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Am I being unresonable?

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>Tell parents I'm moving out
>Going to make it on my own
>Ask where I'm going
>Refuse to tell them
>Freak out
>They say they're entitled to know where they're child is going

I know it's normal for parents to be concerned for their kid and stuff, but I don't like people knowing my business nor do I feel my parents are entitled to know my business. I like to do things my way and not have people guilt me into or out of decisions.

However, I'm a bit torn. I live under the premise that nobody owes anyone anything. Nobody is entitled to anything. My parents didn't conceive me for my behalf. They did it for themselves. I'm not saying I'm not grateful, I am. I am only anything because of them. However, if I had a child, I don't believe I'd think he owed me for his conception or me taking care of him. I don't think "anyone" owes me for anything I do, even if I believe it's for them.

I think people, parents, everyone attach strings to the things they do. I'm not buying into that shit.
I feel a bit bad since they're my parents, but I don't feel in debt to them. I feel grateful, not in debt.

A lot of my friends seem to disagree. They say I do owe them. Can someone explain this? I mean I understand the idea, but maybe there is something I'm missing.

There is an expectation that I will take over the family business, be the bread winner. Not necessary to "support" the family, but to be the future of our family lineage. I did not agree to this. This is the expectation based on my birth, being well off, being relatively capable of handling family affairs. I let them know that if I'm to do this, I'll do it my own way. I'd do a lot of drastic things, but nothing financially foolish.

I owe them a legacy? My privacy? Making money? Being successful? Having kids?

I already know my answer, I don't. I'm just looking for some outside insight; agree or disagree.
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>>16545255

its not really about oweing anyone anything, its implied that you want to break contact with them, regardless how you feel about them they still raised you
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>>16545267
If I don't, they'll contact me and slowly grind away at me. I know it's in good intention, but they'll about my future, the family business, having kids, holiday gatherings(which we'll be talking about my future, business, having kids), etc etc etc.

These are things I'm morally against. I want to adopt a kid. They aren't cool with that.

If I take over the family business, I want to do it my way asap. I don't want to be stuck in a position of weakness and slowly grind my way up the ladder and finally be free to do what I please when I'm 60.
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>>16545278
if thats the case then make it clear to them that you want your own space away from them, that you will end up adopting and it has nothing to do with their principles
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>>16545255
You're being weird as fuck OP. Them wanting to know where you live is not owing them anything? They just want to know you'll be ok??
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As someone with a child, it would be very painful and scary for me to not know where he is or how he's doing. My child is more important to me than I am.

I understand that you don't want them to wear you down and get all up in your business. But I think it would be cruel to cut them out completely. Just let them know what general area you're moving to, don't be specific, don't answer every single text/call/email if you don't feel like talking to them. By all means, do your own thing for the most part. You can do that without abandoning them.
>>
You're right, no one is entitled to anything, and you don't have to tell your parents where you are going. You don't owe your parents anything, really.

That being said, it is unhealthy for you to string them along with your ideals, since they clearly do not share them. If you mean to cut them off, do it. If not, then be at least somewhat more accommodating to their views. Don't make some halfhearted decision that they will have to suffer from.
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>>16545284
Y-yeah.

>>16545285
They expect things from me.

It's not like they'll just say "wow anon, great. you want to make it on your own, well that's your decision to make". They'll say something closer along the lines of "Anon.. are you serious? You're squandering a great opportunity you have. We've broken our backs to give you these opportunities. Are you just going to live for yourself? Don't you think that's selfish? Btw, we just want to make sure you're ok anon".

I've experienced degrees of this.

Yeah a location is just a location, but if it's a lower class neighborhood they're insist that I'm living a shitty dangerous unfufilling life. If it's a decent neighborhood, they'll insist that working in the family business would be more lucrative to support that lifestyle. Everything that isn't their vision will be shit.

Yeah day 1 it'll be cool. After a month, they'll be belittling me for my decision. I've lived this before.
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>>16545255
If, for example, someone in the family died, do you think it might be useful for them to be able to tell you?
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Lie to them and call once a month from a pay phone to check in.
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>>16545255

You sound autistic from the way you've written your post.
You should fix that before you move out.

And yes, you do owe your parents the courtesy of keeping in contact seeing as they raised you for 18 or so years.
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>>16545315
It's not just business. I don't want to be torn from my decisions based on other peoples beliefs of what I should be.

Why can't a parent accept a child's decisions? I understand concern. I am terrified that I'll be the same way if I have/adopt a child.

I'm not asking them to agree with me, but accept my decisions. I'm not a hormone plugged teenager. I'm old enough to make decisions. If I fuck up, big deal. I fucked up, it happens. I won't die from it. My future won't be fucked or anything. What is the actual difference between making 100k, 200k, 300k, 500k, 1000k??? I can't use that for myself. Neither my parents, siblings, or myself believe that throwing money (at the world)/problems will fix them. We're just going to infinitely make money as a score count? I feel like they(many parents) measure themselves with the success of their children and it makes me feel fucking sick. What the fuck is that.

>>16545306
I think you're right.
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>>16545333
I should add, the only family I know of is my mother, father, brother, grandmother, grandfather. I don't know my grandfather and grandmother very well. I'd say I know them less than strangers. There is a language barrier among other things.

I'm prepared to get some heat for this one. Yes, I would like to know if someone died. I would like to and would attend the funeral.

However, I can almost guarantee I know where the conversations will go. I've been in situations of great tragedy and the conversations always go in this direction. I will guilt tripped into be staying with the family for a while. This is understandable.

Over days, weeks, months, however long I can take it, things like this will be said:

"we're a small family. Haha anon just give us some cute grandchildren. ha, what about that cute girl you were with?"

"Mom, dad, I broke up with her 2 years ago. I'm going to adopt"

(this is a quote)"Anon, just give us 2 grand children then, we'll take care of them haha :3"

"Seriously"

>Tears start welling up in their eyes
>This has happened more than once
>They really REALLY want me to have kids

>>16545365
I was planning to do something like this..
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>>16545371
I understand where you're coming from I think. I just fundamentally disagree. Why do I owe them? Can you tell me? I don't mind being wrong if it makes sense.

Someone I knew used to say "yes, because yes". I'd ask them to explain and they'd respond with "Yes, because yes, because yes". Is that what you're suggesting? Idk if this makes me autistic for not understanding this shit.
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>>16545255
I don't know OP. How old are you? Not to be rude, but you sound really young.

Your parents have a right to make sure you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere, because if you are a minor and you are, they are going to lockup(not necessarily jail), even if they had nothing to do with it. It takes a long time to get away from that, and if the woman I was speaking to last night is any indication, one never truly outgrows that kind of worry and/or concern.

If you aren't a minor, and you are serious about moving out, the best thing to do is to actually move out. And no, moving out doesn't mean never speaking to them again, but occasionally inviting them- and others- over to your place for dinner, maybe(maybe) getting a car, having okayish furniture- showing them and others that you can indeed take care of yourself. But that isn't so much something that you do to appease them, it's something you do to just plain take care of yourself.
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>>16545474
I'm 25. I don't want furniture and stuff. I don't want a permanent place of residence. If I'm going to have responsibilities, I want to feel in control.

If I have no responsibilities, I'm also in the clear.

I think I'm just going to talk to my parents. If things go sour, I'm peacing out. If things work out, I'm still out.

I think we're all comfortable that I won't end up in a ditch. I've always been able to take care of myself. I've got a lot of skills, hefty credentials if needed, I'm in a pretty good spot.
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>>16545255
I agree with you 100%

Your parents sound like extreme control freaks. Try to make clear to them that doing what you think is right is the only way for you right now. You either succeed... or fail and learn your lesson.
If you keep doing everything the way they want, it'll only worsen the relationship between you and your parents.
It's a win-win situation.
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>>16545255
I do think they just care for you well being and they're a little hurt that they just wont know how your doing

you do completely have the right to tell them nothing as well, that's what my dad did (his family was messed up, if he wanted a good life he needed to separate himself from them after high school)

I would say it turned out well for him, he now keeps in contact with the family members that ended up doing something similar to him and he doesn't regret his decision

If you need to get out of that situation in order to make yourself then do it and don't look back man, just be sure you don't regret what you do

good luck
>>
I don't know your parents, so I can't give you an exact answer. But it is usually not about debt or anything you owe them, and more about them wanting to be a part of your life. They are your parents, they love you, and even though you're going to captain your own ship, they still want to be there for/with you.

They also want you to make what they consider are the correct choices. This is something they'll try to influence you into doing, and it is incredibly annoying. But it's not unexpected.
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>>16545388
Why is having a child of your own such a horrible idea? Why do you want to adopt?
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>>16545278
>If I don't, they'll contact me and slowly grind away at me.
So you do, in fact, want to cut contact? That's cold, OP. Their talk of entitlement is misguided, but you sound like kind of a jerk.
Thread posts: 21
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