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i need some gay relationship /adv/ice m8s I could post on /lgbt/

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i need some gay relationship /adv/ice m8s I could post on /lgbt/ but i dont feel like checking my privilege

Long story short I met this guy on grindr (pls no bully) while doing an exchange program in mexico for my university. I was using tinder too, but this guy seemed like he was the most into me and I was also interested in him. We've been dating for 9 months and I came back to work in Mexico as a teacher. I'm younger than he is and above his rating in the looks department, but he's really chill to be around and I'm like a negative 5 on the personality scale.

He told me that he and his ex broke up and they were on this weird on again off again roller coaster right until he met me. But then when his ex's birthday rolled around 6 months ago, my bf had already started dating me and decided not to go to the birthday party. Naturally the jealous ex (my bf was the one who broke up with him mostly) blocked him on facebook and stopped talking to him.

According to my boyfriend, his ex still "means a lot to him" and he thinks it doesn't make sense to just burn a bridge, nonetheless he chose to let his ex just be a cranky bitch for 6 months and didn't ask why his ex blocked him. Fast forward to now, he finally messaged his ex and they reconciled. He told me they were going to be reconciling, but almost in an "FYI" kind of way like oh by the way I'm seeing my ex hope youre okay with that, he'll be over at my place in 30 minutes XD. I told him that he can do what he wants but I wasn't very happy about it at all. Now every time he mentions his ex it just makes me rage.

Also I caught him using grindr once, and I told him that it really pissed me off but I wouldn't force him to stop using it. He doesn't really have a lot of friends and he used to save a shit load of pictures off grindr so I kind of think that's a form of porn for him not so much an "I'm going to leave you and cheat on you with these people" kind of thing.

Tl;dr boyfriend talks to ex, am i getting cuckd
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>>16587692

Sort of cucked. You really need to learn to tl;dr:

>OP an fag
>OP's bf is seeing his ex bf while cucking OP
>is OP a cuck
>gay threads are confusing because everyone is a "bf", harder to keep track of
>>
Go with your gut. He's obviously not in this thing 100%. Enjoy it while it lasts, but you shouldn't be thinking too seriously or planning a future with this guy, if he's already behaving like this.
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>>16587765
lel, sorry. Yeah I feel sort of cucked

>>16587774
True I guess I'm not planning our entire future together or anything, I just want to know that if it starts to get really serious that he would be interested in having it be really serious. Basically if I didn't plan on going back to the US to do a master's I would already want it to be more serious and I would ask him to stop doing all of those things. I just feel like it's unfair to ask for him to stop talking to his ex if I possibly might not be living here for another two years...if that makes any sense at all
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>>16587794
if I go back to the US for 2 years I definitely couldn't handle a long distance relationship, I would have to cut it off (still op here)
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Agree with above. Don't see this as someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Try not to get too attached either, he obviously isn't.

The fact that he's using grindr, which in our world is pretty much a hookup app, is pretty alarming.

He could talk to his ex as a backup plan for when you eventually break up. Or he's cheating on you already. I say find someone better
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>>16587794
>>16587795

Just do what's right for your life, and for your career. Either you'll stay together or it won't work out. But I wouldn't turn down any opportunities just to be with this guy, as it sounds like he's treating this thing pretty casually.
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>>16587803
In a weird way that's why I told my boyfriend that it's okay that he still talks to his ex, because if I do end up going back to the US if I get a good scholarship (something I've told my boyfriend about) then I won't want to stay in a long-term long-distance relationship (something we haven't discussed but I think he already knows). That way I won't feel like the asshole who made him burn a bridge for nothing, even if that bridge is just a friend bridge.

I guess I just have serious indecision because I don't know what's going to happen to my career in the next 4 months with the scholarship situation. Some days I think that we could make the long distance thing work and I really want to make it work and then some days I think that I couldn't possibly do that or I wouldn't trust him.

Anyway, I completely agree. I shouldn't get too attached. Today he threw a fit with his older sister (they all live at home...mexico) and refused to eat the food and then complained about not having anything to eat. Usually that level of autism rustles my jimmies but not enough that it actually say something. Then he told me his ex was offering him to eat pizza at his place and I wanted to rage.
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>>16587814
I think another part of me already feels that well if he's already checking out of the relationship then it's not a good sign for the future. That would depend on whether or not him talking to his ex is actually "checking out" of ours though. This is why I shouldn't think about anything. Well thanks for the advice guys you were more helpful than my friend of 10 years who just told me repeatedly to dump him because muh feelings (she's never been in a real relationship herself desu). I think it's possible to stay friends with an ex, it just depends on how they go about it.
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>>16587857
If I was in your situation I'd question why I even was with this person at the moment. You're in different countries and probably gonna be like that for quite some time. He's shown signs of not being faithful (quite obvious ones at that).

I'd just stay with him for the sex until you get wherever you're eventually going. No point in looking for a new relationship in another country and no point in the drama of breaking up and then staying in that country. Just make sure to use protection so that you don't get aids from one of his other partners. Then you let it fizzle out naturally when you move home. Win - win.

Also, don't ever stay with someone just because you feel like you're not worth anything better or because they put up with your self-proclaimed -5 personality. You have to value yourself higher than that or else you're gonna end up in a destructive relationship and hurting yourself.
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>>16587871

You caught him on Grindr, so honestly it sounds like he was never really "checked in" in the way that you mean. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you. It's just like, either it's serious or it isn't. And this one isn't. From the very beginning, you were basically treating it like a temporary thing, you said so yourself.

So it's not even the issue whether or not he has feelings for his ex. It sounds like YOU aren't really sure what you want out of the relationship, you aren't sure how you want him to behave, you aren't sure how to feel about any of it.

So it's obviously not true love, it's not gonna last forever. So enjoy it in the moment, for what it is, and stop overthinking it. Or drop it, if it's making you feel bad and conflicted. But the main problem now is that you're completely undecided on everything.
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>>16587912
Yeah that's basically what i planned on doing I guess it just feels really scummy. I wanted to the keep the possibility of something serious open just in case I don't get the scholarship or something, but it seems like he's backing out of that a little so I will too. Or at least I won't get so offended when he brings up his ex. It just seems retarded to stay with him if at some point he really does fall for his ex again, but I won't know when or if that happens. This is my first real relationship so I don't have anything to compare it with except for stupid flings from 4chan.

I wish I had a friend who was this good at giving advice all the time.
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>>16587965
yeah that seems to be the main response. I'll just go with the flow then. Hopefully my future is full of opportunities. I sometimes forget to put my happiness first, thanks for reminding me.
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>>16587995

Relationships don't really work like that, man. You can't half-step and "keep possibilities open" and expect it to work out. Either you're in it 100%, or you keep it casual and don't get offended if he's living his life and pursuing other people. There's nothing wrong with being with someone just for sex, but it's a little unfair if you're expecting him to just wait around for you to make up your mind.
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