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What's Your Damage?

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Who broke you and made you who you are now?
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>>16582848
A series of unfortunate events
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>>16582848
No one broke me and if you feel broken you need to pull your head out of your ass and fix it.
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House music
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>>16582854
Hey, my mentor broke me and made me into a better person. I'm clear-headed and winning more chess matches now because of her. Not all "breaking" is bad.
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>>16582864
So that movie was about you?
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>>16582864
JESSIE
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>>16582848
my father
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>>16582874
What movie? Lol
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>>16582848
I did, sadly.
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>>16582848
I lost my dad a few years ago. Ever since, I've been trying to become a better man than he was. It's taking some time, but I'm determined to improve myself.
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>>16582913
How did your dad pass if you don't mind me asking?
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>>16582848
My mom was a total narcissist psycho that drove away my dad, scared him with suing him for all his money and told courts that he hit her so he couldn't see us. When in reality, she cheated on him and wanted the best of both worlds.

Then when we turned 18, she booted us out and said she was no longer a mother to us since we were legal adults. No money for college, forced to work minimum wage jobs to rent a shitty room. My brother took to the streets and is a junkie in prison. My sister is in poverty but still believes mom is saint.

I have a general hatred for women that remind me of my mom and kinda lonely because I don't have time for friends because I'm trying to work and go to college and don't want to be my mom...
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>>16582882
Mine too, along with my goddam older brother.

But fuck those bitches I got a new daddy and a new brother and they don't break me -- they just fuck me which is the best thing a dad and a brother can do for a girl, in the end.
>>
meh i mean a lot of people and events shaped me to who i am. i wouldn't say i'm broken, just tired of bullshit now and just wanna be happy.

>mom and dad
always fighting to the point the police had to be called in. i was always scared to come home because both would be in a bad mood and i'd get snapped at or hit. even if i was "good", it was never good enough. i was actually excited for the divorce to happen

>random aunt of my friend's
i was 12 years old, and she denied giving me food in front of my friends because she thought i was ugly. i'll never forget that.

>first boyfriend
treated me like absolute shit. made sure i knew i was ugly and no one would love me other than him. thank god i was smart enough to realize i didn't deserve to be cheated on.

i have low self-esteem, but i've been working on it. i cleaned up real good since my teens, and i work out regularly.

dating a guy who says he loves me, but i haven't believed in that word for a while. i guess i'll see if he lives up to his word. i'm dumping him if i don't at least get a heartfelt christmas card lol. life is too short to spend on other people.

if this don't work out, i'm just going to give up on relationships because i keep picking shitty guys who wants to hide me, lie to me, or treat me like shit. i guess some people just aren't meant for that stuff, but whatever. that's what hobbies and cats are for.
>>
Mom. Best mother, loved her. Died when I was nine.
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A dude I was close friends with spontaneously raped and beat me 2 years ago. I was a virgin saving it to make sure I had the best first time possible, which obviously didn't happen. Worst pain of my entire life by far. I've been pretty fucked up ever since but a lot of that is a result of my choices in dealing with what happened ig.
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A woman I love.
It's fucking amazing even after everything shitty I went through for her and all the fucking bridges I burned for her I still love her.

I can't deal with these feelings right now.
God damnit OP.
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When I found out, I mean, when everybody in my family found out that my "lovely" cousin was the psycho killer from the thurston high school. We had to change our name for that, and move out of town
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Damn, your lives suck
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>>16583179
Oh wow I never heard of that til just now
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>>16582848
I was born and raised into a fundamentalist christian cult.

When I was seventeen, my "family" exiled me and I had to live on my own. I had to essentially "relearn" everything I thought I knew about the world.

The hardest part for me after that was probably when my first apartment got flooded, and all of my belongings were destroyed, and my renter's insurance didn't actually cover anything because of a misunderstanding.

Now, my life is significantly better, but I still have a lot of hangups.

There will always be a bridge that you must cross, and when there isn't, your mind will make up a petty one.
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>>16583104
>denied giving me food in front of my friends because she thought i was ugly

Well, I hope she's dead, now.
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>>16582848
Lots of people and unfortunate events, and I'm only 18 so much shit will keep happening, shit happens to everyone. But iIm not completely broken, I try to remember how good I have it now and be grateful and I keep fighting and staying strong
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A friend.
I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, but I'm just too shy. I’m afraid she'll reject me .her eyes light up when she is talking with me, she gives me attention.. she can't take her eyes off me..
but she never told me about her feelings
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i guess it all started with my mom, if you really want to go back that far. She was always depressed, my dad was an over the road trucker. He tried, he really did, but it's different having your only male role model as only a voice on the phone. my mom and i always fought (created my lack of respect for authority and women i think), and she frequently overreacted, and behaved childishly. i remember one time, in winter, i had a cold. she was driving me to school, and i was sitting in the front seat. she was smoking, and i coughed, because you know, cold. she took a nice big drag and blew it straight in my face. i guess she thought my cough was somehow a stab at her for smoking. she knew i hated going to school smelling like smoke. this was in like 4th grade. it sucks being in elementary school and having kids/teachers ask if you smoke. i don't know.

on topic though: no one "broke" me. to be "broken" means to come from a state where you were "fixed".

i've been an overly-angry, self-hating, depressed douche my whole life.

my girlfriend of 3 years just moved out yesterday. we lived together for 2 years. she said i was "too mean" when we fight. she has her share of problems as well, but in all honesty she's probably right. i've had temper problems as far back as i can remember. i would never lay hands on her, or anyone else, but i say some pretty mean things in the heat of the moment.

but, i'm not broken. i went to the gym this morning, started a new diet last week. i think part of my temper comes from being so sad. i get really sad, and then get mad at myself for being sad. and it transfers to my interactions with others. maybe a better self image will help me.

i've been doing my best to not dwell on the situation with my (now ex) girlfriend. past therapists have told me i dwell too much. but writing this down makes me think that maybe someone cares about how i'm feeling. it feels good to share this, even if it's anonymous.
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>>16583238
and if working out and not dwelling doesn't work, i'll try something else.

i won't stop trying to improve until i'm dead.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that none of us are broken. we just all have room for improvement. and i plan to improve all i can. maybe one day i'll make someone happy. at least i gave my girlfriend the opportunity to find happiness by our breaking up. that's good i guess.

sorry for the blogpost, just felt really good to get that out. stay the course, anons. find something you can improve on and start doing it.

i have faith in you.

you should too.
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>>16583226
I'll tell some parts of what has happened. One of the worst ones is being practically homeless for some time when I was 13. I'm now forever thankful whenever I have a warm bed and an own home.
One thing that broke me quite bad once was my best friend dying when I was 15, we were more than friends even, we were partners in crime, we were awesome. I miss her. Being an alcoholic as a teenager fucked me up too, but I'm all sober and good now, sometimes I have bad days but I'm alright. When I was 14-15 I was having sex with older guys who were clearly taking an advantage of me but I didn't even care that much, I was too drunk or high and very sexually frustrated and flirty. Hmm what else.. A drunk mentally abusing grandmother wasn't nice.

I'm now sober and have a much more boring and comfortable life, I'm a completely different person than I used to be and I don't mind it. I'm still partly broken and I have bad nights and insomnia, but I'm happy now, I even have a nice boyfriend who loves me so much. Life gets better.
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When I was 6, this girl Jenna hit my arm at recess and the teacher didn't even do anything but talk to her when I told her. Fucking destroyed me right there and I remember wanting to slaughter her and her entire family, to boil water and throw it on their faces and laugh as they screamed and then rape her senseless. 28 now and I still can't even function because of it. I swear I'm gonna fucking kill her some day /adv/. Absolutely ruined me for good.
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>>16583275
dude chill, she probably had a crush on you.
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Had a gf of 5 years, at about 2 years in she was physically abusive (attacked me when I was asleep, would hit me if I didn't do things as she wanted), was emotionally abusive (would tell me she was the best that I could do, wanted to hit the reset button after she fucked up) and would self harm if she didn't get her way.
I was stupid enough to stay with her because I was too invested in the relationship to quit, I decided to propose to her, she cried and cheered and said yes, called her parents to share the good news, then she decided that was the best time to confess to cheating on me with 8 guys throughout our relationship (we were living 70 miles apart for 3 years so I wasn't living with her all the time).
Needless to say that was the final straw, I asked her to take the ring off to show her a personalised message (there wasn't one but I had to think quick), then took it from her and told her that she was dumped, I then got my things and took the first train home that I could jump on.

She called me and begged me to put it behind us ("I wouldn't have fucked them had I known we would ever be getting married") and I told her that I couldn't be with her, she then decided to spread shit about me to family, friends and my employer.
She did everything she could to control the narrative and make out that I was abusing her, she wanted people to think that I was a cunt, my parents disowned me, my employer stopped renewing my contract (rolling 6 month contract) because he was concerned that I didn't represent the company values, some of my friends stopped talking to me, I got threatened in the street.

Since then, I now flinch when women try and come into contact with me, I fear women my own age and am on the verge of a breakdown when I'm in a social situation with women I don't already know (like a barmaid taking an order), dating again scares the shit out of me.

Fuck you Masha.
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>>16582848
>Who broke you and made you who you are now?

Well, I did, obviously. I am responsible for who I am, and anyone blaming other people should look into a mirror.
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Who broke me? My last crush. To be perfectly fair, I needed breaking. I was a total shithead.

Who made me who I am today? Being broken sent me on a cliched journey of radical personal reinvention, but that's not really a satisfying answer. Other than that, my first actual love, who I met partway through said journey. Still together, still wonderful after all thwae years.
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>>16582848
When I was in year 8 at school a good friend of mine invited me to his house, the events that kinda followed where a little fucking weird. He kinda locked me in this kinda back room they had and basically tried to force me into anal sex and tried to touch me many times throughout the night *it was a sleepover as well* eventually after fighting him off I kinda passed out. The next morning *whenever I woke up* he got a knife and started chasing me around with it
After that day I've found it really hard to stay close with people *only this year I became really close friends with a childhood friend of mine who I opened up 2 completely which gave me confidence again* Then I kinda went crazy this year trying to help this new female friend of mine who would flirt with us all, who was very selfish and arrogant who would always cry on your shoulder and just manipulate us. I kinda feel out with my good childhood friend cause she was a girl and I started crushing and got rejected *which doesn't hurt me cause I've moved on* but I want to be close friends with her again cause I really need a friend like her, I always needed a friend like her she was such a positive person and made my life so much more brighter until I meet Shay and her shit got to me. Fuck that girl fuck Shay
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I did. Its really all my fault.

My parents always supported me, i had amazing friends who would go to hell and back for me, i had a couple of girls into me every once in a while, yet i managed to push them all away.

Its a long story but basically i moved away by myself, things didnt work out because i was too lazy to actually try, got depressed, had no frienda there but stayed there anyway for 2 years.
By the time i came home i was a mess. I got fat, ugly, i had not idea how to talk to people anymore, all my friends had moved on with their lives too and we dont even talk anymore.
Then i became a neet for almost another 2 years. During the neet time i never left the house and just stayed in the computer all day, getting even more fat and socially innept.

Things are a bit better nowdays, but i dont they'll ever be as good as they were before i fucked up
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>>16582848
Parents divorced when I was little. Dad visited occasionally, but he had a stroke, became comatose, and when he woke up he was deranged. He lives in a care home now and I barely see him. Mother was a complete cunt to me for my entire childhood and adolescence. We moved around a lot (she leeched money off a lot of different guys) so I never really had any chances to make permanent friends. Home life was shit, which extended to my school life - I was always in a bad mood so everybody was scared of me. I was always the "weird anger issues" kid. Now I lack trust and faith in others, my social skills are shit but at least I'm smart and doing well at Uni. I'm just quite lonely.

Reading the thread it seems emotionally damaged single mothers don't do too well at raising children.
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>>16583296
You are the worst type of person. Of course picking yourself up is each persons own problem, but that's not what OP was getting at. I'm sure you knew that but you just had to come and feel superior to people trying to get some stuff off their chest. I pity you son.
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Father abused me verbally and physically, also tried to strangle me. Mother didn't care, instead she made me feel guilty by telling me it was my fault.

As a result I have trust issues and panic if anybody touches me.
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I'm not broken, at least not anymore. I went through a really really rough break-up with a girl who I fell absolutely in love with. It triggered a series of bi-polar episodes which led to me disassociating from reality and myself. I had to reconstruct myself entirely with a new sense of self as well as direction. My ex pretty much ruined my life for 6 months post-breakup, I couldn't handle knowing she didn't want to be with me. I didn't feel good enough and even today, I still don't feel good enough. I haven't been with anyone since we split for good. She's a really fucked up person, more so than myself and she did a lot of damage to me. To this day she has no idea exactly what I went through. I don't blame her, I've let it go. I fell in love with who I thought she was, not who she actually was. Disappointed is an understatement. I just want to be with the right person man. I don't even try to sleep with girls or 'get' girls anymore. I figure if i'm going to meet the right person we'll bump into each other when we aren't looking.
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debatable if i'm broken or not, probably just knocked down at the moment, but anyways.

Had an ex-gf cry rape this year about some shit that happened when we dated over 3 years ago. inb4 don't stick your dick in crazy: it was total bullshit because we never had sex to begin with. County police got involved, I had to give a statement (the sheriff tried to strong-arm me into a confession), and after that shit my uni got involved with their own disciplinary procedures. The threat of being dragged out of my classes/apartment in handcuffs, coupled with the threat of suspension or expulsion made it next to impossible for me to focus on student teaching. I was pretty much a nervous wreck, and the stress involved with this situation on top of the stress of teaching came to a head when I raised my voice at my supervising teacher. That ended up with me leaving my student teaching placement and failing 8 credits of classes.
The shit with county ended up being nothing, and my school did a light reprimand, but the damage was done. I'm terrified at the thought of dating anymore and I've lost all desire to teach.
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>>16583238
My boyfreind does that too
Why do you say mean things? Do you mean them?
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I didn't break, I just never worked properly to begin with.
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I was given away at birth and adopted at 3 months old so I think that messed me up. My adopted parents maybe should not have adopted or else there were other problems but they both became obese shortly after I entered their lives. My dad had money and travelled and he had sex with soooo many prostitutes and still does. My mom was jealous of me and kept my hair short and always said negative things and confusing things about my body. She tried to convince me my dad raped me after the divorce. Probably to get more money from him.

I am broken in many ways.
I am sad all the time. I have very extreme body dysmorphic disorder and have had plastic surgery which I now do regret because I have a daughter of my own and I feel like a bad role model. I become obsessed with all sorts of physical problems that are imaginary but I cannot access that. I hallucinate people saying things to me about the way I look and hallucinate visually.

But I ended up with a very attractive partner who takes excellent care of me and two Ivy League degrees and a beautiful daughter and happy home. But I am deeply sad and anxious and every day is a battle with the hallucinations and a struggle to overcome what was at one point completely debilitating BDD. My boyfriend tries to be gentle and seems to genuinely love me and my family always says he is a good man but I feel so unnattractive to him it hurts me deeply. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and how much it hurts he cannot make me happy but I feel especially bad because now I had a baby my body feels different and shockingly big and sometimes I want to just crawl in a hole and hide.

But from the outside we are a beautiful young couple with a gorgeous healthy baby and a lovely home and really promising futures. It is only my mind that is broken and many years of therapy have seemed to make only a dent.
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>>16583104
I feel for you, sis. I'm just like you.
We may not be meant to have love in our lives. But we can still devote ourselves to something amazing. Keep hope, and stay strong.
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>>16582848
Broke? Nah, I never developed or integrated well enough to be broken. I'm just stuck. Been stuck for a long time.
>>
Every one thought I was ugly at first, then fat and ugly, then fat, then socially awkward, now that I'm over all of these I'm fed up and people are afraid of me because I look like I kill everyone who talks to me
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>>16584091
Like scared cos you're a big guy or you look like you'll go postal?
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>>16584117
Both, only my life long friends and old people see through this
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>>16582848
It's nobody's faint but my own. Most people are able to go through what I've gone through and be just fine, but for me I somehow let it effect my every thought and action and effectively cripple me
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>>16584117
>>16584123
I'm making progress though and many people just see me as a loser though, but it's getting easy to make friends among losers, mainly asking people how they are and forcing myself to take off my ass-face
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>>16584135
>other losers

Are they proper losers?
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>>16584149
they are cool, some are people with common friends who dropeed out of high school but most are from a scout group I joined, there's a nice girl I like 6/10 who has all I want and seems to be cool with me, so life's slowly fixing itself
Went from being a total outcast who only had friends from pity to someone with an acceptable social life, just have to plan what you do
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I was born broken, and have been trying to fix myself most of my life. Or alternatively, I wasn't born broken and trying to be someone I'm not is what ended up breaking me.
I'm not sure which one. I change my mind about it a few times a day.
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>>16582972
Leukaemia. He liked his nicotine.
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>>16584166
It's easy to blame others, I've been through it myself and, though everyone else has a choice, in the end the choice to get fixed is on our control
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>>16583207
Dude your life kinda reminds me of this book called "Survivor" by Chuck Palahniuk.
>>
there's many, but i refuse to address most of them.

a close friend who never took me seriously, lied to me about sexually abusing and gaslighting others, downplayed me then ostracized me from our group over something minor

i feel terrible that i never trusted those that he hurt, even more so now that i'm also confused and unable to trust my own instincts and memories, only i don't know why.
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>>16584219
People always making funny of me for being socially anxious. I wasn't a weeb, ponyfag, furry, or anything like that. I was just someone who was quiet alot. People ended up spreading rumours that I was retarded. Every time I made a friend eventually one of their friends who believed the rumour would spread it to them and then the other person wouldn't talk to to me anymore. I made friends senior year but this was the last couple of months and they basically forgot about me. While quite a few of the people who bullied me are doing shit in life rn, It upsets me that some of the others are doing well in school and having fun and being more successful to me and it makes me feel like there is something wrong with the karmic balance
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>>16584219
>>16584256
Oops didn't mean to reply to you
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Probably when my dad had a sudden traumatic brain injury. Nobody really gave a flying shit. I wasn't expecting to them but they just didn't give a shit. He's home for the past few years, pisses/pukes and poops on me plus has no clue where he is/year/etc.

Yet everyone else still thinks my life is perfect. I was always raised to look positive and not show weakness on purpose/especially for attention. Now all I see by most people are an arrogant rich asshole. Yet my family is falling apart/still in survivor mode for three years.

I put the guard up when I ask a girl out and I open myself just a tad bit and everyone makes me feel like a shithead.

But hey, it taught me not to give a fuck and I've gotten a lot of better sleep and have enjoyed being alone sometimes. Sharpened me to stay the course and think critically during adversity and tough during business negotiations.

And I may be weak and empty on the inside but at least I look good.
>>
No one broke me
What does b**** Jenna in like the first grade took my pencil that I really like and said it has a purple metal tip by the eraser and so its a girls pencil and therefore it could not be mine and then just walked away stole my f****** pencil and laughed.

So thats was really mean thing to do especially when I hadn't come into contact with anything mean of my life up to that point.

Oh yeah and there was this one girl I think was named Jesse and we like totally cool with each other and then I hadn't seen until 6/7 grade and I met her in the lunch and she was just a complete b**** to me for no reason and I hadn't seen her since the beginning of grade school. People change and some people choose to be no good f****** assholes

Oh yeah and one last thing my sister Rebecca I always cared for her and she was four years older than me then she met some ass hole when she was 18 and she just met that random ass hole and was totally cool with him trying to make fun of me in my own house and I was like what the f*** you just going to stand on by and not give a s*** about that Becca. Basically I walked away to my room and she a friend and that random ass hole all laughed at me very very heartly even my sister Rebecca laughed with no care in the world for 5 straight minutes then I learned that my sister doesn't have any loyalty and that her kindness goes to the highest bidder.

Even now a days when I used to run up to my sister hug her and love her like she was the only important thing in the world I don't do that anymore. In every little hug and smile I give her I just don't do it the same because I remember that she is only kind because of the highest bidder in the room. In the moment that changes she don't have any loyalty to own family.
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>>16584265
Not everybody is an arrogant RICH ass hole

Suffuring makes kind people
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>>16584323
>Suffuring makes kind people
It also makes bitter people, and crazy people, and abusive people. Not everyone manages to rise above their sorrows.
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>>16584323
>suffering makes kind people
shut the fuck up
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>>16584396
It makes better people
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>>16584342
Man, that's the truest way I've ever seen it said. That explains a lot about people; the cycle of pain and sadness fuels itself. Imagine if it all just stopped. What would the next three generations be like?
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>>16584396
Not that guy but my suffering made me way more empathetic and understanding of other people and I know other people who have been through worse and have experienced similar changes. Although my experiences are anecdotal and certain people may go through sorrow and change for the worse , I just wanted to throw my personal experience on the table.
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Love of my life broke my heart by cheating. I decided to forgive and we're trying to make it work but I'm scared that I'm permanently broken. He can't even go away for two days without me feeling incredibly anxious and worried. I'm terrified of him doing it again, but I love him so much. I don't know what to do or where to turn anymore. I'm scared that I will never be able to move past this. I'm worried that I'll never feel safe and secure with someone I love ever again.
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>>16584434
My god. I'm sorry, sister....
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>>16584323
>>16584342
>>16584396

Im the guy who posted it and I just still can't get over it. I have a special needs brother that I love to bits and I've always been an open/non-judgmental person. Every fiber of my body wants to take care of him the rest of my life even before my dad's injury.

I just don't know what experience or thing that these events are supposed to change about. That I shouldn't at all worry about people's view points of me and do what I need to do?

I've met some people that I know's parents and friend's parents and almost all of them openly admit their kids would kill themselves of stress and disorder if they went thru what I did. Am I supposed to take that as a complement, laughing at my expense?

I just don't know what the next level is. I wasn't a perfect person but I don't think me or my family did things so horrible to deserve this. Ive met families that just shove their love ones in a home from day one and pity party drag everyone to them.

Just a bit lost by the big picture/long term of it all.
>>
>>1658453
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.
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>>16584588
Regardless of your trials, there's always someone who cares. I love you as I love my friends and myself. Stay strong and remember that you'll never be truly alone, sister.
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I'm UNBREAKABLE! But I'm might break some people who tried to break me, THOUGH. More specifically:....aaahhhh/...nooo
>>
Christa. And death.

She was the same age as me. 12 and she died of cancer.

I child getting cancer and dieing at 12. I imagined myself in that coffin for the entire funeral. I watched her mother sink into unimaginable torment.

I knew how hard the world could be from then on I knew how brutally unfair the natural order of things is. I knew that being sentient was both a blessing and a curse. I think people forget how close death is at all times.
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>>16584697
Edgy
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>>16584703
It woke me up inside.
>>
I did that to myself
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>>16583988
It's usually stuff that i mean, but it comes out a lot more blunt when I'm angry. I guess i bottle things up too much. Instead of being productive and bringing up things when they bother me in a constructive way, i wait and it festers until it all just kind of explodes. It's something I'm working on. Hope that helps.
>>
Alright, let's go. Meet friend's friend at a party and as we are introduced to each other, connection was instantly made that sent shivers down my back and my first thought was "Don't fall in love with him, he's trouble." But the heart wants what it wants, and we hit it off extremely well that night. We are literally destined for each other and I feel like I've met my soulmate. Not even a day pass and he asks me out, takes a week before we are officially a couple. His friends thinks I'm the best thing that could've happened to him and life is amazing. I had no desire to get married, but if he asked I would say yes in a flash.

We do not need to speak, we already know what we are thinking. Can't keep hands off each other. Our goals are similar and we are equally motivated. We are a power couple that steals the show when we enter the door. We do not have a single fight or argument. Nothing is ever boring as we constantly do new exciting things with one another. We get an apartment and he gives me an engagement ring.

1 year and 3 months later his ex comes back in town and they've kept contact, they are essentially best friends. He start spending a lot of time with her as she is depressed and not doing well in life, so he wants to be supportive. However, these meetings start to shift in her favor. He spends 7 days in a week with her, perhaps 3 days with me but only a few hours. I'm not a needy person but something is up. Feel more and more neglected. Raise the issue to my boyfriend, he asks what I want him to do. I say I do not wish to forbid him seeing her as I wouldn't want him to forbid me to see my friends, but just to try and spend more time with me. He agrees, it's good for a week before he is back in the same routine.

(C)
>>
>>16586175
(C)

His male friend tell me he is cheating on me, I bluntly ask my bf if it's true. He rages, asking why I could even believe that, he wouldn't ever do it to me, "If you do not trust me anymore, I don't see a point in continuing our relationship". Start crying like a bitch and he promise to do better for us. Scared shitless I'm losing the love of my life. Relationship becomes slightly better for 2 weeks afterwards.

Hold it out for 3 months, suspecting things will get better once his friend/ex isn't a wreck anymore but nothing happens. Notice I've lost most of my friends because I was completely consumed with him and his friends. Find myself neglected and completely alone in our apartment. Take off my engagement ring, place it on the kitchen table where I sit and wait for him to get home. Once he does, I tell him I can't keep doing this anymore and he just nods and say "Ok" before he turns around and gets out.

We never spoke again. But I know he went to his best male friend and cried all night at his place. Two days later he is together with his ex. They broke up after a month. Took me 6 months to stop crying on a daily basis. Took me around 6 years to stop thinking about him and be truly over him. It's been 8 years now.

It completely broke me, but it gave me a lot of insights as well. I emerged myself in tons of classes, works and extra activities just to kill any sort of feelings and landed my dream job quickly because of it. I know my classmates saw me as a cold know-it-all because I was always focused on work, but it truly was the only thing that stopped me from thinking and therefore crying.
>>
Retarded society in a third world hellhole country living with poor emotionally abusive mother and brother
People in general hating coz appearing different, literally all adults giving hate treatment simply because of not being a retard
More of all this for 18+ years
Still going on
Hopefully will get out of this shithole after getting a job.
Not to mention whore mother fucking workers and retard father telling to 'keep eye' to the 13-14 yr old
Mind fucked real bad
Everyone treats like a vile monster by choice, am not even a vile monster
Hate everyone, can't even show trouble coz no self esteem and can't be edgy
Tons of baggage, can't even tell coz don't want to make others feel bad and spread this negativity,
Can't sucide coz religion - only source of whatever positive there is.
>>
>>16582848
My dad being addicted to alcohol as long as I can remember. Waking up every weekend because they are fighting and yelling at each other. Low self-esteem because I was bullied for being fat through my elementary school.

Lost some weight and got pretty fit. Got a lot of friends, got a 5/5 girlfriend, started doing well in school. None of that really matters though because I still feel like I can't trust anyone and can't accept the fact that other people can love me.

Been deeply depressed for the past year. Can't tell anyone because I always seem happy around other people so they wouldn't believe me. They'd think that it's just a pathetic way to getting attention.

I wonder if I'll ever be okay...
>>
Bullied all throughout primary school up until the 8th grade. I feel like it blocked my emotional development and so I did not grow up like a normal kid would have.
I'm not autistic or broken or whatever but human I feel like I don't interact with other people like a normal person and I'm very reserved.
>>
>Father neglected me, was very strict since I wasn't like my brother
>Force-fed me vegetables a few times, made me a very picky eater
>brother beat me when I did things wrong (he is autistic so he couldn't understand why a 4 year old couldn't do the same things a 9 year old could)
>Twin sister constantly screaming and yelling at me (autistic too, surprise)
>Mom was nice though, but depressed which I picked up on rather quickly
>I don't know what my mother saw in him, but they did get divorced later so good for her
>Always had top grades in middle school
>As a result, always got bullied in middle school
>Kids would kick and strangle me
>Played so many video games with my brother to feel a connection with him
>Brother ended up with psychosis twice (it's like temporary schizophrenia)
>During the second psychosis my father 'kidnapped' my brother from the warden, during treatment
>As a result, my brother now has permanent schizophrenia
>It seems to stem from my father's side, this would explain why he molested my sister and other stuff...
>Sister was very sad, mom was very sad, I was very sad but tried to smile
>I tried to hold everyone's feels, but they were too heavy
>Because of the bullying and suddenly losing my brother (he's alive, but not there anymore) I am constantly afraid to get close to people
>Became a video game addict to feel close to my brother again


>The video games aren't working anymore
Surprisingly, I made 'friends' in high school, since I got pretty good at faking happiness. But I felt guilty for doing it, too.
>>
>>16582848

>be me 17
>relationship with first gf
>pain in the ass but i "loved her"
>hurt me pretty bad, made me bitter
>eventually i stopped treating her like a princess
>became in control of the relationship
>realized when i was in control that relationships arent about control
>break up with her
>weight lifted, feel better and no longer bitter or broken
>its been over four years, she still tries to fuck me and i always decline because im better than who i used to be and wont go back to her

moral of the story is, know your worth and you wont ever be broken by or upset over a girl. literally have had several gfs since then and i havent been upset about the breakups when theyve happened, i just feel like i have some more work to do to find another girl. have confidence and no one can break you
>>
My parents (not intentially)
>>
>>16582848
Bullied all my life and currently finishing high school and i enlisted into the Marine Corps (delayed entry)
>>
>>16583275
Hey so I'm back guys. I killed Jenny and her 2 sisters, mother, and father today.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. No doubt I will be caught for this, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
>>
>>16586317
Latin American detected. [IKTFB]
>>
I was raised with a meth addict for a mom who was evicted so many times that I lost count. we were homeless a number of times and I've watched her get better and worse constantly throughout all my years of living. at 5 years old, i turned to binge eating as replacement for the love and attention i never recieved. I eventually began gaining a lot of weight and was practically obese by the time I was 10. other kids didnt like me and i had no friends. people called me fat and i felt everything was out of my control and i was depressed. so i started making myself vomit after eating. did it at least 3 times a day after moving in with my father halfway accross the country (mom couldn't take care of me, threw me to my father's mom. she essentially became sick of me and i moved in with my father when i was 13) did that until i was 17 (at that point I moved in with my mom again, to a whole new state. we were homeless most of that time) and around that time i turned to starving myself. mom went to jail for identity theft/fraud. then tried to kill myself because i was on my own at 17 and nobody knew/cared. woke up the next day perfectly fine. contacted my younger sister's family and they flew me accross the country and gave me a place to stay. opened up to boy at new school about eating problems and it seems he saw that i was vulnerable and would settle for any sort of love or affection so he swept me off my feet and eventually ruined my life (introduced me to wrong crowd, i got into drugs, went to mental hospital 4 suicide, dropped out, got kicked out of my house. I stayed with boy until he turned out to be a cheater, liar, and thief.) his friends just threw me out recently and I'm living with my stepsister. mother is homeless again, because of meth.

basically nobody wanted me and it's okay because things are better now and I'm getting back on track. bright side? i never depend on a single soul, I don't expect anything and I know a great deal about people generally.
>>
>>16587617
essentially I'm saying that everyone broke me
>>
My current girlfriend broke me.
>>
>>16584075
same tbqh
>>
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>was always unsure about my own place in the world around me so i turned to goofing off to try and create an image for myself as a class clown or the "funny kid"
>always had weight problems, even though i rarely got shit because of it i always tore myself up about it, viewing myself as worthless
>once i left elementary school i started secluding myself from other kids
>school system fucked me over and resulted in me being forced into home school, which fucked me up more socially
>first girl i ever thought i loved bailed on me out of the blue and never talked to me again
>spent most of my teenage years sitting alone in my room and having paranoid delusions and sappy dreams about having a girlfriend or boyfriend
>now i'm still that same pathetic kid, just skinny and living on his own
I could go into it more but this isn't my blog. My point is that this is all my fault. At least 95% of it at least.
>>
My dad.
>>
Das juden
In all seriousness, left with a fairly broken dick due to circumcision and it really fucks with my sense of self-worth and life goals and whatnot
Also I know I have major trust problems because I can't rely on anyone for anything, especially doctors who fucked me over more ways than just that
>>
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speechlesssponge.gif
464KB, 500x338px
My lack of Empathy.
>>
1. Shitty classmates in middle/high school.
2. Shitty classmates in university.
3. Dating someone I shouldn't have just because I wanted my dick wet.
4. Falling in love with a girl in another country and getting crushed by my own expectations.

it's hard for me to trust people anymore. I just tr to keep a low profile and live my life without getting much attention or taking on huge responsibilities.
>>
>>16586565
I'm in the same boat. I was teased, and mocked by my friends throughout school for being awkward. I can't trust anyone and feel like everything said to me is out of pity. Ex damaged me in a humiliating way so that didn't help. I feel like an alien; as if I don't belong or understand anyone, and they'll never understand me. It's lonely living, but life goes on.
>>
When the Army and my father pretty much threw me in the street for mistakes they made.

Father owes my mother 20000 bucks in child support so nevr really helped us much. Despite this he lives in a mansion in one of the most expensive towns in my state. Prospered at my expense basically. Things slowly went downhill after I turned 18 but basically cut off all ties with him when I was 22 and could not find work. Got a job offer to work as a cook and at that point it was like a blessing such a crap job. Thing was it was like over an hour commute from where I lived vs 10 from where my dad lives. Asked if I could live in his mansion´s basement despite the fact that the manson has plenty of rooms. Also offered to pay rent as well. He declined saying he had no room. After that I vowed never to be so desperate for money again, kept my finances n order, and am doing alright.

With the Army they basically tried to throw me in prison despite me being legally allowed to leave after they failed to provide me with proper training. Such a waste of time but still it put me on edge because even if it was all a bluff the thought of ending up in prison will make anyone nervous.

People tell me I never smile anymore and that I am so serious and this is why.
>>
My parents, bullies when I was younger, my girlfriend who I love but really should just break up with...

I feel like I've been dealt with the worst cards possible. My alcohol addicted parents literally ruined my life for me. Because of them I've been on and off depressed for the past year. Not doing too well financially either.
I have borderline disorder and it's the reason that I'll probably never be able to get over depression. Literally the smallest things in the world just bring me down.

Also in an abusive relationship with the girl I love... I know it's not healthy but I just can't let go of her no matter how much I try. She's constantly fucking up my life but I couldn't imagine living without her. She's always telling kind words but they never lead to action.

I have a lot of friends, I'm fit. I'm doing well in studies. Life should be overall good. For some reason I still don't feel happy. I don't want to tell anyone about my depression because they would just think it's a pathetic way of getting attention. Even if they didn't, I don't want any special treatment from them.

I wonder if things will ever turn out better...
>>
>>16587627
You've learned an awesome amount through your pain. One day, you'll make someone's life a great deal less painful with your knowledge.
>>
>>16586525
Hey bud, i had alcoholic father too. Mine was a pretty cool guy, clever and funny. No alcohol induced fighting, just your normal addict.

Mom divorced him and we moved out. He lived one fucking year alone before dying from heart attack and i couldnt bring myself to help him, to be there with him.

I was supposed to call him the day he died to let him know about my match in handball. I didnt.
>>
>>16583207
Grew up fundie, too. It pretty much ruined me on organized religion. I didn't even need to know about the shit that goes down at the higher levels or in the fundie "colleges." Between that shit and seeing how religious people are trying to fuck up the world, it's hard to think organized religion is an altogether positive force.
>>
A lot of people through a traumatic childhood/upbringing. The piece of shit who raped me when I was 12. My father, my 'dad'/mum's first husband, my bf, the people who bullied me in highschool.

Shit happens I guess. I wouldn't be 'who I am today' if none of that happened; I regret a lot of it and if I could go back and redo my life, I would in a heartbeat.
>>
>>16582989
are you me?
>>
Don't think I'm broken.

Mum told me when she was wasted oen night she almost killed herself when I was 4/5 and onyl stopped when she imagined her dead dad shouting at her not to. Affected me when she'd choose her dead dad over her only child. As a result I'd say I developed my own problems with commitment with girls.

Seem to hate sex and everything associated with it. Used to be the autistic guy in class and when I finally wised up about it I developed a weird thing for normality. Completely disregard anything in my life that I don't deem normal and have trivialized a bunch of illnesses I had so as to not seem special.
>>
Many tried to break me, many failed. I only came back stronger. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" would be my mantra if I was a dirty hippy.

To everyone in this thread that feels broken, life can be tough but just look at it like a fucked up roller-coaster. Experience its ups and downs, learn from it to better predict future rides so you can prevent whiplash, but ultimately let the memory go once you disembark from one ride to the next. Can't enjoy and learn from the second roller-coaster if your mind is stuck reliving the first.

I survived multiple rapes, homelessness, abandonment, foster care, abuse, school shootings all sorts of roller-coasters. Rather then dwell on it though and feel victimized, I chose to be a survivor and used the strength of that word to make me realize I can overcome just about anything now.

I wish I could give all the anons in this thread a hug. Life is precious, you are worth so much. Don't ever forget that, and don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

Godspeed.
>>
I started writing everything, and it just made me way too sad. I'm getting over it, and that's what matters. I forgive those who broke me. And I hope they stay away while I put myself back together.
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