Texting a Friend

>>16588019
Desperate Bump

>>16588019
do hobbies and remind yourself she's not your life. even the person you marry isn't your life and you aren't theirs. its either a case of you not having enough personal interests or being the type of person who wants to talk to their SO all day. if you're the latter or both, then god man you don't wanna settle for a girl who's nice but someone you're going to make hate you by being yourself

>>16588053
She is a friend im not going for more but I just hate how i always feel like I talk way too much or say the wrong thing and make her hate me a little more each time we talk. I don't have any hobby that will keep me focused all day and I just wanna talk with her because it used to be so much fun to talk back and fourth but lately she has been down alot and everytime I tell her I am here to talk or help she just gives me the cold shoulder and I feel like shit.

>>16588067
sounds like there's a chance she's not a great friend anymore. she was and really cared about you, but potentially doesn't anymore. alternatively she might be down and not comfortable talking to you, and it's cool you're there for her. but you can't hope for her to open up as a result of you talking to her more when she wants space. think about her feelings when you go to text her, not yours. realize it's selfish and not being a good friend. you're not a bad person, i've done this before too. it's just hard to grasp when someone has different needs sometimes

>>16588125
see I am just confused here because we used to talk all the time, she would tell me secrets, things that are wrong, blah blah blah, then just over time she grew colder and colder to the point of i feel like an annoyance when I talk. But then somedays she is talking to me or texting me pictures of her new nails, what she is doing, what happened at work. I really have no idea what to make of all this, but I think the best thing and way to have me look at this is just come to terms that me talking with her is not good for either of us and I need to stop. Hopefully I won't go back on my word here because its really hard not to want to talk with her, but maybe this was the push I needed to do it.

>>16588140
what you need to do is not give up man, be a true friend and do what every non-dysfunctional relationship deserves. confront her about it when you're having a decent conversation so that you know she's not too depressed to talk. i personally would opt for talking in person even if you rarely do. say you don't want to put her on the spot but you care about her and don't want her to be upset or uncomfortable with you. explain how you're concerned because she's been acting differently and can't tell if somethings wrong or if you've grown apart. if she says nothings wrong she might not be willing to talk. but also, she might have grown apart but is too uncomfortable to say something. then watch for signs that thats the case and if so, understand her hints are the answer

>>16588168
I really don't feel comfortable asking her if we grew apart, in my mind if I am overthinking things with her and it just comes off creepy and like I am trying to be more then friends with her

>>16588201

i don't know how i would approach it either without feeling like i'm coming off as i care about her more than a friend, but i've grown to realize it's not worth letting things slide because i'm uncomfortable or worried they will be. if you two have meant as much to each other as it sounds, it's worth trying to talk through before throwing in the towel. who knows, you may or you may not have been able to keep a good friend for life. i only have 2 left so i truly appreciate the value of a good friend

>>16588228
I understand it but I have no idea how to approach this so my only thought it is not really cut it off, but talk ALOT less and do ALOT less with her just so I can move on before I get more hurt. I told her before and many times i am here to talk to her anytime if she needs it and she never says anything about that, just a cold OK or something else to get away from it. I know there are other people in her life she will go to and talk with before me but I don't just want to come off as a random guy in her life, I want to be a friend she can trust. Also side note I dont just want this for her I want it for all my friends, but she is just the one I have issues with. She just became so cold and pushed me away. Like 90% of the time I text her first and if she texts me first its a short convo I really don't know what to do anymore I don't want to cut it off because she is really fun to talk and be with but I feel like i have no other options here that I am comfortable with doing.

>>16588246
it helps to hear how much you've essentially tried this already. the situations where there's no right answer really bothers me. you're right though, you don't need to push a 5th or 15th time if you've already pushed more than twice in attempts to be a good friend. people like this either don't care about you equally or simply take the relationship for granted. i've been here before and been really sad to give up and move on because that's not me at all. but some people aren't like that, and we have to let them do their own thing. i guess let the conversation starting be up to her if you wanna not cut it off so dramatically. make sure to start only 50% of the conversations at most if you wanna give her one more chance, see how that goes.

>>16588254
The main purpose of this thread was ways to make myself not want to text her, like today I told myself don't talk with her at all today just to try it out, I was doing good all day then I cracked at like 9 or so and it went to shit. I need to think of ways to prevent myself from texting her for a while just to cool off, maybe get used to not talking with her all day like we used to since she moved on I guess.

>>16588260
if it were me, every time i wanted to text her i'd make myself draw (my hobby) or if i didn't feel like it watch my favorite show or write in my journal or go for a walk. you think about a ton of shit while walking and it keeps you busy. it's like giving yourself a way to have a conversation with yourself.

>>16588019

Thanks for the help everyone, its getting late im going to bed here to try and think about this problem.
Goodnight Guys Thanks again

>>16588294
it was just me tonight =D and i wish you luck regardless. it's really hard when you care about someone, and what works for me won't necessarily work for you. do give what works for me a shot even if you're not optomistic though because who knows what will help and everything's worth a shot

>>16588019
Maybe I'm missing something, but why not talk to her - you know, using your mouth and words, in real life?

>>16588019
For a while I started deleting numbers and text convos so I couldn't text a girl unless she texted me first. That way you can't double back