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how do i become confident and social as quick as possible? >have

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how do i become confident and social as quick as possible?

>have job at a place that requires interaction with clients
>lots of normies, i'm basically the only aspie there
>told by my boss that if i don't change, i will get fired in 4 months
help /adv/
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>>16566516
well quick the fucking job, get another one.
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>>16566535
i assume you meant 'quit', but i want to keep my job. i also want to be both confident and social
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>>16566516
Well tell us what specific problems you have with interacting with clients.

Everybody has some degree of social anxiety. We need to know just how much you have so we can begin to help you.
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>>16566571
i'm very shy and i don't get to know clients too well. i might ask them how they're doing, but nothing deeper than that. and part of the reason is because i'm not good at conversations.

i'm very quiet in general, especially seen during meals. lunch with coworkers is usually goes with me not saying anything or not saying much. had lunch with clients too and i either don't say anything or very little too
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>>16566590

Just talk. Keep it friendly and simple. During the small talk phase, talk about the weather or current events (though be careful of opinions on controversies with the clients). During the business phase, don't step on your client's or boss's dick when they're talking, but don't be afraid to interject with something relevant. When spoken to, speak directly without explanation; if they want clarification or more detail, they'll ask for it. Look them in the eye.

Above all, realize that other people aren't analyzing you for mistakes. Just talk, it will be okay.
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You are going to have to grow up and adapt to the roles that mold an easy life or suffer inside your shell and get in where you fit in with the rest of the losers that cant man up
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>>16566670
thank you for the advice and tips

>>16566688
>You are going to have to grow up and adapt to the roles
very true, my boss said that too. that i need to change for myself as it will help my future, not just my current job
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>told by my boss that if i don't change, i will get fired in 4 months

>very true, my boss said that too. that i need to change for myself as it will help my future, not just my current job

what a great boss, can't even fake that he cares about his employees
>>
>>16566516
What do you do for work anon? How long have you worked there for or how long have you been in that field of employment?

I was in your situation when I started my first job right out of college. I am a very shy, introverted person and now I see up to 9 patients a day at my job. Employers in my field want someone with an outgoing personality who patients can like. Honestly anon, you have to fake it until it becomes natural. Watch your bosses and the other people you work with and imitate their conversations. On mondays ask about their weekends, on Fridays ask about their plans for the weekend, talk about how nice the weather is, ask if they grew up in the area, talk about upcoming holidays, if they have nice vacation plans, ask about their kids, ask if they have pets and tell them about yours. Don't ever talk about anything that would be considered unpleasant, avoid giving your opinion on anything controversial or political.

It gets easier. Realize that it's okay to be awkward with others. Soon small talk will be just another a mechanical action that becomes part of your work.
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>>16566732
it's my workplace really, not my boss. i have many "bosses", or supervisors/managers that i work for. collectively they've discussed my situation and decided that i need to change and set a deadline.
i've been assigned one "boss" who is supposed to be a mentor, and he has told me what's going on

>>16566754
i work at a big4 accounting firm. been there 1 year. but it's only been 6 months since i was first informed that i need to change, i've gotten better imo, but i guess not good enough

thanks for the advice too
>>
First things first, fake it. Not confident? Tell yourself you are. Tell yourself and believe enough, it can come true. You will bring it to yourself. That goes much farther than confidence.

A problem I think a lot of people have when they are like this also, is they think they are inferior. You look at someone else and think, they look better than me. They talk better. They are funnier, smarter, successful, etc etc..

If thats you, do not do this. It's okay to notice something, but never think yourself inferior to another human being. Because really, you aren't. If you admire or want something, aspire to it.

Now... there is absolutely no way around having to actually do it and practice. Regardless of how you feel. Just take note of things and how they go and adjust them for the next time. Do not be afraid of failure or being looked down upon. People can suck. Remember that and realize they aren't the kind of people you care about anyway. So who cares what they think of you?

It's a skill like any other that can be trained.

Step one, just start. Anything you can do that will work on you talking to others, your conversation with others. IF you are too afraid to just start up your own conversations, put yourself into a situation or place where you need to have a conversation, where you need to talk to someone. If you can start and overcome the obstacles now, eventually they won't be mountains. They will be pebbles.
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>>16566821
thanks for the advice

you're right that i do compare myself to other people and need to stop doing it. but part of me compares my life and stories to theirs. other people are always doing something. it's the holidays now and everyone has some kind of party to go to. i have nothing (i don't have any friends). i always compare my boring life to other people's...
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I swapped bill haley with the weeknd and star trek with the gym. That seemed to do the trick for me. Just take up confidence boosting activities! Learn about them and become knowledgeable so you have one or two fields of confidence that you can use elsewhere.
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>>16567239
thanks for the advice. i do need to find confidence in something i do.. but i'm pretty boring, spend most of my time in front of the computer
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>>16566590
Talk to your clients about /b/ and how much you suck at not sucking
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>>16567337
>/b/
don't think that would go over so well
>>
What is it you actually want? It doesn't seem like the ability to be confident and social is all.

As I said that is really a skill anyone learns as they do it. Also of course after you don't bring yourself down in your own head.
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>>16566821
This is damn good advice.
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>>16566590
Stop thinking
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>>16566516
Read mindfully:
Laugh as long as you can on your way to work/ before a social event. Laugh for no reason.
Second: Do not complain to yourself and to others.
Watch you life change before your eyes.
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>>16567735
i don't want to get fired and i want to be more confident/social anyways
i have no friends and never had a gf before
thanks, i will work on practicing more

>>16568179
i have been trying meditation recently to help with this, but so far haven't seen great results

>>16568331
will keep this in mind
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>>16566516
>told by my boss I will get fired
Pretty sure you'll have an unemployment case there. Also, no pressure tho, rite? Your boss sounds like a douche. Find another job while you're working there then quit. Until then, start working out before work and in your lunch hour. You'll exude confidence. Converse with random people, in lines and shit. If it doesn't work just shrug it off. Whiten your teeth, freshen up your style, maybe buy a new cologne, start chatting with girls on tinder or something because when people are interested in you it's a confidence booster. Also you kind of seem to have a superiority complex, Stop that.
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Watch sports, talk to people about sports. It's easy because the talking heads provide all the info you need and it's not controversial to focus on a local sports teams unlike politics or a niche interest. It lets people engage with and relate to you without any real effort in your part. I got two jobs because I can talk about football. Also look for another job, just in case.
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>>16568532
I've been given feedback, so false dismissal is tougher to argue. But thanks for the ideas, I want to try conversing with random people, but im afraid of being seen as a weirdo
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>>16569345
>is afraid of being seen as a weirdo

>is at risk of losing his fucking job

Dude, get your priorities right. You need to work on this overtime, using the advice in this thread. Who the fuck cares if randoms outside of work think you're a weirdo, that shit doesn't matter at all.

Git gud.
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>>16569345
Dude, starting a conversation isn't weird, and if someone views it that way, fuck em and whatever bug that crawled up and died in their ass. Don't expect or force deep topics of conversation, those are less frequent. Instead stick to random trivial bullshit that everyone can relate to.

>game on in bar while you're waiting for food
>guy fumbles pass
>say something relevant
>stranger agrees and says something in reply
>world doesn't end because there's way weirder ones out there than you

WHAT you're talking about isn't as important as actually DOING it and signaling and enjoying friendliness.

Don't be discouraged if it doesn't always go well, just keep doing it and you'll get better. It wouldn't hurt to download some ebooks on how to into conversations.
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>how do i become confident and social as quick as possible?
Go out every night. & nights a went.. Grind that social XP. Go to meet-up . c0m nd find several groups that meet up every week. Book group, dance meet-up, trivia group, board games, I don't care. The other nights go to bars or wine bars where you can chat and approach women. The meet-ups will let you get to know people because everyone is there every week, you can steal jokes and observe tips. After time you WILL get more comfy. At first you will feel really weird. but it gets better. Go easy on the boozing
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>>16566516
When talking to other people, you have to have an as low an opinion of them of possible. You have too keep telling yourself what a piece of trash they are while talking to them.
Let you be the one that needs to be impressed, not the other way around. Normies don't like to admit it, but being a sociopath makes you more likable.
Be aware tho, you don't have to be needlessly agressive towards others, that only makes you seem butthurt
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>>16569956
7 nights a week*
wtf, i typed like I'm high
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>>16569662
>say something relevant
yeah thats the fucking problem, im unable to come up with something relevant to say
>>
>>16568773
i do need to watch more sports, seems to be a common topic among guys

>>16569509
you're right

>>16569662
am i to go to bars by myself and make sure i'm sitting next to someone to make comments?
>>
>>16569956
thanks for the ideas, been wanting to try some meetups. but actually afraid i'll mess things up with people if i go

for example, i go to a meetup, show how awkward i am, and from then on i'm the awkward guy no one really wants there
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>>16567309
Start changing this. Staying in front of fucking computer all day sucks... Do something else, goto sport, cookery class wathever ... Then you will have talking points + a life
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>>16569991
>>16570056
Just say what's on your mind... within reason. Also, see tip about ebooks, above. And no you don't have to go out of your way to converse with people, it's just casual. For example I just had a conversation with a nice lady at the store. We were both staring at a wall of cookies, and she just started talking.

>this entire selection and it's so hard to find one I want
>yeah I know what you mean, of course these days you have to be a little picky
>well these days there's so much sugar
>-and saturated fats
>Oh, I like this brand, made with real fruit, but this one, the packaging makes it look like it should be good for you, that's how they get you to buy it
>they're sneaky. Fig newtons do that too, made with real fruit but sweetened with corn syrup...

You just bullshit. You don't need conviction behind your words. Stop beating yourself up and making excuses like a whiny little bitch and just do it, faggot. Or talk to a doctor and get some anxiety meds and antidepressants because it sounds like you may need them if you can't handle this. Not even being mean-spirited.
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>>16570736
This is how the conversation would have gone if it were me:

>this entire selection and it's so hard to find one I want
>yeah heh
>...

Who the hell is making excuses, my head is just empty, and not because im nervous or have anxiety or some shit, but just because i can't think of anything to say.

The fact that you call this ''making excuses like a whiney little bitch'' shows that you never had any dificulty with thinking of things to say.

Let me explain it again: I can't think of anything to say (literally anything, so not even meaningless shit)

And maybe you're not intentionally mean spirited, but you clearly don't know about our problem and if you don't have any advice you shouldn't try to give some
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>>16569984
you sound like my ex
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>>16569662
>It wouldn't hurt to download some ebooks on how to into conversations.
Not OP, but I can relate to him. Anyone has inputs on good ebooks to get?
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>>16566516
her proportions are genuinely gross
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>>16571727
>fag
I can see the cum on your lips through my screen.
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>>16570962
>bloo hoo I've got it so hard
If you want things in your life to change then you need to start changing things in your life. If you can't accept the fact that you're the only one holding you back then you deserve to get fired.
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>>16571261
Bump on this
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>>16572010
How to Win Friends and Influence People
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>>16572060
Thank you very much.
I will DL and have a look!
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>>16566516
Volumes have been written on the topic of social competence. Start with How to Win Friends & Influence People. It's a bit repetitive, so a condensed version is totally an option. It's regarded as a classic because it's full of tips you could apply immediately without lengthy practice. Think it's full of too many obvious points? Then The 48 Laws of Power may be more interesting to you instead.

Even if you're not particularly aspie and your colleagues are just really picky, no reason not to improve your interpersonal skills anyway. They are helpful as fuck.
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>>16571745
>bigger ass === better omhg!
>look at all that hip fat!!!! drool

You're either 13 or black, either way learn proportions and stop trying to be so desperately high test
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>>16572144
Fuck off potato nigger, why don't you screw something that isn't as flat a table for a chance!
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>>16572144
this honestly, fuck all the hype about girls being "thic". why is mainstream culture pushing the fat=hot meme so much? oh right...
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>>16572008
>just do it
Again no advice
Protip: if you have nothing to contribute don't even bother comenting
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>>16572882
Oh honey, 'just do it' is the best advice you're going to get. You just don't understand it because you've -clearly- got your head pretty far up your own ass right now. But I promise, once you apply it only good will come from it. What is the alternative exactly?? Sit around crying about ''muh feels" all day while your boss is sorting through applications of people who can actually hack it? Okay, enjoy looking for work there, girlie.
>>
OP here, i'm like this anon >>16570962

i can't think of anything to actually say

today i had a lunch with coworkers again. did not say a single word. some guy even called me out and asked me to say something.
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>>16573377
read Dale carnegie's how to make friends and influence people. Helped alot for me. After that just look up conversation routines online and practice until you feel normal and free from your robot ways.
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>>16573737
i've read it before once i think
i will try it again
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>>16573377
cringe.
>>
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>>16574050
yes it was
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>>16570736
>Just say what's on your mind
nothing really comes to mind. people always have stories or funny/interesting opinions. usually stories about things they've done or experiences they've had. i don't have any stories.

>get some anxiety meds and antidepressants
i might need them tbqh, but i also want to be able to fix my issues without these drugs which all have side effects
>>
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Thread posts: 58
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