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How "undesirable" is dating a divorced guy with kids?

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Addition info:
I am 29. Guy is 36 with 5 year old son. I get along with the kid. We probably will not have more kids.
Is dating a divorced guy really that "undesirable"? Is it possibly to live happily with a life like this? All I hear is how dating a divorced person with kids is "settling".
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Depends on the ex. Where's she?
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>>16571613
She lives in the same city in her own apartment.
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>>16571623
So, he has custody?

>Anyway, do you see where this is going? You have to figure out how much extra hassle and baggage this kids will be, and weigh that against the value of the guy to you. We can't know all that, only you can.
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Eh, too much baggage, I wouldn't go for it.
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>>16571642
No. The kid lives with the mom and only lives with the dad during the weekends.
I understand. Most people think of these cases as "undesirable" though. Is it really that bad? Is it possibly to live happily like this?
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I wouldn't, but then again, I don't plan on being single at 29
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>>16571608

That's up to you. If you're happy and satisfied in the relationship, if he treats you well and makes you feel good, then who cares what anybody thinks? You think divorced people should live alone until the end of their days, just because nobody should have to "settle" for them? This is perfectly normal.

If he still has strong feelings for his ex, then the relationship is on shaky ground and you probably shouldn't get too attached. If it's the other way, and there's a lot of drama and bad vibes with the ex, then it might be stressful. But that one can be worked through, as long as he himself has his shit together.

But I guess the most important question is, do YOU think you could be happy with him? Do you feel like you'd be making a sacrifice if you never had any biological children of your own?
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>>16571664
>do YOU think you could be happy with him?
Probably. Nobody knows that the future will be like though.
>Do you feel like you'd be making a sacrifice if you never had any biological children of your own?
Tbh I don't really want to have kids myself so that is not a "sacrifice" to me.
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>>16571667

Then don't overthink it. It's your life. If you're enjoying this, continue to enjoy it. Don't invent problems for yourself
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>>16571669
A lot of people said that they won't go for it though
For example >>16571646 and >>16571654
Even my parents will probably frown upon our relationship.
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>>16571648
The only rational issue I can see with dating people with kids is there isn't much space for you. I experienced it with a woman before.

But since
>The kid lives with the mom and only lives with the dad during the weekends.
Then he can also probably let the kid live with his mom for some weekends if you want to enjoy times together.

Just go for it, step by step.
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>>16571677

Yeah, but those people aren't living your life. Are you unhappy with this guy? Is there another guy you like more? If not, why would you sabotage a good thing just because other people would live their own lives differently?

You shouldn't worry so much about people judging you. It's no way to live your life, you'll never please everyone and it'll never make YOU happy.
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Damn, you sound like an alright lady so far, but it shocks me how divorced guys don't learn after the first time. What's the point of doing it again? Just focus times on your child, I have no time for dates, barely enough time for my friends.

My son drains me along with working 12-15 hour days for 4-6 days out of the can any other single fathers tell me why you start new relationships?

I mean you can fuck without a relationship you know right? Or you can just jerk it whenever you have a small bit of free time.

Relationships sound insanely taxing on time, emotionally, and mentally.
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>>16571791
Not even to my parents? My parents know best (or at least they claim to).
>Are you unhappy with this guy? Is there another guy you like more?
Yes and no
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>>16571993
>I am 29
You are not a kid anymore. You should know what is best for you, not your parents unless you have some mental problems. That said, you shouldn't make rushed decisions solely because of your feelings. You should listen to people who you believe are competent and has good experience to give advice.
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>>16572001
>You should listen to people who you believe are competent and has good experience to give advice
And how can I determine if such a person fits these criteria?
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>>16572005
They are consistently successful in the topic they are about to give advice.
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>>16572006
>consistently successful in the topic they are about to give advice
It is hard to determine that though. What about you? Did you happily married a divorced man?
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>>16572009
No, but that's not what I was talking about. They are trying to give advice to you about relationships. If they have a happy relationship, you should heed their advice.
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>>16572016
>If they have a happy relationship, you should heed their advice
Ok
I won't describe my parents' relationship as that happy.
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>>16572016
But still, there are people who failed in X and they give you advice on X. Shouldn't I listen to them?
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>>16572024
You should always think about their biases when taking their advice. Faliure is traumatizing and a sign that they didn't know how to do that thing properly. Some people learn from their mistakes, they usually become successful, others blame everyone for their mistakes, they will remain faliures and their advice will be quite questionable.
See: /r9k/ and women
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>>16571946
I stopped dating when I had my son as well. I don't really want to bring men in and out of his life. I spend all of my time with him anyways. I have kind of accepted being alone.

As for op I don't really see the problem. If you like him go for it. I'd assume you won't be put into any kind of step mother position unless things get serious. I wouldn't just let anyone I date meet my son or have to deal with my ex. If it goes well then you'll have that decision to make if you're up for it. By then you should know how you feel about him and have an idea of what that kind of role in their life would be like. Being a step mom is not easy. But it shouldn't be a deal breaker.
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>>16572033
Alright. So I shouldn't really rely on my parents' advice, I guess.
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>>16572053
You are a rarity. The single moms where I work at have all hit on me or tried asking me on dates. No fucking clue how they can drop their kids off on someone else while they try to start off am obviously failed from the start relationship with me.

I respect you a lot for putting focus on your little one.

Keep it up please, we need a lot more women like you in the world.
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>>16572072
Thanks. He makes it easy for me. I'm not sure why other single moms are so desperate to find a man that they bring men in and out of their kids lives. You have to know rushing like that and desperate is going to lead to a lot of men leaving and when you've brought them into your child's life as well your child feels that hurt from them leaving as well. Selfishness or maybe fear of being alone forever? I don't know. I don't feel very alone since I have my son.

Sorry for the rant
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>>16572111
Oh wow my grammar is awful. Sorry it's early.
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>>16572112
Don't matter keep up the good work my fellow single parental. Be strong even though it's hard, your child is worth it.

Also is your child's father in his life at all ?
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>>16572194
Props to you too!

And no he isn't. That was his choice not mine. My son is 5 and I haven't heard from his father since I was pregnant. But my dad is here so we are okay.
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>>16572201
Damn sounds like we both made bad choices in who we consumated with. His mom is in his life but a dirt bag. She did everything in her power to keep me out of his life but she lost out when she took it to court.
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>>16572207
I'm sorry you had to go through that. If his dad wanted to be in his life id never prevent that. Why would you not want your child to have both their parents and be loved? My mother used to hate me because I loved my dad. It was so unfair. I'm glad the courts helped you out. And I'm glad you fought for him. World needs more dads like that.
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>>16571608
Dumb bitch why do you give a fuck
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This thread looks way different when a guy asks if he should date a single mother.

>used goods lol
>bat shit crazy lol
>raising some other guy's kid lol
>whore lol
>cuck lol
>>
Everything I've heard from single dads trying to date is that nobody is mean enough to say anything but they're really not interested. Especially single moms - those are apparently the people least interested in single dads.
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>>16572211
The world needs more empathy it sounds like.

... Good luck.
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>>16571791
This man.

I wouldn't go for it personally, but I've also set a thing with myself that after 30 I'm dropping that oh no no because by then I bet a lot of people have popped out kids.

I'm 24 though. I just don't like kids especially right now, and the baby mama shit especially with girls my age is annoying.

If you're happy and it doesn't bug you, then I don't see the problem.
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>>16571608
I've found that only true for women with kids who had them too young foolishly. Young men don't want to take care of two children. And in your 30s it's already time for kids.
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>>16572235
/thread

Men with kids are attractive because women can see how they are as dads. Women with kids get so much shit as single parents.
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I'm a guy nearing his 30s with a toddler and a divorce under my belt. I still date and get laid plenty.

Some women say it's a turn off but I find that for the right guy they make exceptions.
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Divorced man with kids == higher in value, unless his wife cleaned him the fuck out and is still hounding him.

Divorced woman with kids == induce vomiting immediately if swallowed, contact your local poison control center.
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Why should you give a damn what other people think?

I wouldn't date a guy with kids because I don't want kids nor like them. I wouldn't want to be obligated to connect with his child. It isn't fair to the kid, nor the dad, nor for me.

Now if you get a long with his child and enjoy the idea of the three of you, go for it.

Keep watch for the kid being jealous of you taking dad's affections, and definitely have the conversation about how much "parenting" he expects from you.
Regardless of how much, be sure to not let the kid push you around. A friend of mine is dating a dad. His daughter is sometimes incredibly rude when dad isn't looking. She's a push over, which is bad.

You need to be able to say, "Hey, that is not okay to say to me." without feeling like you're talking out of place. It is vital to lay down the law immediately. The kid WILL try to test their boundaries. That's how kids work.

Be sure to discuss that with him too. You don't want the kid to go running to dad about how you're daring to hold authority.
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>>16572592
What if not divorced but have a child? I'd also like to point out I have a college degree, my own home, my own store, and with no support from his father whatsoever. I know we aren't well liked but I think it's silly and maybe not an opinion that's as widespread as you think. I don't go out or use dating websites/apps I still have had men pursue me over the years. And I've seen that a lot of men want to save women with a kid on her own.
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I wouldn't go for it. I'm instantly turned off by men with kids, I don't want to deal with baby mama drama, and I respect divorcees less by default (whether it's fair or not) because a failed marriage makes me feel as though they either have poor decision making skills, or are difficult to get along with longterm.

But if you're happy, why do you care? Would us saying "lol that's dumb" mean you drop him?
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>>16572615
Even worse. Single mothers are poison and exhibit all the traits >>16572621 and then some.

>And I've seen that a lot of men want to save women with a kid on her own.
Yes, we call them "thirsty betas".
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>>16573119
Poison? That's a bit extreme. This not a real world view. The only place you see such hate for single moms is online with extreme views like /r9k/.
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>>16573123
Yeah, that's why you have a manly high-status boyfriend who loves taking care of your child right no-OH WAIT
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>>16573126
>manly high status boyfriend

This is how I know you actually know nothing about women and just rant online about how mean they are to you. It's easier to blame us or pretend we are the bad guys rather than just accepting you just aren't good enough for women. I'm sure it's that we are all whores and not that you are hateful, lazy, gross, and immature.

Go back to /r9k/. I'll just be over here banging chad while we laugh at you.
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>>16573141
>banging chad
And this is the mistake women make.

Chad will bang you. Most men would bang most women in any room who aren't incredibly fat or deformed in some way.

He just won't commit.

Case in point: you're single

:^)
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>>16573145
Too bad none of those women will bang you
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>>16573152
You're projecting, cat lady. Been fucking girls since I was 14. My count is somewhere in the late 40s or early 50s. /r9k/ virgins seem to hate /adv/, didn't you know?

But more to the point: You're single and you will remain single unless you settle for a beta, because every man worth his salt knows women with children are poison, full of baggage, expect the man to help with her motherly duties and are only good for fucking (with condom).
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>>16573166
sorry no one here believes you just give up bro you look like an idiot
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>>16573169
You seem upset, roastie.

Is the loneliness too hard?

Do you hate your child sometimes?
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>>16573173
I have a dick and no children yet I just think you sound like a tool

3/10 trolling made me respond
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>>16573176
Don't be so mad just because nobody cares about what you think or feel about anything, roastie.
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I've seen a single mother falsely accuse a man of sexually abusing her child as a form of retaliation, just because he left her.

Imagine a false rape accusation, now multiply it by one thousand.
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>>16573189

Jesus Christ. I feel bad for her kid too. How could you use your own child for some crazy shit like that?

(I mean, are you 100% sure she wasn't telling the truth?)
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>>16573197
Yeah that seems like a pretty fucked sociopath level kind of thing to do. I hope they took her child away.
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http://shawnsjames.blogspot.com.br/2012/08/why-real-men-avoid-single-mothers.html
http://judgybitch.com/2012/11/11/dating-single-mothers-just-say-no-a-note-for-all-the-single-dudes/
http://therationalmale.com/2013/03/13/generation-alpha-widow/
http://therationalmale.com/2012/07/23/case-study-wanted-new-daddy/

I am just going to leave this here.
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>>16573197
Yes.
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>>16573209
Blogs from someone literally calling themselves a judgey bitch influence your values and views of a certain group of people?
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>>16573234
>nanana I'm too stupid and bitchy to read so I'll just attack the URL on a knee-jerk reaction!

You sound... not smart.
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>>16573238
Says the guy using judgeybitch as his resource for an argument.
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>>16571608

>are you happy.

if yes, ride the waves until you are not

if no, then get out.

dont worry about what other people consider desirable or not. worry about how you feel about each aspect of the relationship.
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>>16571654
>I don't plan on being single at 29
I'm glad you've charted out your relationship life. Keep to the schedule!
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>>16573209
http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating-advice-for-you/15-reasons-to-date-a-single-mom/#.VnHc6-w8LCQ

http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_60/73_dating_tips.html

http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/13/opinion/weldon-single-mothers/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/jessica-blankenship/2014/01/9-reasons-why-single-parents-are-the-best-people-to-date/

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7563900

http://elitedaily.com/dating/reasons-to-date-a-single-mom/1035501/

http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/15-reasons-date-single-mom/

Look I can google too. I think I trust dating experts at eharmony, askmen, and cnn over 'judgybitch'
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>>16573474
>all written by women
>women's advice for men
NO THANKS

>I think I trust dating experts at eharmony, askmen, and cnn
HAHAHAHAHAHAH

>being this bootyblasted at facts and statistics 2hs later
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>>16573604
not everyone sits around pressing refresh on a thread
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>>16573604
Sorry I had to eat. And

>facts and statistics

You linked opinion blogs from non experts... I knew you were slow but I didn't realize it was so bad. I'll just let you continue arguing with yourself on the Internet. Have a nice day!
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>>16573189
lel. I have a cousin who married a single mom. Marriage went south and divorce got ugly; what you described is exactly what she did. Although I certain he did not do it, he plead guilty just to make it go away. Now the dumbasses spends his time visiting my grandma so he can rifle through her mail looking for addresses of other family members so he can try to bum cash and freelaod anyway he can.
Thread posts: 70
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