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Relationship advice

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I've been with my boyfriend for little over 6 years now. Because of my body image, in average we would maybe have sex 1-2 times a week, which was a problem to him (a problem he mention to me various of times over the years) and I kind of always looked over it, hoping the problem would go away on its own (bravo me). A month ago, I found text messages, of him flirting with a girl online. I cried, bla bla bla we didn't break up because I don't want to break up over flirting. And PUFF, like something clicked in my mind - I'm a sexual person again. I want to have sex everyday, I want my man to be happy. I lost weight, I started feeling great.
But he started being cold to me. With me asking for a month "what's wrong?" he would just say he's not an emotional person (which isn't true, he treated me just fine in the past) and just a few days ago he admitted he feels empty inside. He's unhappy with himself, with what he's done ("look what you made me do" were also his words in the mix) and that everything is flat for him. Nothing makes him happy anymore. When I ask him would he be happy if we broke up, he said no. He loves me and "us breaking up wouldn't make it easier". When I ask him "do you want to be happy?" he answers "I don't know."

I don't know what to do. I fucked up, I admit it. After years and years of him telling me what is bothering him, I decide to change only when something pushes me hard. I'm soo angry at myself for letting this happen. But I'm not happy and I don't know what to do. I wish he would say "yes I wanna be happy, I wanna make it work" but all he does it treat me like somebody who is just "there" and doesn't seem like he wants to be happy with me. This is bothering me everyday, but talking with him about it is like starting another war. I don't want to break up, but I don't know is it worth fighting for? (part 1)
>>
Am I a bad gf if I abandon the ship on the first big problem, but on the other hand I don't want to "try" and maybe, just maybe, one day he'll be "normal" again (which he told me he can't promise me he'll be).
I'm 24. I don't want to "waste" years of my life trying to make him happy again just so that he could one day say goodbye to me when he's had enough.

I know I fucked up and I'm not looking for a magical answer. But I need advice. (part 2)
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>>17153526
>Because of my body image, in average we would maybe have sex 1-2 times a week, which was a problem to him (a problem he mention to me various of times over the years)

He chose to stay with you and was attracted to have sex. That should have been an indicator to you that your body was fine. The fact that he talked to you about it and you brushed it off was pretty shitty on your part.

>"look what you made me do"
No. He did it himself. If people flirt/cheat, they will try blame the other person as a copout excuse. They drove him to cheat. They didn't actually. There is zero excuse for cheating. Zero. I've cheated before, revenge cheating when I found my ex fucked someone behind my back. While the reason for me doing so was spurned by revenge, it was me that ultimately made the decision to stick by her, and me that made the decision to cheat. Not hers. The same applies to your man. If he's that unhappy, he splits. Not trying to have his cake and eat it.

As for advice, you sit him down and talk about it. And if he's not willing to work at it, you break up. That's all there is to it. Both of you are expressing things, but not actually taking on point whats said. At first it was you about not having enough sex, although honestly, 2 times a week having been together for 6 years isn't all that bad. Now it's him generally jumping all over the place.
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You're in an emotionally abusive relationship and your boyfriend sounds depressed. Good news? You lost weight and are comfortable with sex, replacing him will be a snap. Hop to it.
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>>17153540
I tried sitting down with him for the past 5 days, it's just not working. He doesn't want to talk or think about it. I can see that I am annoying him. A friend told me to just act normal and let the time pass and maybe he'll return to normal, but I just can't. I haven't cried this much ever in my life. Maybe I'm just impatient...

I have no idea if him feeling "empty" is really the reason, I wish it was just him trying to punish me for what I've done...

He keeps telling me that I am forcing him to feel and say stuff he doesn't want to say or feel (for example "everything will be okay" or "we can make it work").

When I told him "let's work on it" he asked me "how do you WORK on this?" and I don't know the answer to that.
I am trying to be positive, encourage sex, happiness, cuddling, but it just doesn't work. I asked him if I can hug him etc and he said yes, but when I do he just doesn't react. And I need him to do it. I need him to hug me, to hold my hand, to tell me he loves me, to smile at me.

I don't know if I'm just being selfish or what...

And I know it was shitty of me and I am completely sorry that I was such a bad person, but I changed and maybe it's too late...
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It could be anything. If you want to save this you need to focus on communication. If not, you can bail.

It could be that he was happy with the way you were. Now that he noticed all the changes you made, he could be paranoid that you could be cheating on him, or preparing to replace him. The mind is a fucked up thing when it has little to go by.

Have you told him why you changed things in your life? That he was the inspiration for it?
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>>17153593
Yes!! I told him and he is seeing it. And first he said "how come you like sex all of a sudden?" (I like it because I don't know, I feel better about myself plus it turns me on that my bf will stay with me if we do it often? I can honestly say I am not forcing anything, I WANT to have sex now. And the other thing he told me is that he is sorry it took me being cheated on to make me change my ways. And I know, I will not defend myself on that one...
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did you tell that you forgive him? That you both fucked up but that if you both want it to work out it still can? You fucked up by being cold to him, he fuckrd up by looking to other girls. You both did each other wrong but you can fix it if you both just forgive each other and yourselves and try to do better.
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>>17153603
Yes, I told him a million times.
But he said all the years of me being like this made him flat inside. Which I also don't understand, because he was nice to me like he always was, even one day before I found out about the cheating. It's not like he slowly started changing in the past few months and got to this point.

I was even very good about the cheating. Yes I cried and all that, but I wasn't being crazy. He met the girl in the game he's playing (FFXIV) and even THAT DAY, after I found out, he went to play again and talk on teamspeak (while she was in the room). I really wasn't a crazy "don't ever play that game again" girl, but I do admit, I couldn't be just "yeah I trust you, it's okay". I told him I have my doubts, but I will work on them and after he admitted how he feels, my doubts about him cheating again are like a summer breeze, I wish that was my problem and not this.
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>>17153603
I wish we could move on. I can move on. But he can't. He said he doesn't care anymore, that he's empty inside. That to him it's just work, home, work, home. He said even games don't excite him anymore (even tho he plays them everyday still).
If I get him to open up, he still throws "why did it take you soo long to change" in my face.

He says he still loves me and don't want to break up. But I don't know if I can live in an emotionless relationship. And he said he understands and wouldn't judge me if I leave him. Which hurts my heart even more, him not wanting to fight for this...
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>>17153622
Hey, don't you dare drop the "he should be fighting harder." He fought for 6 years - you took his willpower away during that time. I'll fault him for the cheating but not for the loss of vibrance.

Take it slow. Let him know that you'll be there when he's ready. You asked him to wait for 6 years. If you aren't willing to do the same then you're pretty damn selfish.
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>>17153633
I agree I wasn't giving him 100% what he needed, but I wasn't a terrible girlfriend. Now I feel like I'm living with someone who won't even smile at me, just has me there to do the dishes, clean the cats litter and have me give him a bj when he feels like it.
I admit my mistakes and I did try to work on myself over the years (and failed many times) but I tried. He is not even trying.

Maybe it would make me selfish. But 6 years of having sex 1-2 times a week in average vs 6 years of somebody not smiling or touching you, is not the same.
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>>17153658
It's been a month. If you're so eager to bail on him just do it. If you want it to work, give it time and continue to work at it. As you're learning now, relationships do not entirely move at the pace of one side. You both broke it and it will take both of you to fix it.
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>>17153633
You are right. I'm probably being too impatient.
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>>17153622
He might feel cheated. Strangely, every mind is its own world.

I kinda went through something similar, but I was like your boyfriend. About the same time range as well, even down to the sex every once or twice a week. My gf was exhausting me. It took me 6 years of trying to help her out. It gets tiring. Very much so. For me it was that she found out I was talking to a friend online, we started feeling stuff for each other. I would get presents from this friend of mine, and my gf would hate it, bit she never told me.
Anyways, the fact that I was falling for my friend was what finally got her to change. I had warned her for over a year that we needed to change things aince I was unhappy with us. We are still teying to work things out, almost 6 months later.

I'm still somewhat cold towards her, but now I notice it and I'm trying to reconnect with her. A feeling still permeates inside me, one of "so that's what it takes to get you to listen to me". Its hard to look past 6 years of something tiring. It grows resentment after a while. Its hard to simply get pass that.

The fact that he finally get his mask drop seems like he still cares about you. He could have been wearing a facade to help you, and in the process completely burned out. At least that's what happened with me. Even the games thing is similar. I just played games for hours on end, no enjoyment, no fun, just because.

It could be anything. Fear of being replaced, fear that he no longer serves a purpose in the relationship since you are 'fixed', or that he was busted from the start but hide it from you in order to not become a burden on you.

You can bail. You always can, but that's up to you. Don't expect anyone here to help you reason out of it. Or even to stay, same thing.

It depends on how much effort you think this man is worth to you. He gave some, but hey, that's life, we usually never get what we work for.
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>>17153693
Thank you for this. I actually understand it better now and look at it from a different perspective!
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>tell gf you need more sex for years
>nothing
>flirt with other girls
>nympho gf
Guys take notes.
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>>17153717
Patience and communication will be the best allies you can have right now.

Have a shitty metaphor. You are now the captain of a ship, together you enter a terrible storm. The storm batters and strains the ship. It wears your nerve, and stresses you out. After some time the clouds break, you steel yourself and think "finally, clear skies, nothing to worry about now". You want to sail fast into the sunny waters, but when you raise the sails, and turn the rudder, the ship creaks. You maybe ready for the adventure, but the sails are ripped and the hull is worn.
Oh, captain, my captain. What will you do now, you could swim to the nearest harbor and buy a new one. You'll have to learn the quirks of the new ship. Or could sit down in a tavern and wait as you repair the busted ship. It has served you before, if its not too broken, it will do so again.

With a little work and time, you could sail on a ship that you know can weather some storms, if not all.

tl;dr. Relax, and have patience. He may need some cooling down. Something else to think about, it could also be that he sees you are on the up and up. That could be why he's not very talkative. That he fears by exposing fully what is bugging you, that he may sink your boat.

Sometimes, we do things we think is best for our partners, without realizing we are actually hurting them.

Relationships are hard.
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>>17153741
Don't think it was the flirting.
My guess was that the bf could have been unhappy already, and was holding out for change. The reality is that the gf realized he could actually leave. That "oh shit" moment can change a lot of people.
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>>17153764
You are 100% right, that was the reason.
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I think that maybe when the online flirting came to light, he marked the ending of pretense to him. That's why he acts so cold now when he was behaving affectionately before -- you've discovered that everything is not ok, so he's stopped pretending to exhibit affection he doesn't feel and isn't pretending that everything is ok and that he's happy.

It may just be that he really feels in a complete rut and being in a different environment will help. Go to the beach or camping or something. Find some place that has some activities available but where just chilling out and relaxing is also ok. It might give him some time to reflect over what in his life he's unhappy with.

He has to be willing to try though, and if he's not willing to do that, this relationship is probably doomed.

It may also be that he's doing this to try to make you leave so he doesn't have to be the "bad guy" who ends the relationship.
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Lucky you are... the only sex I have had was with prostitutes.

Because not only illuminatis controlled RMIT University. Yet they recruited all girls I dated and made them dump me in mean way. Suddenly they became rich, living in expensive apartments and wear designer clothes and huge number of credit cards.

Sigh... at least I lead terrorist army.
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i've read the whole thread, and i'm really the only one that think OP's BF is kind of...a faggot ?
i mean, come on... we're talking about sex 1-2 times a WEEK, it's waaaaay waaay more than some anon who post here sometimes and tell us that he/she have sex with her/his 1 time every month or more.

i've been there with my ex gf, at the beginning we had sex 1-2 times a day and after a while, with the work, getting tired, sports etc, we were having sex maybe once a week, ok it was kind of shitty but i loved her so it was not THAT hard...

The whole "i feel empty inside" is seriously emo faggot tier, dude had sex every 3-4 days for 6 years, now her gf is willing to have sex more, wich is nice, and he's still unhappy.

My advice OP : leave him, he's not a man, just a little whinny fag that can't understand the value of having a great gf who treat him nicely.
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>>17153871
He told me the reason he is like that.
He is disappointed in himself for doing something he said he never would, cheat. And again, I made him do it.
When I told him that it's okay, he says it doesn't matter what I think about him, it's what he thinks about himself.
He doesn't want to go camping or for a walk and our work schedules don't make easy for us to spend more time together.
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>>17153909
I didn't mention he also felt shitty for a few years thinking he wasn't attractive. Because of lack of sex and me not telling him he's hot. I'm just not the kind of girl who says "you're sexy" to a guy but I changed that also...
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>>17153936
This fucker cheated on you because you ~only~ had sex with him 2 times a week. Boo hoo. The amount of blame he's laying into you on this is a serious red flag and I really think you should get out of this relationship. Right now he doesn't want to be with you but doesn't have the balls to break up with you, and he's dragging your self esteem and self worth down with him. He's going to be nothing but a negative influence in your life from here on, just get out.
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Your man is unhappy with you. He won't say it though. He's a good guy and too afraid to leave. Did he stop talking to that girl? I bet he did and regrets it.

You wanna know how to fix him?
Treat him like you used to.
Don't give him a lot of attention. Dont baby him like youve been doing. If he wants to have sex then do it, but don't initiate.

It's funny really... He cheats, but acts like the sorry sack victim. He cheats and you're here kissing his ass and givin bjs. He cheats and you're losing weight and actin like his servant.
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>>17153987
Why arse you so against forgiveness? Also consider that "cheating" here only seems to mean "flirting with another girl." No contact, just thoughts. This can be fixed if both parties can forgive themselves and each other. It'll be work, but relationships are work sometimes.
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>>17154003
Because the boyfriend considers this cheating and has shut himself into an emotional blackhole over this entire thing. He isn't forgiving anyone involved and seems adamantly against doing anything to fix the situation.
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>>17154018
Time heals. Giving up doesn't. Don't be so quick and rush to judgement when they have 6 years of history.
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>>17153997
But the reason he cheated is because I wasn't making him happy and I didn't make him feel good... I am not making excuses for him, just wanted to say it is kinda my fault...

To me and to him, flirting and dirty talk with another person IS cheating. Yes, it isn't a high level cheating like sex, but it's still cheating.
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How to get over a breakup? My first time and I feel dreadful.

My Long distance GF (1.5yr) ended it today and said she just didn't feel the same love me anymore and said she needs to move on and it can't be fixed. I asked her and she said she just didn't know but had fun while it lasted and then said she'd block me so she can move on.

She's moving to uni soon and said she was too young for relationship.

It's my bday today. She sent some cute things like love u lots xx and struck gold with a boyfriend like you. She was crying when she ended it.

Why was she crying/still sent this love?

Is it possible that she just didn't love me as much anymore for no reason at all out of nowhere?

What does this mean and what do I do now that my world has collapsed?

:-:
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>>17154029
From where I'm sitting you both have some some issues but I think you could be good for each other. I'd prefer you to be in the statistic if couples who worked it out instead of the ones that just quit when it got hard.
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We're actually playing a game he likes atm, and he seems in a better mood...
But I'm needy as fuck and just want to cuddle him, but don't wanna push ittttt. Ugh. Impatience.
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>>17154097
Progress is progress
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>>17154097
Look into cuddle-gaming? Console games on a couch or one of those chairs where you sit on his lap and play on a computer behind him? Patience.
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I stand corrected. There is no progress. Just the game taking his mind off me haha.
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I just told him to come say bye to me (we always do that when one of us is going to work). I wanted to give him a kiss goodbye and wow it was cold from his side. Eh.
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>>17154257
It's been 30 minutes. It will take weeks or months. Calm the fuck down.
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>>17153526
OP I would advise you guys take a cold turkey break of some kind of set time. you both could do with a little bit of stepping away from each other as it offers a good opportunity for you guys to really FEEL what it would be like to not have the other person around/to talk to etc.

If that feels really fucking bad for both of you then hopefully it motivates you guys fixing things and recommitting to each other. I'd tell him that you want to take a 5-14 day break, whatever makes sense for you guys, picking some kind of timing that makes sense for him. put it to him as an opportunity to decide what you both really want going forward.

you need to do this bc
>I'm 24. I don't want to "waste" years of my life trying to make him happy again

basically means you are on a timer before you start really disliking bf for being sad

gl
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How can I take my mind off breakup?
Its my first gf and I want to die.
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Guilt is eating him up, and he is confused because you are just as much at fault for this shitty relationship as he is. I'm surprised it took him 6 years to even do this.

You both need to admit fault and move on.
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>>17154861

Same here, dude. She just blocked me, because I acted like a retard. I really do want to kill myself now. I miss her a lot.
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>>17154889

I feel exactly the same here. I thought it was going so well. She blocked me too. Everything I look at is a gift from her and is just reminding me of her. I miss not talking to her.

I just want to kill myself right now. I hate myself. I spent so much time into the relationship and really wanted it to last. :(

She was perfect, I loved everything about her. I am certain I won't ever meet anyone like her again.
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