Sunday Weekly Advice Thread

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I'll be bumping with some scenery

>>16537847
Ask anything? O K. Who played Edgar in Laurence Olivier's 1980s TV King Lear?

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>>16538115
Anything you'd like to ask where you would be seeking for an advice or a second opinion, rather than a trivia question anon.

>>16537847
Fine, I'll go first.

There's this girl in class who seems to like me. I've deduced that she hasn't had a lot of romantic succes yet (neither have I btw, for that matter), and it's a little hard to be completely sure because her signals are kinda subtle at times.

She's pretty flirty though, keeps asking if I'll be attending X or Y or whatever, and just yesterday I promised to bring some flash drive to class with a movie she'd really like to watch, to which she replied in an excessively grateful manner.

Anyway, here's the catch. Whole class is going on a couple of trips, and if I go for it, I have to be sure. I don't want any awkwardness, because I've only recently started to hang out with my class mates and all are pretty cool people.

So;
1) Do you think there is a chance here?
2) Do I go for it?
3) If so, when and how?

Feel free to ask further questions, if necessary.

>>16538136
Sure thing, go for it.

Spend time with her whenever you can, make small chat with her, ask her questions, accept her invitations, basically flirt back and this should make things easier for you.

As to when you should do it, you can do it anytime you feel like it really, but I imagine it would be easier for you if it was just the two of you with some time to spend.

The only "awkwardness" you can possibly create is your own conceived one, you can just simply go up to her and tell her you like her and would like to spend more time with her, and invite her to a drink somewhere, and whatever her answer may be there's no reason for any of it to feel awkward, for then and for the future. And by the sound of things I think you'll just have some good time together.

>>16538163

Idk, I can't exactly make out whether or not she sees me as some shiny new addition to the class, or something more.

Most of the invitations have been a "package deal" with all the other people, so far. I'm not complaining, they're cool and I want to spend time with all of them while we're still in class together (last year haha, I open up slowly).

On the one hand, I don't want to ruin this by overplaying my hand. On the other, she is nice and I would like to get to know her better, but it's not been easy to talk to her in an out-of-class context, let alone have a one-on-one talk.

But yeah, I do respond to her signals, in my own, semi-autistic but somehow apparently attractive manner. I just don't dare making a real move yet.

>>16538175
>>16538163

Also exams are coming up, so I'm having a difficult time contemplating the timing.

>>16538175
That's alright, sounds like you've spent good enough time with her and there's no way that saying "hey you're pretty cool and I'd like to spend more time with you" is weird or 'overplaying your hand', it's just basic human interraction.

If it is your feeling that you haven't spend enough time together and would rather feel things out a little more you just do that, but by the sound of things I think you can make your move whenever you feel like it.

>>16538189
Honestly, don't sweat about the timing, or anything really. The sooner you do it the less you'll make a big deal about it and better it will be for you, in my opinion.

At worst she'll gently let you know she's not interested, but I don't think you have to worry about that.

>>16538198

Okay, sounds reasonable. What if - I'm doomsaying here - things do work out at first, but then something terrible happens. We'll still have to go on these trips, one of them may even be a month, and it would really really really suck if I would be back to being the ghost in the group.

I don't know man, I don't show it irl at all, but I'm just so doubtful and pessimistic about everything.

Thanks for the insight though, it really does help put perspective on things.

>>16538210
You are just unnecessarily torturing yourself with these thoughts, and unless you stab someone with a knife or something to that effect, there's no obstacle or a situation you can put yourself in or find yourself in that you cannot overcome.

Like most people, and by the sound of things, you are a person with good intentions with a good heart, you should understand that these pessimistic thoughts are needlessly torturing your mind and holding you back from making yourself and making others happy.

Deal with things as they come rather than burdening yourself with imaginary disasters, embrace and understand that you and everyone else are beings made of love, looking for love, and stop holding yourself back.

>>16538234

You are truly wise, anon. Thank you, I will try.

>>16538258
Don't let your spirit be broken if the things don't go exactly your way at first, for they eventually will, God speed.

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Hey there, old man.
I have one question: when is it really time to give up?

I've been chasing this girl for 3 months now, and I feel we've made zero progress. It's kind of unusual what we have, because this girl is special and slightly broken.
We started off great, and though she had a unique approach to most things in life, nothing held us back from going out weekly and having fun together. So we did. And though we took it slow and didn't physically escalate as much as people on dates usually do, we enjoyed each other's company.

In the second month, I just wanted to make this thing official when her studies caught up with her. Our carefree lifestyle so far turned out to be horrible for her exams, especially since she's slow and needs more time than average for her work.
Every single moment we talked, she had her studies on her mind. She worked (still does) on it all day long, and sometimes complete nights too. She started shooting down my plans to blow off some steam because they conflicted with her schedule.
At first I tried to support her where I could. I'd take a few notes for her, look up documents she needed, tutor her for one of the subjects she especially had trouble with, and try to give her emotional support, whatever that means. She was grateful for it, but over time she still got less eager to approach or contact me. Her responses got shorter, her smile got fainter, her flirting got nonexistent. The other day she even snapped at me because I got too nosy. She got unwell because of stress and her issues, and I was concerned about her. It made her feel like a lab rat.

Now an actual classmate of hers has started tutoring her. He actively rehearses their classes daily, proofreads her homework, studies together, basically everything an outsider like me can't do plus what I initially did.
Now every smile and every >1-word response from her feels like a struggle. I'm useless now, but I don't want to lose her. I'd like to think for her sake, but mostly mine.

>>16538462
I only see one issue here, and you see it too, you've just been too nosy/clingy.

People make time for others they enjoy, no matter how strict their schedule, and people need time for themselves, no matter how much they like a person. You need to pick up on clues when people are hinting the need for that alone time, and keep in mind that if someone truly wants to they will make time for whatever, so while you do offer your help and offer your time to spend together, don't be clingy/nosy/too insistent about it.

If she outright confronted you about it, the only thing left for you to do is to give her space. Let her know that you hold no bad feelings and your offer of friendship is still there and then move away and let her do as she wishes.

>>16538511
She didn't confront me about it, she just got annoyed and I apologized for pressing her too much. Does that change anything?

I did get a lot clingier. At first I saw her every so often during breaks and such, but she kept texting me daily, asking to see me that much. Eventually she stopped asking, but I kept coming. Now she's spending most of her time doing her work with that classmate, with whom she's also 100% study-focused. I got jealous, I guess.

You also mentioned friendship. Of course you're right and it'll stay there, but do you think the romance is at an absolute end? Does it seem like that door's definitely closed?

>>16538618
No, no, definitely not a means to an end, I merely meant that you should give her to space she seeks for the time being and see where it goes.

To me it seems like letting things be while working on yourself would be the better course as I can't really think of any one thing you can right away do to make things smoother. Give her some time and work on your flaws meanwhile, and after you give her some time you can reinitiate contact and continue your realtionship the way you want, without doing the mistakes you've done before.

I have an upcoming date with some guy who asked me out at work (customer, not co worker). We texted back and forth and he seems nice although we have nothing in common. I found his facebook because I have his number and my app auto syncs it to include him as a potential friend. Found it we really are exactly the opposite, he has a kid (I think), pretty conservative, religious and big into family and sports. I'm atheist, don't talk to my family much and loooove video games. I don't know if I should still go on this date with him knowing I already feel like its not gonna go anywhere (I intend to pay for myself, not trying to get a free meal or some shit) or if I should just give it a chance.

The worst part is that, that same day I found someone I really hit it off with even though I don't think he's interested in me romantically, I enjoy his company.

>>16538676
If you hadn't mentioned the other person you've connected better with I would say definitely go for it, because at worst you'd be paying for a meal to find out for sure you're not interested, but if there's someone else you really like and going out with someone else would betray that feeling, and you would like to focus on the person you like, you can do just that.

Some other advice you didn't ask for, if you wish to hear: Do not give up your search for the truth of life and the spiritual side of our reality, for God is real. I have been an atheist for long years before I found out the truth. While I don't know you or any of your family members, keeping a good, close relationship with your family is almost always beneficial, and in most people's cases you would be making them happy just by giving them a call to chat for a few minutes and share your feelings.

How do I tell my long distance relationship that I can't deal with not seeing him anymore.

It's the fourth time we've tried to meet up and we had to change plans again because my transportation situation completely changed out of the blue. This guy is someone I could see myself finally getting close to, but I can't make things serious unless I actually meet him in person.
Everytime that we cancel our meet ups I become so lost that I don't feel like myself for a long period of time. Each time it happens my situation gets worse. If I go through one more canceled meet up I don't know how I'm going to handle it again.
Is this finally the time that I call it quits since everything is pointing to no?

>>16538762
Have you talked to him about it? For how much longer will the distance remain? Is there no way to eliminate the distance between both of you?

If he's someone you genuinely love I'd suggest you find a way to overcome the situation before you give up on it. But if it's so that there's truly nothing to be done and you do not think you have the will to withstand the distance between you for the foreseeable amount of time, then you can just let him know.

>>16538676
Try to make it clear to the other guy that you're interested in him, he might just be hiding his feelings for you.

Even though I have motivations and normally feel pretty good, I always have this underlying sadness that surfaces every few weeks, usually after some dissapointing event.

Even as I do things I enjoy I'm thinking "There's no point to this." So what if I do well on the test? So what if I get a good job? So what if I get a house? So what if I run into a girlfriend? What does it matter, I'll never be happy because It's just not my nature to be. I know having these things is overrated and life doesn't generally improve at all.

At the same time, I have this constant nagging hope that won't let me just give up.

>>16538721
Yeah, I figured I was going to turn him down anyway I just don't know if I should go out with him on that date or not because I already told him I would.

I think it would be more accurate to say that I don't really like any of the current religions. I do believe in God, but other people telling me how to believe in my god and all their weird rules just don't sit well with me.

>>16538822
I mean that would be nice and I'm definitely going to try to figure that out but even if he doesn't like me in a romantic way, I'm still interested in just hanging out with him in general so its all good.

thanks for the advice btw friends, i really appreciate it. I have no female friends so I have nowhere else to turn to :'D

>>16538890
That's your soul reaching out to you to find out the truth, and to find out what it is you want to do in your life.

Not in terms of a job, but what it is in your heart that you want to do, to live your life, to satisfy your soul. You realize the life isn't about the money, the house the "good job", now it's time to sit down and think what you truly wish to do. Leopard raiser, anime critic, a simple job where you interract with lots of other people, an oldschool painter, traveling a lot, fixing things, being a kindergarten teacher, anything. Whatever it is you're the only one who knows it, and there's is something for you, you only need to sit down and think, and if it doesn't come then you can just take a walk, do some traveling and then think some more, surely there's something for you.

And as for a girlfriend, you shouldn't be looking into making just any one person your mate, for having the person whom you genuinely love who in turn loves you back is one of the best things this realm has to offer.

>>16538929
I understand what you mean well, if you haven't yet do give reading Bible a try, you may find it different from the kind of Christianity and related community you might have experienced.

People who know want me to see a therapist but is there is any way to take steps to make it better on my own as therapists havent really helped before? Am i really missing out on things? Everyone is convinced I am really missing out.


>cannot handle romance. Chase people I am interested in until we fuck/they get interested back and then the feelings dissapear the second it happens. Disgusted and afraid of people who like me romantically. I like seeing other people be romantic though

>I was in love once but it ruined my life we got addicted to drugs etc. so maybe thats the reason but I'm pretty over them

>i cant and have never had sober sex because i hate being touched. unless i am high or drunk. Wasnt raped or beaten or anything. And i want to fuck everyone. Literally everyone. i'm not really gay or enjoy sex THAT much

>>16539051
This is a kind of issue where I have to ask you many questions, and therapists are great for that if you can find a good one.

Therapist is a good idea, yet if you feel like answering them here I do have some questions, but either case you should likely look for a therapist who's good at his/her job where you can keep contact on a regular basis. Q:

Which drugs have you been using and how long have you used them for?
Are you completely over them or "pretty" over them?
Are you using any medication for a mental condition, or for overcoming your drug addiction?
Have you been losing a certain kind of medication for a long time?

Why do you think you can't handle romance?
What changes once they return attention?
Are you seeking sex to fill the whole of intimate interraction and romance, or is it lust?

Have you completely come in terms with your past relationship, with forgiveness and understanding?

>>16539076
>Have you been *using
>to fill the *hole

Some typos.

>>16539076
Ok, thank you. I will try to see a regular therapist. I will answer your questions I think you have good input.

Drugs: completely sober now almost a year, this was 3years ago. exctasy once. Cocaine like 12 times?, addicted to xanax for 2 years straight, shrooms once. Huge pothead, adderall for adhd

I am very over him, no urge to check their fb, I dislike who they are now. But there are some old feelings for the time when it was happy.

I am using medication for mood disorder/s. . Been using lamotrigine for 3 years, buspirone for 1 year. Lots of other meds i used to be on last year like lithium but i forgot what else. At one time i was taking 5 diff ones. Vyvanse cureently for adhd


I think i cant handle romance because i 'gave all my love' lack of a better term to him. I never loved anyone before him or anyone after.it was too much for me and i feel completely drained. Emotions have been blunted ever since. I realize what went wrong, we were both very stupid, maybe i dont forgive him but i understand and i cant say i wouldnt have done the same thing in his position. I am not angry towards him i am just sad.

I dont have any patience so it kind of feels like i've 'won' or gotten all there is to get when they reciprocate anything and i dont have the urge to date them or anything anymore. Part of me wants to get married etc but i honestly cant imagine a perfect person I would want to. Relationships feels...recyclable.

I am lonely and want to fill the hole but I dont know if its possible to fill it.its true drugs rewire your brain and if i was who i used to be when i met him and before the drugs, that would fill the hole. I was so happy then

I suppose its also lust though, since maybe i want to fuck someone but theres very little people i can stand to be around for if its just me and them, so i dont really have sex that much. I'm eccentric and dont really get along with most people.

should i just give up on everything in life and commit suicide.
I don't have any friends near me, no relationships and sit in front of my pc just doing pointless shit all day and honestly, i don't see a point in continuing this shitshow.

>>16539195
I'm sure you already know, but those medications you list have enourmous side-effects, and are very harmful to both your body and your sould and mental state, if used for a long period of time. They do immense damage just within a few months, year(s) long use is self destruction.

These "medications" coupled with your long term drug use, I can guarantee you that these are the biggest, if not the only reason for your conflicting, pessimistic feelings where you feel like you are different from the days you were once happy, where you gave all your love you had in you, lost your patience, blunted your emotions and so on.

Yet there's surely a solution, and while it may take you a year to get your body and mental strength back up to 100%, I can guarantee you that you will feel a lot better in a month, or even few weeks, if you decide to better yourself.

The first few days may be hard, but you need to drop every single one of your medications and stop seeing whichever doctor that prescribed you these.

Next you need to detox your body, by diet and by cleansing your body.

Eating:
Your diet should consist of vegetable and fruit heavy meals which more raw greeneries than cooked food.
Do 3-day eating fasts for 7 weeks. Do not start these fasts right away, start by doing a single day fast first, then move on to 3-day fasts.
Fasting is one of the, if not the strongest way to detox your body.
Drop any and all junkfood and or fastfood you are consuming in your daily life.

Cleansing:
Do a liver cleansing, do 3 of them with a month between them actually. May sound intimidating if you have no pre-knowledge about it, but it's basically consuming apple-juice for a period of time and olive oil and lemon/grapejuice mix for a day. Sounds simple, does miracles.
Do regular physical exercise.

1/2

>>16539195
Please don't shy away from these if they look like a lot of stuff for you to do, because they are not, and I guarantee you that you will feel a lot better in just a few weeks time.

If you have any further questions, or would like to read books, research and instructions about fasting and cleansing feel free to ask.

2/2

>>16539213
Suicide is never the answer, don't even think about it.

Friends can be made, lovers can be found, and you can do things that you makes you happy and feeds your soul, all with just a little bit of willpower to take the step to the right direction.

If you are here seeking for answers you already know that suicide is not the answer. If you are here you already have the willpower in you. You just need to sit down and think, prioritize what you need to do and take the step.

Ive been sober 136 days now. I thought id be happier without alcohol but im really not. I want some vodka.

Not really looking for advice, just venting.

>>16539195
If the therapist you find ends up offering/suggesting you to take medication for the feelings you feel and the questions you have, I'd suggest you to find another one immediately.

There are unfortunately those out there who offer these life ruiningly heavy side-effect ridden "medications" to their subjects, and take a cut from the pharmaceutical companies. If the therapist offers you a product instead of trying to get to the root of the problem and finding a natural, non-destructive solution, then walk away.

3/2

>>16539338
Don't do it anon.

You should be happier, since being sober gives you clarity and mental cohesion, which you don't have when you are drunk.
You can conquer the world if you like when you are sober.
Think about what it is you want to do. Think about what you soul wants to do.

How does a non existent social life guy get dates or casual sex in the UK? I've had many many prostitutes, now I want a girl around my own age (23).

I have no social media so I can't use tinder. Internet dating seem hopeless desu due to the male female ratios. Approaching / all that PUA stuff doesn't happen in the UK. Joining random interest clubs solely to hit on women seems pathetic.

>>16539317
I will try this. I have been wondering if the worst dmg of the drug use has..gone away? I guess since I've been clean for a year, and maybe I dont need meds now. I've tried going off everything before and i nearly ended up in the hospital again. But I am going home for a month so I will try what you suggested.

I hate being under the yoke of the doctor and the meds. I already excersize and eat pretty healthy. I've just been seeing a pdoc cuz my other therapists were kind of dumb but I'll look for another one. And detox sounds nice so i'll look it up. Thanks advice anon. I hope I can be myself again

>>16539371
Casual sex is not what you are looking for, it's the same as having a sex with a prostitute.

Dates, where does get one dates, at your school, your job, at a course you take, in a forum of your interest, on a bus stop, where ever the opposite sex is really.

I do agree that internet dating is not a good way to find meaningful relationships, but don't understand how you can think joining clubs/taking courses is pathetic to meet people, when they are about the best place there is. Prostitutes would be the worst way, and taking courses would be the best way for you to fill the hole you have in you, and somehow you got it upside down.

Courses you take or clubs you join do not have to be random, in fact they should be about things you are interested in. Could be painting, a new language, a type of sport, about video games, some niche sewing art, whatever have you, there's something for you. And here's the best part: since you'll be joining something you care/ are interested about with a certain mindset, you'll find potential mates in the same position.

In short: socialize by throwing yourself in a community you are interested about, the rest will follow.

>>16539337
yeah, i guess you're right, i'm just gonna go to therapy on a regular basis and this will somehow work itself out, still have some stuff to look forward to anyway

>>16537847
How can I keep to a schedule? I usually plan out a lot in my life like what time to study and when to go to sleep and the amount of stuff I need to do. However I plan so much, but I never follow through. How can I follow through with Achilles I set for myself?

>>16539408

yeah but casual sex would be with girls my own age and naitonality instead of continental european women who are 30 to 40. Think of the validation I'd get!

>>16539403
Yes, unfortunately after a long term use those pills do cause addiction, and it can be hard on your body to cut them out right away, and thus you should do them gradually, little by little seeing how your body reacts to it. But it is something you must do and the sooner you do it the better for you.

Don't ever give up, if what you read here doesn't do it for you, do your own research and remember, those meds are not the answer. Yet I still guarantee you that you will feel a lot better in a few weeks time with your detox, and in the end you'll feel better than you've ever felt before. God speed.

>>16539413
Don't just let it be, think upon what you want to do and listen to your soul. Don't ever give up anon, there are always things to look forward to.

>>16538655
I'm in a similar situation to this. My girlfriend has been growing more distant due to some family issues so I made the decision to give her some time and we agreed that she'll let me know when things are okay and we can go out again. Would it be going back on my word to talk to her once in a while, just to see how she's doing? Or should I practically avoid her until she gives me the okay?

>>16539435
Willpower and determination.

It is of great importance what you do at the start of your day, do not delay whatever you have in your schedule. Start working towards your goal as early as you can.
Make sure your to-do list isn't too crowded and isn't scaring you away. Start small, small enough that the who goal for the day can be done within 10 minutes. Start as the first thing in the morning after the chores.

These will build willpower and determination and help you leave behind the anxiety of simply starting to do constructive things and will get you to move. Once you start moving things will be a lot easier for you.

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>>16537847
I'm 19 and I want to find a wife. What steps should I take to achieve that? Bear in mind I'm reasonably handsome and don't have a lot of trouble around women, but have very little relationship experience.

Should I get an AR pattern as my first rifle or a Cold War era battle rifle instead?

>>16539435
yeah, like visiting a hooker next month
or maybe even skydiving at some point
woo

>>16539437
Oh you, anon.

>>16539462
Don't completely avoid/ignore her, but make sure to give her a few days of time of full rest.

The natural thing is to check on how your loved one is doing, no harm in talking to her or a phone call or a few texts after you give her a day or two of space.

>>16539484
Finding a mate for life is no thing to be rushed, and it's not something you can quite plan on either. Follow your heart and do what your soul calls you do to, hang around in places and communities that interest you and things will fall into place.

For your second question /k/ would give you a lot better insight then I can I'm afraid.

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I am gone for the day, if I will reply back to posts after this tommorow if there are any.

Thank you for visiting.

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I unexpectedly made 3 grand off of my nerdy hobby. What should I do with the money? Go on a trip, join a gym? Any thoughts from you all would help. I am lucky enough to not have any loans or bills coming up.

>>16539501

you should be lifting weights even as a poorfag

>>16539501
Both taking a trip and joining a gym sounds good, and 3 grand is more than enough to do both. You're golden if you spend the remains on other constructive things, saving is also fine.

>>16539501
I would also put a good amount into the bank for emergencies

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>>16539492
>Finding a mate for life is no thing to be rushed
Which is why I think it's worthwhile to start thinking about it now, so that I'll have plenty of time to find the right woman
>Follow your heart and do what your soul call to you to do
I was considering doing some things, looks like I'll go ahead with them

>>16539501
>Go on a trip, join a gym?
Travel is always good; you should be lifting anyway

So..subjectively is very hard to list the facts that are relevant to my problem, but here it goes:
I'm 22m ,pretty fit, tho never visited the gym, introvert, I was heavily depressed most of my life, though I couldnt pin point a single most important reason for it.Anyway 'who cares about hapiness' i said to myself sometime ago, 'i'll bullsh1t my way through'.
After a bit off a strugle and 1 year doing sh1tty jobs, i landed a place in a college paid by the state in philosophy ( never valued money and thought this would maybe clear some of my existential anxiety's) .That's it, new life, new smarter ppl around, i'll make this work.First year gone, everything is really interesting, get good grades, feelsgood.
Summer comes and i get a oportunity to work in the USA for the season( im from eastern europe).Fine, get a bank loan, pay the contract and the plane, work in a restaurant, live modestly, get back only able to payback the loan, get modest gifts for family and friends and new phone.
2nd year comes, feel more depressed about my material situation, economical crisis really afected my family, barely enough money to keep food on the table, while im learning about plato and other pretentious stuff with my 'no-care-in-the-world-fullofoportunities' collegues living in center of the town while make 1h + on the public transport from outer town with no money on me. work some part time, w/e. loose more and more interest - get mediocre grades( who cares) also getting a very painful back, it was the most hardcore thing to finish my essays with that mind shattering pain.
Summer comes again, my manager and 2nd employee remeber me for working hard, get a chance to spend half of what i did last year and make a lot more profit.Making plans to get enough money to buy a car, and live through the next year then i can go to norway and finish my studying.( even though i will waste my summer again going in a place i really hated).

>>16540652

Taking all types of meds,treatments, going to several doctors but pain only gets worse and i had to cancel the leave just before i was supposed to, as i couldnt stand even to it, walk or even sleep bcuz of the pain.
Spend the summer in hardcore pains and denial cuz of the failure, lost even more money and cant get no sleep over the lack of oportunities in my future, especially with a broken back at this age.
Third year starts, visited a dozen of doctors and still no improvements, give up college ( freeze the curent year) as i cant even focus my mind to read 2 pages straight( to fill my lonely eternity) sleep schedgule is facked, who am i, what year is it, i look like a ghost.
Do some investigations on my own, and visit another good medic and reach the conclusion my pain is real and physical but 100% produced by stress and depression(no real cure to it fibromyalgia/TMS), tells me to get rid of anxiety of results and perfectionism. Even saw a therapeut for 2 times before hand with no results.
Made a lot of forced physical activity few days ago, read some Alan Watts, shave, pain is 50% gone, but i dont know what to do with my life.My only moment of genuine hapiness in 2 years was for about 2 second when i heard an ambulance rushing through traffic (some1 else is suffering, I welcome you to it) Pain makes you bitter, i've lost any pleasure in any activity, and i just want the world to go into WW3, what do ?

>>16537847
How do I get my gf into fitness? She hates working out with a passion

>>16537847
Sup Mr. 4chan cookie

Heres the straight dope
>Turning 26 in 2 weeks not happy but whatever, not going to fight it
>Been out of the dating scene for 5 years since I broke up with last gf. Never been into the idea of finding a new one because of school and chasing a "dream".
>Became completely anti social not in a psycho scense but in a have no life sense. Every since I graduated college 3 years ago. Oh and dream fell through.
>3 years i havent been on social media, havent moved out, had a job but laid off and now collecting while finding a new job.
>No life, only gym, home, fruitless job search, hang out with family, have 4 friends I barely talk to because they got their own thing going

Basically I would like to be more social at
least. I really became jaded, i dont want a relationship because I have abysmol standards and Im not relationship material. I would like to know where I can find a MILF. A MILF wouldnt expect or want a comitted relationship, just for sex and someone to talk to.

>I dont drink, so no point in bars
>Dont have any form of social media
>women at my gym dont attract me, ghetto ass gym
>i have no life

Ive been a shut in for a while and havent met people in over a long time. Pretty much to myself. How do I find one?

I was really hurt at the end of my last relationship.

Now that I'm trying to date other people I can't fight the urge to not sabotage things because I just know now that it's going to end shittily. So I end up either not making plans, flaking or blocking phone numbers because I just can't get into another relationship and have it fail.

How do I get over my fear of falling in love blindly and stop doing this?

>Been with this girl for 9 years
>living with her for the last 4
>I don't feel the same about her anymore compared to when i 1st moved in
>Have sex maybe 3 times a month
>We have grown into such different people, this is where things have changed my feelings for her
>She is an awesome person for the most part but i just don't love her anymore
>We are somewhat financially reliant on each other which is why i have put up with this for so long
>I think she still has feelings for me but i don't really want to know.
>I'm definitely punching above my weight

Im not really sure what to do, I don't know if it can be salvaged or if its a lost cause?

>>16540652
>>16540655
You need to sit down and think, and no you don't want the WW3 to happen, you don't want to see others suffer, you are just giving into bad feelings because you are feeling bad, which in turn only worsens your condition.

First of all, keep doing physical activities and focus on things that clear and ease your mind to help you with your pain.

Then clear your mind and think about what is important for you, you need to sit down and make time for this. It can be anything, it can be multiple things, it could be looking after your family, traveling, landing a job where you can socialize, working in a zoo, sky-diving instructor, jewel maker, whatever have you. Once you find out what your priorities are, take the steps that lead you there.

And stop tapping into bad feelings, they will only lead you into more pain darker places. All everyone wants is to receive love from this world, and loving is at our core, don't work against it, for it will only harm yourself.

>>16540657
Why does she feel so strongly over something that ultimately feels nice?

To get her used to it, ask her to come with you and give her the smallest, and easiest like running for 30 seconds, 3 body-weight squats, 3 pushups, what have you.
Have her on your side at all times and try to make the process more fun by talking to her, playing made up exercise related games with her, and when she's around you while you are working out and she's just there not exercising, teasing her just a slight bit will get her to do whatever it is you are doing.

In short, make it fun for her, give her attention, tease her a bit.

>>16540776
I have the best solution for you: taking courses about things you care about.

One thing I'll get out of the way, if it is your wish to find an envoirnment where there are mature women take up courses on pottery, watercolor painting and sewing. If it's a class made up of about 10 people, all the better as it becomes a lot easier to socialize. Although ultimately, this isn't the kind of relationship you want.

The kind of bonds you'll want to make happen at the courses you take about the things you are interested and passionate about. It's all about joining communities with common grounds and like minded people, where you can socialize while doing something you enjoy. and courses are great at this.

Another thing is, if one of your friends invite you to somewhere else where there will be others, take the chance and go, through a friend you can make many more.

And cheesy as it may sound, don't give up on your dream, they don't fall through unless you give up on it. Don't give up.

>>16537847
i really liked this guy, he was the only friend i had left and he left me because i did something dumb, but he said it was fine and he didnt hate me but he wont talk to me and i dont understand. i cant stop obsessing over him and i dont know why, i struggle really bad with anxiety and bpd plus i have a drinking problem. i never leave my house because i cant and i dont have any hobbies or anything and i dont know what to do anymore. the past five days ive just been lying in bed literally watching anime and browsing 4chan and i really want to kill myself

Looking for roadtrip advice. For the next few years, until my time in the army is done (and a few more after that) I'm going to be saving a few thousand dollars for a trip for me and a friend. I plan on funding the entire thing myself, so this accounts for two people. The plan is to take a flight to Vietnam (from the US, so that's already a few thousand), buy a couple motorcycles in Vietnam, and trek all the way to France, and take a ferry to our final destination - England. Obviously a lot of planning is going to have to go into this - but I'm wondering what we're going to need for this, about crossing borders with the vehicles, money and the different currency, shots (could probably consult a doctor for this) etc.

>>16540802
Firstly forgive your partner of the past relationship. This may not sound important but it is, sit down, think about the relationship and how your partner has hurt you and forgive it all. Then forgive yourself, forgive yourself for being hurt, forgive yourself for doing things you've regretted, let it all go. Make sure when you look back these memories don't hit you back with a sharp pain, but only as a memory with a smile on your face.

The next thing to do is, as you know it yourself, you need to stop sabotaging yourself. Trust again in others, don't let any of your actions or prejudices get in the way of how you feel towards that person, but only in your mind remember and logically make connections as to if the next person is for you or not.

Once hurt you won't "fall blindly in love" again, you can still love someone a lot in a short amount of time and keep the good feelings, but you won't be blind. Trust in yourself, you have nothing to fear.

>>16540835
From what you've given me it's difficult for me to say much, it's all about what you're feeling and why you are feeling it.

What changed?
Is the seldom love making because you don't find her attractive, or vice-versa? Do you both not feel like it or is it one sided?
You say she's an awesome person but you don't love her, why? Is it physical attraction that you no longer have? Her personality that puts you off? You just one day realized she's not the one for you?

Just by this it sounds like you already made up your mind, but you should probably answer these questions and actually understand why the case is, and frankly talk to her about it and see what she thinks.

>>16541143
Whatever it is you've done, sit down and think about it, why you did iti until you understand you will not do it, or any other thing knowing it is dumb and harms relationships. Get rid of your drinking problem.

Then genuinely apologize to the guy. If he told you that it's fine and he doesn't hate you over it he's most likely an understanding guy, and you can tell him about your situation. Just tell him straight up that you don't have many friends or much to do and would like to get back to being friends again, without over-dramatizing it or being too pushy about it. Good luck.

>>16541146
I'm afraid /trv/ is a lot more suited and knowledgeable about this, although the board is slower than many others you'll get better and more varied information backed with a pool of experiences there if you give it a day or two of time.

My advice for you which you didn't ask for would be is to, unless you are financially fine or it's a special case where you feel like you owe it to the person you are taking with you, don't take all the financial burden on yourself.

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Gone for a few hours, I'll reply back to posts after this later if there are any.

>>16541184
Thank you, I wasn't even aware of the travel board!

I'm not too worried about the financial burden. I save money a lot, and it just really sits around. It's not like I'm just giving them money, I could just do this alone but I'd much rather take a best friend of mine with me so we can share the amazing experiences and adventure we'll have during such a journey. The money isn't really going to go towards anything else, and I wouldn't want to have them pay for themselves. The idea of funding it entirely, and bringing this person along with me doesn't bother me at all.

Imagine if a very close friend of yours came to you one day, asking you to go an a literal cross-country adventure, and you didn't have to worry about money one bit. All you have to worry about is whatever events transpire during the journey. That would be amazing. I want to be that guy, but not just for the sake of it though - that's just part of it. The main appeal is the adventure itself.

Should I continue putting myself dozens of thousands of dollars in debt to go to Uni to satiate my parents

Or should I drop out and quit being depressed and anxious all the goddamn time at the risk of being kicked out/given up on

>>16541211
The whole US education system is a big trap, especially if you're dreading the experience and you know what you are studying for isn't the thing you want from life or that it's just not worth it.

Speak with your parents and explain them the situation and how you feel about it, they should understand, especially if you come up to them with what you'll do instead with something you actually want to do/ are passionate about. If not, no big deal, the immense debt you are taking on your name and the sadness and anxiety isn't worth whatever your parents can throw at you.

>>16541201
I understand, that's a noble deed. Good luck on your travels.

>>16541232
Thank you!

>>16541226
>especially if you come up to them with what you'll do instead with something you actually want to do/ are passionate about
This is the problem
A: They're 50+ year old Southerners, they don't understand any kind of alternative lifestyle
B: I can't give them a clear picture of what it is I want to do. I pretty much didn't have a childhood thanks to them being shitheads (specifically my father) so,I've never gotten to develop any interests or dreams. I have a laundry list of skills, talents and hobbies a mile long I want to pursue but they just see that as "too lazy for school" and will force me into shitty part-time work that will destroy whatever time I would otherwise have to do the things I want

I'm finding it nearly impossible to alter my spending habits. I can't seem to save money no matter how much I'm receiving.

>>16541251
Put it in da bank nigga
But seriously, if it's paychecks or something get a system set up where it's put into a savings account so you can't freely use it every day.
If it's just cash then put it in the bank manually. The less you carry it on you the harder it is to spend

>>16541246
It doesn't matter what they think, if it's THE thing you want to do and you're passionate and persistent about it they'll understand that universal language. Working a "shitty" part-time job for a few months is not a heavy price to pay for the freedom you'll buy for the following months, even a year if you're good with money, and on top of it all, you may find that working at one of those jobs isn't that bad at all.

>>16541251
What makes you want to spend, even though you're aware of your problem and want to save money?
Is it the joy you get from buying new things? Is shopping your way to spend quality time, in a way?

More than likely most of the time you're buying stuff you don't need, find out why you are doing this and fill the hole with the things that will mend your soul, rather than patching it for a short while.

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Alright I really do need to go now, I'll reply back to posts in 2-3 hours after this, if there are any.

>>16541259
>Working a "shitty" part-time job for a few months is not a heavy price to pay for the freedom you'll buy for the following months, even a year if you're good with money, and on top of it all, you may find that working at one of those jobs isn't that bad at all.
I appreciate the advice, and I really hate to be the kind of /adv/ poster that deflects well thought out advice - but in all honesty, working most entry level jobs is pretty much my personal hell.
I hate dealing with people, period, and I can't stay motivated to keep track of schedules and things like that.
Honestly I'd just lift heavy boxes all day for minimum wage if I could get that kind of job, but with the way things are now I'd have to jump through so many hoops to even get that kind of job it would defeat the point.

At the same time, I don't really care about the money - I could live out of the back of a van just fine. My family could easily pay for me some bare minimum apartment and living expenses so I could devote all my time to the things I want to do, but instead they expect me to take out student loans and put myself through college and be miserable.

Sorry, at this point I'm just ranting

>>16541146
If you aren't already aware you'll need a visa to enter China and Xinjiang has been very unstable for the past 2 years

>>16541172
We just have such different schedules so its hard to make time for it and since we leave with her mum and brother as well it makes it difficult. We were 15 when we started going out and back then we had so many things in common but as we have grown older our taste in things have changed, things i find important or interesting are things she finds dull and boring and vice versa. I'm kind of waiting till i change job which where ill be earning more money so that i can get my own place, maybe then things might improve if we can get time alone.

>>16541264
Thanks. This is good advice. Just that nudge is showing me a link through from my adolescent self-mutilation to this problem (because, yeah:
>Is it the joy you get from buying new things? Is shopping your way to spend quality time, in a way?
the feeling, more or less, is all of the above), along with a reminder of how I resolved that particular issue by taking up regular exercise. Theoretically, I should be able to apply the same principle to this problem. I'll just try running at first rather than the gym, though, so as I don't wind up trying to kick a spending addiction by handing over ~$300. Thanks again.

I need help.

I got rejected by a girl few days ago. She didn't say that to me, her best friend told me that she isn't interested that much in me.

Yesterday night I called her by mistake and she sent me a message "Hellooo" I then responded with "I didn't want to do that". Few minutes later she said Ok. And one hour later she asked what is wrong with me?

I think her best friend didn't tell her about our discussion.
What should I respond? What should I do?

>>16541403
Just tell her straight up that she shot you down and now it feels uncomfortable

>>16541418

Dont I come as desperate?

What do I do with my girlfriend who has a fear of females in general? She finds them not trustworthy and too random, and she prefers to hang out with males in general as they're nice and quite predictable. She finds it a chore to handle relationships with girls in general. What do?

>>16541530
>>16541403
First of all, don't go and form your thoughts or take action by second hand information.

Secondly you need to realize that responding that message with "I didn't want to do that" is quite rude, and you have no reason to be rude.

Disregard whatever information your friend's friend gave you about whatever, and just explain her your situation. Being frank is the bane of awkwardness, and if you are sincere all is fine. If you don't know where to do start here's a template: "Sorry about that message I didn't realize that it came off rude. The thing is I like you and wanted to spend more time with you but your friend X told me that you weren't interested in me and for some reason it's making me feel awkward making me do stupid things. I hope this clears up my point of view, I mean no ill will, I hope we can be regular friends."

>>16541275
If I'm to be honest with you, while I wouldn't force my child to go through an education and take up debt he clearly doesn't want, I wouldn't give him an apartment and money to do whatever he wants with nothing to show either, no matter how financially strong I am.

If your goal is to get your parents to support you, which is a good idea, you need to show them you are willing to put effort into this, and you are doing something with your time. You need to show them you are willing to look for and take a part time job if need be, you need to show them your passion and progress insistently, you need to let them know you know what you are doing and this is the way to your happiness.

My best advice for you would be not to make a big deal out of a 2 month part time job where you get to interract with other people. Trust me, people aren't all that bad, and behold, you may find yourself enjoying it as well. Gather your will and do the thing you know to be true.

>>16541314
It sounds like you guys still have a chance, and having alone time for just the two of you can do you wonders. Don't give up, work your way towards it, good luck.

>>16541334
Physical exercise is absolutely great for this, couple this with a hobby/interest you would genuinely like to try or take a course upon you'll be in a great spot, God speed.

>>16541542

I wouldn't call it second hand info. The girl who told me is my crush's best friend. Someone who would tell her everything. Second of all, by telling this, don't I come again as clingy or desperate?

Last, we are not native english speaker, so I translated that a bit wrong. I wasn't that rude, I just said that I didn't intend to call her, so it was a mistake

>>16541139
Hey same anon here, thanks for the advice. What about people my age in case I decide to buckle my bitter ways?

>>16541622
No, that's not being clingy, nor is it being desperate, you are just explaining your situation. There's nothing wrong with telling someone that you like them and would like to spend time together. This is basic human interraction, this is the core of human interraction.

Clear away the awkwardness and be frank and sincere about what you're thinking and all will be fine, you have nothing to worry about.

>>16541630
My only advice for you would be to tell the truth, and if you've acquired that money through malicious your best course of action is to return it. Not only because of the obvious, but also, as is apparent from your post, it will eat you from the inside. The money isn't worth it.

>>16541681
Courses man, courses! Imagine being interested about something and going to a place where there are other people interested in the same thing. I know I gave the above examples as the courses in which women in their 30's and 40's lean towards joining, but the chances are you will also find people around your age at those. If you are interested in it, there's someone else your age interested in it as well. Language courses, painting courses, scuba-diving, particular pet raising clubs, clubs dedicated to philosophies and ways of thinking, whatever you can imagine and are interested about, you'll find something.

I can just make this thread into a one big giant "WHY COURSES ARE AMAZING FOR HUMAN INTERRACTION AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE" thread and post two hundred posts in it, it's that good. As I said above, it's all about gathering in a place with others who share a common interest and socializing with each other. Courses are just one good example because they provide you a ground for socializing and pretty much force you into it, especially the ones with low population limit, but any other community, events, gatherings etc. that fit the criteria you can just throw yourself into.