[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | | Home]

No place in this world

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 19
Thread images: 1

File: 4e0.jpg (39KB, 826x450px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
4e0.jpg
39KB, 826x450px
I am on my last bit of rope here. Im a 19 year old male and finally admit i no longer have a place here on earth. I guess this is more of a rant so that i can show u guys what i really feel, so u can understand me better

So all my life i was told i was smart. I was a genius, by my mom. I grew up with aspergers syndrome, so my life ive always been a weird kid with autism. I guess you could say nobody understood and i never understood anyone, ive always been that odd kid, really slow.

While i consider myself intelligent im sure everyone doeesnt, people just dont seem to be able to relate to me. As you can tell im very insecure.

I now am considering a suicide as my last and best option, when i was younger i had dreams of become some grand inventor or amazing person that would change everything, now i realize that possibly making a family and dying without leaving my legacy is more realistic. While my family consider me higher than average, i no longer beleive it.

this world has no place for someone like me, im not very intelligent, i am a lazy fuck, i spend most of my time learning about video games and comic books and although i love reading and learning somehow i am still really fucking stupid.

I no longer know what to do wiht myself, i never wanted to dissapoint my parents, but perhaps its better to die now rather than save them the disappoint for later.

i feel useless as a human, I mean i have no accomplishments. Sure im in college and a few jobs, but outside that i am not very productive. Its time to say my final goodbye, Life has not been kind to me
>>
Youre too young to have such thoughts. What exactly have you not accomplished yet as a 19 year old that you thought you would? We all go through these phases, you have no idea how your future will turn out so its silly to assume such a negative road ahead
>>
dude you're only 19, get a grip. wait until you're 25 to have this kind of crisis at least
>>
>>16930056
You're a fucking idiot for wanting to kill yourself because you think you're not being productive. Continue going to college, get a degree, get a wife who doesnt give a shit about your mental illness and continue on with your life.

Suicide is a permanent solution for your temporary fucking problems bro. Stop being stuck on stupid.
>>
>>16930078
Thanks for replying m8. While its true that the future is unknown to me, i am doubtful it will lead to the path i want to go.

For example, one of the biggest motives for my suicide i plan is that im not doing very good in college. Math is really kicking my ass, and im doubting my abilities in myself now. I was supposed to graduate in 2 years, now i will take a year longer possibly 2. And now i can feel everyone judge me just for saying that, even if you dont admit it.

I hate myself, i have so many regrets, people always criticize and judge. While im trying to become more normal, and socialize, i still dont feel like im making any sort of connection.

So yeah i lack faith in myself to do anything right because ive fucked up so many times, and i cant relate to others on a brother level
>>
>>16930056
Dude. Like some anon said, you're young. My nephew, five out of seven on the autism, possible Aspie, has felt like doing an hero. He's fifteen. He's a whiz when it comes to reading and learning, a loser when it comes to social interaction.
Don't do it, broham. Not all people leave legacies. Be content with life.
>>
You don't want to disappoint your parents? Then don't fucking give up. What any parent wants for their child is to be happy. That's it. They don't care if you're not the most intelligent or any really. You killing yourself will destroy your parents way more than down the line you never living up to this false expectation you set for yourself.

Everyone feels like no one understands them or what they are going through when they are depressed. You are depressed. That's what causing you to think and feel this way. You can fix your life. You're lazy? Have no direction in life? You can fix all this by pushing yourself to take the steps you need to do.
>>
>>16930081
samefag here, I was a bit ducking earlier, but my point stands. you're only 19. these worries and fears are not worth having.
I'm 25, almost. I had the same dumb fears at 18/19. you think you're at your peak, and feel like a failure because you have no girlfriend (or at least that's my story).
I'm 24 now and married, and even if I weren't, I would say your 30s are when you really have to reassess your career and life if you haven't yet.
but you're 19. you've just started college probably and have so much to potentially learn. it took me 5 years to graduate. what do you love to do anon?
>>
>>16930169
bit of a dick*
>>
>>16930056
>So all my life i was told i was smart. I was a genius, by my mom.
Ahh, those boomers. Biggest mistake of their kids generation.

Time to work hard like everyone else in history
>>
>>16930056
I know how you feel, i was there 10 years ago.
I got through it.

Do something you are afraid of. Try out new things. Believe that you can change and are awesome. Don't do this because I say to do it, do it because you want to do so.

Find out what you like, and then find some people who like the same stuff as you.

Really, really put yourself out there - you will be afraid, you will be rejected by some, hated even.

My friend, I believe that everyone is great and we are all unique. Each person has to just come to realise this, and just live!

Why would a person choose to be unhappy when they have the choice to be happy? Why would they choose not to try when there are rewards just around the corner?

The only person who can change you is you - that is if you want to change.

If you just want to be happy, then just be happy. Thats it. Its not what you do that makes you happy, its the way you see the world that makes you happy.
>>
I have a lot of family members with autism including my son.
It's really common for children with autism to become depressed in their teenage years or young 20s, especially if they didn't have any or any good early intervention.

So regardless of what you have or haven't done there is a really high chance you are suffering from depression.
Depression clouds your judgement and makes you think and feel things that aren't true (such as you would be better off dead).
You need to realise that things will get better, and work on improving your life to make up happy.
You won't always feel like this, even if it feels like it will.

Good luck OP
>>
I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting, OP.

At your age, my own situation was not dissimilar: a professional diagnosis would later confirm that I do not have Asperger's (or any other form of autism), but at the time, many people suspected that I had it. From the information you've given us, this seems to be the main difference.

Like you, I was brought up being told I was incredibly smart, and my early years of schooling were literally effortless. But there came a time when I could no longer just coast, and yet I still tried to fo it anyway. It was what I was used to. I became a master of skimming or reading secondary sources, until I could fake my way through a conversation about the topic without sounding like a complete moron, but this could only prop up my grades so much for so long. They slipped through middle and high school, then collapsed outright in college. I nearly failed out.

This was devastating. I thought my mind -the thing I'd always defined myself by- was breaking down, and I didn't see anything else for me once that was gone. Yet still, I coasted. I didn't know how to do anything else. There eventually came a time when things began to click, and I could kinda-sorta coast through college again; this got me through with a lackluster but passing GPA. But still, I did nothing but coast. I lost three jobs over it: twice involuntarily (once terminated for cause, once failing to make the cut in a round of layoffs) and once voluntarily (I caught wind that people suspected me of slacking, and resigned before they could prove it).

For people who spent their early years not having to apply themselves, learning to do so is very, very hard. I estimate that I spent about 12 years not having to apply myself, and then 25 years -more than twice that number- needing to but not knowing how. I'm still not great at it, though I am finally learning.

(Continues)
>>
>>16930639
(Continued)

Unfortunately, the big advice I have to give you is to stick it out. Get a counselor or therapist to help you through these times -I did- but endure until thibgs click.

I am sorry. I know only too well how unsatisfying it is to get this advice for the ten billionth time. Ir didn't satisfy me either. I wanted to know how to DO, how to tale the things that needed done and just fucking do them, without the emotional drama or fighting myawlf through a minefield of internalized tantrums. But it turns out that there is no "how": for people like us, there is only the fight. It does not get better. But it IS survivable, and even beatable, and when you do beat it, there is far greater happiness than what you'd get by not fighting at all. I envision myself as a knight fighting demons. You might find that a different visualization resonates better with you: if so, use that instead. But prepare to fight, and prepare to fight for a long, long time. You can't hold out against yourself forever, but that doesn't doom you to loss: it makws victory possible. Your shadow will still win some battles, but the war is yours to win in the end. But only if you fight.
>>
>>16930056
Make some money and go travel.

If you are willing to endure, Life will reward you.
>>
>>16930611
Stop posting, Mom.
>>
>>16930056
I semi know that feel, I'm a virgin and I will turn 19 in like 60 days and I just feel so defeated and doomed, I was born with autism too and although it made me smart as hell academically it made me dumb as hell socially and I waited waaaay to long to start to work towards fixing it when I should have recognized it and started in middle scool. Maybe I wouldn't still be a virgin.
>>
>>16930056

its easier to change the world creatively than it is technologically. people want a story. people want to be entertained. and when you slip in some very serious stuff, it changes things.

Buffy the vampire slayer was a show about a teenage girl killing / dating vampires. it was designed to appeal to highschool bimbos and idiots.

but it became this huge phenomenon because the entire story was told through metaphor and serves as a guidebook for growing up.

thats what most of the good stories are.

you LEARN about video games and comic books as opposed to just playing and reading them. perhaps its time you learned how to make one or the other. then do it.

>im not very intelligent

neither is anyone else

>i am lazy as fuck

inspire yourself

>BUT I WILL NEVER BE TEH MOST EPIC PERSON WHO EVER LIVED

netiher will anyone else, get over it. you know you arent going to kill yourself. the world is FULL of people like you so dont lie and say there isnt any room for someone like you.

take what you realize about yourself now in this moment and use it as a chance to grow and change, as opposed to waiting five years and finally doing it then.
>>
>>16930056

Sounds like special snowflake syndrome in addition to your aspergers.

You're probably of average intelligence but you spent your whole life thus far in a retard community so you always thought you were exceptional.

I went through this went I went to college. I thought I was a genius because everybody I knew was retarded, failed out of school because I didn't study like all the actual intelligent people I knew, had to work my way back into university and graduated with an ass gpa.

Basically, the sooner you get over yourself the better off you will be. There is nothing wrong with being average, you just have to work harder to get to where you want to be.
Thread posts: 19
Thread images: 1


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.