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Alright /adv/ it's story time. Got something that's

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Alright /adv/ it's story time. Got something that's been kinda fucking with me for the last 15 years. Will green text, of course.

>Be me
>9 years old
>Bit of a nerd
>Act a lot like Double D from Ed, Edd, n Eddy
>Little brother is 7
>summer time
>Used to live next to a park with four T-ball diamonds
>Make friends with this 15 year old neighbor girl
>Hang out just about every day
>Mostly playing PS2 or riding bikes
>Little brother has a T-ball game
>Bored because little kids suck at baseball
>Girl suggests we go back to the house and play
>Mom is watching game
>Sneak off to house
>Decide to play truth or dare
>Get dared to show her my dick, which I do
>Dare her to make out, which we do
>Truth time
>Asks me if i would ever fuck her
>Panic while spilling spaghetti all over bedroom floor and say no
>Continue to make out
>Hear a knock at the front door
>Throw girl off of me and run downstairs
>It's my grandma wanting me to go to the game with her to see my brother
>Leave with grandma while girl is still in my room
>Girl sneaks out a few minutes later

>Fast forward about a month
>Girl, brother, and I are hanging out at empty T-ball park, trying to break into closed concession stand to get candy
>Can't get in
>My fucking 7 year old brother suggests we have sex
>Girl says ok
>Start to spill spaghetti again
>In my best Double D voice, stammer, "If you tell anyone, I'll never speak to you again!"
>Walk over to this big set of bushes behind the park where girl used to go hide so she could smoke
>I'm first
>We get naked
>Start to rub dick on her pussy
>Never stick it in
>Girl says she can't feel anything
>Spaghetti is literally pouring out of me
>Say I can't either
>Get dressed and walk away
>Little brother's turn
>Motherfucker actually fucks her
>Only with her a few minutes
>Comes out from bushes grinning ear to ear
>Tell him let's go back to the house and play PS2
>Girl leaves
>Don't see girl again for three years
>See her at a Ryan's steakhouse
>Lock eyes for a few minutes
>She looks horrified
>Runs out of restaurant
>Never see her again.

So, /b/, that was the day where I almost lost my virginity at age 9, but my alpha as fuck 7 year old brother fucked a 15 year old.

Been thinking about this a lot lately, and I'm starting to wonder if it's the reason why I've always had issues talking to females and why I think I may have a pron addiction. Thoughts?
It takes a lot to muster up the guts to spill something like that. My advice: make sure you get it /all/ out, no matter how embarrassing or disgusting you may feel (remember: you are not expected to feel these feelings, but they are a thing nonetheless).

Perhaps that girl took advantage of you. She was the older one, and was probably (assuming from her age) either going through or already past puberty.

I had been sexually abused as a child (age 3-12) on a regular basis, by the same man (I'm a female, just so you know). When I was 13 I promised myself I would take that secret to the grave. When I was 16 I became more intimate with my boyfriend, and told someone.

I'm in my late 20's now, still picking up the pieces. My current partner knows pretty much all of what happened (though I did not recount each and every 'episode' as there were so many).

I felt 'dirty' for a long time, and 'ruined,' but today I feel like an actual, autonomous person. I've let it go, for the most part.

Holding onto the past, I've found, only keeps you from being in the present.
I'd suggest seeing a therapist...but not longer than you feel is necessary. Just enough time to get it out.

Working with a meditation teacher has helped me process a lot of difficult thoughts and feelings.

Maybe you're suppressing the negative feelings you have about this situation. I'd say, focus on those and feel those (only with intention), and let them pass through your body. Sounds cheesy, but it's worked for me.

Ages 7-13 are quite important for young males.

Maybe try reading "Sex at Dawn" by Christopher Ryan. He talks about that stuff a lot.
He was 7. I guarantee he didn't actually fuck her. It's not physically possible.
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