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Am I damaged for life? Or am I fixable? Be honest.

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I'm a 20 year old male. I grew up hating life because of overbearing strict Indian parents. We moved around A LOT, and it fucked up my social skills because I didn't have close friends as a child/teen. I couldn't date properly because of my fucking draconian parents. They didn't feed me enough protein because desis tend to overfeed their kids rice and underfeed meat because desis are cheap fucking assholes, and as a result I'm short compared to my peers. They beat me, I'm not talking light spank, I'm talking long-drawn out coat hanger/belt beatings. We grew up poor in Canada when I could've grown up rich in India.I fucking hate them, they ruined my childhood and I don't know how to get over it.

I'm in college now. I have no friends. I don't party at all. I just work out and eat and study. I literally can't get past small talk. I try to be nice, but I'm awkward as fuck. I somehow had 2 white girlfriends before, one was smoking hot but I was a rebound beta for her, the other was anorexic and a bitch and I don't know why I dated her. Perhaps out of sheer loneliness. I lost my virginity at late 18, almost 19, to a black woman I wasn't even into. It was just to lose my v-card, which I could've lost at 14 with the hot white gf I had back then if it wasn't for my fucking parents who confiscated my condoms! That one time was the only time I had sex, but at 14 with the hot gf I was making out and dry humping and motorboating, but she didn't want me to fuck her without a condom.

I also had 3 separate extended stays at psych wards for depression and bipolar disorder. All in grade 12. I missed my prom.

When I was a kid, I thought being the weird kid was a temporary phase. In elementary, I thought that in high school I'd be normal and party and stuff and be cool. When in high school, I thought college would be my big break. Now I realize that I'm not social enough to be in my major, I'm switching to engineering which I hate doing but I'm capable of doing.
That sucks man. Dont be the failurDelet failure be tha failure

My childhood was full of snitches about me growin up.

When i realized i was being watched. I
Was growin up. Then i becane a drspressed loser,poor,ugly and smelly. Fuck!

4 years after high school. I felt better. I became kinda social. Im still aovially awkward, i dont stay quiet and i dont care. :) it annoying to be a quiet person.

im in my 20.

I dont act but i be real.

The past is the past. Deal with it first, cause the past comrealirst than whats ahead.

Im dealing withbny past right now. And its going ok :)

Dont think. But do. With yourself. The dirt may be dried but your tears will make em grow...
............ Lol
I 0 v 0 I
L........... In my perspective, be aware of snitches. TAKE ACTION!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone lives with their past, Anon. The way I see it, the only thing that's holding you back is the fact that you're over-stressing about yours, thereby letting it dictate the way you live your life now through insecurities and doubt.

>I thought that in high school I'd be normal
>When in high school, I thought college would be my big break

I am fairly sure that you're intelligent enough to understand why that's untrue, and I am also certain that if you can comprehend why change won't come by itself, you also know what you need to do in order to forcefully bring it.

None of us can tell you exactly what to do in order to make your life better/the way you want it to be. That's entirely up to you. But, here's an indisputable truth that we may or may not put as clearly as we should: you are not "damaged for life", you are not "beyond repair", you can get better, you will get better if you make the right steps towards it.

Stop being miserable. Make a tangible plan of how to shape your life according to your understanding of a good one, and start making daily steps towards achieving it. Either that, or keep whining on the Internet to some assholes who do not give a singular fuck about you.

The choice is yours.
At some point you grow up, take responsibility for your own life, and change.

Change isn't easy. You'll stumble around, make lots of mistakes, and feel like a fool. A lot. But gradually you'll get a little better at whatever it is you want to be. Total change into one of life's total winners is unlikely. Partial change into someone happier than you are now is probable.

The alternative is doing nothing, blaming it all on your past, and guaranteeing no change whatever.
>20 years old.
>could literally spend ten years studying getting good grades, getting an awesome job, getting good at some hobbies, becoming a well-rounded rad person
>people will still think you're super young cause you're only 30.

Your whole life is ahead of you dude. Fuck being social. Be successful.
Thread posts: 6
Thread images: 1

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