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Fetishes and Insecurity

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Hey /adv/, I have some questions about fetishes, sorry for sounding interrogative. How does one cope with having a fetish that is stigmatized? Do you have a fetish that you feel guilty about? Are there any misconceptions or taboos you think should be cleared up? Can fetishes "pass", or go away? Do you feel that a fetish you have is the result of past experience or trauma? Have you ever been ostracized because of a fetish? Do you have any particular experiences with fetishes you'd like to share? Do you think some fetishes are just TOO gross? Feel free to and choose what you'd like to respond to, I'm interested in individual experiences.
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Every girlfriend that I've ever had asked what my fetishes are and I always feel like a boring piece of shit because I don't have one. All I have is the internal programming by nature to want to impregnate. That's it.

Why couldn't I be into feet or something or want to jack off to blood
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>>17088405
Hmm, that's an interesting perspective. Personally, I think I'd rather be a bit vanilla or "boring" as you say, than to be into, for example, loli/shota, scat, etc. It's harder to explain or accept.
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>>17088396
I am into female domination, i feel like it has always been there as a fetish, something i always wanted but didn't really understand. When i finally understood how i feel i quickly engaged into it and tried to submit to my gf in any way, may sounds weird but that's what i want and a vanilla relationship would 'bore' me, as in i wouldn't really be living out my dream.

I believe a fetish can go away if you ignore it, eventually it could come back again. It really depends on how much you distance yourself from porn.

I've never really felt excluded from society through it, most woman i know are actually rather dominant, this didn't give me a reason to speak openly about it because i wanted to focus on having a strong bond with someone whom i can entrust everything, it felt shameful telling her at first but it really takes some weight off of you once you are over it.
Personally scat is too gross and cuckolding goes to far, everyone has to set their own limits though.
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There's a long list of fetishes for me. The worst/most socially unacceptable one would have to be bestiality. The weirdest one would probably be magically having a penis and fucking the shit out of my boyfriend or making him suck it. I can't really judge others for their fetishes considering my laundry list. I probably have the hardest time not judging people for pedophilia though, but that's just because I kind of think I was molested in the past and I've had people try to creep on me.
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>>17088436
Ohh, I see. Very interesting. I don't think femdom is all that odd, nothing to really be ashamed of there. I find it interesting that fetishes or preferences I should say, can fade over time. When I was younger, for example, I used to love the "pretty boy" type guy, but now I prefer more masculine looking men. So I guess preferences/fetishes can change.

>>17088454
Bestiality and pedophilia are both really tough ones. I wish that, for these people, there was an easy way to way I could try and help the ones that don't harm others. I think I would find it a bit hard to trust them, at first (because of my lack of knowledge and own insecurities). My personal boundaries include following through on their fantasies (and I try to be as accepting as drawn depictions, as the issue of consent and harm is nonexistent, but as long as it stays in fantasy I don't think the person has done anything wrong), that's going "too far". Do you feel guilt about your bestiality themed thoughts?
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>>17088497
Yeah, there's a lot of guilt. Like I know it probably happened because I spent my entire childhood around animals, and I always got along better with animals than with people so I just felt closer to them. Doesn't help me stop feeling like a disgusting human being though. I haven't done any IRL stuff since I was a kid, but I still watch porn of it. Really sucks when orgasms take like twice as long when thinking about acceptable topics because the fetish is so strong
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>>17088510
I see. I'm deeply sorry to hear you feel such tremendous guilt over something you don't seem really have control over. Definitely don't beat yourself up over what you did as a kid, though. Kids are uninformed. I can't say I approve of watching porn using real animals, as I deem it animal abuse, and it contributes to the cycle. But I suppose one could play the devil's advocate and say that we slaughter animals, so it's really a tough call. Is there no way you can try to distance yourself from it? For your own well-being. I assume you've tried. All efforts failed?
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>>17088542
I definitely watch less porn of it, and my other weird fetishes definitely come across my mind more often. I'll just get into phases where that's the first thing that pops into my head when I'm masturbating. But with any fetish I feel weird or guilty about, when I switch to thinking of something acceptable, orgasm progress just plummets and i'm not gonna spend twenty minutes in the shower working on one orgasm when i could literally pop out five in five minutes thinking about the guilt-inducing shit. But I guess that perspective will have to change in order for me to really get rid of these fetishes
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>>17088553
I see. I am glad to hear you don't indulge in the porn as much. I hope you manage to just stay away from it altogether. I suppose I can't really sympathize with the consumption of that, because I've always preferred 2D and my own imagination, so I'm biased.

So you have intrusive, unwanted thoughts about it. I've heard one man describe it as a "sexuality". Do you agree? I'm theorizing that, it's not really a "sexuality", but more of guilt being an aphrodisiac for you? I just find it hard to grasp that it's unchangeable.
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>>17088576
Me feeling guilty about it doesn't make it hotter for me. It's like how you'll hear stories of guys who masturbate to all kinds of crazy stuff, and then after they orgasm they're kind of disgusted by what they just orgasmed to. I'm not feeling guilty as I masturbate, but I do afterwards
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>>17088582
Oh, my apologies. I misconstrued. I understand. Not to pry (I apologize if you feel like I'm holding you too long!) but do you think you'd ever confess to a bf/gf? Or would you rather take it to your grave rather than confess? It seems like it something that's important to you.

And the end of the day, surely you're not alone, if the consumption of Dragon Dildos is anything to go by. That reminds me! Maybe you could try that. Surely that's a better outlet than the porn? There are other people out there like you that aren't brave enough to speak out, for obvious reasons. Try not to beat yourself up too much, and I appreciate you civilly answering my questions.
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>>17088396
>How does one cope with having a fetish that is stigmatized?
Aside from jacking iff to the fantasy? Not much, I'm afraid. Unless you can find a partner who also indulges in it of course.

>Do you have a fetish that you feel guilty about?
Not guilty, but I'd be majorly ashamed if my gf ever found out about them.

>Can fetishes "pass", or go away? In my experience, yes. At least that's what happened to some of my jerk off fantasies.

>Do you feel that a fetish you have is the result of past experience or trauma?
No, not really.

>Have you ever been ostracized because of a fetish?
No, luckily I haven't.

>Do you have any particular experiences with fetishes you'd like to share?
Well I've recently been getting into being a BDSM dom (gf is a major sub and I'm open to the idea). We're only at soft BDSM atm (biting, scratching, slapping her ass, light choking), but have been continuously progressing since we started it.

I am majorly afraid that one day I won't be able to hold back on the choking anymore, if I'm honest. Something inside me feels the need to choke just a little harder everytime I do.

>Do you think some fetishes are just TOO gross?
Yes. For me it's everything related to bodily excrements (golden shower, scat, puke, that kinda stuff).
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>>17088611
Interesting! Thank you for the very comprehensive reply. A conclusion I'm drawing so far is that some fetishes come and go, but some just seem almost impossible to get rid of. That's kinda conflicting. I wish there was more research done on fetishes!

Do you ever feel guilt about not sharing those darker fetishes? I wouldn't say you have an obligation to share. Not everyone has to know every little secret about you, yknow?

As for the BDSM thing, have you considered a safeword? Well, not a safeword because, she's well, choking, but a signal? I'm sure you have. I don't know about how much pressure can be applied to the neck before it's too much, but I imagine you'd have to try really hard. Be careful, Anon!
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All of my fetishes are terribly nasty and rather... um, intense. I merely refrain from mentioning them, and I don't think I'd mention or encourage them around significant others, either.

I figure any SOs and I can just do regular sexual things and not involve stuff like the intense fart fetish I'd rather not have.
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>>17088636
>Do you ever feel guilt about not sharing those darker fetishes?
No, because for me they're mostly fantasy (luckily) and I'd never really indulge in them. Still, they get me off like no other.

>As for the BDSM thing, have you considered a safeword? Well, not a safeword because, she's well, choking, but a signal? I'm sure you have. I don't know about how much pressure can be applied to the neck before it's too much, but I imagine you'd have to try really hard. Be careful, Anon!

We're not in safeword territory yet, but I'm well aware that ar one point we'll need to have one. So far gf seems to be fond of the traffic light system. And having a safety gesture (or something similar) for choking is obligatory as well imo.

Even if I had to try really hard, i'm kinda scared of myself here. I'm not too emotional as a person, so feeling the (almost dire) need to choke her just that little bit harder everytime is unsettling. I am waiting for an opportunity to tell her about this though. We haven't talked about sex that much lately.
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>>17088396
>How does one cope with having a fetish that is stigmatized?
I think it's pretty easy if it's a kink easily contained in fantasy. Your mind is completely private and that's always a very fun and comforting thought. You can think about anything at all and no one ever has to know unless you tell them. I don't think people should share these things with anyone besides their partner anyways.
>Do you have a fetish that you feel guilty about?
I sort of struggled with my love of shota/loli for a while but I honestly struggled with my attraction to (mostly 2D) girls more, as silly as it sounds. I think maybe because it's seen as such a big deal to have to "come out" and be "proud" if you're anything other than straight. I still don't consider myself bisexual.
>Are there any misconceptions or taboos you think should be cleared up?
I think the biggest one is that being into 2D kids is not the same as being into real kids, and you can definitely be into one and repulsed by the other.
>Can fetishes "pass", or go away?
I think so. I was into stuff like vore and stomach expansion as a little kid and that doesn't really do anything for me anymore. I also fantasize almost exclusively about my partner now that I am in a relationship.
>Do you feel that a fetish you have is the result of past experience or trauma?
Nah, I've never been through any kind of trauma. I think I was just born with weird preferences.
>Have you ever been ostracized because of a fetish?
Nope, because I never felt the need to make my sexual preferences public.
>Do you have any particular experiences with fetishes you'd like to share?
Hm, I'm very thankful that I'm able to be completely open with my partner, and he's totally accepting and compatible.
>Do you think some fetishes are just TOO gross?
Morally? I guess anything that causes actual nonconsensual harm to others. Personally? I'm not into stuff like scat, extreme gore, pee, vomit, traps/futa, or non-monogamy.
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Well, I have an anal fetish since I understood you can actually cum in this without any pregnancy risks. From this I sent on 4chan and the fetish kind of grew. Now I have a girlfriend, and I really dont know how to talk about this. She asked me what I want to do to her, but I'm really afraid it could repulse her.
Son yeah I'm ashamed. But I want to fuck her ass. Should I introduce anal play during sex, or directly talk to her?
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>>17088640
When you say you don't want to "encourage" the fetish, are you saying you wouldnt introduce your SO to, for example, fart fetish stuff because you're afraid she'll "get it"? Like a disease? I don't think that makes much sense. I'm sorry to hear you feel guilty about the fart fetish though, it's so harmless! It may seem hopeless, but there are in fact women who amuse fetishes like that, and perhaps your SO is one?

Or maybe you were trying to say your intense fetishes (you say plural, not just the fart fetish right?) come with health concerns (aka scat, guro), and you don't want your SO involved in that?

>>17088653
That's good to hear. I'm glad you don't guilt yourself over your fantasies. I don't believe in "thought crimes"!

You're scared of yourself, I see. I wish I had advice for such impulses, but I do not. That is, perhaps, a chat to have with your SO. I think what matters though, is that you clearly care, and don't mean harm. You don't have any theories as to why you'd feel the urge to choke her harder each time?
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Only one i have is pain games and dominance struggles during consenting sex. Think it's pretty vanilla as far as fetishes go. sorry OP, you're on your own.
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>>17088677
>You don't have any theories as to why you'd feel the urge to choke her harder each time?
No, sadly I don't. Been rewatching Dexter lately though and the concept of his "dark passenger" loosely fits I'd say.
I am by no means a psychopath (at least as far as I know), but in this case it's like a small voice in my head, telling me "do it!".
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>>17088664
Very articulate response! Shotacon and lolicon is a very interesting one. I think, you will have people that quickly try to fight it, but I agree. I think a distinction should be made between reality and fantasy for that one. It reminds me of a thread on /a/ I browsed sometime ago, when it was discussed that incest is only appealing on paper, and because there are no repurcussions or complications and the 2D is just clean and more appealing. And also, as a short woman, I am personally baffled by what some people consider a loli. Sometimes, a merely flat-chested or short woman gets called a loli! The connection between reality and fiction get vague here, if the age is not clearly said. I'd also argue that lolis and shotas are so exaggerated that it shouldnt count. Of course, the "uncanny valley" will get closer and closer the more realistic you go. Either way, it doesn't matter. It's fantasy!

Choosing 3D over 2D?! How could you?! Lol, I'm glad to hear you've found a loving SO. You sound very comfortable with yourself. For some reason, I'd feel obligated to explain my fetishes and fixations to my SO, like I'm in court or something, even when they don't really matter.

>>17088671
You're obviously really into anal. I'd just talk to her directly about it. You can't predict her response, so don't get scared off by the negative response that *could* happen. If she's grossed out, then she's grossed out. Worst case scenario, she calls you a gross or something and leaves, but would you really want to be with a girl like that? There's also the possibilty that she says yes and is eager! Anal is quite popular, you're definitely not alone. Just try to tell her you'd like to talk about sex, and you want to try new things. If youre scared, you can ask her what she's into first, or ask her what she *doesn't* like (and would never do).

>>17088689
I see. Clearly you aren't a psychopath because you're here and concerned. Although, sadly, I don't have advice for the voice.
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