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I've known this girl for a decade, and we were together

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I've known this girl for a decade, and we were together for 5 of those years, had to end it because she had confidence issues and as much as I tried, I could never get her to face her problems.
Now, we're living apart but we're still friends, we talk everyday for hours and we're extremely close, even as long distance friends.

She dropped the hint that she still had feelings and that she regrets the troubles she caused me, but I changed the subject because long distance wouldn't work and at the time I didn't wanted to deal with her issues again on top of ruining a really nice friendship.

Now, she's been with a guy for 3 months after coming out of a LDR with another guy. This would've been fine and all, but here's the issue, she told me she loved me while she was with the LDR, I didn't knew of this relation or I would've told her to cut the crap, she hid it from me
And now, it's happening again, and AGAIN she hid it from me for no real reason, every week she's telling me she still loves me and has feelings for me while she's with this other dude, and we're still talking daily.
I don't know if she's honest about this as I know she tends to look for affection whenever she's lonely and I do admit I do have some feelings for her, but several things need to be worked out before and she's with another guy and we're away from each other at the moment
Now I don't know if shes toying with me for attention but she shouldn't be sending me photos and telling me this constantly when she has a bf, and while I know I should just run away, this is a really important person for me and I can't just drop her, as a close friend and as a once lover that has a small hope of maybe being with her again eventually.
I don't know how to react and what to do, I feel like she realized no one is gonna treat her like I did specially considering her current bf said he would drop her instantly if she gained weight and is giving her frozen fucking food, I'm completely lost on what to do to help her
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Talk to her about it

You can date her again or be her friend or drop her

I dont know what to say but personally i would try to have a discussion with her about it all
If that wouldn't work id explain how she should stop it if we are to remain friends
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>>17116594
I've done that, however she just won't give me a direct answer.
We're far away and she ended her LDR because they didn't worked, according to her, they just couldn't compare to me.
Now she's with this dude and she keeps telling me these things for the past year or so, I've talked to her about it but not only there's some feelings for both of us but there's also the friendship.

So the prospect of being with her again tells me to go get her and get her bf out of the picture, the friend in me tells me to talk to her boyfriend and try to support her relation and my brain tells me to just drop her even if it could even cause her to enter a huge lapse of depression she might not be able to get out of.

It's a weird mix of things and I have no idea which one to follow and if she loves me so much why is she with this dude? Why does she keeps sending me photos and being flirty and telling me she loves me if she's with this dude, and behind his back.

She even said she wouldn't care if her boyfriend read something super lewd that I could possibly say.
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>>17116140
Sounds like a complete mess, and if she truly liked the guy she's with she wouldn't be sending you photos and doing that kind of shit.

Tell her boyfriend
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bumping again because I'm completely lost on what to do
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>>17116140
>Break up with a girl
>still knew deep in drama and feels
Wtf was the point of breaking up with her if you're still spending all this mental energy on her bullshit? I mean I didn't even have the energy to read the whole thing.
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>>17117097
Because past the point of the first relationship we had, after I put it behind she still is a great friend and is always doing things for me.
Like I said, my brain tells me to run, my heart to try to get back to her, my friendship feelings to keep talking to her and be ok with their relationship even if she obviously has something for me
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>>17116140
You're clinging on to the POSSIBILITY of you two getting back together. I'm assuming that relationship will be long distance. She will do the same thing she's doing to you to someone else.

She's keeping you as a back up plan, as a just in case.
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>>17117136
Might be the case, what throws me off is that she keeps contacting me and shes always the first one to start the conversation.

And then she also sent numerous nudes, which she doesn't sent to anyone else and I even talked to one of the guys she dumped before because "I was way better", he confirmed she did nothing of sort and after talking it through we realized she's been telling me these things since she started that LDR.

Now with the dude she's on, yes, im partially clinging to that possibility but I'm also split on telling her boyfriend how extremely selfish she's being and to just completely erase her from my life but as a close friend that would devastate her.


Something important I forgot to say, I can't mention girls when I'm with her.
I mentioned one a week ago, hoping it would pass, she got extremely jealous and called her all sorts of names.

Shit's just a huge clash of interests and I feel she's not being nice to anyone related to this.
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>>17116140
Dude, do yourself a favor and run the fuck away from this person. As someone that happened to be "the other guy" it's not good for anyone. She needs to be dropped and fast. She'll never learn her lesson if she doesn't lose everything from a relationship stand point. Hell, if she doesn't want to change she won't ever change. Worst relationship shit I've ever gone through, but I've learned a lot and have a healthy relationship now.
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>>17117154
It's what I'm somewhat intending to do, problem is this girl has huge issues and has been extremely stressed for the past 6 months, she also has suicidal tendencies, I know she could potentially end her life over this and after knowing a person for a decade there's also a bond of friendship.


Feels like no matter what I do, there's no clear winner.
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>>17117163
Please don't let someone's suicidal tendencies hold you hostage. She shouldn't use you for stability, and you shouldn't enable that. Blah, blah, blah, something about dependent personalities, but you're trapped, and she's using you when the other guy isn't around or leaves her completely. Don't be the emotional crutch to her.

You need to talk to her about this as rationally as possible and have her try to see things through your point of view. Don't try to single her out, but also don't let her walk over you with words you may want to hear.
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>>17117175
I'll try to discuss things with her tomorrow morning, but from her own depression she dislikes rational arguing and just can't see shit from my point of view, but I guess it's worth another try.
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>>17117103
Your brain is the smart one here obviously. Those aren't "friendship feelings" there is no such thing as friendship if you still have feelings for her. She is keeping you On The Hook. While you're On The Hook, you're her emotional dumping space, he backup boyfriend, and you will never fully get over her like this.
She is using you, no matter how good you think it feels.
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>>17117180
That's not a symptom of depression. That's a symptom of being a self absorbed bitch.
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>>17117180
Good luck. I'm sorry I can't really give shit for advice past what I've given. I took the first train to NOPETHEFUCKOUTTA'ERE and haven't looked back. Thankfully, I haven't heard from her ever again and she probably has some other fools wrapped around her finger.
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>>17117181
>>17117175
Thank you anons, but then comes the boyfriend problem.

I don't really know what to do, I do know she's being selfish as hell but her boyfriend is kinda to relations and while I've holded back and tried to put a barrier between her and me for a while because of this, this dude seems to be head over heels for her.

She's been sending me nudes, saying she loves me, that she wishes I was there, what I should do with her once I'm there (basically implying that I will go and that the dude will be out of the picture) and I know for sure I would like to know if she was doing this kind of shit if I was with her, more importantly, it could sever the closest 2 relations she has and I wouldn't be doing it for revenge, but for genuine worry that the dude ends up like me.

I've been talking to friends and they also agree she's just being a bitch, thanks /adv/, you're all bros.
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>>17117200
Kinda new*

And to clarify, I'm gonna talk this with to her and 99% sure it's gonna end up with me leaving her, she hurt me enough.
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>>17117200
Are you fucking retarded? This girl is poison, you don't want non of dis. She isn't your friend, you are her emotional tampon. Even if you got her back could you ever trust her? There is no 'boyfriend problem' if you just cut contact.

If you're feeling you have a conscience about this send him her nudes and this story and then block them both,because you're about to be in a world of shit.

Stop being such a cunt struck moron.
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>>17117208
The hell you got that from, I'm not doing it for her.

I'd be doing it for him so he doesn't gets fucked up, quickly get in, tell him what happened because it kinda falls on my conscience that she's just playing me and him this way, that way she loses the two of the three people she depends on and then the bitch might finally learn, but at that point I wouldn't really care, I'd just do it so the dude doesn't ends up like I did.
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>>17117216
>>17116140
She's been extremely rude, but before completely cutting it off, talk to her and leave no question unanswered
She might just be doing rebound relations because she's trying to fill the hole you left, which is why her relationships keep failing, apparently and this one is just gonna end the same way
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>>17116140
run away as fast as you can
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>>17116140
she obviously cares for you and she's likely keeping you around, maybe because she loves you more than anyone and cant deal with it so she looks for other people
OR
she's using you as an emotional tampon, like others said
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she's a manipulative bitch and she knows what she's doing, dump her asap
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>>17116140
>I've known this girl for a decade, and we were together for 5 of those years, had to end it because she had confidence issues and as much as I tried, I could never get her to face her problems.
What in the actual fuck I commend your fortitude and overall balls Anon. A understand how much momentum must have been in that 5 year relationship - 5 years my god - and how ending it like that for a valid but not as socially acceptable reason takes balls man. Good for you for realizing she wouldn't change.
>Now I don't know if shes toying with me for attention
She's not - she's trying to "right her ship" so to speak. Remember that you ended a five year relationship for *valid* reasons. She knows it's her fault. That's difficult for anyone, let alone a girl, to deal with emotionally. I'm sure she wants you back to prove that she's not this horrible person that a man left... in addition to actually liking you.

What she's doing is pretty sketch and fucked up to the men she's dating. This proves you made the right decision because a mature woman worth being with would not act like she's acting.
>small hope of maybe being with her again eventually.
No it's broken and it broke for a reason. Put the relationship to bed. Be friends later if you want but don't kid yourself.
>no one is gonna treat her like I did
Now, now don't say that. I hope someone does so she is happy and stop bothering you.

Honestly you need to let it go. Does it feel good to have her crawl back to you? Yes. But please realize that's toxic. Tell her to stop cheating on her BFs or you'll block her... and then block her if she cheats - solved.
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This situation you got here OP... I can relate. Anons ITT will give me shit for it, but I still can't admit that I won't take her back next time around.
Good to know I'm not the only one on adv. My best advice is soft no contact, but not letting her know. Just don't respond to texts when she's not asking for any replies, and reply with as little as possible when she does. Btw, I call bs on the fact that you're concerned about the current bf. If not him, then someone else, someone you won't even know exist. It's not like you can tattoo the word 'untrustworthy' on her forehead. She will only change with time, with or without you.
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