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Hey /adv/ I need your opinion

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So on thanksgiving a girl I went to high school with messages me out of the blue. We talked a little back than but haven't really talked since I graduated 7 years ago.

So we started talking and things just clicked. Next thing I know we're always texting, snap chatting, or talking on the phone. So after talking everyday for almost 2 weeks I aked her out on a date and she excitingly said yes.

Things seemed great. It seemed as if this may end up being something serious one day.

So we've been talking for a lil over 3 weeks now. So I texted her today as I always do and she seemed distant. Using only one word responses. Something she's never done to me before. No worries, maybe she's having a bad day at work. Also she's always on her cell phone at work as she works in marketing and some business partners email and text her. So it's not like her to not be engaged in talking at work.
Fast forward to tonight. We always talk on the phone or text before her or I go to bed. I couldn't talk since I was out with some friends celebrating my buddy coming home from the navy for the holidays. I only had two beers as I was the designated driver tonight.

So I texted her and still the one or two word answer bull shit. So I ask her if shes upset with me or if somethings wrong. What the hell is the elephant in the room.

She than drops a bomb shell on me. Tells me that she thinks we're rushing things and we're moving to quickly. And cancels our date for tomorrow that we had planned.
Tells me that with work, the holidays and other stuff she has a lot on her plate and wants to pause things and not rush.

Rush things? All we do is talk we haven't even had the chance to meet up and let things blossom. Everything seemed organic like when a relationship may begin. I never said I loved her aka scare her. Never was pushy. Never pushed anything sexual on her. Granted we had phone sex on night when she called me after she got drunk at her work Christmas party and was horney. And everything was fine the next day we even laughed and joked about it.

In the past she did tell me that she has a bad cycle of pushing away guys before anything develops. So wereb texting and she's damn near crying over texts apologIzing that she's pushing me away and huring me.

I than call her out and say if you really like me and care about me you wont let me be another guy in that destructive cycle. She never responded back.

I'm torn I really like this girl, I'm crazy about her and I'm hurting. What the fuck do I do?

Do I give her space and let her crawl back to me?

Do I fight for her cause that's what I wanna do, and have her in my life and let it become a serious relationship.

Or do I say screw it and walk away, before I become more attached and hurt.

Thanks for the read, I know it was long and any advice or help is greatly appreciated. Thanks /adv/
Shameless bump
If you really see yourself dating and loving this girl, if you really care about her and want her then fight for her. She seems like she has quite bad commitment issues so just be there for her and wait for her to be more comfortable and make sure she knows you really care about her and like her, if you think she's special and you really want her then fight for her, good luck man
Thanks, I appreciate your help
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Hi mate,
Sucks to hear this is going so shit for you..

What I truly believe went wrong here is that you weren't aggressive enough IRL.
Sure, sending loads of texts feels good for you both for a while, but if it isnt
progressing someone's gonna get bored by it eventually.

I would say giving her space, leaving her alone (basically telling her if she doesn't want
to put in an effort, you don't give fudges), is the way to go.
But this is just a rule of thumb with women in general.
Your relationship is unique, and you should treat it like that.
If you have the feels, and truly believe she's worth it, do a Hail Mary.

By that I mean take aggressive control of your own situation.
Go find her, be happy and charming, look her dead in the eye and ask her to accompany you to
dinner/movies/theatre/whatever. If she says no, don't let it slide. Figure out why the shit she's being
such a cunt and call her out on it. You will get better pointers at why shit isn't flying as it should from
her if you pressure her on it. Go full throttle while talking to her, don't be afraid of burning the bridge.
If you can shake her emotions she's even more likely to go with you.

Don't be afraid of burning the bridge, because if you can't cross it, what's the point of leaving it standing anyway?

Lay it all on the line for a last good attempt, if it fails, torch the bridge yourself.

Either that or just dont give a fuck about her, thats what truly gets all ladies going, sadly.
This is honestly the greatest piece of advice I've read in a while, thanks bro.
Caveat - you DO have to back off at some point, cause otherwise you become a stalker/crazy ex. Being confident and addressing the core issue here is good, but continuing to do so for weeks is definitely going overboard. If you take this route, I'd suggest defining what your conditions are for just walking away before you actually jump in. Someone with more experience with being confidently aggressive this way can give you ideas for what that might look like, but I think it's a smart thing to consider.
For clarity (this is same anon) I'm talking about situations where you can't get a good opportunity for face to face. That was in the draft but I somehow deleted it while rewording the paragraph.
I'm going to try to figure out what went wrong, but do you think if I leave her alone ignore she'll crack and come back calling. I'm confident always have been. But this is the most confusing situation I've ever encountered
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You're welcome bro

And I agree with this bro ofc, but as I said, going for it is a Hail Mary, if it doesn't work you'll have to fold. And then its too late to hope for her coming to you. But I would say it feels better to strike out swinging than striking out just looking and hoping. Also more alpha if that is a valid measurement in your life.

Beware, these bitches may annihilate your confidence. I'm building mine back up after my first trainwreck in a long dating carreer..
Thread posts: 12
Thread images: 3

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