complaining about her back being sore
He offered to give her a massage
She said sure
He then turned her around and kissed her
She pushed him off "after two seconds" because she was shocked
He apologized
And then she stayed there for a while until she finished studying with him
When she got home she told him how out of line he was
And then she messaged me

To clear some things up. He knew she was taken. They hung out socially, and they had been hiking together before, but nothing happened until today. She's 18, I'm 22. First younger gf I've ever had.

I told her that if she had any hopes of staying with me she had to cut him off, change her behaviour around other men and decide what's more important to her, attention or me. She said yes, she was a mess on call. I told her I was still going to think about it, and that I still cared a lot about her and that for now I wasn't gonna do anything until I cleared my mind.
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>>17177956
I can't really give you advice because I haven't been in this situation, but I can offer an emotionally detached view.

This is what should disturb you:
>kissed for 2 sec before pushing away
>stayed and finished studying with him

Something doesn't seem right here. She seems to know that it was wrong, so why did she stay? I feel like there might be more to this story that she is holding back.
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>>17177001
>dumb little mistake
OP this isn't a dumb little mistake. This girl isn't as invested in the relationship as you thought
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>>17177107
>she was alone with him at his house, and asking for a massage
Oh fuck me
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Op lemme tell you exactly what I did. My now ex was flirting with a bunch of dudes on fb. I saw this and put my foot down saying she isn't too talk to any of them ever again. 2 weeks later she is doing the same thing and I cut her off. I'm still head over heels in love with this woman but I had to end it. I've been heartbroken ever since. Shit sucks and I don't honestly know why since I was the one with the power to end it. She like your girlfriend is an attention whore.
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>>17178178
Yea I kind of agree with you, but the girl is 18, probbaly only cares about having people like her the way bitches do be. SO she may not have wanted to offend the guy so she stayed. Or perhaps they fucked. Who knows really.

Id dump her man. Everybody can tell if someones coming on to them (unless your an autist). What I would expect of anyones partner and what Id do myself is not be alone with the person coming on to me my partner.

Because thats probably gonna end up in sexy times. The fact that somebody goes alone with somebody who is flirting with them is a bad sign.

Cut and run Bro. But from your angle its not that simple due to your feelings for her.
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>>17177956
>And then she stayed there for a while until she finished studying with him

If I were the guy I know I will finally nail that piece of ass. Despite having a bf she hangs with me and comes to my house alone and even after making a move nothing much happens that tells me not to try again. In fact she called me when she got home to talk about the kiss. I'll ask her over for this weekend.
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>>17177956
>he had already finished an assignment they had
So she wasn't there for studying even though she claims she was helping him
>She kept complaining about her back being sore
She was dropping hints to him for physical contact
>He offered to give her a massage
>She said sure
Challenge accepted
>He then turned her around and kissed her
>She pushed him off "after two seconds"
2 seconds too much. Perhaps it was longer
>she stayed there for a while
If she was so offended she would've left immediately
>They hung out socially, and they had been hiking together
>before
Sounds like something was building up prior to the 'kissing'

My take, I could be wrong is that she was thinking about doing this for a while, never done something like this before. Curiosity got the best of her and she regretted it after. In my view she has the potential to do this again or more.
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>>17177956
>>17178178
Came to ask when she left because no one asked.

>mfw she didn't immediately leave

Yeah, odds are it didn't end at a kiss, but I hope for your sake I'm wrong.
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Plot twist: What if opie isn't satisfying her, so she's fufilling herself with someone else who meets her needs, yet isn't ready to break up yet?

Many cheaters cheat because their needs aren't being satisfied. Then again there are some that do it for the thrill but I'm speaking about the unsatisfied people.

OP what do you have to say about this?
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>>17179511
Same fagging because I forgot something:

Everyone here always says DOWN WITH THE CHEATERS, but you don't stop to think about what if you felt unsatisfied. No one is forced to be with each other. We all condone leaving or breaking up if you want to leave or are unhappy. Don't pretend that you want to settle. Don't pretend you aren't always looking for the best potential match. All relationships are temporary
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>>17179517
Not OP, but I disagree. She should just break-up then and not cheat on him. It's pretty simple.

Three options:

a) Communicate issue, try to work together to fix it. Y'know, like couples are supposed to. Dude gets a chance to change and mature, so does the girl, they mature together.
b) Break-up, dude is sad, gets over it
c) Cheat then break-up - dude takes longer to get over it and has the potential to get self-esteem issues, trust issues and/or misogyny in the future.

If I were unsatisfied in a relationship I'd talk about it, communicate the issue, and if the issue was unfixable I'd break up. What I wouldn't do is stick my dick in the hot manager at Starbucks then cry: "Boohoo! I am not satisfied! It is your fault!!!!" to my spouse. Why? Because that's shifting the blame and responsibility in the relationship on one person - unfair.

All relationships are temporary? Holy shit, well done Immanuel Kant, fucking life-changing viewpoint there!
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I'd dump her, cheating is something where you do it once, you'll do it again. Very few people actually have the moral fibre to never do it. Marry the first girl you find that doesn't.

Kissing or sex, doesn't matter what, but cheating is cheating.
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>>17179536
Anon I agree. Just breaking up is the respectable thing to do once you find you have more feelings for someone else, than your current lover.

What she's just doing is immature.

I was just playing the devil's advocate. Neither opie or his girlfriend are required to stay with each other
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>>17179558
No worries, it did cross my mind you were playing devil's advocate, but I still had to reply just in case you weren't.

Anyway, OP. Did she cheat? We don't know. Is this sketch? Yes. I'd ask why she stayed more afterwards. Whoever the dude friend is a dick, too. I know so many people like that at uni and they're cringe. Pure cringe.

She needs to assess the intentions of her "male friends" better, where and how they met is important, and she needs to learn to read signals. This is assuming she's innocent, but if I were you I'd be vigilant atm.

She may not have cheated, it may have been a moment of immaturity, but she did put herself in a position where it was possible and she'll learn from that, IF she cares.

I wish you the best of luck, bruh bruh.
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>>17176798
>"oh he just kissed me and i pulled away!"
>op actually believes this
you know she had filthy, depraved sexual relations with that guy, right?

right?

please tell me you are not that stupid.
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>>17179588
Is opie even still here? :c
Thread posts: 63
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