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I've been living with my boyfriend for about three years.

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I've been living with my boyfriend for about three years. He's gotten a new job recently and it doesn't pay very well so he's been having financial troubles. I've agreed to pay his share of the rent over the last few months--not a huge deal to me, since I make a great deal more money and as long as he pays me back we're fine.

Recently he's been smoking cigarettes again due to high stress (we quit smoking together about a year ago) and I can't help but feel slightly annoyed. He's pretty much living paycheck to paycheck, I pay for his rent, and he's buying 1-2 packs a week. I know they're not that expensive but I really think he should be spending his money on something less wasteful if he has to ask me for money every month. I know he'll pay me back eventually, but...

I realize this creates a messed up power imbalance. I don't want to control every aspect of his life (and smoking "makes him happy") but I feel like it's a little unfair that I'm helping him with rent and he's blowing money on cigarettes. Am I being too sensitive or is this an issue?
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It's an issue, but don't make it a big deal. Just mention it casually: "Anon-kun, I'm not comfortable with you smoking your allowance."
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>>16562140
Sounds like you to dump the boy and start dating a man.
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>>16562140
>I feel like it's a little unfair that I'm helping him with rent and he's blowing money on cigarettes
Tell him this.
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>>16562166
Tell him this, and not the fucking retarded allowance thing. That's patronizing. Treating him like an adult and telling him it bothers you (not that you're "not comfortable" with it) is perfectly acceptable, as is, frankly, telling him it's stressing you and making you worry after his health.
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Just curious, how old are you both and how much do you both make?
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It's absolutely ego crushing to wake up every morning to someone you love knowing you don't deserve them because you can barley take care of yourself, I've been through it I understanding what he's going through if you truly want to be with him show him you don't mind paying the bills and tell him he has nothing to be stressed out about because you love him, be gentle but firm this is just a stage in both of your lives.
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>>16562140
I find it weird you think he will pay you back, like do you think he will suddenly come into alot of money? I can see him saying that he owes you nothing and you get fucked over.
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You have been with him 3 years and expect payback and are bitching about 2 packs a week. I pity this fool and even if you are a 10/10 you need to chill the out.
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>>16562140
For me personally having to borrow money from my loved would feel terrible, seeing that I'd rather be the families provider, so a discussion of that kind wiuld be soul crushing for me.

That being said, I'd never spend my money frivolous in that situation, especially not on stuff that I don't need.

Do yes, tell him, but try not to make it sound like 'I don't like you spending my money for that stuff.'
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>>16562140
>>16563762
>>16563762
>>16562140
>>16563762
Ususally i would say "TALK IT OUT" but....
Dude if you make a good deal more money than him, you should be HAPPY SHARING THE MONEY WITH HIM especially if it's for something that TRULY MAKES HIM HAPPY like smoking!!
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>>16563088
This

That's a lot of money for him to owe you, several months worth of rent. Do you expect to keep a tally and record each "payment"? Did you talk about this going in to you paying his bills?
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Two packs a week is less than going out to eat once. That's not an expensive stress relief. If he was smoking a pack a day it would be different. You should look at other frivilous things he may be doing.

What does his money actually go towards? Even a minimum wage job is $200-400 a week. A pack of cigarettes is like $3-5. If he can't help you with rent, you should look at his other expenses, not the pocket change that helps him get through the day.
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Some of the posters here are delusional. So what if they live together for three years? If OP decided that he owes her, then he owes her. Just because she makes a "great deal" of money more than her partner, it doesn't mean her will is less important when it comes to money.
OP probably got the to state of having a fat paycheck because of this way of thinking in the first place.
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>>16563845
I live in Chicago and a pack of smokes are $12 each. Just sayin
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>>16562228
Best advice
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I paid full rent and most of groceries for 6 months when my boyfriend was getting settled into a job situation and didn't think twice about it because $2000 or so is peanuts in the course of a whole lifetime together right? Like it sucked and sometimes I'd get a little miffed when he'd buy new pants or something, but it really didn't occur to me to do anything else.
I guess what it comes down to is, in a reverse situation would he do the same for you?
The fact that you want him to pay you back seems really petty to me, honestly.
If you're three years in you should be viewing your relationship as a partnership, not a transaction.
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>>16563845
>A pack of cigarettes is like $3-5
Brb moving to America. The 20 benson & hedges I bought from the garage this morning cost me £10.81 ($16.38).
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Thread posts: 19
Thread images: 2


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