How do I deal with my boyfriend's blatant insecurity about

>>16579471
You don't. You abandon that mess of baggage. Jesus Christ woman. This guy is not unique or special or "the one." There are thousands of "ones" out there. Don't buy into stupid fairy tales. There are much better partners for you. Don't even think of long term with this person. Some day being married to and being responsible for his two illegitimate children, in addition to any you may have of your own. Yeah, good luck with that financial mess for the next couple decades.

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>>16579478
I already have this sneaking suspicion that this will not be long term. The dude is so fucking insecure about himself and about my sex life before we met. It started out as a pity hook up, he's going through a divorce (his wife of 7 years cheated on him 4+ times). He was a really good friend to me before this.

Now it's like... Fuck, he's so overly sensitive about being a father/having children and about the fact that I am pretty goddamn independent and respect myself more than his baby mamas than to get pregnant by some asshole I'm not married to.

My aunt suggested a prenuptial if I ever got serious with this dude. He also had a vasectomy, and although he said he was willing to reverse it, not sure if I want to be added to his collection of baby mamas.

Basically, I just wanted to have fun and date the dude while I go to radiology school but he is flippin' his shit.

>>16579471
>How do I deal with my boyfriend's blatant insecurity about the fact that he has 2 baby mamas and 2 kids?
Depends on what caused the insecurity. If the women left him, men usually take these things personally. Give him confidence, and don't remind him of his faliures. Be discrete and don't hurt him in a spot where he is sensitive. If he's going through a divorce now, it is still fresh memories for him, with time it will get better.

From what you wrote I think you are successful, confident, and have your life sort of together, while he definately feels that he is lesser than you because he made a lot of mistakes in his past.

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>>16579591
Both his baby mama/ex-girlfriend and his ex-wife cheated on him.

I definitely tell him every day that he is an amazing father, an amazing boyfriend, and a good person who doesn't deserve all the bad things he's had to deal with. He grew up without a father, also.

Yes, the divorce will be finalized in February. We thought November 18th was going to be the day, but his ex tried to pull some custody bullshit and the judge said they now needed a mediator to finalize it.

I'm just trying to be the fun/happy part of his life. I have no baggage, other than an ex I dated for 4 years and lived with. We don't speak though. And yes, I just got my first college degree, work for a great employer who is paying for another degree, and I'm really moving forward with my life. I was raised to respect myself and my partners... i.e. no oopsing them with fucking children.

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my advice: ditch this shit before he drags you down with him

he's ALREADY got two kids from two different women. You want to be a third fraction of a family? I mean I'm all for supporting people like this (my brother's in that situation, but he's not insecure and he's getting married to #2). You don't need to be in a relationship with the cunt to be nice to him, which is what it sounds like you're doing.

red flags like a motherfucker, bail while you still can

>>16579492
>I just wanted to have fun and date the dude
Choose someone with less drama then. Dating him isn't going to give you a fun short term experience.

>>16580018
>>16579492
>I just wanted to have fun and date the dude while I go to radiology school
With someone who
>going through a divorce (his wife of 7 years cheated on him 4+ times).

Really?
Looking at this relationship from an outsider. How can hooking up with someone after a long term one way loving marriage sound like a good time inbetween higher education?

Nevertheless, it sounds like all you can do now, is take a step back, look at the situation you find yourself in and accept that he and you are not the persons for eachother, but maybe can be friends/support each other in a part time way.

That kind of baggage as everyone is saying in this thread is no easy deal, taking it on short term would do wonders for YOUR mental health, let alone his.

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>>16580018
>>16580186
>>16579955

Not sure if this makes a difference but I'm 27 years old and he's 30. Not sure how old you guys are, but my dating pool is getting really shitty the older I get. As it turns out, most of my peers and friends are married and have children. I'm quickly becoming the anomaly.

It's ok. He just told me tonight he's afraid of having a child again so that's a huge deal breaker to me. Fucker's not afraid to get married again, but doesn't want to deal with another kid. He knew that was a dealbreaker for me and kind of buttered me up a little so we'd be bf/gf. Not cool, imo.

>>16581154

Basically: How do I break it off with him?
I know he would still want to be friends, but I really care about him and wish things would work out.

>>16579471
>baby mamas

Anyone who uses this term should be neutered/spayed.

>>16581167
But the women tricking men into getting them pregnant don't need to be spayed? lol

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>>16579471
He's just got something fucked up in his brain compartments. Tell him to chill the fuck out and smoke some hash.

>>16579471
you have to say what you said to us to him, and if he can't accept it he's not ready for a relationship with you

>>16579492
pity hookup, that's not fair. don't ever do that to someone again please. and you should have been honest about just wanting to have fun because it seems like he doesn't feel that way. this is all not okay. leave him now before he suffers any more, as this is clearly cruel to him and meaningless for you

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>>16581198

It's not meaningless though. We were talking a lot beforehand... Both of our relationships ended around the same time, however I did way more dating than he did.

Listen, I really care for him. I really don't want to end things with him, but I get two sides: he's a great guy, stick it out or he has too much baggage.

He said some off-putting shit to me tonight that upset me. I want to get married and have a child of my own one day. Unfortunately, I am a woman and I do have a time limit to do this. He told me he's not afraid to get married, but he's afraid of having another baby and dealing with custody battles like he had to deal with his exes. So basically, there could be a future but I'd get to take care of two different women's offspring and not have one of my own because of their fuck-ups. I don't find that very fair. Pretty upset with him, that he would even get excited and then a month later tell me this shit.

So no, I don't think it's unfair that I am treating this as casual dating at this point. He kind of lied to me to get this far, but he can't expect me to stay with him long term. I laid my cards out on the table, he said OK.

>>16581187
I wish it was that easy, anon. He really does need to chill the fuck out. So annoying.

He doesn't smoke drugs because he has kids.

>>16581193
He came over tonight and we talked a bit. Dropped a few bombs on me:
-When we started dating, I laid out all my cards... Said in the next 5 years, I want to get married and have a child of my own. If he wasn't down for that possibility, I told him to not even date me. He said OK, now he's saying he's too afraid to have a child with someone ever again.
- I work early morning hours, so I end up drinking around noon. Apparently, this is unacceptable and I will never be allowed to meet his children, but he tells me "DON'T CHANGE FOR ME." lol k buddy

I'm going to take a step back now.

>>16581213
he clearly doesn't sound mature enough to try and plan a future with in the present if he's going to go back on his word about having kids out of fear and especially not trusting you in only a month

>>16581227
It was pretty shitty. Good thing I'm only 27, have my shit together, and can break up with him whenever I feel like it.

I've been writing in a journal to help work through all these feels.

Sucks that he came over and did this shit when I was about to go out with some friends AND my grandfather died two days ago.

>>16581246
immature people just can't be counted on. it's sad. they may have good hearts, but just be naive. i'm really sorry about your grandfather and that you were about to have a good night. i've been writing in a journal lately too and it's helped. i'm glad you've provided yourself with that place to get your feelings out, as it's necessary in times like these

>>16579471
Maybe you need to grow up and fuck right off out of his life.

>>16581293
If you read posts further down, I think he's the one who needs to grow up.

I was very honest with him and I don't think he's ready for a relationship.

>>16581159
Christ, woman. You're 27. You KNOW how to break it off with him. Fucking tell him everything you just told us, maybe a little nicer, but be firm. Tell him that you'd like to be friends if you'd really like that, and if he doesn't care to continue your friendship, what the fuck ever.

Also, don't let your age get you thinking that you could or should have a long term relationship with this guy. This dude has red flags all over. I get you care for him. But you know what? Some girl out there probably cares for a murderous drug dealer. Doesn't make him husband material.

>>16581308
Yeah that doesn't change shit. You still need to grow up and fuck right off out of his life. Clearly it's not working.

>>16579492
>It started out as a pity hook up
Is this shit really a thing. It just seems like a bad idea for all parties involved no matter what angle I approach it with.