On the verge of giving up my university education

second bump

>>17123071
I had the same problem as you when I started uni. I failed as miserably as you(didnt even go to any of my exams), lied about it to my parents. Put a gun to my head but couldnt pull the trigger.

When I finally confessed my parents didnt understand but let me redo my first year. I failed again miserably and ran away from home, took a random train to abroad where i spent a week in a random hotel just watching episodes of star trek to keep me distracted. When I read my mails and understood what i made my parents go through i returned home.

I also went to prositutes before trying to kill myself because i didnt want to die a virgin.

My parents always kept forgiving me, even if they couldnt understand. I hid my suicide attempts but one time my father discovered the loaded gun (he alwasy keeps it unloaded, i didnt know how to unload it - its a bolt action rifle).

I changed subject and fell into the same habit again, flunking out in my second year.

I then decided to quit studying and find a job. I excelled in the job market. I learned quick and was eager to finally being able to prove myself. Whatever task they gave me I was eager to do it. As long as it wasnt too complex that it needed serious study time.

I started as administrative clerk at a real estate place and after 2 years I became self-employed and got my own clients to manage their properties and follow up new construction projects. I have a good income, car, travel lots and am wanted on the dating scene.

This year i restarted uni with more confidence, knowledge about my weaknesses but also about how to overcome them.

In the end you still need a degree if you want a stable life.

I am now 26, will graduate at 28 and will have a relatively good CV and no difficulty finding a job (am studying Computer Science with work experience in business self-employed).

whatever bad phase you go through just never give up.

>>17123071
What are you majoring in? Most people will still like you regardless if you have a degree or not. Maybe consider taking a semester off.

>>17123397

OP here

Like I said, I have no ambition at all to study anything... I don't really have any ideas what to make something of my life. Hence that I just want to do regular labouring jobs where I can save up some money and go travel anywhere I want discovering other cultures and other kinds of people ir, you know, trying to get out of my comfort zone. I also never had a gf, never really put any effort into myself to getting to know a girl I like. So I also paid for sex just to escape my "virgin" life.

>>17123400

I study multimedia & communication technology.
The study consists of developing programming skills, digital creative softwares (like adobe photoshop and after effects) and communication skills. The three things basically crosses to one point where the developer or designer creates something interactive focused on multimedia devices and how well it communicates with the client.

We learn e.g. how to create websites nurtured with good/minimal designs and how we add functionalities and add persistance to save data.

With this study, you could go anywhere you want as we see a lot of things in one tiny course package. We also learn how to make games on unity, we learn how to make apps, how to edit videos and apply motion and effects on it and so on... You could literally go anywhere with this and get accepted anywhere you want to work if you have an excellent portfolio which I lack in having one. I haven't really gotten advanced in the things I've learned. It's interesting and all and I do want to end up somewhere creating stuff for people instead of sitting behind a desk all day long filling out forms for people or whatever the hell the most boring desk job you get for the degree you got in college. But my true intention is only about getting the money and that'd be ugly of me because most successful people I read about in the design and programming world really do it out of their heart and passion.

I didn't pay a lot of attention to it and I have regrets, also I realize how much time I've wasted by browsing on the internet, fapping, etc and how less time we have as adults to learn any new skills. I don't even have decent hobbies. Of course I have hobbies like drawing, going out running, watching movies and recently I started learning guitar because I always wanted to be able to play music with an instrument (but im postponing it right now because I have no clue anymore what to do with life).

>>17123071
If it makes you feel better I been in a community college for almost 10 years trying to "transfer" to finish my last 2 years, the loop breaks you at some point, but keep trying man you never know the future is unknown to all.

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>>17123071
>while in reality I'm procrastinating, sometimes gaming, sometimes jacking off to porn and watching series.
Stop doing these things, by any means possible. Throw out your TV and computer if you have to, i'm serious. There are computers in the library you can use if necessary.
At the very least, you will find better ways to procrastinate, like cleaning the house and drawing the birds outside your window.
Things you will not be ashamed to tell people about.

>The last one made me actually realise that I have no ambition for anything.
So what, I don't have any either due to crippling depression and anxiety making it impossible to enjoy anything or feel good.
The only thing I look forward to is dying someday. Yet I'm still going.
We don't all need to be heroes, we aren't all going to be the big star.
Just gotta keep going and doing what you can. Pic very fucking related.

>My only ambition is that I just want to work to earn enough money and go on a backpack travel around the world
Sounds good enough to me, what's wrong with this ambition?
I like traveling too. One benefit of the hard degree i'm working on is that the job will let me pay for tons of plane tickets, and I like planes and airports. Always have.

Look, stay in your degree program or switch majors, don't drop out. It's a bad idea. 2-time-dropout here, can attest. This anon >>17123397 can too.

>>17123648
>most successful people I read about in the design and programming world really do it out of their heart and passion
What do call success? Lots of money?
If so then that's total bullshit. The richest people in those fields are greedy fucks who are in it for the cash. With the possible exception of Carmack, but he's not even that rich since he sucks dog dick at investing his money properly.
This is true in most fields. Probably all of them.
Making lots of money is an important skill, but people who are good at it are usually not so good at anything else (other than manipulating people).

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>>17123071
I really hope that I can help you:
I was similar to you. When I was in high school, I played too many MMO's to care about college. Because my parents and I immigrated to the U.S we didn't know that there was an application process, and when it came time to go to college, I told my mom and she got a second job, to pay for the first semester of community college.

I went. Mostly just going through the motions, it was the year 2010, and dota2 was going to come out, and I was addicted to dota. Regardless, I went to community college for two years, and decided I was going to transfer out and go to a university. I transferred without getting a degree, because I had convinced myself I didn't belong in the community college, and that I could just go to the university and things would get better.
Apply for financial aid, and because I was poor the university covered all the fees.
Get to university--still in my local city so I lived with mother. Sign up for computer science major, because I figured since I had loved playing MMO's a job in computers would allow me to play them more. The lack of critical thinking skills from MMO's in high school, and a gpa of 2.1, coupleld with my lack of willpower >muh dota addiction, meant that I had no prerequisite skills for university.

>proceed to fail and drop most of my classes.
>bge computerscience professor for a B in exchange for changing my major, because I was so bad at this.
>next semester
>Lied to professor, and sign up for the second level of computer science
>fail every single class
>couldn't be bothered to actually open up a book.
>Studying for me consisted of browsing /g/ and meming about computer science and dropping sick refrences in class
>drop the semester.
>Summer semester
>Decide I am going to change my major to economics because computer sciene is too hard and econ has less math
>take intro to econ and love it
>fall semester take the next two econ classes coupled with calculus and an accounting

>>17123781
>cont
>Drop all of my classes on the fifth week of school
>spend the rest of the time lying to my parents telling them I am in school
>lie to my friends and tell them I am in school
>lie to everyone
>really be taking steroids and playing MMO's all day every day
>had a high paying low hour job at the university so only needed to work 10 hours a week to pay bills
>Decide to take it all seriously again and register for computer science and work hard
>University finds out I dropped and kicks me out
>File an appeal
>Appeal denied.

>fall in love with girl
>She graduates
>Follow her accross the country with no skill
>tell family/friends that I have to do what I have to do
>manage to land a really good job in a city far from home that pays very little but looks good on resume.
>be vague with job and tell them I am taking a year off not that I got kicked out of school
>Work my ass off
>year later
>apply for school and get in in this part of country.
>Decide to study social work because I was good at that job.
>advisor fucks me over and lies about time to graduate and have to switch major to creative writing to be able to afford it.
Here I am now.
Except the difference is, now I am 25 years old. I am graduating, finally, with a Bullshit creative writing degree, aand I payed 61 thousand dollars in student loans to get it.
I have a 4.0 gpa, and am in the last leg of the decisions process for an ivy league masters, in social work.
I wish so badly I could have woke myself the fuck up, smashed my computer and just took school seriously when it was free. I needed a degree to get a job, everywhere, even little no-name places wanted a B.S before you could even apply. My gf would probably have left me if I didn't have the drive I do to succeed after I fucked up so badly, which is fine, I don't have oneitis I just did a stupid thing and moved with her, and it has been working out well so far.
I do have a job, as a technical writer for a computer company.

>>17123811
But fuck if I don't wake up every day feeling like shit. All my friends are graduated, starting lives, going on vacation. My gf's parents think im a vagabond, and my own parents don't even understand why I came out here to pay so much money for school.

In my own reflection anon, I think that I did the right thing. I would not have been able to grow into myself without having gone through so much failure. I'll pay for that failure--probably for my entire life. Though if I could talk to me, when I was in the position you are in now, I would tell myself to just finish.

Take it seriously anon, you may never get a chance again, and you might not get as lucky as me. Not lucky in the sense of a good life, because I am far from that, but lucky to have an opportunity at school. Video games and 4chan, for me, are things that ruled my life at one point, and the student loan debt I carry will always be a reminder, that for whatever reason I am too weak to have both a successful adult life, and an MMO subscription. Handle your shit, don't buy into any mental health meme, and just do what you can so you don't have to do it later. There are few worse things than being 25 in class with 18 year olds, and not being in the military, so having to explain why you are there.

>>17123781
>>17123811
>>17123834
Hey man, I'm not OP but reading your story hit me in the feels. I hope you make it brah.

OP here;

I am 24 years old in case you're wondering my age. I have failed three times in my secondary school and my first study in uni was "Applied Information Technology", I couldn't handle the courses like Math and Databases and I read an article from cracked that made me realise stuff. So after new year I decided to quit and take a half sabbatical, then I decided to not study something else in my hometown and try another city like Brussels (Yes, this one is from Belgium).

Also, I didn't make my ambition clear. I want to travel for a long time, like 2-4 years, you know. Tired of the everyday bullshit.

>>17123733

>Stop doing these things, by any means possible. Throw out your TV and computer if you have to, i'm serious.

Can't since I'm studying something where I need my computer regularly to work on the courses I get.

I'm seriously moved by your advices, but really I'm 24 years old and I'm tired of sitting on my ass all day doing nothing because I'm still not in the "real" adult world working day to day to get my paycheck. I feel useless, even among friends who have rich fullfilling hobbies and work where they can talk about anything they want and make it sound interesting, I for one am the most boring one in the group if you mean to spot me in my social circle.

>>17123865
Yeah bro. You are compartmentalizing. It's okay, we've all done it. I wish you could just learn from our mistakes though. I wish you well; change is hard, but failure is harder.

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>>17123865
>Can't since I'm studying something where I need my computer regularly to work on the courses I get.
Do it in public. At a cafe, on a bench in the park, anything. Just somewhere where other people can see you, so you don't stop to watch anime for 5 hours or jerk off.
Leave your computer in the bag at home unless you actually need to work at night too (though you can probably still go outside somewhere, most big cities have parks full of horny teenagers making out on the benches all night).
Peer pressure is a big motivator. It also improves your computer posture since you can't slouch around with everyone watching.

Or get a roommate, or set up a public webcam, etc, do what you have to. If you're doing a major that requires a computer, you can think of something.

>>17123865
>I feel useless, even among friends who have rich fullfilling hobbies
So pick up some fulfilling hobbies. It's not hard. Think about what you like. Do more of those things, and turn some of them into hobbies.
If you don't enjoy anything (severe depression), then think about characters in movies/books/etc you like or admire (or identify with), and pick up some of their hobbies.

>but really I'm 24 years old and I'm tired of sitting on my ass all day doing nothing because I'm still not in the "real" adult world working day to day to get my paycheck.
I know that feel. Med student here. Real fucking existential angst when i look at a calendar and think of all the years i've already pissed away studying when everyone else was out having fun and partying and having sex and falling in love and now they're posting their engagement rings and wedding photos on facebook when i'm still a virgin and probably will be till i'm 30.
10+ years is a lot of life to lose.

Hurts but like any other pain, physical or mental, just have to deal with it however we can.
Work, smoke, drink, whatever you gotta do to make it through another day, just don't even think of giving up.