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Recently opened up the relationship with my fiance. We've

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Recently opened up the relationship with my fiance. We've been together over a year.
The open relationship is because of my high sex drive and his performance anxiety. Of course the idea is that I'll fuck guys, but how, when, why is still a mystery to me.

>pic not related
>>
He went along with that? What a cuck. I would tell your father to call to police. What.a.chump.
>>
I have 2 suitors:

Guy who I've slept with 2 years ago, wants to have some fun sex
He was the one who encouraged me to come clean to my fiancé.
He was happy when I said I'd explicitly been okay'd to see him.

Guy I met online that shares my fetish. We've met up a few times but haven't even kissed yet. He wants to take me on somewhat of a date next week: coffee, museum, walk on the lakefront
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all memes aside.

how common is getting cucked like this occurring irl?
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>>16940900
poor b8
regardless, i foresee many (You)'s in your immediate future
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I'm looking for advice on how to deal, not looking for slander on my fiancé's sexuality.
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>>16940900

What's the point of promising to marry somebody (a promise of commitment) when you're not willing to really commit?

>>16940929

Things like this are especially dangerous, even if you prescribe to some cursory notion that sex has no real meaning beyond the physical. At the point where you're considering going on dates with other people, you're moving into the emotional realm. You're considering sharing every part of yourself, physical and otherwise, with people other than your fiance.

Are you sure that your fiance is actually okay with all of this? Are you sure you're really ready to be married? It seems to me that you're moving away from any form of genuine, marriage-like commitment.
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Is it a bad idea to go with guy 2, is that asking for a second relationship that I promised wouldn't exist?
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>>16940967
We come from traditional families. My sexuality dictates otherwise. He loves me enough to let me have my sexuality and not lock me up, deprive me of it, and expect us to stay happily ever after.
Our relationship isn't built on sex, and the rest of it is still laden with commitment.
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>>16940968

This whole 'open relationship' business is a bad idea.

Deal with the issues you have in your relationship; control yourself if your sex drive is really that overpowering.
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if he's agreed to it fairly, then I don't see a problem as long as you stay within the agreed-upon boundaries faithfully. That's all monogamy really is, anyways - keeping a promise.
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>>16940967
>What's the point of promising to marry somebody (a promise of commitment) when you're not willing to really commit?

I'm not criticizing or defending OP, but what do you do when one person has a high sex drive and the other person has performance anxiety? Like how do you work through that?
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You are a whore...
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>>16940977
Ah yes, "controlling my urge" to have sex at least once a month is really the issue here.
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>>16940968
yes this is a bad idea.

you engaged and are willing to go on a date with another man.

you are essentially dating two men at the same time.
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>>16940968
You're retarded, and your "boyfriend" should have been the one to get your fuckbuddy set-up. Far too many stories I have heard where the woman gets beaten or hurt from these dickheads you choose. I have been in a open relationship before and I can tell you that your marriage is already over, because you cant openly communicate these things. Ditch those two faggots and tell your "man" what you want in a fuckbuddy and have him find him. Cause thats all it is, fucking, no dates, no romance, nothing, thats reserved for your "husband" and not your fuckbuddy because your fuckbuddy is just a fuck, and the ones you find are clearly falling for you.
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>>16940973

>my sexuality dictates otherwise

You dictate otherwise for some reason or another. Sex is sex, inside or outside of a traditional relationship. What makes you special? Why is it that you personally can't find it within yourself to learn to express your sexuality within the bounds of your relationship?

>laden with commitment

Commitment to what, exactly?

It seems, that there is no exclusive physical commitment. You're considering going on dates with other people, so the prospect of emotional commitment also seems to be out the window. What commitment are you making to your fiance that doesn't essentially equate to a live-in friend with benefits?
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>>16940990
>I have been in a open relationship before and let me just pretend that it was the structure of the relationship and not the people in it that made it fail for me!

nah OP don't listen to this faggot, he's got too much baggage.
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>>16940981

Both people compromise. One person works to control their appetite a bit more, and the other person engages in activities and therapeutic measures to work towards alleviating that performance anxiety. It's a common problem in many relationships that many have worked through without having to devolve to open 'relationships.'
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>>16940990
>clearly falling for me

I don't see anyone falling yet.
You mean when when I'm blowing them in a "romantic" way, looking up at them they'll suddenly decide to fall for me?
>highly doubtful
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>>16940992
We have a 30 year mortgage
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>>16940997
>Both people compromise.

isn't that exactly what an open relationship is?
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>>16940997
How do you work on controlling sexual appetite?
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Seems many of you may have missed this >>16940986


My appetite is well within "normal".
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>>16940986

Same person here, but in your defense, I don't think it's such a huge commitment for your fiance to make to be willing to at least try to give you sex once a month. Relationships are about compromise; giving you permission to look elsewhere isn't really contributing to the relationship as much as it is giving up.
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"I'm a huge slut and my parter is a beta faggot"

Ok, why are you posting on adv?
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>>16941001

An open relationship isn't a compromise within a relationship. It's a (hopefully mutual) choice to ignore the relationship in order to solve a problem.
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>>16941010
>give you sex

His sex is very vanilla/boring. He has never made me cum. I also take issue with the fact that he doesn't give a shit long enough for me to even masturbate to orgasm before he ends the encounter by getting up to shower/take the dogs out/etc.
>>
Relationship and monogamy are not synonymous
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>>16941021

Here's what I think (and I'm just one person, so feel free to disagree):

You have two options: (1) work this out with him and get him to actively contribute to fixing his side of the problem or (2) end this relationship and look elsewhere for a more fulfilling one. It sounds like you're leaning more towards (2), and the entire relationship sounds like it's going to fall apart pretty quickly from the way you've described so far.

In any case, you'll just end up in a worse situation if you try to get away with not completely following through.
>>
>>16941036
With the way both my fiancé and I value our cultural background, both of us have a problem here.
He's not going to find a girl who's okay with not having any sex.
I'm not going to find a guy as kinky as me that shares the same life goals I have.
>>
>>16941047

You'd be surprised. Settling in life usually isn't the best choice, especially when you have time to work towards what you're looking for. People are diverse; somewhere there is somebody who would likely agree with you.

There are plenty of women who have low sex drives (my girlfriend, for example, is one of them). There are plenty of guys who have high sex drives who also have plenty of life goals.

If you have a goal or something to aspire to, go for it. Try. Don't hold yourself back.
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>>16941052
It's not so much about the sex drive as about the fetish.

I can't cum from normal sex.
It's been a problem in the last, and it is kinda a problem now, since it ruins any sense of normalcy we could have on occasion when having sex.
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>>16940900
B8
>>
Tfw wanted to know if the 2 suitors were crossing the line or not and got choked out by saying I had an open relationship instead.
>>
So, uh...what's the question? Or is this yet more thinly veiled bait?
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>>16941144
The question was if these situations are ok and if I can meet up with these 2 guys
>>16940929
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>>16941006

Are you not able to get yourself off?
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>>16941187

At least one person will end up very hurt if you follow through with the arrangement.
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>>16940900
I can tell you from experience, having proposed opening my marriage to my wife and getting the OK, that it doesn't work if you want to keep the original relationship.

In my case getting told "OK, do what you need to" was not the same as "OK, I won't be hurt or bitter or feel inadequate"

I chose the marriage over the need to openly have sexual relations elsewhere. Instead I chose to do it on the sly and made sure she never found out.
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>>16941187

At least one person will end up very hurt if you follow through with this arrangement.
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>>16941207
I can get myself off via masturbation, yes, however it takes significantly longer if I am with someone whom I can't imagine playing out my fantasies with (ie my fiance).
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What the fuck is your fetish then you sick woman
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>>16941843
she likes cucking men. and then get attention from it on here.
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I've no idea how the people into these kind of situations manage life balance. I've got the time for one relationship and can't see how it could work otherwise.

From my perspective then the people I know and have known who are into this sort of shit (quite a lot) are basically sex or attention obsessed. It becomes the defining characteristic of everything about them.

Where as I might throw myself into a hobby, they throw themselves into sex. Typically with the same sort of mania and resulting disillusion that comes from abandoning these things with time.

Like this lifestyle isn't sustainable 'for life' unless you build your friendships and social situations around it. Then your whole life has to become all about sex, drama and attention.

Also never really understood the whole "committed relationship" thing which is unable to take any sort of negative or disappointment. Like I'm going to be with someone for life, oh they got old or ill, fuck them then. I was only with them from a personally beneficial transactional position anyway. My needs were not being met.

Like my current girlfriend had to have an operation which meant we didn't have much sex for about 6 months. I didn't dump her. You could argue that she put out in other ways, but I didn't force it through threatening to open or end our relationship. My ex wife even offered me a one way open relationship (didn't want sex anywhere near as much as much, I was younger and more demanding and generally worse at communicating my needs in an effective way) and I didn't want that.

She basically said "I don't desire you in that way, but I don't want to lose the comfort you provide or incur the difficulty that breaking up would bring". Fuck that.
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Wanted to say that a fairly liberal attitude towards sex and commitment ended my parents relationship.

Both of them used to fuck around without repercussion because their relationship was supposed to be stronger than that and eventually they both realised they didn't want or need one another at all.

It became more about control and hurting one another by withdrawing attention and eventually my mother started delivering ultimatums which my father called her out on so she left and wasn't chased or allowed back.

My father remained single except for the odd FWB situation and my mother got with another woman because she is ultimately much more needy and uses relationships to define and validate herself. Her partner eventually got pregnant due to further complex open sexual misadventures and left her and now she is in her late 50's and depressed because she is alone and had nobody.

My father is also alone and likely depressed, but not to the same level because his self image is build less on relationships and external validation.
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>>16941852
Well, I'm already depressed, so threatening an outcome of depression doesn't change anything.

I'm aware that MDD is a chronic condition and I will have to live my life accordingly.

>>16941843
Pee
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>>16940973
Your relationship is built on sex if he had to OK an open relationship just to keep you.
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>>16940900

We all love some good bait, but this is very poor.
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>>16941945
It's built on sex being not a part of our relationship
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>>16942131

If you guys were actually committed then you'd work on it rather than "oh hey just let me have other cocks then, ok?"
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>>16940900
Don't do it with someone you know or your fiance knows. Do it only with stranger
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>>16942169
There isn't a whole lot you can do when your partner is effectively asexual.
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>>16941847
Good one
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This seriously never works out in the end.

Ever. But I'm sure OhPee believes she will be the magical exception.
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>>16942956
Which part doesn't work? Open relationships? Or not falling for someone else?
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>>16940900
If the situation was
>>He has high sex drive
>>You have performance anxiety (whatever the fuck that is)

would you feel comfortable?

You should just break up. He has self esteem issues and doesn't need your high sex drive exacerbating it.You essentially maintain the same lifestyle.

There's a book you really should read...
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>>16942994
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>>16942994
If he wanted to break up with me he would have though.
I think he's stayed with me because he knows the same thing I know:
>>16940973
1. I'm too kinky for normalcy
2. He's too vanilla/disinterested in sex for normalcy

Obviously polarization in the same direction would be ideal, but this way neither of us fucks up a perfect relationship with a "normal" person
Thread posts: 59
Thread images: 2


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