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I'm so fucking depressed and I don't know what to do

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>graduating from highschool in 3 months
>have no idea what I'm going to do when I'm out
>don't have the money to go to university
>family is working class and definitely doesn't have the money to send me
>afraid of getting a 9 to 5 and being stuck in a rut for 50 years until i retire and die
>completely hate everything about myself
>fat and short dude with an ugly face and no skills that to excel in
>go for runs every other day and eating better but loosing weight feels impossible
>took me a whole year just to lose 20 pounds
>feel disconnected from everybody, even my own family
>don't know how to make the most out of the last year or two before I move out
>the fucking loneliness is too much for me to handle and I don't know what to do
>too much of a fucking beta to ask anyone out and I bet you everyone is repulsed by me anyways
>even if I could ask someone out, I don't have a car or a license or any way of getting a ride so I could go on a date
>feel so numb to the world
>just isolated from everyone
>I became more social and started going to parties and shit but that's not helping, I still feel like a mopey asshole
>I started talking to a guidance counselor about 2 months ago
>all we do is talk about how to work on my confidence
>I don't think it's working but she's the best one at my highschool and I don't want to stop seeing her
>have friends but always feel like the fucking punching bag of the group
>interacting with my main group of friends always drains the fucking life out of me because of their negative and mean spirited bullshit
>think of suicide all the fucking time
>come to the conclusion that it would be selfish of me and only hurt others
>this realization makes me feel worse because now I know there's no fucking way out and I'm stuck with this life forever

Sorry for the dump of info and being an edgy faggot but I don't feel like I have anyone to turn to and this is all I can think of doing. I just want any advice I can get about anything here.
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I'm on the same boat as you anon, except I got lucky and earned scholarships based on my PSAT so that I can put less of a burden with college. I suggest you start with community college and work your way up there. If not, did you at least apply for FAFSA? I don't think they started sending financial aid packages so I think if you applied, you'll get some kind of a loan to help you with college
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>>16944261
I live in Canada but I could apply for student loans but I don't want to be I don't want to be thousands of dollars in debt right out of the gate. I'm not exactly sure about our financial aid programs for students here but I should probably get educated. I don't have amazing grades in anything so scholarships are out of the window. My best bet would be to apply for grants simply because of how many get un applied for in my province but it wouldn't cover very much
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>>16944216
I'd recommend military but, I don't think it'd be good for you. Coast Guard is a better option.

As for losing weight....

Change your diet, white meat and greens, salads preferably. take antibiotics and fiber with water, cleans out your system, makes your digestion and metabolism work a little bit better.

I'm sorry I can't offer any better advice, anon. I'm pretty drunk right now.
>>
>>16944290
If I went for military, even coast guard, it would be a huge insult to my lineage. I know that sounds retarded but just trust me, my mother has already said there would be huge issues if I joined. Even if that wasn't a factor though, I wouldn't be able to do it.

>Change your diet, white meat and greens, salads preferably. take antibiotics and fiber with water, cleans out your system, makes your digestion and metabolism work a little bit better

Thanks. I got the white meat and green salad thing down but it never even occurred to me to take extra fiber and antibiotics.

>I'm sorry I can't offer any better advice, anon. I'm pretty drunk right now.

Don't worry about it
>>
Get new friends, the people you call friends are sucking the life out of you. Get a job related to something you at least are semi interested in and make friends through that. Building your confidence should be your priority anon, you gotta do you.
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>>16945001
I can't think of any jobs that I'm interested in like that that I could get out of highschool. Maybe like a movie theater but that'd be it.
>>
Some wait until 2 years before hitting on college. But i wouldnt wait that long.

Some goes through apprentinceship programs instead of college.

Many opputunitiesm try yo do them quickly yes?

Do what you love and think
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ArenĀ“t state universities free in the states?
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>>16944984
>antibiotics ?

Do you mean probiotics?
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Go see a therapist. Seriously, OP. You can get some help on how to feel better about yourself from a professional. If you can't afford it, search "low fee therapy" in your area. Something is sure to come up.

Good luck, man. Unfortunately there isn't much we can tell you, since this is such a personal query. You gotta go through the pain, anon.
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>>16945300
I was just repeating what the other post said.
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>>16945301
That's not a bad idea
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so basically whats happening here is your depressed like your head aint right get some pills style depressed not really like oh imma cut myself for attention type depressed
or atleast thats what i think i aint a goddamn psychologist but try talking to your counselor about it
>>
You could be a postal carrier. Starts at 15 something an hour and is a middle class job in a decade or so. You'll lose weight.
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Figure out what you love doing, find out your passion and make a business out of it, you will succeed if you do this because it I'll not feel like worm to you.
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Mean work not worm sorry.
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>>16948359
yeah, ill have to think about that some more and see if there's such a job for me
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>>16944216
Are you in the states? Because you would probably qualify for federal financial aid if you had something you wanted to study.

If you aren't losing weight, that's your diet. It is a completely controllable factor.

What this sounds like to me is that you've never dealt with REAL adversity. You've been unpopular and not rich your whole life and you need someone to cut your fucking leg off so you know that you can stand on your own.

You don't know what you want to do? That's normal. You aren't happy? That's normal. Now you need to figure out how to change it.

Get a shitty job. Don't tell me you can't because that's bullshit. Get a shitty job. Walk there every day. Save money. Lose weight. Get used to interacting with people. Then after a few years, decide if you like what you're doing. If you don't do something else. Stop making shit difficult when all it takes is motivation.
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>>16949562
I guess I'll try going for a job. There's a gas station that's about an hour's walk away from my place that's hiring. I'll get my resume ready for them and see if I can get a weekend job
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>>16949611
... you do not need a resume to get a job like that. Don't make extra stress for yourself by putting additional hurdles in the way.

Show up. Ask for an application. Be polite.
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>>16949623
I already have a resume from when I tried getting a summer job last year. I just have to revise it a little and I'm good. Having a resume ready shows initiative right?

>an application
I'm not sure if this specific chain uses applications
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>>16949641
For many jobs, a resume makes it seem like you're above the position you're applying for. Depending on the attitude of the hiring manager, it may make you look like a flight risk.
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>>16946458
>falling for the therapy meme
>>
Look for opportunities abroad! It's free in Germany and almost free in the Netherlands to go to uni. Pick a good uni and a not too expensive place. Look for a dorm room and a job. If you get a loan you won't have to work as much and the amount of the loan would be way smaller than studying at an American uni. If you need a place that speaks English, Netherlands and some Skandi places are the way to go. Also you can escape the stuff from home and with the additional distance repair your relationships to your family and yourself.
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>>16950198
Aren't Skandi places really expensive to live though?
Thread posts: 26
Thread images: 1


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