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Cheated on, what next?

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Thread replies: 5
Thread images: 1

Here goes.

Met a girl ~6 years ago, started dating 6 months after while living in Japan (she's not Japanese). Relationship went amazingly well, and we ended up moving in. After a while, left Japan and moved to Czech Republic, where we got married in 2013. After a few more country moves, we recently (Oct 2015) moved to Romania for a job I'd been offered. It's always stressful in some ways moving to a new place, but nothing appeared too out of the ordinary. However, then wife meets a guy, we all become friends, we hang out with him a lot. One night, guy is drunk with both of us, and he suggests a threesome. I'm not really up for it, and I let him know.

Wife tells me she finds the other guy attractive. We talk about it a lot, she says I don't have to worry about it (naturally I still do a bit), and I give her space. She begins talking to him all the time on Facebook, tells me she's able to have really deep conversations about things with him. Meanwhile I'm overworked pulling 50-60 hour weeks and am too exhausted to dive into many deep conversations.

Last week, she told me she feels like she's having an "emotional affair". We have a deep discussion about everything and agree to take the weekend away from each other to clear our heads and figure out how to proceed. Turns out that during the weekend, she goes out of town with the guy. And has been fucking him for a few weeks. And dragged one of our friends visiting into a threesome with them. We decide to take more time apart, but this time without talking to each other at all, or the others involved in the affair.

On Thursday, she comes home, tells me that she feels she can't be monogamous. We have a long, really emotional discussion, and we agree that it's best we end things. She leaves for the weekend to hang out with other (not-involved-in-the-affair) friends, I remain here.

Shouldn't I be furious? I'm heartbroken for sure. But it feels like I'm not being authentic with my feelings. But what good does hatred do?
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Those kinds of people cheat forever OP.

Whatever you do, don't take her back.
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Just take your time to heal, do whatever you like doing, take up hobbies and if it helps you, cry or rant anywhere to anybody... It´s okay to do so and it´s okay to have whatever feelings you do. Just be who you are.
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OP here.

Not planning on taking her back. I was initially considering, but if both of us aren't able to put 100% of ourselves towards building back trust and reconciling, there's no point and it'll just cause more hurt in the long-term.

I've been doing what I like doing, ranting to plenty of people, and all the rest, and I think it's helping. But I just feel like I'm self-limiting my own capacity to actually feel the pain. I'm told that's important (and I can kind of get why), but...I guess time will let it all come out in the end. Cheers guys.
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>but if both of us aren't able to put 100% of ourselves towards building back trust and reconciling,

There is no such thing, trust is like a mirror, you can glue it back together but it will never be intact ever again.
Thread posts: 5
Thread images: 1


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