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I've been seeing someone since the last quarter of 2015

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I've been seeing someone since the last quarter of 2015 and I'm madly in love with her. She just got out of two really bad break-ups, back to back, and isn't really into the idea of a relationship right now. She knows how I feel about her and knows that I want to be with her, but is still into me in spite of this (this almost never happens). We go out with each other a lot, have many of the same interests, talk to each other every day for hours at a time, and have unbelievable sex. Even though she's really depressed and self-conscious about herself, I reassure her constantly, because she deserves it.

We went to an event together recently and had an amazing time, but afterward she told me she felt weird about the physicality between us because I feel so much stronger about her than she does about me. She's also still really hung up on one of her exes. I told her that we could just keep things casual, and things started proceeding as normal again.

I've dated lots of women since breaking up with my first girlfriend more than half a decade ago, but this is the first girl since then that's ever made me feel the way I'm feeling right now. The casual aspect goes against my nature, but I enjoy her company and like feeling wanted by someone, even if their heart isn't as in it as mine is. Can this work in the long run? I feel like I'm exerting so much more effort than her, but I feel like if I just continue to be a great friend and an incredible guy, maybe she'll see what's right in front of her. Will she ever? I don't know...

Pic unrelated.
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>>16936334

It sounds like you're well on your way to becoming a cuck.

Listen, you're putting way more effort into this than you should. This is going nowhere good. Even if you don't want to admit it, she's using you in a subconscious (or conscious, you never know) manner.

If you two are having this great "relationship", but she's too afraid or hung up on someone to give this a shot, than it's time to take a step back. You can't be on two different levels, and you can't wait for her to come aboard either.

If you decide to keep this going, and in the end she leaves for someone else, you have no one to blame but yourself for your heartbreak.

Take a step back. End this pseudo-relationship and make her realize what she has with you, by pushing her into making a decision. If she doesn't, well, there's your answer Anon.
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>>16936472
I don't see how I'm on my way to becoming a cuck, though I know that's a popular word these days. I don't care if how I'm going about all this doesn't necessarily benefit me the most in the end, I believe everyone should do what makes them happiest, including her. Obviously I want to be with her, but I'm one person among billions and life isn't really about what I want.

I don't think she's going to leave for anyone else, she tells me that I'm the only guy she's comfortable with and I'm inclined to believe her. If she did hook up with another guy, I'd be pretty upset and feel a little betrayed, but it wouldn't bother me for long. Call it beta or whatever, but she's still single at this point and can see whoever she wants, whether I like it or not. I shouldn't have to force her into anything she doesn't want to do.

There's something to your idea, but I feel like stepping back would be too soon at this point. We're both really stressed with school and life and general, and we benefit from each other's company to various degrees. Also, I don't think we've known each other long enough for her to really feel like she's missing out on anything yet.
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>>16936575

I don't know dude, you sound like you're in denial, like you have reached a level of conformity with this relationship.

"I want her to realize that I'm all she needs! But, if she doesn't well boo hoo for me, I guess."

I don't know why you made this thread expressing your insecurities about this woman, when you have made up your mind already.
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>>16936616
I think it's more insecure for me to worry about her being with another guy all the time, but that's just how I feel about it. That's certainly a possibility, but I don't dwell on it.

I do want her to realize that I'm all she needs, but if she's as smart as I think she is, she'll figure that out herself. If not, it's her loss more than anything, don't think of it as me having a pity party for myself. I'm well on my way to having a pretty swell life, it's up to her if she wants to be a part of it or not.

I made the thread because I wanted to see if people think this can become something more based on its current course, and you don't, which is fine. I'll sincerely consider your advice.
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>>16936630
Also, I should mention that her last relationships were abusive, and I personally know one of her exes and can confirm that he's fucked in the head, so that's another reason why I'm treading pretty lightly with all this.
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>>16936630

So, where do you go from here? Just bide your time and wait this to sort itself out?

What I want you to see that this relationship is being build upon the emotional needs that she has, and she even admitted it to you. You are more invested in this, than she is. That is your biggest red flag. You're acting nonchalant about all this, but you're obviously setting some alarms to her too. She's obviously concerned on how attached you are to her.

Things might have proceeded as normal, but trust me, it's not gone. That concern is still going to linger over her head.
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>>16936648
I don't see how her thinking about my feelings for her can be bad. Sure, there might be concern on her end, but maybe she'll think, "Wow, he cares about me way more than any of my exes did..."

Let it linger over her head, especially when I do finally step back and tell her that, as much as I'm into her, something's gotta give. She can only thoughtfully consider what she'd be losing if she's given time to think about me in the first place.
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Perhaps she's letting you make a bit more effort to demonstrate how you feel about her. It sound as though she feels the same but wants time to build the trust between you. Being in love is wonderful, a treasure. Continue as you have been, it sounds like it's going really well and you know the reasons why she's hesitant at times. Having a real chance is what you're giving each other, enjoy it! I know what it's like to be in love and have an abusive ex trying to sabotage happiness. Sounds like a strong relationship foundation you have that lasts
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>>16937712
This is basically how I feel about it as well, yes. Unfortunately...

>>16936648
If you happen to look at this thread again, I should tell you that shortly after I posted it, she and I basically had a phone conversation somewhat akin to what you were suggesting about stepping back. I told her that even though I like being with her, that she's been giving me mixed signals. She agrees with me and says that she doesn't want to lead me on. I didn't think this conversation would occur so soon, but now it's happened.

I'm going to go see a movie with her tomorrow. Afterward, I'm not even going to give her an ultimatum; I'm going to tell her how much I love her and how incredible of a person she is to me, and then I'm going to step back and let her do her thing.

This might be one of the hardest decisions I'll ever have to make in my life, but I think my physical absence in her life will be enlightening for her. If she realizes just what she had and could have with me, then she'll come back. In the mean time, I'm going to work harder than ever before to achieve my goals and become a better person. I have to be ready for her, or, perhaps, someone else like her. If we really can't work as a couple, then this is a better outcome for me too, as much as it hurts to say that.

For anyone reading this, please wish me luck.
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GL, OP.
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Take her hands and tell her how much you love her
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>>16938031
I can't tell if you're making fun of me or not, but if you are, you made me laugh.
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>>16938079
It's good to see the light of a situation, though
I wasn't making fun
100% serious
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>>16938125
I'm definitely going to hold her close to me while I tell her everything on my mind. Even though I'm making the choice to lessen my presence in her life, this moment should be as tender as possible. I'm confident that it will be.
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>>16936334
You're the guy she's getting under to get over her ex. You're just a stepping stone dude, sorry.
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>>16938235
All I can say is that I hope you're wrong. If you're right, at least I feel good knowing that I took a chance, that I sincerely loved someone and tried my absolute hardest. Before then, I was just coasting, barely living.
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>>16938216
Do you mean you are choosing to do that if she rejects you after holding her close? I doubt she will from what you've said
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>>16938427
I'm going to preface the whole conversation by holding her close. I haven't considered her rejecting me or not because I'm going to tell her, flat out, that we can't be physically intimate anymore. Unless she's willing to take a relationship with me seriously and go all the way with it, all that does is confuse things between us.

I have a feeling she'll agree with me, but if she does want to be with me? Gosh, I don't know what I'd do in that instance, I'm honestly not expecting her to respond in that way. I don't know.
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>>16938643
That's fine to define the expectations and boundaries of the relationship, I hope the love between you is mutual, sounds perfect. I'd go for set with the love of my life - not the physical withdrawal part
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>>16938763
I mean, I would go for IT with him
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I was just thinking about the day he stood right in front of me as close as could be, And we held each other for several moments without a word, it was the most romantic, beautiful moment between us
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I'm so in love with him, I can't imagine my future from now without him in my life, with me, I can't be without him, I. Red him so much, I care every inch of his soul to the end, to share my endless outpouring of love, of self to him, to give myself to him for the rest of my life
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We're off out for dinner very soon, so hoping for a happy outcome
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>>16938763
>>16938767
>>16938836
>>16938865
>>16938981
Thank you for your encouragement, this could go a lot of different ways. I'm very happy for you, it sounds like you share something really beautiful with this person.
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OP here, she didn't end up coming to see the movie with me today. She has a special dinner with her family every Sunday and today it was happening sooner than she expected, which conflicted with the only showtime available today. The showtime was admittedly at a weird point in the day. She said she's sure we'll find time to see it at some point in the week.

But, since I asked off work today and all, I just went ahead and saw it by myself, I don't mind seeing it again later. For anyone who cares, it's a limited double feature screening of Anomalisa and Whisky Tango Foxtrot. I only watched the first one, I don't give a shit about Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, though it's mildly amusing that Paramount decided to pair up two movies that have nothing to do with eachother. For anyone who's depressed or confused about love, I'd highly recommend Anomalisa.

It's really too bad she couldn't come see it with me, I could see shades of us both in its two main characters and I think she'd appreciate it as much as me, which is something else appealing about her. She'll get to see it eventually though, and if she continues to bail on me, well, that by itself says a lot, doesn't it?

This gives me more time to think about what to say when I do eventually see her, but I hate stewing on this. I don't know if this thread will sustain itself long enough for me to keep talking about this shit, but I'll post updates whenever I can.
Thread posts: 26
Thread images: 1


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