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Femanons- how important is it to you to keep your last name when

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Femanons- how important is it to you to keep your last name when you get married?

Masculanons- how important is it to you that your wife take your last name?

Marriedanons- how did you do it in your relationship? Were you comfortable with it? Was there much argument about it?

All this is assuming heterosexual relationships by people who actually want to get married.
>>
I run in circles where no one would think twice about my wife's last name and it would make no difference to me either. I also respect that other people have different social pressures and personal preferences.
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Femanon here. I kinda want to keep my last name due to carreer-reasons and whatnot also I'm close with my family. Ever since I was a kid it just seemed weird to give it up.
My boyfriend doesn't give a shit because it's just a name. His family is shit so he might take my name, but it's up to him.
In the end, it's just a name and I don't think its 'proof that you love someone' to change your last name. Getting married in the first place is pretty solid proof.
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Femanon here.

Doesn't matter to me if I keep my last name even though I love it and proud of it. I'm a traditionalist in that sense if/when I get married I'd like to take my husband's last name.
>>
Only reason I care is that I'm a published author, and it's complicating to list things on a CV or portfolio that were all written by someone with a different name.
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Depends on what you mean by take you mean like the spanish naming customs then i would like it added
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>>16562315
Don't people write under pen names all the time?
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>>16562321
I'm pretty sure op means the woman changing her last name to her husband's lay name when they're married.
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>2015
>getting married

marriage is for keks, it is literally slavedom enforced at gunpoint.
>>
>Masculanons- how important is it to you that your wife take your last name?
I would never marry anyone who would want my name. I'd like to change us both to a new name for fun, but she's not into it.
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>>16562335
Why don't you change your name to the new one and then she can inherit it in the traditional manner upon marriage? Seems win-win.
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>>16562331
>literally at gunpoint
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>>16562340
>wife divorces you for no reason
>can't make ridiculous child support payments
>get taken to jail by men who are allowed to shoot you if you run for it
>>
I hate my fucking last name, I wouldnt wany to burden anyone with it.

I wanna change it to something cool.
>>
I have a brother so I don't care about the name lasting. He's already married, so it's done. The person I'm with is most likely who I will marry. I don't care for his family. They're pretty shit across the board. I'm a traditionalist in that I highly believe in taking the man's last name. So I'm struggling with what I ought to do in my own situation. I definitely don't want to be associated with is family. His dad's side of the family is great, though. I guess I could always take his dad's last name. Then we'd have tow different names... so that's shitty, too. It's a mess.
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I would feel like a C U C K if she refused. Might actually be a deal breaker.
>>
I remember making a thread on this board asking for advice on this, seeing how I didn't want to take my fiance's name. Most replies were guys who told me to find a real man instead because he was beta for not making me take his name. I don't think /adv/ gives a good general image for questions like these.
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>>16562365
Many men actually have self respect and value themselves. Not taking his name is like saying you don't want to commit to him and become family.
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>>16562375
No, it doesn't say that at all. There's no need to be so sentimental about something so symbolic.
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>>16562331
>>16562340
>>16562351
>literally trolling the thread for no reason
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Don't care at all.
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>>16562375
Are you by any chance
A little sissy
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>>16562365
/adv/ had been hijacked by /r9k/ and other very insecure men. It didn't used to be this bad.
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>>16562287
>Getting married in the first place is pretty solid proof
Says a femanon in western society where no-fault divorce is now a thing.
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Femanon here. I will be keeping my last name.
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>>16562407
That doesn't mean a lot tho, staying toghether is also still a thing. Sorry for your broken family though.
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>>16562365
>People don't give me the answer I want to hear
>It's bad advice
Typical woman.

Marriage is a high risk proposition for him, zero risk for you. Actually, even better, you can cash out with half his net worth at any time. If you have kids, his de facto rights to his children begin and end where your whims decree.

We live in an extremely misandric and gynocentric society and the least you can do is take your man's name. It's not like you face any social or legal pressure to honor him or be faithful to him.

That said, I think he's an idiot for considering marriage in 2015. Especially to someone like you.
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>>16562351
>>can't make ridiculous child support payments
>>get taken to jail
not a thing. if you show up to court when they tell you to and just be like, "nope, can't" you'll never get locked up.
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>>16562427
"misandric society"
Don't start with that whiny bullshit. Women have it just as bad in society as men do. If you don't want to get married, don't. Quit telling other people how to live their lives.
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>>16562434
Confirmed for truth. My birth father has never paid a penny to my mother for me. He's never been to jail.
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>le taking husbando's name meme

Are you aware that in most parts of the world this doesn't, right?
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>>16562444
happen*
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>>16562282
femanon here.

1) it's annoying bc all of my diplomas and publications have my current last name, I feel like I'm disassociating with the success of those endeavors by changing the recognizable part of my name.
2) that being said, I hate my last name because it is long and hard to say.

It is a sexist practice- but not something that I am vehemently against.
I think of it as a small sacrifice- it's something I'm willing to do for my husband, but I want him to recognize that it is something I am reluctant to do, and to appreciate me for being willing to do it.
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>>16562427
"You don't want to take his name? He should find someone else based solemly on that" is pretty shitty advice, anon. Serves me right for going here. I earn more than him and I manage just fine on my own, where he gets the better deal out marriage. Yet none of this has anything to do with why we want to get married in the first place.
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>>16562282
>Masculanons- how important is it to you that your wife take your last name?
It's important. She's becoming a part of my family and should carry the family name.
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Keeping my last name wasn't important to me at all. I never liked it and was actually happy to take my husband's last name. It still gives me a thrill when I see it somewhere on paper. The only bad part was it was a pain in the ass to actually do and I'm still doing it.
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>>16562453
You're also becoming part of her family. Why shouldn't you take her name?
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>>16562435
>Women have it just as bad in society as men do
I'm legit surprised you can actually admit it. (I mean men have it much worse than women but you didn't plunge right into feminazi rhetoric and accusing me of misogyny so I'll take what I can get) Respect. Having said that, the difference between being a man and a woman is

>Don't start with that whiny bullshit
society actually gives a shit about women. There's next to no programs, shelters, advocacy groups, etc. for men despite the fact that we're more likely to be victims of domestic violence, commit suicide, be hurt on the job, face longer/harsher punishments for the same crime, etc.

There's literally one, ONE domestic abuse shelter for men in the entire country. Not surprising since society struggles to even acknowledge men being the victims of domestic abuse as a thing.

Anyway I'm pushing this into tl;dr territory. The point is society treats men as resources at best, and convenient scapegoats at worst.
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>>16562472
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>>16562465
Because I'm the man and I'd have the leading role. It would be especially important that the male children have my last name, are baptised in my religion and told that they inherit their nationality from me. It's how it worked in my family so far and I want to keep it that way. If someone does things differently with their family, that's fine, but I have my way.
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Femanon here.

We both changed our last name. We took his maternal grandfathers name because he basically raised my husband. Hubby didn't want to keep the name of his abusive bio dad and I don't blame him.
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>>16562472
>next to no shelters for men etc
I totally agree. You know what I think you should do? Start one. Other than complaining on the internet, what do you do to help male rape victims or men who are victims of domestic violence? If these are issues that you care about then you should be campaigning for more men's shelters and support groups etc. Don't sit around and wonder why women/feminists aren't doing it for you.
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Both parties should keep their own names, or change to a new one if desired. Children should take the father's name, for the sake of fairness -- to provide a link with the father. Women don't need an extra link with their kids, everybody saw them pop out of their body.
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I'm going to keep my last name.

My mom also has kept her own name when she married my dad. She came off as sort of a weirdo, in that era, but now it's more usual I guess.

One of the minor good side-effects is when telemarketers randomly called us, they couldn't even fake they got our number legally, as they were always asking for Mrs. X where X was my dad's (and my) family name. So all of us could just easily say "Mrs. X does not exist, forget this number, bye".
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>>16562489
But that's what feminists do and it seems to be working for them.

In all seriousness though publicly advocating for men's interests will get you accused of misogyny. I'm not trying to lose my job.

Furthermore, any man who isn't MGTOW at this point deserves whatever bullshit a woman puts them through.
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>>16562495
If you're not willing to do anything about it, don't complain as if you would. I'm upset about the wage gap and actually doing something about it.
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>>16562501
>the wage gap
Not a real thing, though.
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>>16562495
The reason there are so many groups and shelters for women is because women campaigned for them and set them up. You could do the same for men, if you really cared. But you don't, do you? You "MRA" whiners don't give a shit about men who have been victims of abuse. You just exploit them to further your own deluded agenda. Fuck you. They deserve a better advocate than you.
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Femanon here

I come from a hugely mixed background and poor lineage so my name means little to me except a connection with my father. He's great and all, but names give strength to people in a strange way so I'd rather take my husbands name if he has a strong background, or create a new one based off of our growing successes if he also comes from a poor lineage.
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>>16562505
This is a troll. You're a troll right? I can't believe I fell for it, well done. Next time, to make it even better, post some sources.
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>>16562501
>Wage gap
It's a myth. There's literally zero businesses in the free world that pay a woman less for the same job as a man. It would be illegal.

You're confusing the widespread phenomenon of women overestimating their contributions.

>>16562506
>MRA
I'm not an MRA though. I have enough sense to know that men who identify as MRA are 1: beating their chests and bellowing into the woods and 2: at this point have damaged their public image beyond repair.

I'm not trying to create change, I'm trying to educate and inform so that men can put their own interests first and be mature about marriage in a society that couldn't care less about them. I've already created the change I want for myself. It's up to other men to do it for themselves.

>The reason there are so many groups and shelters for women is because women campaigned for them and set them up

The reason there are so many shelters for women is because in western society all a woman has to do is tear up a little and everything grinds to a halt.

Nobody gives a shit about men. Trying to advocate for male interests publicly will get you shamed and harassed by feminists, and that's it.

We live in a world where universities punish students for thought crimes for publicly disagreeing with or even questioning feminist rhetoric, you do realize that right?

This is going to continue until the next great war. Speaking of which

>selective service/military conscription
People seem to have forgotten that women are exempt from the whole "at any time your leaders can wave their dicks at foreign powers and pluck you right out of whatever life you have planned for yourself so you can go die for their interests in some third world hell hole" thing.

The moment shit hits the fan with Russia or wherever all this libtard degenerates will be tripping over themselves to hide behind some toxic masculinity.

PSA: MRA =/= MGTOW, MGTOW aren't against women, just for themselves.
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>>16562527
No, I'm not trolling.

The wage gap is a result of women choosing different professions and positions, not a result of discrimination. Take medicine, for example, the most stressful and demanding specialities (like neurosurgery) are predominantly male while specialisations that offer a better lifestyle are mostly composed of female doctors, like GPs and dermatologists.

Or you have women working as maids and secretaries while men work on oil platforms, in mines, ship tankers, military tankers, truckers and other stressful, risky or physically demanding jobs.
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>>16562536
Most shelters for women are set up by and run by other women, genius.
"universities punish students for disagreeing with feminists"
What the fuck kind of university are you attending? At my university I'm constantly having to put up with frat boys singing about raping girls and making sexist jokes and the uni brushes it off as 'boys will be boys'.
I seem to recall that on this year's International Men's Day seeing a lot of feminists talking about men's issues. ACTUAL men's issues, like high suicide rates, not just 'men have problems because all women suck'.
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>>16562536
>You're confusing the widespread phenomenon of women overestimating their contributions.

source

>The reason there are so many shelters for women is because in western society all a woman has to do is tear up a little and everything grinds to a halt.

>invalidating the hard financial, bureaucratic and labor work women have done to provide shelter to battered and homeless women/children
>not providing sources for claims

you still haven't proven why you can't do what women have done and go make a shelter for men. You're just saying "Wahh ppl give women things" without providing any proof that this is the case
beyond the fact that you cannot establish a safe housing facility without jumping through the necessary legal and architectural hoops.
The likely reality is that you're too lazy and you don't actually care, you just use domestic battery and violence against men to be contrary to the big mean feminists
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>>16562558
>source
Not that poster, but consider reading this one day when you find the time.

http://www.consad.com/content/reports/Gender%20Wage%20Gap%20Final%20Report.pdf
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>>16562544
>>16562579
New to the conversation, but fighting the wage gap does not mean campaigning for women to receive a higher hourly wage to me or other rhetoric people use to assume what "fixing the wage gap" means.

It means encouraging women to value themselves when negotiating wages and raises. Women often back off from valuation, pursuing, and negotiating.

It means encouraging women to pursue "men's work," and encouraging men to pursue "women's work." Science, math, tech are good interests and fulfilling careers for young women. Caregiving, teaching, and customer service can be valid and fulfilling jobs for young men.

It means offering men more time to be a part of their family. It means allowing men to take a child-break in their career and not have it viewed negatively. It means treating men like equal partners in the family.

Correcting the wage gap to me is more about changing stereotypes and expectations, and creating opportunities rather than saying women need to have their pay boosted by $0.20~some-odd cents an hour. And a lot of it benefits men, too, as it should.
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>>16562282
Femanon here.

I wouldn't mind changing my last name. I'm not clinging to it hard. I like it, but I guess I'm just more traditional about it. I don't see how changing my name is a bad thing. I mean, I could go anyway about it. I guess it's just something I'd talk to my future husband about and reach a conclusion. I'd even be cool with him taking my last name if he wanted it. Or combining.
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>>16562405
/r9k/ was successfully hijacked too. It didn't used to be consistently cringeworthy like now. /adv/ is heading that direction too.
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>>16562420
Why?
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>>16562437
My (rich) birth father never paid any child support either. My mom told him she wouldn't come after him for it if he gave up all rights to me. He couldn't sign the papers fast enough. Feels bad, man.
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>>16562435
What's so bad?
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>>16562444
>>16562446
I actually did not know that. Where don't they take their husband's name?
>>
I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I would probably feel insulted if she wanted to keep her last name.

On the other, I'm more attached to my mothers side of the family, and their last name has effectively been daughtered out. So I can understand their perspective too.

I can't really give a definite answer, so all I can say is I'll deal with it when and if I cross that bridge.

>>16562558
>you still haven't proven why you can't do what women have done and go make a shelter for men.
To be fair, Erin Pizzey who constructed the first womens domestic abuse shelter attempted to do the same for men. The response was overwhelmingly negative between that and the fact she highlighted that most abuse was reciprocal. Her dog was shot, countless death threats, you get the idea all by radical feminists.
>>
>>16562622
>It means encouraging women to pursue "men's work," and encouraging men to pursue "women's work."
I'd argue that those different choices are the result our genetic structure, and not just cultural influence. Gender roles were similar all over the globe during most of human history, that's not a coincidence. Even in nature, you won't find male lions engaging in the same behaviour as female lions. You mention women backing off from negotiation. Maybe it's due to a lack of testosterone? There are measurable behavioural differences (in aggression, risk-taking, confidence and similar traits considered necessary for positions like CEO) between men with the lowest and highest healthy blood levels of testosterone. And men with the lowest healthy levels of testosterone still have loads more of it than women with the highest healthy levels of testosterone for their sex.

I don't see the point in encouraging anyone to pursue anything. All jobs should be open for those who want them, but there's no need to aim towards having a 1:1 male to female ratio in all professions. Most engineers aren't men because someone is encouraging them to become engineers. They just picked it for themselves, they didn't need role models. Medicine has historically been a male-only profession, but 60-70% of medical students are female now. This isn't because someone encouraged women to go for medicine or discouraged men from it. The field opened itself to women and women have shown higher interest in it than men. Same is true for biology and chemistry, they're mostly female areas now and I don't see why would there be a stereotype that physics are for men only, but biology isn't. I think it's just a result of different, biologically ingrained preferences.

I don't feel like there are any real obstacles in front of a woman who wants to be a mathematician other than a couple of people saying "Really?" A man staying at home to take care of children would probably be viewed negatively, though.
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>>16562622
>Correcting the wage gap to me is more about changing stereotypes and expectations
Which is great and all, I really do support your perspective. However it's also the minority opinion. The majority of people who believe in the wage gap think a female lawyer will make 30% less just because she has tits.
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she can name herself whatever the fuck she wants the day she starts winning the bread
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>>16562282
Male here,

I don't care one way or another. From a professional stand point I'd say that it is a foolish move and then you need to get everything changed.

I don't have a plan to get married in the near term, but I don't care one way or another
>>
>>16562622
Then why deceive people through misuse of statistics?

Why not call it the career gap?
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>>16562282
>how important is it to you that your wife take your last name?

It is very important. If she didn't, I'd likely not marry her.
>>
>>16562483
I agreed with you until you went full retard.
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>>16562688
In countries where people have two surnames.
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>>16562688
Spaniards are an example. They keep their last names when they get married and every person has two last names, first one from the father and the second one from the mother. The child get's the first last name of both parents (so the last names coming from the two grandfathers), but people can also choose to pick one of the "female" last names for their child.

Picasso's name is actually Pablo Ruiz y Picasso and Spaniards are usually known to Westerners by their first name and the paternal last name, but Picasso preferred being known by his maternal last time.
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>>16562747
What first world countries actually do that though?
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>>16562764
Spain.

>inb4 cheap /pol/ bait about first world countries
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>>16562772
500 years ago doesn't count.
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>>16562737
because people are stupid and worthless

remember how we had to rename it "climate change"
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>>16562780
We still keep that custom. I have two surnames.
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>>16562772
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>>16562360
This. It's literally a deal-breaker for me if she does not take my name. My family are drunken Irish jailbird halfbreeds but that doesn't matter. Refusing to take my last name is showing a lack of respect for tradition and for me.
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>>16562315

>I'm a published author

If you've only published a couple things, employers will understand you got married.

If you've publish a lot, then you've got an impressive resume and no employer will give a shit what you're calling yourself.
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>>16562434
>you'll never get locked
>but you have to go to court and tell them whats up

yeah, dumb fuck, dead beat dads definitely show up to all their hearings

>>16562437
then your mother didn't seek payments by the court. Child support payments don't just start happening; your mom should have gone to court. If she did go to court, then your dad should have warrants, but its sounds like there was no court order.
>>
I'm the product of a union where the wife didn't take the husband's last name. As a consequence, I have a super long, hyphenated last name with my mother's being first. I love my family and my heritage, but my last name is kind of a symbol of my parents' disjointed relationship, with my mom being the resentful breadwinner and head.

I would love to take my partner's last name. It would be a sign of my submission, respect, love, trust, and desire to be and create a family with him.

However, I don't agree with legal marriage, so I doubt I'll ever get legally married. Perhaps I'll change my last name without it, but who knows for now.
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>>16562490
Except when you got chimera disease.
;_;
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>>16562293
Basically this

I love my last name, but I would love to take my bf's last name if he's ever crazy enough to marry me. I don't really know why either, just the idea of taking his name really appeals to me, I'd love it
>>
Masculanon here. Partner and I hyphenated our surnames (so let's say Anon-Geek for funsies). We're both proud of our family names and neither of us wanted to give them up because it felt like turning our backs on our respective heritage. Joining the surnames together was a great compromise because we both got to keep our family names; plus there's some good symbolism in joining them into a new name - making your own way and all that good stuff.

Ended up putting partner's name in front because new name sounded better and rolled off the tongue more comfortably that way.
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>>16562282
>femanon
I'm keeping it. I'm fond of it and I like how it sounds with my first and middle name.
If whoever I marry has a better last name, I'll change it.
So it's purely based on aesthetic sensibilities.
Carrying on the family name is irrelevant to me as I do not and cannot have kids.
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>>16562712
So name change should be determined by income? What if the higher earnings shifts during the marriage? Does everyone have to change their names then?
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>>16562405
As someone who's been a daily lurker on this board since it was created I can tell you that that is flat out wrong.

/adv/ has always had a conservative tint.
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>>16562536
>MGTOW
Good goy.

Family and procreation is bad! It inconveniences you and life is all about your own convenience! Oy vey goy don't let them shoa your conveniences!
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>>16564403
I can't wait until that leads to cluster fuck names in a couple generations.

>hi, my name is Bob Anon-Geek-Desu-Faggot.
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>>16564403
You are a massive kekold, mate.
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>>16564493
>>16562536
Good goyim, you don't want to marry white women and have white babies :^)

They'll just cry and become childless spinsters, they won't just convert and marry Jewish men heh heh heh *rubs hands*
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>>16564487
I still feel like wasn't as bad as it feels now. Now it feels like /pol/ and /r9k/ decend on any thread created almost instantly. Maybe I'm just misremembering.
>>
I'm conflicted. Because I'm an illustrator my name is my business, so changing it could fuck with google and shit.
Also my name is beautiful sounding as it stands and my boyfriend's last name would sort of ruin it.
That said I really, really would like to.
I think it's such a lovely gesture of partnership and I get gooey feelings when I think about it.
So I'm kind of stuck, honestly.
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>>16564509
Anne Hathaway is already somewhat ethnically jewish though isn't she?
>>
>>16564516
Why did you name your business after your last name knowing you would want to change it when married?
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>>16562282
my last name is sweet, if she wants to share it with me, awesome. if not, i'm totally okay with it, but we're not doing that retarded hyphenated shit that makes our kids look like they have divorced parents
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>>16564520
Nope. But she she'll be a full Jew soon.

Just like Ivanka Trump. None of her white boyfriends ever put a ring on that. Well, too bad.

The thing is, Jewish men don't worry about the last name nonsense. The only thing that matters is that the girl is Jewish and she's your wife and bears your children, and they'll have your last name.
>>
>>16564520
Scratch that I'm dumb.

At least he's one of those holding on by a thread kykes who's blood has been so interbred with europeans for hundreds of years that his judaeism is just some symbolic thing the maternal aspect of his family clung to as a response to that euro integration.
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>>16564525
That's just how being an illustrator works. Know of any non-avant garde artists who aren't refered to by thier name?
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My wife and I never questioned her taking my last name, it's just what we did. I always thought it was awkward and confusing when the women doesn't take the husband's last name, like their relationship is almost temporary. Like we're "Mr. And Mrs. Anon", not "Mr. Anon and Mrs. Anonnetti". She's my family, so she carries the last name like a flag.
>>
Seeing as I'm the last man in my family that still carries the name I'd see it as a necessity. I'd see it as a values dissonance between us and what we want from marriage if she refused to do so.
>>
>>16564576
Isn't it more important that your children take your name, rather than your wife?
>>
>>16564613
Quite right, but I'm not going to lie: I'm a traditionalist in a lot of ways. When I think of me being a married man I think of having a wife that wants to be my partner in life, to start a new family with me.

Taking my name signifies that, we're a family now. That, and part of me just finds the gesture very romantic.
>>
>>16562282
Lady. I'll probably keep my last name and probably would only hyphenate at most. I guess I'm fairy untraditional, following my mother's footsteps, but the big reason is kind of silly.

My current boyfriend's name, no offense, is kind of fucking lame and to think of it, none of my exes last name's were as cool as mine. I receive a lot of compliments on how unique and neat sounding my name is, so as stupid of a reason that is, I am reluctant to change it.

My brother once said he'd take his wife's last name if she'd like, but he kind of loathes my father.
>>
>>16564645
You have serious problems.
>>
I am only taking his last name if it is shorter than mine. (3 letters)
>>
About to be married.
My wife is going to take my name. Growing up I never thought it was a big deal or anything. Now I get it. It matters to me and I'm pretty adamant that she takes it, which she is extremely happy to do.
>>
>>16564726
>3 letters
>asian
No one even wants you.
>>
>>16564509
>a celebrity married a jewish guy and another one converted to judaism
>HOLY SHIT IT'S A CONSPIRACY GUYS THE JOOZ ARE GONNA END SOCIETY
Whiny faggot.
>>
>>16562282
Male here. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if she wanted to keep her name. One thing I would want to get agreed on is what name any children would have. I don't want to lumber a kid with a hyphenated name.
>>
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>>16562472

You must be joking... are you honestly trying to tell me that more men are victims of Domestic Violence than women? holy shit, anon...
>>
>>16565704
They are, in America, at least. I'd provide citations but I'm on my phone. This isn't a controversial fact among people who study this sort of thing impartially. We went over it without much fuss in several mid-level anthropology courses in college.

The numbers are almost equal, though, and women are much, much more likely to be seriously hurt, absent weapons, just because they're smaller on average, so I'm not making any political claims like the guy you're responding to. Just a factual one.
>>
Traditionally the woman takes the man's name, that's how I knew it growing up. Same as my wife so we made no discussion about, she took my name.
>>
>>16562338
This actually seems like a good solution
>>
>>16564570
I have to completely agree with this.
>>
>Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name

When the wife doesn't take the husband's name, it just seems weird. Like there's something missing. My wife took my last name without any problems (other than it was a pain in the ass to get everything changed over).
>>
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Taking his name. Mine's always been horrible, ugly for a girl, and rough for people to say. 2 syllable full name sounds strong as fuck.

>>16564570
Exactly. It just makes me think the wife is backseat driving literally everything, and for most of my friends who didn't take his name, it's true.
>>
>>16564486
>So name change should be determined by income?
yep
>What if the higher earnings shifts during the marriage?
it won't, and the marriage won't stay stable if it does
>Does everyone have to change their names then?
nope just the woman
back to her maiden name when she inevitably divorces the man
>>
>>16562282
Here's my take on it. Whenever I have a girlfriend, and the subject of marriage comes up (I doubt I'll ever get married, but hypothetically if I do).

I ask the girl if they like the man to propose. Would they like them to do it, down on one knee, which way they would like them to do it.

If they want that to happen, I ask about taking the last name.

Some have kept the western-type tradition of taking the mans last name. Others have opposed it.

The ones that have opposed it I have simply said to them: "If you expect the man to play the traditional part by buying the ring, down on one knee and proposing and all that jazz, you should be willing to take his last name. Otherwise, you've got double standards by expecting the man to be traditionalist, while you in turn don't acknowledge it."

The ones that oppose usually see it as a "power" thing, but are blinded to the traditionalist sense of the man proposing.

Most can't argue with that logic. And I tell them that if we ever get to stage of marriage, if she expects me to buy the ring and get down on one knee, she better be willing to take my surname.
>>
Male here, my family would disagree with me taking the girl's name because they're pretty proud of it for some reason. It honestly depends on what their last name is, or if they'd be open to getting a new last name altogether. I'm a long way off being married though so shit'll definitely change.
>>
I'm completely okay with giving up my last name. I don't see it as an essential part of my identity or anything, and I'm pretty traditional anyway.
>>
>>16566368
What if she is okay with being married without a ring/getting on a knee?
>>
>>16562282
I won't get married but if I were to marry, I would never take my husband's name. Don't care if he takes mine or not (for some reason all bfs I had said they wanted to take it), but I do want to keep it.

My name isn't very important to me but it's still one that I've gotten used to, it's the one I respond to. Changing it wouldn't feel like losing a part of me but it WOULD feel like being incorporated into someone else.
>>
>>16566500
That doesn't happen. Seriously. A girl that wants to get married, will want the guy to propose. Not in a deadpan mode either. The ring, perhaps not so much. But she'll still want the guy to propose.
>>
It doesn't really matter, it's just a name. Some people say that the female should take the male's last name for tradition's sake, and that argument has never made sense to me. It implies that doing something for tradition's sake has some type of value. Tradition has no intrinsic value and is actually oppressive in some cases because of how it can inhibit social change.
>>
>>16566642
See above statement. If you're a female that wants a man to propose to you at the very least, yet are unwilling to take his name, you're pulling a double standard.

If you've ever had a drink or your meal paid for out in a date by a male, another double standard which is "tradition"

If you expect the males to approach you and to be confident, that's another "courting tradition"

Majority of women will complain about the things that's expected of them in traditional values, yet don't bother their arse about how they are reversed because it suits them.
>>
>>16566323
What? This is trolling right?

If not, any point you may have possibly had has been covered up by your blatant retardation.
>>
>>16566612
It does happen. I personally know two different girls who have been the ones who proposed.
>>
>>16566612
Why can't you propose while standing up on two legs, like one talks in normal life?

Sorry I just don't see what the fixation is on the knee and ring thing
>>
>>16562435
>Women have it just as bad in society as men do.
fuck off you roastie slut

all you have to do to get a job is wear a skirt and show some skin while men have to actually work for the job.
>>
Femanon.
I want to keep my name because I have publications attached to it. It's also a nice name, while my boyfriend's is really common. I guess he could take my name if he wanted to, but it's not something I'd actively suggest
>>
>>16567893
^ cheating roastie slut detected
>>
>>16567893
>Publications
This seems to be the active excuse for these women to not accept their husband's name.

That and this whole undertone of 'well it's just a name'

Kind of makes me sick how much we've devolved as a species.
>>
>>16567940
It's not an excuse. You excuse bad behavior. This isn't bad behavior, so it doesn't need to be excused.
My mother, who also has a career in science, took my father's name and got a ton of issues with people not finding her earlier articles.
I'd also be fine with just not getting married, which is the way I think we're heading anyway.
>>
>>16567947
It absolutely is 'bad behaviour'. It's complete idiocy.

An issue like the one you described is totally insignificant compared to the idea that you refuse to take your husband's name.

The degree of common sense which you lack is legitimately disconcerting.
>>
>>16567953
Explain the idiocy. Explain what would be gained if I took his name.
In practical terms, by the way, not sentimentality and tradition, since you're not accusing me of being unsentimental, you're accusing me of lacking common sense
>>
>>16567960
Nice try but tradition extends far beyond 'sentimentality'. God that's a disgusting way of framing the backbone of civilisation.

You have no shame.

But guess what? You're not going to do anything but become washed out of the gene-pool thinking the way you think. You're never going to ruin society with your garbage way of seeing (or not seeing) the world. You will only succeed in ruining yourself.
>>
>>16567979
So explain what would be gained if I changed my name.
No one's stopping you from arranging your marriage in whatever way you want. Marry a girl, never marry ever, marry a guy, import a wife from the Philippines and keep her in the basement, whatever.
Don't try to dictate other people's marriages.
>>
>>16567979
Not that anon, but I would like to know what you think tradition means.
>>
It's not that I'm attached to my last name or anything, but my boyfriend's last name would sound really weird with my first name. But I think at the point of marriage I'd just follow through with everything traditional since I don't give that much of a fuck about my name, and it feels more united to share the same last name.
>>
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>>
been thinking about this lately and talking it over with the bf because there's been some talk of rings and weddings, which I am very very happy about

he isn't too partial if I change my name or not (which is attractive to me, considering I find few things less attractive than a guy pounding his chest and bellowing like an ape about how his wife has to be HIS with HIS name and everything. it just screams insecurity and shit), but he has to keep his regardless due to his music career

on one hand, I have a bad family history and would like to move away from that. on the other, I do like how my career and education has always been attached to my name. if he seems to like the idea I'll probably take his name, but idk yet
>>
>>16567990
It's not about what is gained when you do (what a completely rotten, selfish outlook anyway), but what is lost when you don't.

And we live in the same society. What you do affects me and what I do affects you. Stop pretending just because we're in different marriages that we're somehow completely separated.

We are never separated. Even if you existed on the other side of the galaxy. What you do affects others no matter what. You exist within the same universe.

>>16567992
Patriarchy.
>>
>>16567979
>slinging insults when you have no actual reply

yup, you sure showed em!
>>
>>16568019
>Reading the response that was written as simply an insult because you can't even begin to entertain it because just entertaining it destroys any argument you may have had.
>>
>>16568018
So what is lost when I don't change my name?
Please, explain in great detail.
If you're thinking of saying something along the lines of it'd show my submission (lol), then I'd like to point out I'd still be as much of a scheming harlot, just with a different name.
>>
My father grew up poor all of his family is dead my dad, brothers, mom and I are the only one with name now everyone else in his blood line is dead. My dad is the best and I love him I want to honor my dads hard work with being able to use his last name to do great things with in my career and leave a mark.
Plus my fiance family very loopy they are alcoholics and partake in illegal jobs. His family is not happy that I am not taking my fiance name but we are not having kids so does not matter they are also not happy about that either. Nothing matters as long as your partner and you are happy everyone is different. I want to focus my life on science and treating my loved ones the best I can with all my love.
>>
>>16568027
I don't need to explain anything to you miss autistic.
>>
>>16568024
there wasn't even a point in that entire post beyond "it's tradition", which on its own isn't even an argument, the rest was just mud slinging
>>
>>16568035
>refuses to explain because he doesn't fucking have anything to explain

nice
>>
>>16568040
It very much is an argument on its own.

The fact that you personally at this time aren't capable of grasping that does not alter that reality.
>>
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>>16568043
>Lol stupid Christians who I don't know but challenged to debate won't oblige me because they know they'll lose XDDDDD

>:^)
>>
>>16568035
I think you do. I think what you're saying is you can't.
>>
>>16568052
>But mummy WHY can't I have these sweets mummy WHY give me a reason WHY mummy explain WHY

>EXPLAIN YOURSELF MUMMY YOU FUCKING BITCH

literally you right now
>>
>>16568060
Because you haven't made enough of an ass of yourself yet.
By the way, I'm still perfectly willing to listen if you have any arguments.
>>
>>16568044
your insults aren't fooling anyone m8. you haven't shown an actual disadvantage or reason to change anyone's name beyond "because you should", really, which doesn't work unless you're dealing with 5 year olds. if you have some ground breaking arguments, fucking show it. otherwise shut up and stop being a faggot
>>
Honestly, I'd probably take my bf's last name. I love my last name so much, it's kind of unique and pretty uncommon.

I'm an only child too; the only male in my generation is my little cousin, so the name would be lost if he didn't marry/did change his name, and his sister and I took our partner's names. But I'm pretty sure he'll get married one day and keep his last name.

I also just love the thought of taking my bf's last name, I love the sound of it with my first name. It just seems romantic to me too, like it's just another declaration of our love to each other and the connection we share.
>>
>>16568067
>>16568071
>people who are right have to explain down to the atom why they're right or else they're not right

This is why both if you are, and always will be failures in life.
>>
>>16568084
When you repeatedly insult people for not agreeing with your argument, and saying your own argument is based on logic and the other person's will ruin the world, you kind of do.
>>
My last name is Brown. So anythings better then that.
>>
>>16568094
This is exactly your little game right now. You know I won't explain myself so you demoralise me and anger me into saying insulting things as a response to your mindlessness, and then you focus only on that part of what I said in order to move away from the fact that what is true simply cannot be explained.

General logical truth outruns provability. We've known this formally since 1932. What makes you think argumentative truth is in any meaningful way removed from logical truth?

The burden is on you to succeed in understanding, not on me to 'explain' myself.
>>
We're not getting properly married as it'd hurt our financials, but I'm switching my last name to his as soon as I take care of some debt that's preventing me from being able to do that.
>>
>>16568105
I know I just got here and I'm too lazy to read any of this shit, but can you (and anyone else) just please shut the fuck up and answer OP's question?
>>
>>16568105
what the fuck are you even on about m8
take a few deep breaths
>>
>>16568115
Keep trying.
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