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Girlfriend with issues

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Hi.

Fucking help me.

I come to you with a problem that I'm lately having a real hard time coping with.
About a year ago I started in college (studying film arts) and about two months later i got together with a coursemate.
Now shes a 9/10 easy, but as I grew to understand, she has some serious mental issues.

So 2015 january is about when it all started. She started getting upset very quickly and would fall into some serious depression and anxiety attacks. There was a period when she was only talking about suicide and i had to be by her side all the time. If I was away then she would write to me how bad she felt and i would eventually go and try to cheer her up. But without much success. Usually I would just hold her for 2-3 hours while she cried herself to sleep.

2015 summer it kinda started to get better because she quit the pill (i thought that might be the problem, coz hormones you know) and hope started arising. She would be happy for much longer periods.

But as soon as school started, everything went back to as it was in 2015 may. And its really fucking hard to get any good medical attention in my country. We're students, so we dont have any money either.. fuck, we're film students, we dont have any time either.

So basically I'm in a situation where I never have time for myself or my friends. I havent gone out with the guys in like six months. I don't have time to deal with my own personal existential or professional problems, because I'm always on full alert that she might get another anxiety attack. (Talking about suicide is casual). I cant allow myself to get mad or sad, because she will detect it in a second and mimic my bad vibes.

I just dont know what the fuck to do. She loves me to death and fears that one day i will just leave her, because she's such a "psychopath". I don't want to leave her, but fuck, i can't live like this forever.
>>
Cont:

Facts:
-Me - 23 Extravert
-Quite confident, cant leave a man behind, love hard work, quite an asshole sometimes.

-She - 20 Introvert
-Together for 1y3w.
-Last doctor said she's probably bipolar.
-She's the best fuck in town.
-She blows me regularly
-She cooks for me regularly
-She loves me more than life

-I can't go to parties alone (cause she cant stand me having fun while shes at home).
-If we're not together then she either talks to me continously on facebook, or makes a phone call (even if the call lasts for an hour and I try to end it cause i thing i might get brain cancer, she will probably start crying)


fuck i dont know what to write anymore, help me.
>>
Sup one of my closest friend is going trough the same thing.

His gf committed suicide 10 years back when she was planning her own and lately just the word father, as in my father told me about this show i should watch, sends her into a mental breakdown.

She told him that he didn't love her anymore/enough last time while he spends all the free time he has trying to make her feel better.

Didn't know what to do in the end too
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>>16542720
Ah fuck a typo.
His girlfriends dad committed suicide
>>
She probably has bipolar disorder, in that case you can't do much other than getting her in psychiatric therapy with a mood stabilizer (lithium and such).

Also understand her and support her through her depressive episodes and "control" her through her maniac episodes.

Sorry, bad english.
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>>16542676
>sticking your dick in crazy
baka desu senpai
>>
>>16542676
Start by getting her a proper diagnosis, then work from there. Nobody can give you much advice or documentation without knowing exactly what she has.
>>
>>16542676
I'm going to take a slightly different approach since we don't know if she's clinically broken in the head or not. Basically, you're letting her get away with too much. By not drawing a line with these social situations, you're reinforcing that her compulsive reactions are correct and to be honored. Essentially, you're both creating a situation that's turning you into her hostage. She's sounds pretty fine otherwise, but you're really her safety blanket. That's a huge toll, and if you want to avoid bad fights, rocky "we're together/we're not together" cycles, this means you're going to have to make yourself feel uncomfortable for a bit and tell her what she can and can't do to you. I would address by saying, you're not breaking up, but you are redefining certain boundaries so that you are less stressed, and more happy to be around her. Film grad here, so I can relate to both on the time and stress of this career path but:

1. You need to be able to see and be around other people without her. This is not getting her permission, this is you making plans without her consent. Should you not be able to make this stride with your friends, there's no way you'll be able to work on set. If she can't trust you or herself to be OK separate from each other, there's no way you can healthy together.

2. Crying now means nothing to you. It's her natural response when she isn't getting fed what she thinks is required for her to exist. Some men feel callous ignoring this, but crying is not an acceptable argument. This is a large part of your hostage status.

3. There's no minimimum/maximum amount of calls or texts you are obligated to respond to when you're not home. There just isn't and setting a number of times is giving an inch where she's really going to take a mile. You can be her ally to her condition, but it's HER disorder and it's up to HER to take control of it. You need to be allowed to feel your own emotions without her going off on her tangents.
>>
>>16543039
cont'd

Suicide is not an ace up the sleeve for your attention. Maybe she does have manic depression, but I know from experience, this becomes the excuse to justify unreasonable reactions and requests. If she says she is suicidal, you will call a hotline, her family, take her to the hospital, end of discussion. You really need to follow through on at least getting a 3rd party involved because she needs to see their are consequences to using such a severe word.

You don't have to be a dick, or be angry, this is just the way you 2 are going to operate, and if she can't handle even 2 weeks, then she needs to seek her own council or you're out. This is simply something that does not get better by continuing down the course you're on. She will be upset, cry, think you're dumping her, whatever, and just let her spit out all her tears and boo-hoo texts and calls, just proceed as you would, and if she can't function at all without your help, I would really consider any future plans you have with her.
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>>16543060
PS Sex and bjs are great, but the longer you're with someone, even the hottest girl, the less and less this will influence your decisions regarding her. You'll get older, and sex will still be fun, but you won't be on about it like you are now, and she certainly is going to burn out as well. Do not let this aspect interfere with the real issues surrounding her.
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Had a friend in the same situation. I suffered from depression a year before and after a suicide attempt forced my own recovery so having him whine and complain all the time really annoyed me. He seriously never shut up about his problems and his medication.

Okay so she's bipolar. But medication isn't the be all end all. And this whole thing is fucking up your life. Are you really sure it's worth it? You cannot save her. You cannot be there for her 24/7. You need to be honest with her on this. And if she feels like it's a personal attack well fuck that man. You're not old enough to be able to deal with this. Tell her you'll be there for her but that it's affecting you too, propose a nice day out on a weekend and just do really fun shit alone together. Talk for hours.

My first instinct is to tell you to get out before she starts depending on you entirely but I feel that won't be taken very well.
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>>16543039
I agree here with the the distancing yourself tactic, although i would suggest a subtle or even therapy controlled approach if possible (you never know what people might do).
Maybe it sounds a bit to rash but instead of her confronting her problem right on, which in no way is easy, you try to solve it for her. And instead of blaming herself she has you to blame.

In my own experience the only person able to fix problems in your head is yourself. Sometimes you need other people's perspective to understand or even recognize the problem and when you think you know how to solve the problem friends, therapist, family etc. can provide the support needed for you to keep fixing it.
But in the end it's got to be her who fixes her own problem
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