How do I reconcile the constant urge to be alone with the need

Coming to terms with the fact that you may need to be your own best company, or to find friends that don't mind your occasional absence.

It's not your subconscious sabotaging you, it's who you are. Either deny the urge to be alone, or go with your flow and learn to be happy in isolation if you really find it that difficult to find a balance.

>>16928979
We need to go deeper.

Why do you have the urge to be alone? Or what do you think it may be?

PersonallyPersonally, I believe it's not an "urge" as you mention it and more of a preference, maybe just maybe, you just need to find the right people to hang out with.