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>27, married >don't want kids >never hid that fact

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>27, married
>don't want kids
>never hid that fact
>husband is starting to drop hints
>probing "if/when" statements about kids
>fuckno.jpg
>he would make a great father
>I still don't think I'd ever be able to be a mother

Do I wait and see if biology kicks in? Do I shut it down asap so he can go find someone who is more willing? Do I have a kid I will probably hate to make him happy?

I just don't see how knowing even in the abstract that I may seriously never want children he still married me, but would change his mind like that. Is it because fatherhood is so heavily idealized? Can I still salvage this?
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>Get a implant, don't tell him.
>Agree to start family.
>Never get pregnant.
>stay married
>stay childless
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>>16549397
He already wants me to get one anyway, since it's not an issue for the immediate future.

The whole point is that I don't want to be lying. If I have a kid, I'd be lying for the rest of my life. If I told him I'm not on an implant anymore but still kept it, I'd also be lying.
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Whitey detected.

You're trying so hard to embrace your feminist conditioning and it's respectable you don't want to contribute to overpopulation but if you're living comfortably enough to have some spending money about then it's time to have kids when your young enough they won't be autistic messes. You won't hate your kid. As a woman you're a slave to your hormones as much as your broody husband and you are not prepared for how much you'll love that kid.

Reproduction is the meaning life. I don't mean human life but everything right down to the amoeba and he's being such a pain pestering you because you're robbing him of being a successful organism.

>b-b-but I don't want hormones to rewire my brain to be a gun hating, freedom loathing matron unit and have to raise a little version of me
Hormones are gonna rape you anyway in menopause if you don't.

How about getting sterilised and donating all the money you've saved from not having kids to the third world so women over there can continue to have on average 10 little eaters each.
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>>16549405
Then be honest.

Talk to him about this not us.
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>>16549412
THIS
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>>16549378
My older sister experienced the same thing and it didn't end well. Wanting to have children is an instinct, you can't rationalize your way out of it. So either break up with him now before it gets worse or accept the fact that you'll have to do this to make your relationship work
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>>16549406
I am by no means a feminist. We both have careers that could keep going even with a kid in the mix, and I'm fine with being traditionally feminine, cooking, cleaning, and generally taking on a wifely role.

The issues I have aren't with "muh patriarchy", they're with the fact that I don't feel mentally or emotionally capable of taking care of a child.

When I consider the concept, I feel disgust, and I'm pretty sure parents who are like me are probably a large cause for autists who can't function in society, at least in my "narrow first-world" view.
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>adv is slow lately let's post a troll thread
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>>16549397
>stay married

yeah, except for that part.
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>>16549423
Did they break up or did she have a kid? How did it turn out for her?

>>16549412
Naturally there's no going around that. The real question I have is if I should still keep a possibility open, and if the whole hormonal biological clock thing would eventually factor into it. It would be pretty damn shitty to tell someone I love dearly I will NEVER want to have kids and suddenly in like two years my hormones suddenly kick in and I do want one. I just wonder how it even goes.
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>>16549425
Well pregnancy gives you time to be ready and no one ever really is except ironically sterile old maids. You seem pretty switched on so you can't do worse than the retard single mothers who are propping up the workforce of tommorrow instead.

I'm just preaching to give you another perspective to maybe help understand your husbands stance on it all. Your attraction to him was no doubt not unlike that of any woman who chooses her boyfriends on height and good looks and personality etc etc etc on the subconscious grounds that he'd make a good father. You're consciously aware he would as you straight up said it. Instead he ended up with you and will die a genetic dead end on his family tree so that you can have his undivided attention more often.

There's no 'muh patriarchy' here just 'muh I'm a special snowflake'.
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>>16549441
Nobody can decided what they want to do in two years time, that is impossible.

You have to focus on the now.

If you do end up wanting kids two years from now that's a discussion for then.
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>>16549378
>Kid I will probably hate
Why?

Why do you think you would hate the kid / be such a shit mother?


Also the longer you wait, the more ineffective your cunt's going to be. I'd say listen to some logic, search your feelings like a jedi, and then make a decision. Soon.
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>>16549449
I do get that. And I know there is a fundamental need to pass on something of yourself.

What drew us together though, was the fact that we both move around a lot, and work in the same industry. I sometimes wonder if maybe it doesn't go past that superficial idea, and that maybe he hasn't considered how much it would actually change his life. We'd have to settle, moving countries for work wouldn't be as easy anymore, productivity would drop. It's all stuff that could very easily chip away at a person who spent their life making that freedom possible in the first place.
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>>16549474
Because I am distant from my own family, and I still have issues from that. I have two sisters who I practically raised in a dysfunctional household, moved out as soon as I could and now live on the other side of the world from them all.
I kind of miss my family but I am happy being the estranged oldest child. If it was that easy to do that, then how would I be equipped for a child of my own? At best I'd be emotionally distant, at worst I'd be projecting all my past issues onto another being, and watching it grow to resent me. It's a vicious cycle and the only way I see out of it is by not playing the game in the first place.
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>>16549479
I see. That's fair enough. I hope the productivity reaps enough to look after you in your old age.
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People change. He might've been okay with never having kids for a long time, but the idea grew on him. Over the course of the last ten years, I went from wanting two kids, to one kid, to no kids, to one kid. Now I have a baby, and I'm back on the "two kids would be great" thing.

You need to have a discussion with him about this. It's normal to be uncertain about what you want, and to change your mind, but if he's certain about it, he needs to know where you stand. Go from there.

In the meantime, double up on the BC. Don't rely on just one method, because if you get pregnant by accident and have to decide between carrying and aborting, this situation is going to get a lot worse.
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>>16549518
Thank you for the reply. I am glad to hear that it's not a definitive yes/no situation. Did you ever link fatherhood with the core of your life/happiness or was it more like a situation-based thing? Sorry if that is a weird question, I'm just really curious.

Also yeah, we're very good on BC, taking no chances since whatever happens later we both know right now is not at all the time or place.
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>>16549378
this is what you are contributing to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL1-340ODCM
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>>16549441
She broke up with him and had a kid within a year with another guy.
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basically you don't want children with this man.
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>>16549550
what a fucking cunt.

This might be a good point OP if you've been together with your husband for a long time which no doubt you have you're probably just too secure in your relationship to want a change like that. If he were to leave you you'd probably reset to your biological clock.

>>16549555
Trips don't lie. You should listen to this purple haired fatty for sure.
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>>16549492
Maybe it's because you haven't given me enough detail, but I see no reason to assume you'd be emotionally distant.

I think you should give it a shot.
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>>16549547
This alone is something that eats at me. The idea that maybe, just maybe, we could make a difference in influencing the outcome is so tempting. Then I remember the droves that pop out 10 kids and wonder how any potential offspring would stand a chance against that...

>>16549555
The opposite. This is the man I love and am devoted to. We are married, and I went into it with the intent of seeing it through. The fact that despite being sure right now about my position on the matter, yet still being torn enough to try discuss it and gain views and still keep possibilities open should indicate that the relationship is very important to me. If I loved this man any less, I would never have married him, and even if I did, I would have moved on much sooner.
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>>16549585
Explain to us again why you don't want a kid. Because I'm not seeing much evidence for "I'm guaranteed to be shitty, trust me guys!"
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>>16549593
Her career prohibits a settled home life.
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>>16549602
Ah, so it's his fault.
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>>16549593
I am afraid that because I feel nothing for the thought of having a child, and that in general life children are either completely uninteresting or disgusting to me will make me incapable of giving a child any sort of normal love.
I am on ADs, and I have gone off them enough to know I'm much better off medicated. I have massive issues with my own mother, and I refuse to project those issues on a child.
While everyone always says that in the modern age men and women share parenthood much more equally, I still feel that mothers in general have to be more "involved" with their children, and considering how much I hate my own mother I have no idea what that bond is ever supposed to be like.

Everyone keeps talking about it like there is some magical "switch" that turns on a light either during of after pregnancy, but I wonder if I'm one of those people who will never be able to do that.
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>>16549602
And no, I said we both got together in the first place because we like to move a lot. One of the concerns was that maybe he might not like settling down, and just thinks he does. I'm speculating. That's the point of this thread.
Thread posts: 30
Thread images: 4


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