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tl;dr - this is a cheating post My wife(I'm 27, she's

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tl;dr - this is a cheating post

My wife(I'm 27, she's 28) has over the last year developed a severe and mysterious nerve condition, and about 6 months ago she just quit her job and has been under the care of a doctor almost all of the time.

We don't sleep together any more for weeks at a time because she's either at the hospital or, when she feels like she needs to come home for me or her or why ever she tries that sometimes, it just ends up being a heart breaking experience where if I touch her it hurts. I've had to go to the bathroom and cry more than once.

I love her. We had the most perfect 4 year marriage. We were just getting ready to have kids, then it happened. It's been devastating. I don't want to talk about it any more specifically because explaining why it is so bad for her is complicated and it's just a big deal to get through in a short post limit, but it's totally changed my life. I essentially live alone, and am back to going on dates with my wife when she can. I pick her up from the hospital, get an hour with her, then she's back.

Here's the point of the post I guess. I work in a pretty social job, and I'm a good looking guy. Girls flirt with me. I gave in three weeks ago to a particularly nice older lady.

My life for the last 3 weeks has been essentially: work, go on a little date with my wife, meet the other woman for comfort. Not just sex, I'm a physical person and it has been really hard to do simple things like sleep alone without my wife. I've never initiated sex with the other woman, and I know that's entirely meaningless, but I hope it gives a little more perspective to my problem. I just need someone to be with after spending so long with a partner, and I would give anything for it to be my wife.


I don't know what to do /adv/. I have no feelings for this other woman. It's not a conflict in that kind of way. The sadness has lead me to do something I would never do under normal circumstances.

Help.
>>
You're selfish. Plain and simple.

See a therapist to learn to cope with your wife's illness.
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Also possibly relevant,

the other woman knows the full story. my wife obviously doesn't. This situation seems awful and inescapable and irreparable and I would probably just kill myself if there wasn't hope for my wife to recover.
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For a start stop being such a co-dependant baby. Why not stay at the hospital with your wife? Why not go out with friends? Why not start some project or pick up another hobby?

Shit nigga, you have all the time in the world and you cry about my feels and go waste time with some old hag.

She probably feels as shitty as you do. Go support your wife.
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>>16938297
To me, it seems like a shitty situation for everyone involved. What you're doing is understandable, but not right for you, the other woman and, most of all, your wife.

First and most important advice I can give you is to seek professional help Go and talk about your problems with someone. Taking care of a sick loved one is often more difficult than being sick yourself. Getting rid of some of the emotional stress you're going through might be really helpful and will give you a clearer view of the whole situation.

As long as there's still a chance for your wife to recover, cut everything with the other woman. Don't say anything to your wife. Work on yourself to try and get better. See your friends, focus on your hobbies, focus on your wife and support her. Deal with your stress in healthier ways than cheating on your wife.
Eventually, if your wife won't recover, have a honest talk to her about the future of your relationship and what you can do.
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When you got married it was for better or worse. When my wife got leukemia and was in and out of the hospital 6 weeks at a time, I spent as much time as I could with her. I wasn't thinking about my sex life or being single or sleeping alone. I was thinking about how terrible it was for her not being able to come home. After 13 months she died and I lost the love of my life. I never thought I would find someone else. Hell I was so distraught it was 8 years before I dated again. I married again 10 years later. It's not all about you. If you love someone, you care more about the other person than yourself. That's love.
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>i-i-its so hard not having a wife to fug
>im j-j-just so physical i couldnt help it

Youre pathetic. It should be you fucked up in the hospital not your wife.
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>>16938309
>>16938411
Just remember OP, remember all those women who were justfied cheating or even outright leaving their crippled men because "it's my life".
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There's a lot more people being harsh here than I though. Physical contact is a big part of being married so in some ways I can't blame op, it's not like he's going to break up or tell his wife. In some ways him cheating is keeping them together.
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>>16938414
No? I don't care if the person in question is a man or a woman - if you can't be there for your spouse when they're going through a debilitating illness because "b-b-b-but what about me?" then you're selfish. No question.
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>>16938297
First, I'm sorry for your pain and your wife's pain. Unlike this asshat here: >>16938309 I don't think people's pain should be a "pissing contest." I don't believe that your needs should suddenly disappear just because your wife is in a different kind of pain. It's all still pain.

I think you should always fall back on the Golden Rule - treat people how you want to be treated. If you had your wife's condition, how would you accept being treated? Would you be alright with your wife finding physical and emotional comfort in another man/men?

if I were in this situation, my answer to the above question would be yes. I would be just fine with my wife finding physical comfort with other men as long as she was open with me, honest with me, and as soon as I got better we could resume the monogamy. I wouldn't want my wife to live a life of utterly loneliness just because of my pain. That would mean the pain is stealing from me AND my husband.

So, true to the Golden Rule, I would just be honest with my wife about your needs. You obviously have these needs. She might not accept it, it might lead to divorce, but that's HER choice, not yours. You're just being honest. If you can stomach all of that, then go forht.

Otherwise, stop cheating on your damn wife man.
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>>16938346
>That's love.
Not OP, but no, that's not "love" objectively, those were YOUR CHOICES.

Don't foist your choices onto other people under the guise of "this is love for everyone! just because it was love for ME."

Selfish. Egotistical. Liar.
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Go play Silent Hill 2
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>>16938512
Love is a fucking action not a feeling anon. So yes he CHOSE love.
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>>16938512
Learn the difference between love and lust first before attempting to defend those selfish and immature behaviors by ridiculing and name calling those who really love each other and don't marry just until the next better fuck comes along.
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>>16938651
You're obviously no different from him in your attempts to foist your personal opinions onto other people.

Both of you need to understand that YOUR opinions are NOT facts. And they are certainly not necessarily true for other people. Speak about yourself, don't speak to other people about what love means to them.

Furthermore, Webster disagrees with you:
>You said: Love is not a feeling.
Webster and the rest of the english speaking world agree:
>Love
> a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person
>a feeling
So if you speak english, love is a feeling by definition.

As I said, stop foisting your OPINIONS onto other people as if they are facts. You don't get to tell other people what love is for them, especially when the definition of the word directly contradicts you.

Have a nice day idiot.
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Did you try therapy before cheating? Did you talk to her about your needs? Those would've been the first things to try.

Every woman is different, but I've had an illness like your wife's, and I would rather be divorced and alone struggling with illness than married to you. Because I know men like >>16938346 exist, and I know I wouldn't do that to my husband if it was reversed (given, I'm not a man with those urges, but I'm sure I'd at least discuss it first). Maybe you didn't know how to cope. It's not too late to talk to her and seek therapy.
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>>16938675
Someone's mad ;) anyway, your post didn't make sense and you're guilty of the very thing you're bitching about.

You're a hypocrite. What you say doesn't matter to me anymore once you're a hypocrite.
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