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Trust Issues.

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I know, another 'my bf cheated on me' thread.
But seriously, this is destroying me and I'm not coping very well.

My bf cheated on me.

I'm trying to forgive him because I really love him and I know he loves me, we want to get married and have a life together.

But I'm finding it really hard to trust him again. I've always had issues trusting people, and I know I will trust him more in time, but he still talks to the girl he cheated on me with.

A couple of weeks ago he told me he doesn't talk to her anymore but I know for a fact he does because I've seen her name pop up from messages when he's been on fb on his phone/computer, she tags him in stuff, and comments on statuses and such.

It makes me so insecure and anxious, to the point where I'm physically ill because I can't stop thinking about it, thus worsening my already awful mental health.

She lives on the other side of the world (he cheated while living overseas for a while) so I know he can't actually sleep with/see her again until she visits our country. I don't want to flat out ask him to cut all contact because I'm not like that, but this stupid fucking bitch was (and still probably is) in love with him.

What the fuck do I do?
How do I bring this up with him? How do I talk to him about it without it turning into a fight?
Is there a certain way I should/shouldn't approach this?
How can I help myself trust him more?
Is there anything he should be doing to help?

Please help, I'm stuck and any advice is very much appreciated!
>>
I was in a relationship for 7 years. Got cheated on in the 4th year. Loved him desperately and wanted to make it work.

He never did it again. I never got over it. I couldn't. I knew it was petty and I knew things were better. I knew he was sorry. But the hurt never really went away and it eventually was one of the factors in the crumbling of our relationship.

Just end it. Things never go back to how they were. It will never be the same.
>>
>>16574002

I've cheated on my girlfriend recently. Been with her for a good 4 years. She broke up with me and I hate to see how devastated she was, and I feel like shit about it. I'm doing all I can to make it up to her but it may take a lot of time, and who knows it won't ever work out because it may never be the same it used to be.

I really want her to love me again so bad. I've been seeing her again to talk about things, I've been open and honest with her and I even took her out for dinner for old times sake. We actually had a lot of fun, and we even had sex the next morning, probably the best I've ever had with her. We agreed to not tell anyone we know close to us. I still love her a lot and I deeply regret what I've done, and it has made me genuinely depressed. She lives 100 km away from me which is about a one hour drive. Not too bad but you could call it a long distance relationship, which makes it even more difficult. We talk to each other on Skype a lot nowadays and whenever I see her we tend to have a lot of deep and sad conversations about what happened. I'm trying to be really honest and open to her. She wants to forgive me this but it is extremely hard for her and she fears that it won't ever be the same.

I try to do a lot of things to make her feel happy again. I'd do anything to get her back. I know I can't undo my mistakes but I really really really hope time can heal it and she will trust me again over time. It does not matter how long it takes, as long as she is willing to accept it eventually and return to our exceptional relationship we once had.

She was like those one of a kind girls, the ones you meet once in your life. The ones you can share everything with and do weird shit with you would never be able to do with anyone else. And still being able to make each other laugh regardless of the depressing situation we're in.

I fucking miss her. Sorry just wanted to share this here
>>
>>16574002
>but he still talks to the girl he cheated on me with
uwotm8
>weeks ago he told me he doesn't talk to her anymore but I know for a fact he does
UWOTM8
>to the point where I'm physically ill bec
UWOTM8
W
O
T
M
8

yeah, youre probably going to need to gtfo of there. if you cant handle the situation to the point that your health is being effected, thats a good sign that its time to move on. on the other hand, what did you expect him to do while living overseas for months? go without? if he gave any kind of a fuck about this other girl, he would have stayed where he was, dont you think? unless hes a big wiener and chose what was easier over what he really wanted.
>>
>>16574059
shouldn't have cheated on her in a first place, you did so clearly you don't love and/or value her that much. Eat shit, nobody cares about your angst as it's your own fucking fault.

>exceptional relationship
and you choose to cheat on her

>She was like those one of a kind girls, the ones you meet once in your life
and yet you choose to cheat on her

I really hope for girl's sake she'll never take you back and will find a man who can keep his dick in his pants.
>>
>>16574033
>>16574072
OP here, thank you for you advice, I appreciate it.

But I'm not ending this relationship. We've been together for 2 years and I refuse to end things over something that I know we can both eventually get through, no matter how long it takes.

I seriously love this guy so much, I want to marry him and have a real future with him, which I can definitely see happening. We have a lot of history together, I've certainly made my fair share of mistakes (which I'm still trying to work through), and I know that I can trust him fully; I just don't know where to start or how, or if he should be doing anything to help.

>>16574059
That's actually pretty sad. Not really sure what to say to that, but it's good you're genuinely sorry and that you're actively trying to show her that. It's also good that you're talking more, just make sure you're always, always, 100% honest with her.

I sincerely hope for her sake that you never do it again though.
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>>16574221
>But I'm not ending this relationship. I know we can both eventually get through, no matter how long it takes.
>we can both eventually get through
>we
I'm glad you see this will take both of you. The sad part is is that he doesn't seem like he's willing to try...

>A couple of weeks ago he told me he doesn't talk to her anymore but I know for a fact he does because I've seen her name pop up from messages when he's been on fb on his phone/computer, she tags him in stuff, and comments on statuses and such.
This is bad. It shows he's not willing to try
>She lives on the other side of the world (he cheated while living overseas for a while) so I know he can't actually sleep with/see her again until she visits our country.
>this stupid fucking bitch was (and still probably is) in love with him
This means you believe the only reason he won't sleep with her is unless she visits. She still wants him. This is going to end in disaster.

>I don't want to flat out ask him to cut all contact because I'm not like that
HE CHEATED ON YOU WITH HER
If he doesn't want to cut ties with her that means he doesn't care enough about you. You did nothing wrong. That bitch needs to be cut off, anything less is asking to be cheated on again. Fuck him if he wants to keep talking with her.

>and I know that I can trust him fully
You've already showed that you don't trust him fully and that's ok. You SHOULDN'T trust him fully after what he did. He needs to repair this bond.

>or if he should be doing anything to help.
HE SHOULD BE DOING FUCKING EVERYTHING TO HELP. This isn't your responsibility.

You deserve better.
>>
>>16574002
LEAVE FAGGOT GODDAMN LISTEN TO YOURSELF
>>
>>16574221
Women, ladies and gentlemen. Have their trust violated, look for advice, but already decided to stay with a guy that bottomed out another chick and still talks to her.

Why even ask for advice if you already knew what you were gonna do?
>>
Normally I'd agree that it'll never be the same but cheating with someone across the globe seems different than someone at work or living nearby. The thing that gets me the most is him still talking to her and lying about it. What if she does visit? Why are you OK with him talking to her?
>>
>>16574002

him still talking to her is horrible.
>>
it won't get better op. my ex was the same way as yours, and he WILL blow up on you and how it's your fault for not trusting him if you bring it up.

leave immediately. don't waste any more of your youth on this idiot. he made a conscious decision to betray you, and he's not even trying to make it up to you. my ex was just like this, and i still hate him after almost 3 years.

and yeah of course he wants to marry you... because he knows you'll let him get away with this bullshit. he will do it again, i guarantee it. cut ties, and find a real man.
>>
>>16574347

The fact that he is lying about talking to her is even worse. OP, this guy would not lie to you (ESPECIALLY about this) if he loved you.
>>
>>16574059

You are weak. If you liked her, you wouldn't have cheated on her. You don't deserve her.
>>
I'm a guy, and I've been cheated on.

It'd be better for you to just get the fuck outta there and find someone worth your time. I can tell you, you won't ever forgive him, or trust him.

It's seriously not worth your time trying to repaid the relationship.

gtfo asap.
>>
>>16574377
repair*
>>
>>16574002
If you want to stay with him, this is what I recommend you do.

Tell him you need him to understand how badly this hurt you so that you can heal. Write a very detailed letter explaining how this hurt you, what the pain felt like. It needs to be very real and tangible for him so he can have empathy for you.

Limit talking about the cheating to one time a day for X amount of time (like 20 minutes). That way the relationship won't be consumed by these conversations.

You're going to have to make an active effort to create positive experiences together every day- going out and having fun. You need to monitor your thoughts and let go of the ones that don't serve you well. Spend some time alone too. It's important to remain an individual thru this- it's unhealthy to cling to him desperately, though I'm sure you'll want to, feeling so hurt. Learn to soothe yourself.

OP, It's my expert opinion (and I do mean expert) that given the fact
>he lied to you and still talks to her
he will definitely continue to cheat, and if he doesn't with her, he will with someone else. he's not trustworthy. He will betray you again. Will you find out about it? Maybe not, and maybe you will after you've been married 40 years and he dies and you look thru his phone to find that he's cheated on you the entire time.

I want to point out to you (for your own benefit so you can learn) that when you call the girl
>stupid fucking bitch
you are projecting. That means your mind is pretending that -she- is the source of the pain, because it is easier to be angry at her than it is to be angry with your bf who you love. The mind likes to negate conflicting beliefs, this is one of the ways it does that. Your anger is misplaced. She did not agree to be faithful to anyone. Your bf is the one who betrayed you.
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>>16574407
continued:

I found out I was cheated on in July- by my bf of a year who I wanted to marry. He felt so sorry, and I don't think he would do it again... but I lost a lot of respect for him due to his lies, and I can't truly trust him even though it's been months. I'm going to break up with him because of a lot of reasons, the main one being that I will never be able to trust him again. Even though I KNOW he wouldn't cheat again, the thought will always be there.

It's been fucking terrible watching our relationship dissolve. I'm mad at him all the time because he fucked other women, still won't own up to all of the cheating, and it hurts him when I snap at him. So he plays video games all day, probably because I've been a cunt often, and I feel betrayed AND neglected. Etc, etc, etc.

It would probably be repairable if he fessed up, or if he'd cut contact with her and not lied to you. But that indicates a HUGE lack of fucks on his side. He really doesnt give a goddamn about you, OP. You'd be really retarded to stay with him. Really fucking dumb move.
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>>16574260
>>16574272
>>16574322
>>16574324
>>16574347
>>16574361
>>16574364
>>16574377
>>16574407
>>16574419
OP here, thanks everyone for the advice. I really appreciate it and I've taken most of it into account. It's given me a lot to think about, that's for sure.

I'm going to get so much hate for this but one of my replies never actually posted so here goes (try and understand if you actually give a shit, it is 4chan lol).

This time last year, I cheated on my boyfriend first. I'm obviously not trying to dismiss what I did, I know what I did was beyond wrong, but it happened all from a ridiculous misunderstanding.

A couple of weeks after my bf went overseas, one of his mates messaged me out of the blue. I'd only met this guy like once or twice before through my bf and other mutual friends. We started talking every now and then, purely as friends (I also only had one or two other friends at the time, so I welcomed a new friend). We became friends and then he started telling me shit about my bf sleeping with other people while he was home and while he was overseas.

Now, I'm very easy to manipulate, I've no idea why. But, as manipulation goes, you don't know someone's manipulating you until they've already done it.

So as this guy and I became good friends, my bf started being super distant with me, and I didn't know what was going on between us.
I'll say now that every few weeks he'll 'be done' and leave me, only to come back apologising heaps and almost begging me to take him back. Thus when he became distant, I assumed the worst because he'd already left me multiple times before.

The other guy and I became, what I thought was, really good friends over a couple of weeks. He treated me so well, it was different to how my bf had been acting towards/treating me for months prior.

In reality though (and with me being so in love with my bf) I was completely blind to realise that this guy had basically fallen in love with me, and was just trying to fuck me.
>>
Your story hurts my heart. I can understand exactly what you're going through right now. I'm dealing with a similar issue myself. I want so badly to make things work but it's so difficult knowing all the lies I was told and the betrayal that happened right under my nose. I feel like a fool, a complete fool. I found out in July that my boyfriend had betrayed me and I am still struggling. He feels horrible and I know he won't do it again, but it still cuts deep. Recently I have had these fleeting moments of happiness and bliss, and then I remember what happened and I just feel so hurt and destroyed. It's a vicious cycle. I don't know if it will all work out for you or for me but I sincerely hope it does. Wishing you the best.
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>>16574563
>cont.

I've never been good at confrontation, and over the years I'd been almost conditioned (by people and experiences, and mental illness) to believe that my thoughts and feelings don't matter, so I have a huge fear of telling people what's actually going on with me/in my head.

I was so scared of confronting my bf because I thought he'd leave me again anyway, regardless of if he was actually cheating first or not.

The other guy kept telling me shit and continued to make me doubt my bf until I had a bit of a mental breakdown from all the anxiety and stress the situation was causing me (and from other factors irrelevant to this situation).

I very foolishly believed him over my bf because I was so used to the idea that I meant nothing and all the 'evidence' the guy had shown me made me believe that he was the one who actually gave a shit about me, and that my bf was 100% definitely cheating on me.

The other guy was still continuously treating me super well and for the first time in a few months I actually felt wanted and needed. I mistook those feelings as feelings of affection towards him. I know, it's pathetic. I was so fucking confused, I had no idea what I was doing and all I knew at the time was that my bf was cheating on me, wanted nothing to do with me, and did not love me.

The things he'd told me about my bf destroyed me, I was so heartbroken and very, very vulnerable for 'Mr Nice Guy' to swoop in and save the day.

You can guess what happen next. I slept with him. Once. Because the other guy had convinced me (and literally told me) that my bf was going to leave me and couldn't care less about me.

I immediately felt like absolute shit afterwards. I couldn't believe I'd actually slept with this guy when I was ~still~ so in love with my bf.

The guilt overwhelmed me and I told my bf the next day. He figured out who it was and everything went to shit from there.
>>
>>16574563
>every few weeks he'll 'be done' and leave me, only to come back apologising heaps and almost begging me to take him back
so your bf also acts shitty and immature even when he wasn't cheating...

kek, he sounds exactly like the fag my ex was. i've never regretted leaving his ass. i only regret that i hadn't done it sooner.

why did you want to marry this faggot again? clearly, his friends give even less of a shit about him to be able to fuck him over, so he's probably not even a good friend either.

i am so glad for my current bf who is actually honest and loyal to a fault. he is also a good looking guy too and incredibly humble and sweet. for once in my life, i felt comfortable in my relationship. if we ever fight, we talk it out like mature adults, and we trust each other 100%. this is a man who i wouldn't even dream of cheating on. this is the kind of man i would marry.

but even if i hadn't met him, i would never go back to my garbage of an ex. i've been tempted over and over to cheat on him, and that is a HUGE sign that i should've left his ass. i didn't do it in the end, because i'd rather be the better person than to go down to his shitstain level. and believe me, he tried to beg for me back with chocolates, flowers, guilt trips and empty promises lol. he tried everything to get me back, but i realized i was SO MUCH HAPPIER when i was SINGLE than i was with him around.

and where was the flowers/chocolates when we were dating anyway? lol, so i only get them when he's about to lose me for good? you should recognize, respect and treasure the people that you love in your life while they're still around. not just when you're sorry for being a fuck up.

hope you can find someone who you can actually trust and treat you with respect. consider this relationship ruined.
>>
>>16574627
>cont.

To summarise some of the most confusing and honestly life changing days I've ever had, both my bf and the other guy made me choose between them. I knew without a doubt that I'd always, always choose my bf. I even told the other guy that, but he still tried to 'win' me over. He failed, because no matter how 'nice' he treated me, I'll always love my boyfriend.

My boyfriend didn't end up leaving me.
I cut all contact with the other guy, essentially breaking his heart, and haven't regretted doing that since.

What I do regret, more than anything, is believing what he told me about my bf because I was vulnerable and not in a good mental state. Everything he told me and showed me just seemed so plausible to me.

I tried every day to make up for what I did for another 8 months. I never left my bf once, he left me and came back so many times, and I'll gladly take him back every time; because I know I love him and I know he loves me.

We're just not good for each other until we get our individual shit in order and can be better people, for ourselves first and foremost, but also for our relationship.

He came home a few months ago, left me a few times, whatever.

I then found out through another mutual friend (my ex best friend) and Facebook, that ever since I cheated on him, he'd been cheating on me. Multiple times. With multiple people. Even though he swore up and down that he would never do that. Of course I stupidly believed him.

It was like having my heart shattered all fucking over again. But as always, I was way too afraid of actually confronting him about it. So I bottled it up and the stress from that and from him lying to me nearly killed me.

A lot of shit happened after I found out. He continued to lie about it, and we have a pretty fucked history, we both know that. But we also both know how we feel about each other.
>>
>>16574698
you both need to grow up and learn how to communicate like fucking adults.

please don't marry and have kids. not just because your kid will inherit both your stupidity, but i would never subject a kid to such idiocy. that shit will fuck up a kid real good.

>we have a pretty fucked history, we both know that. But we also both know how we feel about each other.
it's like i'm reading a scene teen's online diary.
>>
Honest to god, OP, you shouldn't be in this relationship. All the context you just dumped on us makes it pretty clear. You're going to ignore this, but whatever.

You don't work well together. You just don't. It's an unhealthy relationship, it's been that way for a long time and I don't see it as one likely to get better in the remotely near future. I'm sorry. You can both be basically good people, and be in love, and still not belong in a relationship with each other. It happens all the time.

Maybe you can try again in a couple years, after you've worked on yourselves ALONE for a while. But you do have to actually break up to do that. Not "go on a break" or "take some space" or any fucking thing like that, but truly be ALONE.
>>
>>16574698
>cont.

The last time he was 'done' and left me was a few weeks ago. That's a whole other story I'm not getting into ever. It was a really bad night and it fucked me up so bad. We didn't talk for about a week and then met up.

When we met up I finally had the courage to confront him about all the people he'd slept with while overseas (I also had definitive proof that he'd been cheating on me). It took a bit, but he finally came clean and was honest with me.
The girl I mentioned in the OP was the girl he slept with the most, and who I have the biggest problem with.

We talked for a while that day, now we're basically together again.
We've talked a lot about the future since then too, we will get married and we will have a good, happy future.

That's basically the whole cheating story. Every time I think about what he did, I feel physically ill, and my anxiety skyrockets. I've no doubt he feels the same about what I did. Even though I only did it once.

I regret it so much, I'm fairly certain he regrets what he did too.

But I know we can move past this.

Because we are not breaking up, because we're in love, and because we both want to and need to move past this, together, the advice and help I'm looking for is HOW to do that.

I honestly 100% believe that if he can help me trust him more, and I do end up trusting him again like I once did (and vice versa), we'll be okay and we'll have an amazing relationship.

Tl;dr I don't want to, and will not, end this relationship because he cheated on me multiple times.
I just want to some tips/help/advice, please, on how to build that trust back up again.
>>
>>16574753
>Tl;dr I don't want to, and will not, end this relationship because he cheated on me multiple times. I just want to some tips/help/advice, please, on how to build that trust back up again.

him trusting you again is entirely on HIS conditions, and there's NOTHING you can do to bring it back up. FFS, you guys aren't even a family, there's no legal documents that obligate you guys to stick together, so he will do WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS.

sorry, but it's not gonna happen. he was butt hurt enough to cheat on you with multiple women after you cheated on him that one time.... he's either the type of guy who thinks in the "i'll fuck them over 1000 times more" mentality, or the type of guy who "wants his cake and eat it too." both extremely immature, and extremely unlikely to forgive and forget.
>>
>>16574632
>>16574745
Thank you for your advice, and thank you for being real with me.

The main issues we both have are our mental health, which is basically the root cause of all the shit that's happened between us.

We're both currently working through our issues separately, and I can see it starting to help already.

It's just kind of impossible for us to be apart. We always manage to find our way back to each other, and we make each other happy, I know it seems very very unlikely, but it's true. We get along so well, we're best friends and we have so much fun together. Plus the sex is fucking great kek
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>>16574792
Obviously I meant I personally don't want to end the relationship, if he wants to end it then he can end it. He's done it plenty of times already, I just meant that I won't be the person to walk away, from this problem.
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>>16574821
i guess some people need to be shot in the head a few times to realize they're dying.
>>
>>16574002
>I don't want to flat out ask him to cut all contact because I'm not like that

You are an idiot .
You have every right to ask him to do that. The fact that he is still in contact with her is very wrong.
>>
Ugh. You're hopeless. I don't even know what to say. You're just like me a year ago. Especially the "both of us have issues we're working on"
I gave him so much slack for his issues. I know it's not his fault, but I needed to prioritize myself.
We moved in together. I was convinced we were in love and that he was willing to put in as much work as I had.

He never did.

I left him this spring. I spent the entirety of spring and summer living in a daze. Not believing what I had done. And also big ugly sobs when I saw all the ways I was compensating and changing my behavior- when I saw it was unnecessary with my friends and family.

Don't marry him.

Don't marry him.

Don't marry him.

He's the biggest manipulator of all those who have easily manipulated you
>>
What kind of loving boyfriend breaks up with you over and over and over? Doesn't he care how hard that is for you? You're obviously trying so hard to not hurt his feelings even a little. Does he extend that same respect to you?

His issues are a reason, but not an excuse. You deserve better.
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>>16574870
this. the reason why i'm so angry and frustrated for you is because i went through this exact thing.

it was only after i broke up with him for good that i realized how utterly stupid i was, and how much of my time, feelings and efforts were wasted. i still kick myself over for how i basically threw my life away for 1.5 years. i am so much more careful now than i was before to not let a man treat me like that again.

i am so thankful for the men i dated after him, who were so much more respectful and kind to me. and i am especially thankful of my current, who i already mentioned is truly honest, loyal and respectful of me.

op, there is SO much better out there. SO much better...
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>>16574889
Exactly. And I know we can't convince OP tonight. Maybe we can plant the seed of doubt, but she's too used to making excuses for him. "You're just reading into it wrong! I'm not describing him right! He doesn't mean it! He has issues and I'm helping him! He needs me!"

I said those things for three years.

I asked my friends and family, "why did you never tell me what I was doing?" And they said, "We did, but you made excuses for him...."

I don't remember any of those conversations. Would someone have been able to convince me if they said the right words?

The biggest realization for me was that this behavior didn't have to be malicious. I always imagined a bad relationship as the guy purposefully being terrible to you.

But my ex fully believed the excuses he made for me. He was the damaged hero in his own story, sometimes overcome by his uncontrollable emotions. Demons he hated. He didn't want to be that way. He struggled with himself

He was no smarmy faced villian. He was just a scared kid.

But I deserved more than that. Just because he didn't realize he was hurting me doesn't mean I wasn't getting hurt. His good intentions didn't negate my pain. And I deserve a painless relationship.

We were in love. He made me laugh. He made me happy. And he made me hurt. He made me cry. I wanted to marry him. I wanted to help him. But I needed help too. And, even though he tried, he just couldn't help me.

So I needed to help myself. I had to save myself.
>>
Your relationship is standing on sticks which will sooner or later break down. You love him although you BOTH cheated, and you both have mental issues. God, this isn`t healthy.
>>
What do you think is going through Anna Dugger's head? Is it something like OP's logic?
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both my mom and my sister went through this shit with men that cheated on them, my dad ended up pulling a gun on my mom when she finally cheated (even though he had cheated multiple times) and my sister and her fiance had the same mentality you do, only she stopped and wanted the relationship and he obviously didn't. they have a child together now and he's constantly bringing random women home, and their kid has already tried to kill himself because of how fucked this family is.


things don't get better, they're only going to get worse. if he wanted to be with you he wouldn't have cheated and vice versa. just because you say you love each other, doesn't mean you're committed.

sooner or later, like many other people said, the relationship is going to become even more unstable.

end it now, what you're feeling isn't love, it's codependency and your own insecurity getting the best of you.
>>
the more he feels like you're enabling what he's doing, the more he's going to try to get away with more and more shit.

you are an enabler and you're both guilty. there is no fixing what you've started.
>>
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All these people talking about their relationships and i cant even talk to a girl that doesnt involve me paying for something.
>ohwell.jpg
better luck next life
>>
Honestly, this has all just completely overwhelmed me.

I came here to ask advice on simple things to help rebuild trust in a relationship, and only one person has actually given me that. I only added so much context because I felt like I'd unfairly painted the picture and I wanted to be as accurate as possible so you all knew my situation and how I feel etc, to give relevant advice.

But now I'm even more confused and given recent events, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now, or even what I want to do. I'm hurting so much and it's really fucking hard to deal with. I've had 3 or 4 panic attacks since posting this and reading through all the replies. My head is spinning and I feel like I can't breathe, and I feel like I've been shoved (lmao) through a brick wall by life.

Thank you everyone who tried to help me and who gave me advice. I know it wasn't advice that I was looking for, but I just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to reply to me, and to those who even shared their experiences. I'm not new to /adv/ but it's the the first time I've posted something like this thread.

I have a lot to think about, I guess.

It just hurts so much because I really really love my bf, and I don't want to lose him. He's my world and I feel 12yo saying that, but he is genuinely the only person who I love and who I know loves me, whom I can see myself having a real future with. We've been through so much together and always find our way back to each other, I think even if we did break up or I left him, we'd find ourselves together again sooner or later.

I'm going to steer clear from 4chinz for a while now, that would probably help too.

Thanks again.
>>
>>16575450
I'll leave you with one last post, hopefully you'll read it.

I'm one of the anons who shared her story. We never stopped loving each other. I still love him. I had to recognize that our relationship was not healthy. And I left him. I mourned and screamed for months after I did. But it was the right choice. I feel like I've been under the spell of blind love for years and I've only just been waking up.

Alright. I'll answer your original question. What has to happen for you to regain trust in him?

He needs to put in as much effort as you have. He needs to constantly be thinking about how his actions might make you feel before he even acts. He needs to agree that even if your negative reaction doesn't make sense, he'll work the steps to avoid that reaction.

When you stopped cheating on him, you completely cut contact with the other guy. If your boyfriend was in this to heal, he would completely cut contact with every girl he cheated with. He would do this not because you asked him, but because he didn't want to worry you by keeping contact.

Apologies and promises to change do not count. All of us who have posted about our failed relationships have heard apology after apology. What matters is action.

If he does all the same little subtle things that you do to protect him, then this relationship can be salvaged. It can't be that you nag him into doing it. He needs to want to and be fully engaged. If you tell him something bothers you, he throws himself into fixing it, instead of arguing why it shouldn't bother you.

That's the man who can regain your trust. Is he that man?
>>
>>16574002
>but he still talks to the girl he cheated on me with.

Is this a joke? Leave him NOW.
>>
You're both cheating scum.
>set yourself on fire
>>
File: 68160-1024x666.jpg (60KB, 1024x666px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
68160-1024x666.jpg
60KB, 1024x666px
>>16574002
> he told me he doesn't talk to her anymore but I know for a fact he does
You know he's still fucking her, don't you?
>>
>>16574059
You got what you deserve, probably a lot less, even. If she does forgive you, don't fuck it up. Good luck, anon.
>>
>>16574002
Your instinct is to not trust him again but you ignore that. You choose to feel this way.
>>
What the fuck am I reading, how can anyone be this fucking dense.
You can't get over him cheating on you, after you cheated on him because some nigger was slandering him?
good god OP, you got me good.
enough netto for today
>>
On the subject of trust, I just don't trust anyone in any situation. For gods sakes I don't even trust my immediate family or friends I k ew for years. I think it's because they all have betrayed me in one way or another and I can't afford to trust another person. It's killing me but if I trust others I would be dead.
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