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Hey /adv/, Just got out of a relationship, the breakup was really

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Hey /adv/,
Just got out of a relationship, the breakup was really hard. I was so confused for the first week. I had delusions of me just needing to wait out the no contact period or change for her. The thing is that I realized I'd been dependent on her for approval and that is more than likely the reason it ended. For the next month I am going to stop trying to distract myself and just let shit be. I'm going to go grab some model kits, maybe do some coding, and do things that I can be proud of for myself. My life is going in a great direction at the moment, and I'm going to work with it. I acknowledge that while all the memories are painful, it's the feeling I had that I miss. Not her. I still truly care about this girl and when I am no longer a wreck I will bring her back into my life. I am a desirable person and like I said I am going to go far so if she wants to tag along for the ride that's another story. I found most of these answers inside and am posting it here because I am proud of myself for Manning up and facing my demons. I hope if anyone else is in a similar rut this can help them too.
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>>17122563
You hit the nail on the head, man.

It gets really difficult being somebody's everything, that's why dependency can ruin a relationship. Just be you, and realise that you don't need a we any time until you're ready. Keep up all the hobby shit, being passionate and enjoying yourself and eventually someone's going to come along and see a you that they want to make a you two.

Best of luck man. Don't get discouraged.
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>>17122563
Well man, thank you, your post helps me especially. I'm still trying to resist the urge to check up on her, and see what she's up to, because doing so will end up with me finding things out that I didn't want to know....

I want to take the same direction as you one day. Thanks for being strong, so that I can be so too, one day. Love is difficult.
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>>17122563
I got dumped by my girlfriend on the 5th a few days ago and it's still hitting me hard. We were together for 4 years. She said she'd felt like she hasn't wanted to be with me for about a year. What I don't get is why she still said "I love you" back to me. I realize now there signs, like I always avoided serious conversations about the future and the life path she was headed and was comfortable with things staying the same. She'd felt this way for a while but for me this is just really sudden and like being hit with a ton of bricks. I've thought about suicide multiple times a day and even decided my fate with the flip of a coin. I don't how to handle this one. I'd been in other relationships but this one is destroying me.
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>>17122575
I appreciate the kind words. I feel a relief I haven't felt in a long time.

>>17122580
You're right man, love is fucking stupid. The entire process is counterintuitive. Just keep in mind that when it comes to relationships, even the confidence that you don't put out on display can still be seen. I don't know your situation, and I am by no means an expert, but just invest in yourself, and if you get to a point of not being able to resist checking up on them, just let go and block them. You don't have to feel bad about just letting go. My friend put it really well: "You are hanging on a cliff right now. You can either live your life holding onto that ledge and straining to hold on, or just let go and fall into the unknown." it is kind of a blatant way of looking at it but it helped me find what I was seeking. Again, I'm not an expert, but I am 99% sure that this person is thinking about you just as much as you are about them. Don't dwell on this, but occasionally it can be the reassuring thought you need. If you were involved long term, then they are recovering as much as you are, even if it doesn't seem like it.
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>>17122606
Tbh she could've lied about the not loving you for a year thing. Whenever I get really strong feelings it is easy for me to blow it out of proportion and distort the past I.e. "I was so depressed before I met her", etc. She could just be projecting it that way to make it easier on herself. Your heart is filling in where your brain is confused. Take it from me that those signs could have had nothing to do with it. No girl is worth killing yourself over, I'm not just saying that to be a good or nice person either, it is just a fact. You just have to let go of what you remember and realize that all the memories are great yeah, but it's not the girl you miss, and I don't doubt she was amazing, but you miss how she made you feel. Analyze what specifically you felt in certain situations (when she smiled, laughed, sex, danced) and I guarantee you can find a way to make yourself feel the same pleasure with or without some other girl.
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>>17122628
Thank you. You are a good person, and I hope your relief and new found insight continue to do you wonders.

I figure she's going through the motions like I am. I don't know really. I can go into the details, but it may be pointless since I don't think reminiscing would be the best thing to do for a healing heart.

I'm trying though. Time will be on my side, and I hope to get my life back on track very soon.
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>>17122708
I'm rooting for you man
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>>17122722
I need more people like you in my life.
Your friends are fortunate to be around you.
Have a good one man, back to work I go. Good luck with everything
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Everything works itself out in time.

We're all going to make it.

Don't be sad man. Nobody finds that shit attractive. You can change your outlook to be more positive regardless of how you might feel now. If you truly want a good life, then you will find a way to make it happen.

If you find out how to have fun on your own and do shit your own way, then people will notice and want to be around you.

There are plenty of women in the world, but there is only one you. Better yourself and stand out from other men. Your chances of finding a relationship worth your time increases exponentially. Not only that, but you will live a more fulfilling and happy life.
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>>17122563
Man it took me half a year before i could get over when my ex cheated on me after years of being together, it hit brutally hard and i still cant sleep at all because i was so used to having someone there

But my life isnt so bad, im doing okay in college, i got friends, i have a great sister and reading your post helps

God speed anon, best of wishes to you in your future endeavors
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>>17122652
Thanks for that. Yeah I've been talking and hanging out with friends that are all giving similar advice. I've had mostly bad relationships but she was great. Everyone saw how happy we were so this is a shock not just to me but everyone else. She is very sick with fibro and a few other conditions and I helped her through surgery and drove her to work for 6 months when her license was suspended. This was in 2014. In 2015 when she got her license back and modern medicine wasn't working she began getting into holisitic healing, spirit science and energy crystals and all that and she would get mad when I didn't just outright believe in it all with her. Maybe it was my mistake trying to tell her that her strength comes from her. She started hanging out with other spirit science people and told me a few months ago that our lives predestined and that she doesn't think I could can follow her on her path. Nevermind that I was there for her for the 3 1/2 years prior. She stopped liking the things she liked and we argued more than usual and after a while the arguments stopped which is when I think she checked out and tried to keep around as long as she could. Even over a week ago I could feel something bad was coming I just wasn't sure what. She seemed more distant than usual but she still sent me kissy texts, smiley faces and "I love you too's." I don't miss her or the person she's become. I miss the girl I was with for the first 2 years of our relationship.
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>>17123083
I think the thing to be said is that everyone will face sadness in their life. Part of getting rid of the dependency is allowing that sadness to pass through you and run its course without dwelling on or bugging others about it. That is my goal. If I have a sad moment I won't call one of my Bros or my family, I'll sit there and take it head on while not trying to bury it. That being said I'm not gonna be in tears at work or anything.
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