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My fiancee is obese. I've expressed to her my desire for

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My fiancee is obese. I've expressed to her my desire for her to lose weight for nearly two years. We're now getting married soon and she's lost only ~10 lbs. in the entire last year. This is by no means a reason to call it off, but I'm tired of breaking my back making myself look good, having money, and taking care of OUR important life tasks when she can't even take care of her body.

It's insane. I'm going to fuck other women if this continues. I've told her that. If I can't get it from her, then I'll get it from somebody else.

Why would she do this? It's literally the only thing I've ever requested of her that had any importance to me.

Any solutions?

And go ahead with the criticisms if you like, you don't know enough about us for them to matter.
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>>17016738
Mammia mia this is some fresh pasta
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>>17016738
What does her being overweight have to do with fucking other women? Is she not putting out, or are you grossed out by her appearance?
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>>17016740
Grossed out is strong. I would say, less attracted to.

We're still young enough to enjoy a healthy sex life. When she's panting, sweating, and stumbling around ungracefully because of her weight it can quickly kill a boner. It's a cleanliness thing too.

It's not super upsetting most of the time, but Jesus if anything else goes wrong that day, the last thing I want to be confronted with is her lack of self-control. It's demotivating.
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You shouldn't be getting married in the first place. Having red flags like this BEFORE you get married, and admitting that you're probably going to cheat is all the proof you need that this is a stupid fucking decision
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So you look good, have a decent career, are able to take care of yourself and you're marrying a landwhale? Why? I'm actually curious about it.

I don't know what's to be done in this situation, unless there's some circumstance I'm not aware of that won't let you dump her I'd run as fast as I can. Other than that I guess... threatening to dump her is the only way to "motivate" her? But I don't know how effective it would be if you even said you'd fuck other women.
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>>17016738
>This is by no means a reason to call it off, but I'm tired of breaking my back making myself look good, having money, and taking care of OUR important life tasks when she can't even take care of her body.
This certainly is a novel way to troll us with the old 'What a man has to do to be attractive: a million things; what a woman has to do to be attractive: not get fat' line.

Nice try OP, but you were a little too transparent.
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>>17016772
No, not cheating. Cheating is a malicious lie. This is a forthright pastime. I enjoy fucking attractive women. She knows this. I've told her exactly what's going on.
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>>17016794
Have you tried dating any women in the 20-30 range? They are generally terrible in hundreds of ways. I'd imagine most people are.

She's a good person, caring, smart, loyal, trustworthy, and possesses many other good qualities. She just has a crappy body.
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>>17016820
Fair enough, but I don't think decent women are THAT rare. I guess it depends where you live too.

I wouldn't settle for this if I were you, but then again I can't be attracted in any way to fat girls, maybe you're different.
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>>17016738

why marry her? if its bad enough to cheat on someone over, its bad enuogh to break up wtih her.
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>>17016820

but why marry her? what you just described is a dude you are being forced to have gay sex with.

buy your own house and sublet to save money.
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>>17016808
>all this self-rationalizing
You can't honestly think this puts you in the moral right, right? Just don't marry her!
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Op you should probably assume that her weight will be a lifelong struggle if she's always struggled with it. Once she gets married to you she'll already have you and won't have the motivation. She could lose weight before the wedding and put it right back on. Losing weight for herself and her own health is the kind of motivation she'd really need, and it's near impossible for someone else to make it happen. There are a couple things you can do though- go to the gym together or take an exercise class together. Do the cooking yourself so that you know it's healthy...don't keep snacks in the home. And talk to her more about how much of a problem this is, what would happen in each scenario that could happen, ask her questions about her thoughts on this etc.
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>>17016960
I've tried the supportive roles. I've tried being an angry asshole. We've talked at least once a month, not always arguing.

She gets emotional and retarded nearly every time.

I love so much about her, but this aspect strikes a nerve every time. it feels as though she's been lying to me this entire time.

It feels bizarre to me. It's not enough to throw it all away, but it is enough to weaken the relationship.

How can something so simple be so hard?
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>>17016738
do not marry her. never count on someone to change. 99% of the time they dont.
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>>17016976

people are afraid of change. she already has you, she doesnt RAELLY believe you are goign to leave her (at the worst you will only cheat on her by your own admission) so why bother changing? she can eat and exercise at her current level and you'll just fuck someone else, which is fine cuz she is a woman and as much asthey talk about monogamy, most dont really want to have to please you whenever you want. she gets all the benefits of being married without any of the duties.

its funny, by saying you will cheat on her, you are likely enabling her.
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>>17017011
Not cheating.

There is a distinct difference between an open relationship and being a piece of shit back stabber.

I've told her upfront that if she doesn't want to fulfill the sexual roles, I will find somebody else to do it.

>she gets all the benefits of being married without any duties

This is why the whole thing gets under my skin.
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>>17017027
Marry her and get tucked in the divorce then if you won't listen to anyone calling out your obviously stupid idea then.
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Obese woman here who has lost 20 lbs in the last two months. Make her count calories. I have been eating 1200 a day and it's working well. Have her write down everything she eats and set goals for her. When I'm down 100 lbs, my husband is going to let me buy something I really want, so I feel very motivated.
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>>17017081
>Having to motivate a grown ass woman with gifts so they can do basic self maintenance.

Holy shit was /r9k/ right after all?
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>>17017090
Yes, check out the rape fetish thread too
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So don't marry her - sheesh, how hard was that to figure out?
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>>17017090
I'm paying for the stuff myself. I'm the breadwinner of the family, husband takes care of the house. Nice assumption though.

He's letting me get a pair of reticulated pythons. Obviously, two enormous snakes are something I'd need his approval to bring into the house.
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My advice is divorce her or accept. Because if you love her you wont care soo much, try sex or jerk it off, but if she is just only a person divorce , you are successful, marry will only broke what you have. I will try to pay a gym for her and food stuff, and compliment her gains, but if nothing changes on 6 mouths, you dump her.
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>>17016738
While there's nothing inherently wrong with your intentions the matter of the fact is you love all her qualities except for one and want her to change in order to fit your perfect mold. This is a selfish action, and it reeks of desperation.

Don't rely on others to change, you should look for someone who you are 100% compatible with from the beginning, not fuck around till you're emotionally attached to but hate looking at that person. The fact that you want her to change rather than move on to someone else means you're not willing to meet someone else and play the game all over again, and that's on you. That's where the desperation comes from.
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>>17017135
>assume you are fat
Proven
>Assume needing material treats to take care of yourself is childish
True
>Assume you can't take care of two exotic pets if you can't even take care of yourself
Likely
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>>17017165
I have a good half dozen reptiles right now, all are very well cared for. The assumption was that my husband would be buying them for me as a reward, when in reality he's just letting me buy them for myself.

I already said I'm obese, bro. Why are you so mad?
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>>17017044
this. whether you consider it cheating or not is irrelevant. it's whether a judge in a divorce trial would consider it cheating that you should be worried about. if you're married, the moment she decides she'd be better off without you, all she'll need to do is obtain a) a lawyer and b) any evidence at all that you slept with someone else. and honestly you don't sound smart enough to hide it even if you wanted to. and if you think you can get out of it with a prenup, well good luck with that.

I don't believe you had so much trouble finding a partner with decent qualities that you're willing to settle for her but fuck other people. if it's so easy for you to find other women to fuck, it can't be so impossible to find one among them that's dateable too. no, I think you enjoy having this fat chick as some kind of reverse beta orbiter. if you told her you were going to sleep with other women and she hasn't left you yet, then her self-esteem must be completely nonexistent. I bet having someone rely on you for their entire feeling of self-worth must feel awesome to you.

either that or this entire thread is a troll, which is sounding more and more likely the longer I think about it.
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>>17017027

but by saying 'im going to sleep with someone else' you are letting her get away. i mean fuck she could say
>wow anon is a douche
>but okay ill play his game
>then divorce him
>and get all this money
>and have proof he 'cheated'

ur fucking self by not being assertive
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Tell her the marriage is off until she reaches an average weight.

She'll probably call it off herself.
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Why would you marry a mentally ill obese person

OP is retarded unless he breaks it off
Thread posts: 32
Thread images: 1


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