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I don't even know where to begin writing this. In the past

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I don't even know where to begin writing this.
In the past couple of years or so I've been doing some volunteer work because the people in charge there asked me to.
For the longest time I was happy with it because well, I'm kind of a socially dysfunctional person and since they kept asking me to do things, it felt like I was finally good at something worth doing. Sometimes this included doing stuff I really, really hate and I'm not good at psychologically dealing with, like public speaking (I ended up self-harming a couple of times after that, ofc no one knows or will ever find out since I hide that shit well). But I did it anyways because it felt like it was for a good cause and if they actually needed someone to do it, why not? I can't say no to people when they need something.
Recently though they basically all but confirmed to my face that they just wanted me to do things because they think I'm depressed (I probably am but I don't really know, I'm not diagnosed) and full of relational issues as a person, and it was all sort of a "project" to make me more socially adjusted.
I haven't been back since.
I can understand if they needed someone to fill the position, but why should I do things I hate just because they think it makes me better? They aren't even medical experts.
I could use some outside perspective on this. Would you just go back and try to not care since they're doing it because they're trying to help in their own way? Were they wrong in sort of trying to manipulate me?
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>>16938589
I'd feel pretty much exactly the same way about it as you do, OP. And i wouldn't go back.
Also, what do you mean by "finally good at something worth doing"? Self-esteem issue?

It's real easy to be overly self-critical and see only one's own flaws. And er, wait, are you me?
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>>16938589
>Would you just go back and try to not care since they're doing it because they're trying to help in their own way?
No, but I would explain to them that their efforts to help you had the opposite effect. You don't have to tell them about the self-harm but you should explain that you felt worse after doing a lot of these things.

>Were they wrong in sort of trying to manipulate me?
Is it wrong if the intentions were good but the execution was underhanded? I'd say it's mildly wrong.

Did you actually become any more well-adjusted as a result of doing these things? Like, do you cope better overall now than you did when you started, and if so, can you attribute any of that to the volunteer activities?
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>>16938589
They were trying to help you out. If by "they" you mean your employer i'm surprised they didn't get rid of you.

At least you did some cool things that otherwise you couldn't have done adn it wasn't all bad since you yourself said you enjoyed them.
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>>16938589
Not if I count as outside perspective but it seems like they cared enough about you to push you to become a more social person.

I don't THINK there was any intentional malice behind, though it is possible they thought you were some sort of charity case.
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>>16938612
>Also, what do you mean by "finally good at something worth doing"? Self-esteem issue?
My life is the kind of common fuck-up you see everywhere. Spends a lot of time in his room, no relationships etc. Wherever I go I stand out as the sort of person 4chan likes calling "autists". This is related obviously, but not really important for the matter at hand.

>>16938619
>Did you actually become any more well-adjusted as a result of doing these things?
I don't know. I obviously got in touch with more people than I ever would if I didn't do these activies, but then again I never self-harmed before and sometimes I really hit rock bottom psychologically speaking.
Again, I just sucked it up since I thought it was necessary. But then it wasn't really.
It's like I'm stuck in this position where it doesn't make sense going back only to refuse to do shit they want me to.
>>
>>16938663
Well, 4chan is mostly composed of autists and you can literally see your future in these boards if you remain an autist.

We have 40-55 yo members which is real fucked up when you think about it.

It's up to you.
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>>16938663
>autists
PRO TIP: don't take any notice of the self-hating sperglords on this shithole website. The biggest autists are those who seize upon any opportunity to brand others with that term. They're just trying to distract attention from their own inadequacies.

>but everyone has pics of themselves having a good time being social on failbook
Self-obsessed wankers fixated on portraying a fake image. Fuck 'em, do your own thing, judgemental spackers will always find a reason to be judgemental spackers no matter how much you try to eliminate any perceived justification for it.

Tl;dr give fewer fucks.
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