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Making Friends As an Adult

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Hi /adv/ I have moved to a new place for work and I am in another state. I love my job, have a longtime gf, and love the SF bay area but I no longer have any friends.

Before I had close buds who I went to school with but it's been more than a year and I have nobody besides the gf.

I really need advice on how to make friends as an adult. It's very akward because I don't know how to meet people. Its really killing me that I dont have a friend circle and just don't know how to make new friends as an adult.

Please Halp
You don't have any co-workers anon?

the following advice was meant for meeting girls, but it works wayyyyy better for meeting friends in my experience:

so how do you make new friend? effort. lots and lots of effort. and also, doing what you like. going out is in no way restricted to bars and clubs, though if that is what you enjoy, by all means, go to bars and clubs.

the truest way to find chemistry is to experience your life in the most enjoyable way, and see how you match with the people who come into it. interacting with someone in a casual way shows you how you ACTUALLY get along, not how you hope to get along cuz you really want this to work cuz you need a gf.

so write down a list of all your hobbies, and find a way to externalize them. most people live at least near a city these days.

go to any and all hobby shops and ask about local events. gun shops might have hunting trips. or you can just go to a shooting range. comic book stores have game nights. or live commentary movie nights. if these shops do not host events, offer to host one through them, after all it will only lead to more money through them.

you can even go to a more casual store, lets say, a book store, and stand in your favorite aisle (lets say, horror). talk to everyone who comes by looking for a book. ask what book they are looking for. tell them what book you are looking at. try to spark a conversation abotu your favorite author. maybe take some suggestions. if you really hit it off, try to trade numbers.

its okay if it doesnt pan out. this isnt a scoring system. there is no man in a cloack in space making down on a cosmic chalkboard how many failed conversations you had. 99% of interaction is dumb. you are waiting for the 1% and enjoying talking about your favorite things with strangers until then.

again, please ignore the little notes about women, and apply the advice to making new friends in general

>but anon, going outside somewhere to find out if maybe they have an event doesnt suit my lazy lifestyle!!1!

and for those who simply cannot bring themselves to get up out of the house without a guarantee go to meetup.com and look for something of your interest. no matter what your interest it is on there in a group you can meet with. and if not, you can start your own meet up.

Now, some of you may argue that these sorts of tailored events are attended mostly by men. yes. mostly. but some women too. whats important here is you will be doing something you love, with people who love what you love, and when the right ladies come along you'll know they love it too. you will have that common ground.

this advice was developed in the process of me trying to get more dates, but id talk to just about anyone, and its made it really easy to make friends. even just talking to strangers wherever i happen to be helps.

last week i made a new friend just by talking to a guy at the bus stop. turns out were both super hero nerds. another time (also on the bus) i talked to a guy, turns out hes new to town and has no friends, were hiking buddies now.

i also started my own meetups and attending others and its goign really great so far. but creating friends is a very simple surface thing. one thing to consider is how to deepen friend ship, so ill start pasting some adviceo n that as well.
how to depen friendships:


lets start with

stress brings people together. its the reason soldiers come back from overseas feeling like they are brothers. the reason teenagers make really strong friendships so fast is partly because they think everything is stressful. they think everything is hard, and the end of the world, and dramatic. they get emotional about everything. and they share those emotions with each other and support each other and quickly become the best friends ever. even if the stress is imaginary, you can still bond over it.

now stress doesn't have to be bad, and it can be manufactured healthily. by which i mean, you can do things that require more effort than just hanging out and chilling.

Got a really good co op game? play it with your friend. play it til the end. beat the game together. go camping together. go on a road trip together. make a movie together, write a book together, anything that makes you work together. something more than just sitting around and chilling. enter a contest. find a friend and do anything that takes at least a few months to complete and keeps you close.

I do but I'm 23 and due to my job most of my coworkers are age 35 and up with wives and kids.

There is one dude my age who is okay but only in small doses so I wouldn't want him as my friend.

I am on good terms with my director who is 50 but a pretty chill guy to get a drink with.
another thing is

now i dont mean spending years together. cuz many people who have known each other for years only know each other superficially.

the truth is that most 'friends' in adulthood meet at max once a week. they use each other simply to relax or have fun. its usually in a group, but even the 1 on 1 time is shallow. you talk, catch up, then go back to your own lives.

someone can know someone for six years and not beclose.

on the other hand people who share the same job and work together daily become REALLY fucking close. or the person you go to school with. or like when you are a kid, spend a lot of time wtih, 1 on 1.

in a group people are less likely to share private details. one on one, they are. less to be embarassed about. people dont share secrets with groups. they share it with one person.

dont be afraid to have an adult sleepover if you can convince someone. the above mentioned roadtrips, camping trips etc. are also great ways to bond. anything that can you hanging out for a full day instead of just the lunch chunk of the day.

finally a third thing im adding

if you want people to open up, you have to open up first. share something personal. you have to be willing to go to someone with a problem and talk about it, but dont whine regardless of the advice. you can say' i dont need advice, i just need someone to listen and to care'. if they are worth being your friend they will. they might share their own experience. and next time they have a problem they might come to you.

good luck hope it helps

you should consider trying to invest more in friendships with them. if it doesnt pan out, thats okay, but it can be a blast to be a family friend.

if you become a friend to the family then you get invited over to dinner a lot. if the kids are cool, thats a blast, and you get to get out the 'father' urges without any of the father set backs.

its always great being a fun uncle imo
Thanks for the advise man I tried getting out to my local bookstore and met a dude on Friday, which turned into us seeing civil war after that. He seemed like a good dude but it also felt like he was trying to sell me on something or trying to get me to join a cult because he kept talking about this business venture and wanted me and my gf to get involved so I don't think I will keep interacting with him since it was very off putting.

Your advice has me reinvigorated. I will try what you suggested and check out meetup.com

Thanks a million

meetup has to be pretty decent in SF, i use it here in los angeles. yeah that guy sounds sketchy, but one thing you gotta remember is that you are looking for a GOOD friend. not an instant oatmeal friend. its okay if things dont pan out. at the very leats, you had some enjoyable fun.

civil war was pretty fucking great.
Yea dude the airport scene was one of the most comic book things out there besides the flash TV show.

The line up shot reminded me of an epic splash page come to life

i still prefer ultron but yeah it was epic. i was worried they werent raising the stakes enough but the climax after the airport put that all to rest.
Personally I'm almost 30 and haven't had anything close to a real real-life friend since high school , internet though I try to be friendly for the most part even though too often even there I get knocked down at because well... it's the internet. I'm not really that great socially cuz of stuff like anxiety. It'll probably always be hard for me in both worlds so I know the feeling.
Hey bud OP here, sorry to here about that. There's some good advice in here to try out.

My girlfriend has bad anxiety, and has trouble going out of the house for events and even dates I set up. Is it the same for you?
Well nah I can leave the house and I have come some way in improvement dept esp with having a job which also makes me more active because of what the job is so I get some exercise or just walking on the treadmill or something probably helps me more.
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