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So my boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago and I was devastated,

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So my boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago and I was devastated, it wasn't ugly or anything, he said it was him not having enough time to spend with me and that he's going through a rough patch in his life (mainly financial).

I think I can make him understand that we can have something special, because I do love him and most of our time were happy and enjoyable times.

He still wants to be friends and we're having coffee in a week to sort everything out.

So I read up online on what to do and the "no contact rule" came up.
I started yesterday and this morning he texted me, "Are you feeling okay, Anon? I'm worried about you." I didn't respond so like an hour ago he sent me a message on facebook asking if I got his text.

Should I let him know that I'm okay? I'm not sure if I should make an exception for the rule just to let him know I'm not depressed or anything.
I /am/ going to a big even on Saturday, hoping to take some pictures and upload them to facebook that way he'll know I'm doing okay.
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....fucking yes are you seriously asking this question?, just because he broke up with you doesn't mean he doesn't want to be a part of your live or if you matter to him or not, and this no contact rule did you read that in a fucking how to deal with a break-up site?
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>>16949348
I read about it on a "how to get your ex back" website... it's about not letting it turn into a friendship. You're supposed to have zero contact with them for a month so the dust settles but I'm gonna see him next week... I really want him to stay with me... I'm really desperate but I don't want him to see that
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Do you know anyone who has done this and it worked out? I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago but I still text her every day.
Oh and you should totally tell him you're fine. He's just gonna think you want nothing to do with him and he's going to move on.
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>>16949360
Then discuss his current situation, how he's feeling about your relationship with him, but don't pressure anything to try and restore it just yet. The period of time it'll take for him to recover is up to largely him, and yes it might hurt now but it's better than forcing a relationship, and besides you can always jump back to being into a relationship from friends
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>>16949371
Breaking up with someone over a month ago and texting them daily is all good and well but if you want to truly start it up again, meet each-other over coffee or have lunch together, as i find face to face conversations more personal, and will reinforce your bond.
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>>16949371
How did she take it? Have you changed your mind on the decision to end the relationship?

>>16949378
How long should I wait to try to get back together?
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OP here, I texted him back letting him know I'm alright and he responded with:

"I don't want you to think that this is the end for us, you know? I do love you. But I don't want you to wait indefinitely for me.

I don't cry...ever. and I don't know if you heard, but I broke down on the phone yesterday."

I honestly don't know what to say, I'm too sad and emotional to engage on the topic...
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>>16949404
He texted me again:

"I want to stay close. But it's not fair for me to put you second. You deserve better than that. I'm not happy putting me first and it started to feel like I was stringing you along. It didn't seem fair for either of us.

So. Until I'm in a position to put you first again, I didn't think it was right being in a relationship."

I'm so desperate... I don't wanna lose him...
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>>16949404
>>16949413
This is a complicated situation as you're dealing with emotions while he is also dealing with his own on both his current problems and what he's done by breaking up with you, I'd recommend trying to speak to him over a casual lunch outside of your normal hang outs. But by the sounds of it, he's trying to let you down gentle as he wouldn't be able to focus on you as much or at all before dealing with his problem causing some potential resentment
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>>16949184
The no contact thing in your best chance. Being friends with an ex NEVER works out. Let him have the space he wanted originally
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I haven't responded but he said, "Don't hate me?"
Is he only looking for a clear conscience?

>>16949416
>>16949422
Is there a chance of getting him back?
What should I respond with? I can't ignore him now...
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>>16949184
Grow the fuck up srsly why ignore him if he loves you and hes going through a tough time. he wouldnt have left if you were more supportive and felt like youre someone he could talk to about his problems.
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>>16949456
*fails to read all responses before posting*
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>>16949456
But I did everything I felt I could do to support him... our dates were mostly him talking about his issues and I made it a priority to make it clear I was listening and paying attention and I never once complained about it... We had fun but then he was busy for about 3 weeks, I never said anything about it or pressured him to hang out, our conversations started to get more occasional and then he broke up with me... I was dumbfounded...
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>>16949394
Actually she broke up with me. I'm in the same situation as you
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Ok OP there are two main options to consider here

Either he wants to break up with you for other reasons and thinks this is a good way to let you down gently (I've tried this before and learned the hard way that it doesn't work), or he is telling the truth and is in fact trying to put your needs first.

Luckily the approach you need to take in either case is the same. Tell him you understand that he is trying to do the right thing and put you first, but it's wrong of him to make decisions like that on your behalf. You're the person who would be suffering if he's unable to "put you first", so it's you're choice whether that's worth breaking up over.

Basically you need to get mad and indignant, in order to show him that what he is doing isn't fair to you. If he's just using it as an excuse, you should be able to tell by the way he responds. This will end in you two breaking up permanently, but that was always going to happen anyway. At least you know. On the other hand, if he is telling the truth, and you're rhetorically skilled enough, you'll be able to convince him and this will end in you getting back together. He will also be super apologetic about the whole situation and you can leverage this to your advantage.

Obviously these are not the ONLY two ways this could go, but it seems the most likely to me. I am speaking from experience as a man who had done this, both as an excuse and because I really meant it.

Any questions?
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>>16949520
Thank you for your thoughtful and informed response.
Should I respond to him over text or wait until we meet in person?
If it has to be in person what should I say now to put it on hold?
What are some compelling arguments to let him know you really want him back without coming off as desperate or needy?
I'm meeting him in about a week. How should I act when I see him?
Did you ever change your mind on ending a relationship?
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>>16949556
>Should I respond to him over text or wait until we meet in person?
If he's texting you, you should probably respond. Based on the way you've described your feelings on the situation (desperately in love), you won't be strong enough to really put your foot down when you're face to face with him. It's much easier to sound angry via text. Though saying that, I want to stress that you shouldn't need to put on an act. You really SHOULD be upset about this. How is it fair of him to do this to you? You're a grown woman and you're capable of making you're own decisions. If you aren't happy in the relationship then that's you're decision to make, not his. Maybe you want to stay with him and help support him through this rough time.


>If it has to be in person what should I say now to put it on hold?
N/A

>What are some compelling arguments to let him know you really want him back without coming off as desperate or needy?
You shouldnt need to present a case about why you want him back. The point here is that he is making a decision that is rightfully yours to make, and you don't want to break up. You want to support him and you don't care that he can't devote all his attention to you right now.

>I'm meeting him in about a week. How should I act when I see him?
There's no need to put on an act, that will undoubtedly backfire and complicate things. I can't offer advice on this, unfortunately. Just do what feels right in the moment. It'll be up to your judgement. Just be strong about it.

>Did you ever change your mind on ending a relationship?
When I was 15 I was stood up by my girlfriend of 1 year. I called her immediately to break up with her but she started crying and begged me not to. I got my mum to drive me over to her house so I could console her. This is the only time that I can recall. Not particularly helpful or applicable to this situation, sorry.
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>>16949604
Thank you... I texted him back... I'm waiting for a response but he's at work now...
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>>16949676
Well, good luck. Based on the fact that he has been texting you, and the things he has said, I'd put my money on the fact that he's genuinely trying to put your interests first. I think he'll resist at first when you're texting, but when you meet up you'll both break down into tears and hug and get back together.

For some reason I'm much more invested in this than I normally am on /adv/. If it's not to strange, could you just email me to let me know how this all turns out?

My throwaway/spam email address is [email protected]
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>>16949706
I will, thank you so much for all your help, hopefully we can get back together but... I'll let you know.
Thread posts: 22
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