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Help

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So here's this situation.
I've been talking to this girl I meet every week and it's really obvious that she's into me. Looks are about a 7.5/10 and seems to be nice and all, basically girlfriend material. But the thing is that she's depressed (diagnosed) and is currently on some anti depressants, and she had a history of selfharm.
what to do? help
>>
So much for "advice"
>>
Everyone has depression. You'd be stupid to break things off just because of that. The self harm is a red flag though. How do I know? I used to have a problem with it myself. It means she suffers/suffered from a mental pain so great that she tries to distract herself by creating physical pain.

Does she cut? Have you seen her scars? Does she burn herself? How do you know she self harms?

If she outright told you such sensitive information it's a good sign. It means she trusts you. I would never tell anyone I cut myself, only the one I trust the most.
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>>16561627
She told me almost in the beginning that she had been cutting before, on her inner thighs, but that she has stopped now and tries to keep it that way. I've not seen them, but she has told me about it
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>>16561627
One of the things bothering me is that my brother hates her because she made one of his friends feel bad, which was about 3 years ago
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>>16561658
>>16561663

If she told you early on that probably means she really trusts you and just wanted to put that information out there.

Talk about the she-made-your-brother's-friend-feel-bad thing. That happened 3 years ago. Let it go man, I'd say. Does your brother hate her character or what she did? Talk about what she did, context is important.

Generally if you are in love with someone, and your friends hate that person, it's usually a sign that they see something undesirable in the person you love. You won't be able to detect it because you'd be too in love. That's why I asked the questions
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>>16561665
Sorry for late answer.
He mosly hates her for being a selfharmer/depressed person and that she got really emotional with his friend (they were good friends) so I suppose he hates her for what she did
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>>16561730
also, we're in the same theatre group together, and the play is in half a year, so if we get "in problems" it might mess with the performance...
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>>16561730
>2015
>hating someone for having a mental problem that is extremely common nowadays
>I get the hating the self-harm part, but still

Did your girl have a crush on your brother's friend? I don't really get how you could hate someone for three years because of that. Tell your brother to knock it off and move on.

Man that really rubs me wrong. Feels really unfair from all the things you said:
>got really emotional with his friend
>they were good friends
>made his friend feel bad
>that was three years ago

So what exactly did you need advice on? Don't dump her just because she's depressed. If she is keeping her self harm urge under control that is very good. If for some reason she does it again and comes to tell you, don't yell at her. Try to be understanding. If you don't know what to say, hug her and listen. The only thing I will say to watch out for is the antidepressant meds. They can kind of make you 'numb' to everything, turn you into a zombie. They did that to me, even lowering my libido to the point where I wasn't interested in masturbating.
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>>16561744
The thing is that as you're saying, I've been through some shit simular to her, but I didnt need the meds and im all right now.
From what I understood she didnt have a crush on him. Shes kind and sweet and it feels kinda bad just dumping her for something that shes trying to overcome
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>>16561735
I can see that being a tough situation but my advice for now is to not worry about it. It's six months away. Just be good to each other, treat each other excellently, and yeah
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>>16561759
Hey. thanks. First time /adv/ actually helped me/ gave me some "support". Hopefully everything works out good. As a plus, she wants me to introduce her to Star wars
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>>16561757
Not implying anything but, OP, are you looking for reasons to dump her? Just a question.
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>>16561769
no no, Im natural about the situation, thats why I needed advice. Because im at the stage where I can basically choose to dump/friendzone or to proceed into a more "close" relationship
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>>16561778
MY ADVICE IS TO PROCEED, do not dump, SHOW HER THE STAR WARS

That's cute as fuck. You can use it as an excuse to hug her
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>>16561781
Top thread. Thanks for the advice. OP has been pleased
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>>16561578
>what to do? help
I've been in a relationship with someone who self harmed, so I hope my advice is of some help.

IF YOU CHOOSE TO PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER
Do:
Be supportive and understanding, you chose to date her

Don't:
Try and "fix" her, you aren't qualified, you don't know everything
Try and keep secrets for her, what she says will be confidential, but she might need this information sharing in some situations, keeping secrets may impede professional help
Freak out about her scars (if applicable), they are there, they are permanent, your friends and family may see them and ask
Baby her, she isn't a child, she is hopefully getting help but you don't need her to be dependent on you
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>>16561796
Thank you.
As I said, I've been through similar shit (self harm and depression) so I sort of know how to act/be around others. I'm not saying I'm a pro, but I sort of understand how to, as you said, be supportive and understanding. But once again, thank you
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>>16561796
Yeah what he said. I was the one helping through the marjority of the thread. I lurk here just about daily. It's not often i can actually be of help though

That guy has some good advice in the "Don't" section
Thread posts: 19
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