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So my wife is a stay at home mom who always uses kids as an excuse

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So my wife is a stay at home mom who always uses kids as an excuse to never get anything done. I usually work 11 hour days, and when I'm not working I'm cleaning up after her messes she leaves around the home. She gets very defensive when I point out that when I get home nothing is done. She always says the kids have kept her busy or she needs a break. Half the time when I get home though, she's laying on the couch with our two kids, Disney movie on the TV, and her on Facebook. Tonight it erupted into a huge fight and ended with her calling me a faggot.

I hate my wife and I feel like she's complete fucking trash since staying home. I want to leave her. Or slap her. What should I do? Neets and moral fags with no real life experience need not apply.
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Hire a maid service.
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>>17042941
Never been married, but divorce seems like a better option to living with someone who treats you like shit. Not to mention she probably has that complex which is like "I've got my man 4life time to get fat". Honestly though, I would leave her. Name calling, being a lazy bitch, and basic at that?
Leave. Her.
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>>17042946
Nah, stay at home wife implies this is one of her few responsibilities. I'm not going to shell out cash to do the shit she should be doing. She actually payed some lady 50 bucks to clean our home twice without letting me know.
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Get the kids into after-school programs so she has less time with them and more time for cleaning....
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lmao

thats all i have to offer
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>>17042952
OR more time for Facebook
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>>17042951
See? That's the solution. $50 a week is $2600 a year. Take it out of her allowance.
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>>17042949
Best advice so far desu. Sucks though, I don't want kids to have any influence by this lazy fucking bottom feeder. Minute she got pregnant she tried to quit her job.
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>>17042955
Yes, that is a problem.....

Couples therapy; demand she gets off the internet.
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>>17042941
Don't hit her. That's ammo if you ever do get divorced.
You could hire a maid if you can afford it, or some kind of cleaning service.

If your kids are in school (or when they start), tell her she should get a part time job while they're out, and she can come home early and watch them when they're back. Maybe that'll give her some motivation that she's lacking right now.

If she's just using the kids as an excuse to do nothing though, I dunno. You could divorce her, but then what does that accomplish? Maybe you can come up with a schedule with her and figure out what she's actually doing during the day.

It might be she just needs some motivation or structure to get anything done. Maybe coming up with a schedule of events for the day can keep her from wasting the day.
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Hey anon, I dealt with the exact stuff with my wife; we're now separated because it's required before divorce.

Unless she changes her outlook on things, it's not going to get better. I was the same as you, 48-50 hour weeks, plus on call, plus Army Reserve duty and gym time. It sucks coming home to a destroyed home, and her watching netflix and claiming she didn't have time to clean up.

I understood that being at home with the kids all of the time is hard, but she chose to be a housewife, and there are things required of her as one. What I tried was to try and take the kids off of her after work and on weekends to give her time to herself, but it didn't improve things much. I suggest you try and talk to her about what she really needs from you before you go my route.
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>>17042961
It must hurt in more ways than one op.
Remember to just be the good dad though, be honest on why you couldn't be with her though

>no one likes a "bottom feeder"
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I get the impression that she doesn't provide much sex. Am I correct?
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I dunno i sometimes think my wife is lazy staying home all week with our kid but on weekends I'll do anything to avoid having to look after the needy brat. There's no way i could handle more than one.
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>>17042967
Funny thing is I tried to get her a part time job doing literally anything. She finally got a job at a pizza place up the street she works at one day out of the week. Then she says she doesn't want to work and wants to stay home. Then she calls out sick multiple times. Then now they won't even schedule her because she's so unreliable. She Blames me for it because she caused a massive argument one night and I left not realizing it was a work night for her. So she had to stay and watch the kids. So it's my fault now that she didn't go into work for like a month and a half.
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Hit her or divorce her. Only one though, both ends with you losing everything.
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>>17042941

I've just grown so jaded for people who have endless excuses; think about it

>How the fuck do you never have anything done when the other person is gone for 11 FUCKING HOURS

> Having kids at home all day (under the age of 4 most likely) are you telling me you can either a) sit them down and have them do something on their own for a bit or b) give them a nap or something? Do they really keep you occupied 11 hours of the day EVERYDAY

Your wife has general laziness, time management and most likely respect problems. Why does she think that you're just gonna accept all her bullshit excuses? Especially when you make all the money.

I can't really tell you what to do, but I just can't believe how lazy and inconsiderate some people can be. wow
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>>17042980

>your wife has general laziness, time management and most likely respect problems

In other words she's a woman
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Do you suppose that she's depressed?
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>>17042980

to be fair, kids under 4 are nightmare mode. when you put them down for a nap thats the only time you get to nap.

have you ever stayed home with a kid under 4 for an entire fucking week?
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>>17042974
She fucks me all the time but I don't even want to fuck her. I'm that over it. I've become the shrew not wanting to fuck anymore. Truth is she still looks good, it's just I find her personality to be so repugnant I have to abstain for days to even be interested. Two years ago when she worked I would fuck her like three times a day. Sometimes back to back. I just don't like who she is anymore.
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>>17042969
Thanks for the advice man. I've tried that and even with the breaks, when she gets back around the kids she just flips her shit constantly. It's like she can't handle it. I can't even take care of myself anymore. I've been sick for almost a month and am not getting better. Wondering if it's the stress
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>>17042941
What ever you do do not get divorced. You will fuck up your kids. Do whats best for your children and don't fuck up their life. You already got to live yours and you chose to bring them into the world. You are now living for their life.
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Bro don't divorce her yet it will be pretty hard on the kids. Try and work it out and stay with her till the kids are out of the house then do as you please after. Don't hit her tho it's gonna come back and bite you in the ass
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>>17042980
I'm right there with you. Except she sees me as her break now so tonight after crawling and climbing in 100 degree weather all day, I'm doing dishes while she's asleep.
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>>17042982
I don't know anon. It's possible but I think to an extent she's always been a slacker. It's just the degree to which she slacks is so ridiculous now I can't handle it.
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>>17042998
You and the anon above you are right to an extent. I just don't know if I have the personal strength to keep going man. I'm tired on a lot of levels at this point.
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I'm on the same boat OP. The reason I haven't and not interested in divorcing her is because she's my personal cum dumpster, and a divorce would probably be hard on the kids.
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>>17042993
That sucks man. I don't know what else to say really. My oldest is 8 and she gets it because she's seen us fight. My younger two don't understand, especially my son who's about to be 5. I do everything I can for them because I know I can't be with their mother. It does suck, but it's better for them not to be around us fighting and arguing.

I made my decision and have to live with it. As long as your kids know you love and care for them, everything will be alright.
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>>17043012
Fuck my life man.
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>>17042993
>>17042994
I don't like this meme. Having fighting parents is worse for the kids than having divorced parents
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>>17043008 I know it's gonna be hard but my Dad gave in and it sucked for a long ass time at least wait till there in their teens where they won't totally be fucked
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>>17043019
Agreed. /adv/ is a good place to come for some questions, but most of the people here have no clue the sacrifices and things it takes to be an adult; let alone talk about what it takes to raise children.

>>17043017
It sucks, no doubt. However, you just take it a day at a time and make sure you're doing what you can in their best interest.
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>>17043019
>Having fighting parents is worse for the kids than having divorced parents
i'm pretty sure this is true. i longed for my parents to divorce for over 15 years but they'd just fight harder and harder. watching them interact convinced me to never ever get married. then when i told my mom this when she asked why i don't have girlfriends or want kids she became hysterical but i can't forgive her
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>>17043030
Do you blame her more than your father?
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>>17043032
absolutely. my dad just wanted to live and be happy and do what he likes to do. my mom would push conflict on everyone in the house when there was none. she had this complex that everyone in the house was against her, probably because she was the only female versus my dad and my 2 younger brothers. she caused so many problems for our family when they wouldn't have existed if she didn't make them.

why did she do all this? because she was constantly "lonely" and seeking interaction at any cost
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>getting married
You deserve it. Your wife is right, you are a faggot, a huge one.
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>getting married
the ultimate cuck
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>>17042941
Dude you're looking for someone to encourage your angry rant, and that's not a good thing. People outside of your situation may be able to give you the best advice.

For the most part, it looks like divorce time. When was the last time you guys had sex? Or went out to eat without the kids? Or did ANYTHING in your relationship? If you can't remember, then the relationship has been gone for a long time and you're only noticing now.
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>>17042965
>Couples therapy;
kek. how will this achieve anything aside from shelling out more cash for what is a lost cause? OP realized what many men realize: don't get married. Too bad he figured it out to late.

As to OP: divorce her, your happiness and sanity is worth any cost. Besides you're supporting her now anyways it just doesn't feel like paying alimony because she still lives in the house. Pay for your mistake, then never get married again.
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>>17042980
>Why does she think that you're just gonna accept all her bullshit excuses?
Because he has to, he has no other choice because a marriage contract is state-enforced cuckoldry.

>Especially when you make all the money.
this only makes it worse. Stay at home mom? Yeah divorce court is gonna love that. Better pay up that alimony OP (still gonna be worth it though)
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Put your foot down bro.

Dont complain just tell her this is a deal breaker.

She can try to either shape up or your going to start taking matters into your own hands.

Follow thru you must if you waver shell walk all over you.

Quit paying internet, cable that way if those 2 things are what entertain her wont have an excuse.

If she cheats get evidence and procceed to divorce.

Its her seeing how far she can get away with it. So you must set the rules and she will either follow or have to face consequences.

Sounds a lot like a child right hahahaha.
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http://youtu.be/EotR_ILHHXA

>inb4 nigger, this shit applies to you OP kinda sorta

Also you married the wrong woman. I'm so sorry, OP, u dun goofd
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>>17043557
>>17043558
*tips fedora*
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>>17043563
I had to vent a little last night. I admit

We had sex a few days ago. Sex isn't a problem. See >>17042985

The problem I think is that I literally spend all day at work and this bitch thinks she's entitled to what she has not lucky. She says being a mom is a job and other typical leftist horse shit. When I met her she was right leaning but since she's been on Facebook is pretty much a leftist
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>>17043571
Leaning towards this

>>17043598
To think I went from dating an rn to this.

>>17043736
Goofd hard man
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>Marrying someone who doesn't work

Really now? Would a woman do something this stupid? Of course not, and neither should you.
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>>17043796
You haven't read the thread. She had a job and then lost it.
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>>17042994
Dumbest fucking thing I've seen in this thread

Kids will be better off if you divorce if the other option is dysfunction and arguing
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>>17042941

Look, dealing with the kids all day is hard work. It's just no where near as hard as all the shit you're doing.

She obviously thinks it's fucking hard as fuck because she doesn't realize how hard the other side is compared
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OP, sounds like you hate your wife, and it is for a reason.

One option, as said before, is to cut money flow:
no internet = no FB
>wife: i want facebook
>op: get a job and pay for it
...etc

Second one, divorce. It will be difficult for your family for some time but, it is better than hate your life for years.

I would try both. Hope it helps.
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>>17043868
> dealing with the kids all day
> kids watching Disney while house dirty and wife on FB
KEK
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>>17043869
>wife: i want facebook
>op: get a job and pay for it

Facebook is free, familia. You pay by providing personal information to be sold to the highest bidder.
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>>17043878
>>
>getting married
Brought this one on yourself I'm afraid.
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>>17042941
Man. That sucks. Log into her Facebook account and monitor what she is doing. Honestly sounds like she probably has some dumb ass online romance going on. Then when you have your proof, wipe your ass with her face. Good luck brother
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>>17042941
>kids
>11 hour work days
>wife who's a cunt
>want to hit her or leave her

yeah fuck that shit, single mans life is based, probably 10 percent of people with families of their own I meet/am friends with hate their fucking lives

Im lmaoing at your life, although you sound like a decent dude. get the fuck out of there op. leave tomorrow and never go back
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>>17043984
oops, I meant 10 percent actually enjoy having a family.
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Maybe you should spend more time with your wife and kids
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>>17043993
U kidding?
Maybe OP is too busy working and cleaning wife mess.
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if you're going to work 11 hour days what do you even care, your home life is an insignificant amount of your time.
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So she doesn't clean, cook or do the laundry at all? How old are the kids?
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>>17044110
1 and 4
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>>17044090
Because it's the home I pay for and the wife is supposed to be at home taking care of it. If this was an actual job she would be fired by now
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OP you should quit your job and be a stay at home dad and she can go work. I'm not saying she's not lazy, maybe she is, but it's the only way to know if the kids really are that much of a handful or if she's just being worthless. And how they act when you're at home is not always a good indicator of how they are when you're gone. If being a SAHM is that hard of a job, she should welcome a chance to get back into the working world and have more contact with grownups.
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>>17044235
How many toddlers have you raised? Again, I don't live at your house and I don't know how much is actually not getting done, but kids under 5 are a lot of work.

>>17044239
I used to have a boss who would rag on me for not getting shit done because there was always stuff left sitting unfinished. Then I went on vacation and he had to cover for me. (He had manager stuff to do but he let it slide while he did my work.) When I got back he asked me how the fuck I managed to get as much done as I did.

I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.
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>>17044258
Hah there's an idea. If she can't keep a job one day a week for four hours at a pizza joint, there's no way in fuck she can hold a full time job
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>>17044303
I was a preschool teacher through college actually. So was she which doesn't explain why she's so shitty. You must be skimming past the part where she sits at home watching Netflix with the kids for hours.
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>>17043964
No romance. Just saw that she's following and liking all this sahm shit and things talking about mommy wars. Her only friends are her mother and sister.
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>>17044322
Oh and I payed for her to go to school to be a dollar since yuppie losers pay for that shit. Now she can't do that because of my hours and she doesn't want my family watching our kids because they hate her.
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>>17044332
Doula not dollar.
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>>17043859
If they aren't being very shitty or abusive they should bot divorce. They should be adults and work thru it for the kids. Op made the mistake of marrying the wrong person and then having kids with them. If they divorce who gets custody? If both parents still want to be in the kids lives, both parents will still have to interact.
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>>17044335
A doula is the dumbest white people thing I've ever heard of. You should have paid for her to go back to school for something worthwhile (like nursing, etc).


>>17042941
OP, does your wife have any sort of mental illness? I ask that because my wife was going through a really deep depression. She got to the point where she could barely work and often she wouldn't clean and do stuff around the house like she used to. She has gotten a lot better, but she's not 100%.
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>>17043988
Agreed. I'm in my early 30s now so most of my friends have kids by now...and they're all fucking miserable. God damn, I'm glad my wife doesn't want any kids either.
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>>17042941
i would refrain from slapping her, if only to avoid the legal complications that will result from it. it would also play against you when you do finally leave her. and you will, its only a matter of time at this point. i suggest conferring with a lawyer before you even mention it to her to get everything sorted as well as it can be. i would also begin liquidating and hiding assets asap. try to get evidence of her slothfulness. try to get any evidence that can depict her as a bad parent. im sure a lawyer would tell you this too, but these are just things that ive remembered friends whove gone through this telling me. good luck, op, and stay strong. this is going to be difficult, especially for the kids. you should refrain from saying anything bad about your wife to them, ever. do what you can to minimize their pain.
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>>17044479
your wife is not better. she is putting on a show. i hate to be a negative nancy, but ive seen this before. keep your eyes open for any shady behavior.
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>>17042941
I'd say help her get organized. Maybe on the weekend everyone get involved with a cleaning sweep. Even have the kids do age-related cleaning activities.

Once everything is clean, it will be easier to do the upkeep.

I'm a single, working mother. And I have had periods of the house looking like a disaster, being too tired to clean it.

I'd do a clean sweep, my kid would help me. Like organizing laundry, putting dishes in the dishawasher, and just picking up any trash, dusting, things that she's capable of doing.

Then I bought organization bins. Sweeped through my kid's toys with her. Telling her the one's she doesn't want as much will go to kids that don't have toys.


And after the house was clean, I implemented a daily responsibility chart for my daughter, and then once a week we deep clean together on a set schedule (sunday mornings). The daily cleaning stuff for my kid is like put your dish away, put your dirty clothes away immediately after your shower, wipe down the sink if you spill toothpaste. In the beginning, my daughter didn;t always want to do it. So I reinforced her with a toy or a couple dollars per week if she was good about it.

Now since she is being rewarded, and I don't feel overwhelmed by all the housework, it makes us both want to keep up with the upkeep.
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