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If my boyfriend's sister is just unreasonably mean to me

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If my boyfriend's sister is just unreasonably mean to me every time she sees me, what should I do?

>been with bf five years
>we are in our twenties, he still lives in family home at the moment
>sister is 30, also lives there
>whenever I come over(not too often maybe once or twice a month) she shouts things from her room
>"oh look! The ugly girl is here! Why is she here all the time?"
>and pretty much things like that, for about five years now
>bf has argued with her several times
>she gives no fucks
>she even yells things at me when her own boyfriend is over. And weirdly thinks she's being powerful and sexy by yelling things at me from her room
>literally has never said anything in front of me or to my face

I've attempted to block her out. My boyfriend gets pissed anytime we are at his house. I feel like she deserves the biggest ass beating I can give her. But I can't do that to my boyfriends family. Boyfriend says she has been like this to any girlfriend he's had since he was like 12. But with me, I'm surprised it has lasted 5 years. What do? Going to my boyfriends house on occasion is inevitable. I feel like his sister needs the fists of justice, but I can't do that. She's clearly insane and cannot be reasoned with. So what do?
>>
Also, I have never done anything rude, mean, shady, etc. to my boyfriend, her, or any of his family. I almost want to say her behavior sounds like she's jealous or something but why would she be jealous of her own brothers girlfriend?
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Be obnoxiously nice to her. Ad nauseam.
Like super fucking annoyingly optimistic.
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>>16582291
Might be some daddy issues, or family issues. Probably doesn't get out much. Might be jealous because she only wants him and him alone. I would attempt to talk to her. If you feel like she would swing Bring a tazer or a Billy bat.
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She wants to fuck him. Consider asking your boyfriend to let that happen.
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>>16582295
I have been really nice and just blatantly ignore anything she says to me. But it doesn't come out catty to her as much as it looks like I have blatant autism. I also think this may make her hate me more. Like the more I have my shit together, the more mad she gets. She's just a really bitter woman-child. She lost her job and it made her say even worse things to me now. She likes to make fun of me for being poor. But im not really poor, I just live without family and alone, so money is tighter.

It feels like I have to be as nasty or nastier than her to tell her off, but I know she'll just turn it around and tell my boyfriends army of female cousins that I was mean to her.
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>>16582299
She acts like Paris Hilton. Goes out all the time. Has little friends but lots of boyfriends over the years. She's had her car keyed by girls who didn't like her. Eventually lost all her female friends.

I had considered family issues. But my bfs parents are so in love. They go on dates all the time. Sleep in the same bed. They've only been with each other since they were teens. They are both doctors, had their kids over the age of thirty. The only thing I have totally noticed is they let her get away with murder and spoil the fuck out of her. She is like a spoiled 13 year old. Since my boyfriend is there only boy, they raised him more hardily. Since she is their only girl, they spoil her like a child.
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>>16582300
lol'd.
this is probably right tho, she's got the brother complex, jealous for you stealing his sweet little brother.
i'd look in her eyes and calmly tell her "i'm going to suck your little brother tonight, then have him fuck me hard".
oh please, do it OP.
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>>16582323
What if she's been mean to him since he was born as well? He said she'd bully him all the time and when he finally got older and more muscular, they started to physically fight. She says the things she knows will get to my boyfriend, and when they were younger, they'd just fight to get it over with and sometimes my boyfriend would really beat her up over her mouth. But I mean, now we're all adults so that's not happening.
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>>16582323
Consider also doing this while holding her by her throat against a wall. Push your thumb into her neck (into the 'v'), just above her collarbone. After, place one hand behind her shoulder and the other next to it, closer to her neck. Push your back leg forward, and upwards, into her lower torso. When her boy toy or family gets mad at you, deny everything. Sounds like they already think shes crazy.
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>>16582323
And she'd totally call me a slut if I did that.. Even if I've only been with her brother. I wish I could say/do something extremely vile to her that won't have repercussions
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Smile. Address her in an over familiar tone using words like "love" or "hun". Always make jokes and look like your happy. Try to include her in conversations.

These are the things that grind crazy jealous girls lmao, this is coming from someone who's had to deal with many jealous cunts
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>>16582344
We almost never talk. Maybe we will go out to dinner with the family but she acts like I'm not there. We once ate Thai and they put all the plates in a stack on the table. She snatched them and gave one to everyone at the table but not me, then gave the last plate back to the waiter and said we had an extra.

If I say anything she talks over me. She says personal things about me without directly saying my name, even like having blue eyes or curly hair. She'll criticize my job, my looks, my race, and so on. His parents don't seem to notice. If she is rude, their mom smiles at me and keeps talking to me. Like they know she is rude and uncontrollable and just ignore it now.
>>
Jesus op, start sticking up for yourself. Draw some lines in the sand.
If you are going to spend time with your bf and his parents, you make a rule that it is only when she is not there or out in public when she is not to be invited.

Stick by that rule too. Don't waiver.
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>>16582376
It's not that I don't know how to stick up for myself regularly. She's like a narcissistic borderline psychopath. His family loves her. If I were to say anything, guess what's going to happen? She's going to cry to her family that I'm Satan and she wins even more. Likely making his family hate me too. I mean, his parents and I talk often and we get along well. But that's because they are oblivious to her. My boyfriend has like 15 female cousins all similar to his sister. I don't want to get on their bad side.

We usually don't go out with her. But now that she's always home because she's jobless, it's near impossible. Denying an invite to food with my boyfriends family is a giant insult to his mother. I'm just enduring right now and waiting for her to publicly say something to my face so I can have a justified strike.
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I'll admit I was toying with the idea that she wanted to fuck YOU, not your boyfriend. Yeah, probably not. I can dream at least.

Honestly, dude, this isn't your responsibility to deal with. Your boyfriend should be sticking up for you, and his parents should be backing him up. They shouldn't be tolerating this. Like, that Thai food plate stunt is just so absurdly, blatantly rude, I'm struggling to imagine how they could have ignored that or waved it away.

I'd really just recommend saying to your boyfriend, man, I love your family to death, but I'm just so tired of your sister being horrible to me every time I go over there. And as the guest, there's really no way for me to respond to it without being incredibly rude myself. I need something to change.

At least get his and his parents' guarantees that they'll be on your side next time she pulls something. This should NOT be yours to address alone.
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>>16582416
We've talked about it several times over the years. For the first twoish years, he was sticking up for me. But his sister is so stubborn that she'd just keep going.

They even once had a deep talk. His sister was crying. I guess when they were younger, the only person that put his sister in her place was his grandma. She was highly respected in the family and brought everyone together. She passed away and when she was about to die and they visited her, she told his sister that she is going to be very alone if she keeps acting the way she does. My boyfriend reminded his sister of that, and she didn't say anything to me for about four months. Then just started randomly again.

After that, my boyfriend truly realized his sister won't give up. His parents are not only passive and oblivious, they are foreign. They don't know half the slang or dialect his sister uses on me. English is their second language.

It's literally my boyfriend and I versus her in this battle and she is very manipulative. Knows how to play her parents, her boyfriend, her family. My boyfriend gets frustrated, but every time he stands up for me, it's just a scream fest that she is too stubborn to admit fault. She'll either say she didn't do anything wrong or that she's better than us or anything so insanely out there that all we can do is sigh and literally give up on her delusional ass. The more I realize there is no way out through talking, the more I want to beat her up.
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>>16582435
Well, it's a shitty situation. I wish I had something brilliantly wise to say right now. I can tell you what I'd do in your boyfriend's place: I'd tell my parents, Listen, I know you don't see it, but [sister] is just constantly rude to [girlfriend], to the point of harassment. She loves you guys, but she really doesn't want to come around here until something changes. And if I were you I wouldn't come around, until something changed.

Of course it's not fair for you to have to lose his family. "Fair" would be you punching her in the teeth. I'm just pretty sure they'd take her side if you escalated things in any way. Of course, I can't promise my solution would work either.
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>>16582400
Ah I get it now. After everyone here has given you many options with dealing with her, which you all had an excuse for why you can't do it, I see that you are a typical lover of drama.

You love to bitch about something but are not willing to do anything to change it.

Take your petty attitude somewhere else. You're pathetic and attention seeking.

Stop playing the victim
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>>16582453
I will suggest that to my boyfriend because it does seem like the best thing to do. I don't know how his parents will react. they treat him very different from his sister. I don't even know if he's already tried that. I've asked him what his parents think, but he just shrugged and said he's not sure.
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>>16582470
No, I literally do not know what to do. I have tried all the things anons are suggesting over the years because those are logical things to do. None of which have worked. And this is slowly beating down on me. The fact that it is a situation I have to walk on eggshells in.

Not only that but I have never been in a situation where a 30 year old woman bullies me, and acting nice just doesn't cut it, acting mean will have consequences that aren't worth it, and doing nothing just allows it to continue. I am not good with social conflict. I'm not good with dealing with people who are mean to me.

I hate drama. I am pretty aloof, quiet, have a few close friends. But when something is slowly beating down on me for several years, and it seems like the only way to solve this problem is to act completely out of character of myself, I'm going to ask for advice.

You are new to this problem, I've had it for several years. I'm not making excuses, it's because I've literally tried that and it didn't work. Everything I do, she retaliates three fold.
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>"in our twenties"
>been together for 5 years already
>not moved in together
>he hasn't moved to your place
>autist 30yo sister the parents don't discipline

Something's not right here.
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>>16582320
As long as her parents support her outrageous behavior nothing will change. She will hide behind their authority no matter what you or your bf tell her.
It seems that your bf's family is a "girlloving" family. My uncle's family is like this coincidentally they are both doctors as well with 30+ years of marriage. From experience you won't be able to convince them that your bf's sister is not the most perfect being in existence. Just try to convince your brother to leave home and live alone or with you, I don't think there is anything more you can do.
Moral of the story: never raise your children with so different standards.
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>>16582504
He's caught in a bit of a web with his parents. His mom said he'll give him a free ride in college, but only if he lives at home and helps his parents with the house because they are getting old. He won't get a deal like that anywhere. No loan bullshit, no filing for grants. He wants to finish his bachelors and get the fuck out. He has maybe a year or so.

His sister, I don't know why she hasn't moved out. She's neet now, but the family treats women differently or whatever the fuck. They don't want her to leave until she marries, like that is going to happen tho...
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>>16582510
This is honestly what I had assumed all along. I have no power in their house over their daughter. My boyfriend has no power over their daughter. They have raised an adult baby.

I wasn't raised like this. And I have brothers and sisters. Pretty sure my boyfriend would never raise his children like this after seeing the effects it had on his sister

I can't wait to get out of this. We've been talking about moving, but it'd be less stressful financially to wait until we are done with school. And I really don't want it to fail because of finances.
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>>16582538
You said you were already living alone. Try to find some middle ground. Let your boyfriend sleep with you at your place from time to time (most of the time), and let him be with his parents as well. That way you won't miss him and you won't have to endure that jealous spoilt bitch. Everyone wins, even your boyfriend. I don't think he likes to hear his sister's entitled bitching too much as well.

>Pretty sure my boyfriend would never raise his children like this after seeing the effects it had on his sister
If he tries, bite his balls, for everyone's benefit...
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>>16582548
We mostly don't go to his house. We spend most of the time at my place. But occasionally, if we are in the area, we will hang out at his house, whatever is closet. Last night we were at his house and she was just nasty. No one else was home but her and her boyfriend so she didn't hold back. She kept shouting things at me from her room and laughing. Her boyfriend just sits there like an autist himself because it's obvious she wears the pants in that relationship.

It was also our anniversary and we had just came in from dinner. My boyfriend was so upset that he was shaking. It's just hitting me hard. Made us think, holy shit, it's been five years we've been together, and she still won't fucking quit.
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