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I'm dating a man I met while prostituting. I started working

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I'm dating a man I met while prostituting.

I started working as an escort (euphemism for prostitute) about 4 months ago through an agency. I was trying to pay off student loans quickly and the money was really, really good. I lasted only about a month, though, because it was starting to rob me of my soul and I felt too much empathy for my clients. Also, the hours and what I had to go through physically and mentally was starting to take a toll on me. I knew that if I continued that line of work, I would have to resort to substances to get through it all and I made the promise to myself I would only do it if I was sober. I wasn't about that life, not with a college degree.

So on my last night of work, I finally made enough money to call it quits and leave that all behind me. On my last call, I met a man who I am now dating. I wasn't even supposed to meet him; another girl wasn't available to take the call.

When I met him, he instantly made me feel comfortable even though I had been heavily sleep-deprived and anxious to just go home and never have to do this ever again. Yet, he said something funny as soon as I met him and that whole night changed my life. We ended up talking all night and I spent the next day hanging out with him.

Three months later, we're still together and we're just as good as we started. When I'm with him, there isn't a care in the world, but late nights when I'm alone, I can't help but to pause and reflect on everything. Maybe because this feels like a real life Pretty Woman, maybe because I feel self-conscious under the circumstances of which we met.

I guess I just want to consider if this really could be happening? Should I be more careful? Am I overly trusting and operating on blind faith and butterflies? I just want to make sure I'm not overlooking anything here and if there's things I need to consider.
I'm also available to answer questions regarding any aforementioned topics.
>>
Ask yourself the question: What values does he see in you? Is there any good reason that he would be really into you?
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What you need to consider is whether he can take you seriously and is ok with dating a whore, because don't kid yourself, deep inside that's what he thinks of you.
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I could see this working, and am routing for you. The biggest issue, is already out there, he knows what you did. It does seem hard to believe but like I said he knows you did it, you know he visits. Has he stopped? People meet under all kinds of circumstances.
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I'm not concerned with him thinking I was/am a whore. After disclosing to him how much many I made in such short of time, he found it reasonable when I did the math as to why I chose to do that with my body since I was paying off student loans that was hindering me from returning to grad school. The fact that he understand I am more than just some hooker, but an actual person who was smart and had goals and good values overshadowed that, in which he expressed himself.

He's met my mother, even bought a plane ticket to come visit my mother with me for Christmas. I've met his friends in which he speaks highly of me around. He's told me that he likes me because I'm not just some vapid, pretty face who can fuck, but that I can actually hold up intelligent conversations with and each him things everyday. As for what he does for me, he makes me feel secure. I've never dated a man who's regularly expressed so much appreciation and care. He's an older man, was married but now divorce with three kids in which I regularly see him correspond with. So that's a bit of the story.
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So you guys are a couple? I guess see where it goes, no need to think so much about it.
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The whoredom perversion made me puke a little in my mouth.
You want advice?
Read this:
"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind [...] shall inherit the kingdom of God."
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Is eternal life with your loving creator worth so little to you?
remnantofgod DOT org/salvation DOT html
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As far as I know, he has stopped and told me himself he doesn't need to be doing that anymore now that he has found me. He works a lot and didn't have time to date.

I've looked towards signs of infidelity (though who am I to try and control his every behavior) but it all checks out. He doesn't get defensive or secretive when recieving/sending messages on his phone. We communicate and see each other regularly so I don't have any suspicions.
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>>16592349
Don't forget that he's older and he has money to throw around. He knows how to say what needed to be said to make you feel you are appreciated. That doesn't mean he really means it though.
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>>16592345
What's this have to do with the current situation? She stopped already.
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>>16592298
>Ask yourself the question: What values does he see in you? Is there any good reason that he would be really into you?
That is both great and terrible advice. If you don't love yourself, you project that no one else loves you. So it'll help people with good self esteem and hurt anyone without it.
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>>16592345
I did want advice, not self-righteous fables from a bible thumper. I'm glad my behavior was vomit-inducing on your part. Taste of your own medicine, eh?
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>>16592349
Yeah, sounds typical. Older guy, not a lot of time. If you can deal with his busy life, go for it.
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>>16592361
Good one.
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>>16592355
I guess, after all of this, I just kind of have to balance a degree of trust while maintaining my own sense of security and awareness. Time will tell. My self-esteem is great; it's something I had to develop before doing all the shit I did. And, for the record, sure he has a lot of money and is older, but that's why I'm going back to school now and still working on my own career and not depending on him. I'm not afraid that, if this relationship should devolve in some manner, I can go back to a life being single, no longer whoring, and still in the pursuit of my dreams. I ain't stressin'. Thanks for the food for thought <3
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>>16592361
>Biting the bait that hard
Stop it.

On-topic: time will tell.
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>>16592290
OP, if you don't mind me asking/slightly derailing your thread, how was working as a prostitute? If I needed the $$$ is it reasonable to try it out?
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>>16592375
I see now foul on a little tongue in cheek. Or hook in cheek. Whatever, I make myself chuckle sometimes.

And, agreed.
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>>16592379
On average I worked 5 days a week, averaging $2,000 a night. That's $10,000 a week.

Like I said, I paid off those student loans real quick. Granted, I hustled and took as many bookings as I could just so I could get done then GTFO.
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>>16592379
To answe your question, "is it reasonable"? The figures kind of speak for itself but there are a few things to consider as I did my research a couple months prior to getting into the business.

Mainly, you have to be able to ask yourself, after all it's said and done, could I live with it? Is The juice worth the squeeze? Why are you doing it and if it's to reach a certain financial goal, could you realistically seeing yourself stop? Or do you see yourself as a person who could get comfortable in such a lifestyle and get caught up just to sustain your new lifestyle? There's only so much you can prepare yourself for but it really is something you kind of learn on the job and feel if it's right for you. So with that being said, the best of luck. I hope you find a way out of that pickle (I was working three jobs before becoming an escort) so I know the struggle. Do what you are comfortable with whether it's between you or another person.
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>>16592422
Do you have any good stories?
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>>16592443
Given that I only did it for a month, nothing too crazy personally. The weirdest was having sex with a client, only to find out he was dying of cancer, then thinking "I might be his last fuck, holy shit". I worked in LA to rich clientele. Really, just a lot of drug exposure, limp dick as a result, old rich men, and a lot more lonely, lonely guys who just wanted female company honestly.

I have worked with girls (sometimes you do threesomes; you get paid more) in which I witnessed the girls steal thousands of dollars from drunk clients. I wasn't down for theft so that kinda turned me off.
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>>16592464
Holy shit, and you can't really say anything about stolen money. I doubt they called up to complain or did they?
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Did you have to do any overweight guys?
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>>16592483
They try to sometimes but the way the agency runs, it's exclusively through calls with no one to really pin it, too. The manager didn't have a fuck; he splits it with girls. In fact, he encouraged me to "burn" my clients because I "won't ever see them again". Its really fucked up because all these poor guys want is to get laid, that will last like, what, 10 minutes? Only to get ripped off and still no services. And some girls/agencies take advantage of the lack of accountability. They can't go to the police and say a prostitute stole my money! And it ends up creating bad business in general: people stop calling in, girls get less bookings, creates hostile environment.

I just had too much of a conscience to keep doing it. With the way that agency was running things, anyway.
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>>16592493
Yeah. Pretty much all the people you wouldn't expect to get laid, this was how they were doing it. Old, overweight, handicapped, sickly-looking, socially awkward types. I had a really overweight guy pay me $500 just to eat me out for 30 minutes. Most of the body-conscious dudes will want the lights off, too, so it was as unbearable as you might think. I don't know, I just see everyone as still people.
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>>16592499
Wasn't* as unbearable. When you've seen it once, you've seen it all. Then you get over it real quick. It becomes a job like when I had to clean the bathroom at the end of the day at a busy coffee shop. Shit just becomes whatever.
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>>16592501
Not sure if you're still around. A lot of escorts on here day they don't really like the sex and I can see that, like you said it becomes routine.
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>>16593407
You do learn how to shut any apprehension off. For me, there's a mode of sex I do for work and another for when I actually want to be intimate with someone. I've learned how to operate in different modes as sex work really is just like doing porn. You put on a big show, amp up coerced sexiness, and feign eagerness and excitement. Mostly just because you want him to get off as soon as possible so you can get it over with as soon as possible.

But it does get routine, and because of mentally switching and performance, it's gets physically and psychologically exhausting. It's no wonder a lot of girls develop a drug habit. It's almost too easy. Helps with shutting off, gives you energy/increased libido, lowers inhibitions, and easier to forget about.
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>>16592290
OP, how much do you charge? I could use a quick lay.
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>>16593702
You are very insightful. Maybe write a book.
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>>16593736
I ran about $500-$700 an hour for most clients. It depended on time and location.

You can try Backpage for escort ads. I'm not about that life anymore, fortunately.
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>I'm dating a man I met while prostituting.
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>>16593752
What about fat guys/virgins /both?
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>>16593751
It's already been done. There's a really good book called Paid For: My Journey Through Prositution by Rachel Moran. A prostitute in Ireland for seven years.

Instead I do nonprofit working helping women be informed about the realities of sex work. The irony is that I used to work for a nonprofit helping underprivileged young girls in inner cities avoid going into sex trafficking before I got into all this myself. It's not easy growing up poor.
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>>16593759

It never mattered. I never inquire about virginity. How it basically goes is that you're manager gives you a time and place. You show up. Discreetly discuss price, negotiate services requested. Money is shown upfront. Then you get down to business. Fat, ugly, old, it doesn't matter as long you paid. That's what the money is there for - not worrying about any discrimination.
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>>16593776
I also had no idea what the guy looked like, what his name was, or even had his number. My manager (really just a pimp DESU) handled that tail end of the matter.
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>>16593776
I see. I was thinking about hiring an escort for my 28th birthday to rid myself of this virginity stigma. Thank you for the information and best of luck with your new man.
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Honestly, if youre both happy and loyal, and you both know what you used to do and ok with it, whats the issue??
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>>16593809
Do it. A lot of (different) men do it and luckily it's not as stigmatized on your end. Before I left the business, I helped guys out on avoiding being scammed.
1. Only have enough cash on you for device in case a girl tries to rob you. Be especially of the girls who say they have bodyguards and a driver.
2. Don't be afraid to tell her what you'd like. It makes her job a lot easier too and less awkward for the both of you. She's used to this stuff and being direct and clear is helpful.
3. Be weary of girls who kind of just shoot the shit too long. They're trying to get away with you coughing up money with a hard-on without having to do anything. I've seen this happen: 200 for me to be here, 300 to take my clothes off, 400 for dancing blah blah. If you see this pattern and just want to get laid, find another escort if you can afford it. I never done this. It's just a bunch of bullshit and scamming. I'm on your guys' side too. If you're a gentleman.
4. Of course, a tip is nice. If she works for an agency, they get a cut, generally half. But of course, if the experience was good.
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>>16592290
I can only tell you from my perspective being a similar gentleman in your male friends position.

Dating is fine but marriage and acceptance by the children a big no.

I met her family but her parents didn't know how or where but they loved me and wanted us to marry. She wanted to marry but when push came to shove I married another that was smart, educated, beautiful but had not been an escort.

When I broke things off after almost 2 years she started working as an escort again. Money was too easy and her body and looks intact.
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>>16592290
OP, you seem to have much more experience than someone that did this for only one month. Did you have hustling experience prior? Sounds like you did for that is the hardest part and usually takes a while to perfect.
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>>16592290
So is this about lack of trust towards your partner? Fear of judgement from a 3rd party (family/friends/etc.) or do you wish you had met under more romantic circumstances?
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>>16593874
We have a fake story how he met. He lives in a beach house right by the bike path and I'm actually an avid cyclist. So we tell people my tire was flat and I stopped in front of his house and need to patch my tube and he offered a hand. Then I asked how I could repay him and he offered to grab coffee. We hit it from there.

I'm not expecting marriage or kids with him. He's divorced. Three of his kids are my age or a couple years older. I'm not trying to plan the rest of my life with this guy. I'm quite young myself; there's no way of telling. I'm not enjoying what we have right now. I only prostituted to pay the money to get back into school. Now that's taken care of, I'm happy going back to the life of a broke college student knowing I don't have to go through that again.
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>>16593880
I wouldn't say I was a hustler. I was just a hard worker, straight forward, and knew time was money. I was just nerd of my life, an overachieving student trying to go somewhere different from a family of thugs though I had little interaction with them.

I only worked for a month but I jumped on every opportunity, invested time in listening to my manager after hours, and soaking up all the information I could. I personally find the underground world of prostitution fascinating in terms of profit-making, business ethnics, human psychology, and women's rights.
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>>16593895
>I'm not enjoying what we have right now

wait what, elaborate
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>>16593888
There isn't a fear about third-party awareness. We have a fake story of how we met.
Basically, I'm asking is what things you need to ask yourself and consider when trusting a guy in meeting him the way I did? Things you might be concerned about or careful of?

But now that I've slept on it, it seems kinda silly. I just have to take it one day at a time and just see how we go from there. I need to tell myself now "just go with it" but "don't let your guard down too much". Not completely yet as it's still relatively early in the relationship.
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>>16593838
Escorts scare the shit out of me. I'm afraid of getting mugged/stabbed, scammed, abused. I'm also very concerned about STIs. It sounds like you're a more honest woman, though, and probably among the minority. A fat nerd is a prime mark for the above mentioned things which is why I'm so concerned. What do you think of the legalised prostitution?

Also, thank you again for your time.
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>>16593912
Typo. Im **just** enjoying what we have right now. That's totally different haha.
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Who seriously becomes a whore to pay off student loans? You work hard for that dollar don'tcha
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I know we are off topic, I'm just do glad to see a thread that's isn't, I miss her so much.
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>>16593948
>I'm just do glad to see a thread that's isn't
wot
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>>16593927
Def among the minority.

Always wear a condom. She should be enforcing that for her safety but you should do the same too. Don't be so so self-deprecating. I've met with rich, handsome, charming successful men and they're not different if they're calling escorts, too. If anything, I always understood more the other guys on the spectrum. It felt more satisfying IMO because it is a bigger deal. I get that.

Surprisingly, I don't have a solid opinion of legal prostitution. I feel that though I do have experience, I don't have enough knowledge of the economical impact it has which huge so I don't know. However, I would lean towards not legalizing as I want to be less of an appealing occupation that girls would aspire too. Perhaps my logic is somewhat faulty, but if we legalize prostitution, it make it a more accessible "career" for girls rather than aspiring to go to college and become doctors, lawyers, scientists, whathaveyou. I wouldn't wish that life on any impressionable young girl. But if you legalize it, price would deflate due to taxes and accessibility, and maybe that wouldn't be the case.

After everything, fuck for love. Because you enjoy it. Don't fuck because your financial well-being and life depends on it.
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>>16593702
Damn, this is scary
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>>16593937
I couldn't get federal student aid for grad school unless I paid the federal loans I already owed and had defaulted on out of college. Now that the debt is cleared, I've been lifted of that registration block and granted additional money for school.

I could have worked a normal job for much longer but I tried that and I wasn't happy. Also because I was independently supporting myself in terms of rent and living expenses; no financial support from parents. I just wanted to go back to school as soon as I could so I resort to such measures. Don't regret it, honestly.
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>>16593961
Not trying to suck up or anything but just based on the way you write your writing is well thought out and articulate... It's a shame you had to turn to whoring as you seem much too smart for a career like that.
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>>16593874
Do you ever wonder if she wanted to be with you out of financial security? I wonder if my current partner thinks that. I try my best to show that isn't the case. I won't let him shower me with money or accept generous offerings. I want him to know I want to be with him because I genuinely love him as a person, not for his bank account.
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>>16593953
All the other relationship threads are the same, this is different.
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>>16593984
Just an ends towards a means. Sometimes you gotta compromise to get what you really want out of life. It just depends on how badly you want it and what lengths you will go. In the end, I don't regret it because my eye on the bigger prize and it got me to where I wanted to be.
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>>16593961
There are those like me can't fuck for love so thankfully there women like you. Escorts still scare me (and I live in a sex trafficking hub) so I'm probably going to go with the legal prostitute route. Thanks again for answering my stupid questions.
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>>16593961
But wouldn't the whole whoring thing become culturally accepted with time when its legalized? You know to a point where it actually was a career comparable to the stuff you mentioned above? Wouldn't you like a world where you didn't have to lie about how you met your man?

Do you thing there is an objective reason why selling sex is bad? Outside of "love" and the romanticising of sex? Im genuinely curious.
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>>16593992
Perhaps but she had bought her own home and had money in the bank, a lot of money. She worked longer than a month. Not lying the break up was hard and though I never expected she begged a bit but quickly regained her composure. We too had a how we met story. She was an accountant at one of my clients and met there.
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>>16594036
there is more money in illegal whoring
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>>16594036
Looks at stripping. It's totally legal and has been for awhile, yet still stigmatized and heavily frowned upon. People don't go around telling they met their partner at a strip club. So while that could be a possibility in theory, attitudes toward prostitution would be even more resistant since it's actually a guy fucking you. That's kind of the pride difference in strippers and prostitutes.

However, I'd say I still stand by my previous statement. I just prefer people to do more of a service to the overall humanity. That isn't to say you're not helping a guy out sometimes who just wants to feel good and feel good about himself. But with more consideration, I see what you're saying and do make a good point. But it right now is inherently an industry that exploits women and that exploitation has psychological and economics consequences on her hand. Yeah, legalization might mitigate some of that exploitation but the principle that a woman makes a living off her body, I think, will manifest in poor self-image and esteem. Think about how society right now portrays women that their biggest worth is in their appearance. Now add sex to that with a price tag; I can only see even deeper issues.
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>>16594036
Maybe it would be like gambling or marijuana or porn, even if legal people are always going to not like it.
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>>16594059
Totally true. Like marijuana legalization and gambling, most of the people running the show right now want to keep it illegal as it is more profit. Wayyyy more. But I don't believe in profit for the sake of plain greed. I believe in nurturing the human condition and not trying to make an extra buck by exploiting human beings.
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>>16594065
It will however always have its demand and thus its workers. Any small push to lower the stigma, even if its just to the level of strippers. Is better in my opinion. The progress would be slow, but it would ultimately benefit mankind as we move from an idiotically hypocritical sex negative society.
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>>16594077
Though they still make more money, I still would say keep it illegal. What there needs to be if more laws, however, decriminalizing sex workers and even patrons. They're all really victims to a flawed industry. Kinda in the same lieu as the war on drugs. Except sex doesn't ruin lives. I mean, it could, if you're a sex addict but that's a whole other issue.
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>>16594087
Haha, isn't that the wish? But what comes first the chicken or the egg? How do what needs to be happen first, changes in societal views or legal regulation? It all takes people shedding light on an issue and bringing awareness as with any other milestone we've reached in this company. The funny thing is, prostitution is the oldest profession but that's a whole other conversation on power-gender dynamics.
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Okay, last post, thanks everyone. I really want to write a book more now after all that's been said.

LOVE TO ALL AND WISH ME LUCK.

Signing off. I think.
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>>16594110
People can live, like they do currently, against societal norms, despite the moral judgement of other people. I think making the people who decide to do it criminals and have them work in dangerous conditions until the last moral arbiters change their mind is irresponsible.
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>>16594135
It is irresponsible. I hated living under fear the whole time I was doing it. I was mostly afraid of being arrested. But violence? I think people will only get violent if they know they can get away with it. That they have no accountability. However, if I go to the police saying a man tried to harm me while prostituting, don't charge me with prostitution. Don't charge him in his patronage. Charge him for assault. That's mostly the decriminalization I'm talking about. But I guess you can't ignore the whole picture if prostitution is a part of it. In a more ideal world, I should say I'm for it. But that isn't the case. Not yet anyway.

Thanks for the discussion and allowing me a place to compartmentalize all this and what it means, though. I've been needing this since I don't talk to anyone else about it.
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>>16594157
I know you feel no pride about escorting. But know that I find it very respectable how you worked out a dire situation. I wish you didn't need to feel what you did was bad or regrettable, but then again its most likely the only reason why it's good money in the first place. Like all quick money it carries a price, here it's public shaming.
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