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how to encourage boyfriend to develop a better quality of life?

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one thing my boyfriend wishes i could do is to "push" him to better his habits.
some things i know he wants:
>finding a better, less stressful job
>to be more fit, more healthy
>quitting his smoking/drug habits
>be more positive/happy

i guess he's asking this because he sees all these things in me. but i really don't know how to go about this. i'm afraid of looking like a nag or having him ending up resenting me. he has fairly low self-esteem and tends to be negative and get frustrated easily... but he's very hard working and seems like he genuinely wants change.

he's gotten much better with his attitude and overall positivity on his own, and he says it's because of me walking into his life. (i have literally done nothing though, except just try to be a good girlfriend)

should i just let him be and maybe he'll find his own way to his goals? maybe if he observes my habits a bit better, he might catch on? what are some things i can do to encourage him to get on the path to where he wants to be in life?

before anyone asks, yes, he is a wonderful boyfriend and all he ever does is encourage and support me. he's incredibly kind, honest, thoughtful and considerate, which is why i'm with him.
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>>16942840
Is he asking you to help him?
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>>16942861
yes, he's asked me twice now actually.
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>>16942840

>life gets better because of a grill

you should teach him to be independent regardless of his goals, cuz as it is he sounds like one of those pathetic fags who falls apart cuz no gf
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>>16942861
>>16942862
Sorry, I guess I mean "asking explicitly", as opposed to just saying offhand "wow I wish I was willing to exercise as often as you do lol".

I'm not sure it's smart to take too much responsibility for somebody else's burden, though it's certainly commendable if you try to support him in bettering himself. Hopefully he is not the type, but you don't want to be in the position of being blamed for things only he can change.

He might just need help doing research and making a plan. Rather than "pushing" maybe you just need to point him in the right direction.

>>16942863
Yeah, this is a major risk but not much OP can do about that. I picked up some good habits from my ex but all the major positive changes in my life have come out of a moment where I said "no one is going to help me with this".
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introduce him to a better gf
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>>16942840
he want you to encourage him when he mentions something no matter how dumb-shit his ideas might be...

he wont come right out and say it but he is hinting because he done it for you.
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>>16942876
yeah he has explicitly asked me to "push" him to be better... twice! since he asked, i'll do what i can.

thanks for the research and plan bit; i think that's true that he lacks structure in his goals the most... also maybe some discipline. not sure how to encourage that.

>>16942863
what can i do to teach him about that? because i do think that's important.

>>16942892
what? so you're saying he's looking for a scapegoat for dumb ideas? don't think that's what he means.
>>
Tell him to grow the fuck up and push himself to better his habits.

Seriously, what kind of loser needs someone else to push him to improve himself?
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>>16942902
>he lacks structure
That you can help with. Show him how to make a workout routine, make healthy meals together, and do fun things that don't involve drugs. These are just habits that anyone can learn. There's nothing wrong with two lovers exchanging skills and encouragement. If I teach my gf to wire up a light socket, I am not "pushing" her.
>discipline
is much harder to learn, but it comes from a positive feedback loop. Accomplishing small, short term goals readies one for more ambitious and long term goals. He's going to have to find that himself.

>what can i do to teach him about that?
Fuck his best friend, kill his dog, destroy his most cherished possession, and disappear without explanation. He'll learn never to rely on a woman again.

I think you really need to tell him straight out that you'll support him and help him organize his efforts, but the drive has to come from him, for himself.
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Proceed with caution. He's trying to make you into his manic pixie dream girl. He may see you that way already.

But if you really wabt to help him out, start using Habitica. Both of you, each with a separate account, and form a party together. It can't work miracles, but it can be shockingly effective.
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>>16942909
i guess some people need the encouragement? he's suffered depression and anxiety for the past few years, and it's only started to get better recently. hopefully his own drive and ambition will come with that.

>>16942921
thanks, those are some great ideas and advice on how to help him develop some structure.

and i think i've tried to tell him about how his drive has to come from himself. but i guess i'll have to be more clear about that. thanks again
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>>16942951
well... you might be right...
i even remember telling him "i'm only human" a few times before. he didn't seem to really understand. but he's so supportive of me and wants to help me too. (though i'm pretty independent and can handle myself i guess)

not sure what to do about that one.

but thanks for the habitica idea, not sure if he'll be into it since he dislikes "fantasy" stuff. looks like fun though and worth a shot
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>>16942840
>finding a better, less stressful job
What needs done before he can start looking, anything? Is his resume up to date, etc? Sit down together and write out the steps to follow to get prepared and start looking.
>to be more fit, more healthy
Invite him along when you go to workout. Cook together.
>quitting his smoking/drug habits
Get him to download one of those counter apps on his phone that keeps track of how much/often he's smoking.
>be more positive/happy
You know all the potentially frustrating and crappy shit that happens in your daily life that either doesn't bother you or that you actively choose not to be bothered by and seek a different perspective instead? Start relating those little trivial incidents to him. Just conversationally, mind; don't "moral of the story" it or do the incessantly talking about nothing thing.
>he has fairly low self-esteem
Accomplishments (you can encourage &/or have some involvement but most of it's gotta come from him) + recognition for them (in the form of praise, simple acknowledgement, high five, whatever)
>and tends to be negative and get frustrated easily...
Don't baby him too much. Know when to be supportive and sympathetic, and when to remain steady and "ignore" his frustration and get him to continue.
>but he's very hard working
Should come in handy.
>and seems like he genuinely wants change.
If it's a matter of not knowing what to do or simply needing some help staying motivated, all ought to go well. If the "feeling like shit about it" part went away, would he still want to change? If he'd prefer to continue as is minus the shitty feelings this may need to be something he'll have to overcome on his own.

Just start trying shit. Not all at once; incorporate one or two things in at a time. Check in after a week or so and, without necessarily outlining any of the specifics, ask him point blank if what you've begun doing is what he had in mind and whether he'd like you to keep it up or stop or adjust, etc.
Thread posts: 14
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