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(Pic unrelated) I'm in love for the first time in my life.

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(Pic unrelated)

I'm in love for the first time in my life.

I'm in love with someone who has no time for a relationship. She's busy living life to the fullest, working three jobs (one of which we work together at), making new friends and finishing school. She likes to party as well, when she can.

I've known her for about a year. We've grown closer and become friends over the past 4 months or so. She's the only person I've ever opened myself up to completely. I fell for her sometime in september or october.

I honestly don't want to be a burden. To add to the heavy load she already has on her and I also don't want to risk the possibility of losing her as a friend but this is driving me mad. She's so alive, she makes me so happy. Her smile just absolutely melts my heart and I feel like a complete idiot around her.

Yesterday I had a nervous-brakedown because of the situation. I reached out to her (she's abroad for some conference) in panic and she helped me regain some control. When she asked why it happened I told her the truth, that I was in love, albeit not with whom.

I know I'm gonna be telling her soon.

But I'm so terrified...
You've already set for failure.

You've put her on the pedestal.

She'll crush you if you date her bro.
I've definitely considered that outcome, but honestly... She's different. She's always kind, understanding etc etc.... I've been through some flings before but she's just different y'know?
I'm not nearly as afraid of rejection as I am of losing her friendship
Nope that's because you don't know her yet.

See women are mostly nice till you become a weeni then they have to find a capable mate.

If you go in there thinking she's the prettiest then you've set yourself for failure.

She hasnt earn this affection you've given her she just being nice.
Fair enough, any advice on how I could turn this around or is it too late?
Yeah, don't tell her it's her. You'll know her level of interest in you if she brings it up. You job is to rise from this place and become more centered. You shouldn't spill your guts like that if she isn't already on that same level with you. Show her that you're coping, and become a fun and pleasant guy in her eyes. Don't ask permission, just man up and stop being a boo-hoo. Press the reset button on this affection you have for her, and build attraction with her. You don't have to be earnest about the fact that you had a meltdown because of her. Just stop having meltdowns, and find your strength in the fact that you haven't ruined it her. Stop seeing her as something precious that you have to consider at all cost. If you want to be with her, do the things that will make her prioritize differently. She will find the time for you if you do it right. When the time comes she will know from the way you act around her (confidently), not by you fucking telling her - that will only make her pity you.

Do. Not. Tell. Her.
I still think it's funny that I've known her for some time and wasn't even interested in her at all until a few months ago. I guess me falling for her so hard is attributable to me never being so close or even wanting to open myself up to someone completely. And actually telling her stuff I haven't told anyone? Would have seemed ridiculous half a year ago.

Actually being in love for the first time has been terrifying because I haven't had a clue what to do. The first person I could tell everything turns into the only person I can't tell the biggest thing that has tormented me.

This seems like it might be worth a shot.

Thank you
I understand what you are saying, but consider this:

Your love is your own. It doesn't belong to her, it is something you are doing yourself. Sure, the feelings wouldn't exist if it wasn't for her, but it is something you are creating from your own personal center. Find strength in this perspective. Channel your affection in such a way that it does not matter whether she reciprocates or not. It is a beautiful thing you are doing, but don't dump the responsibility for it in her lap. Act and say and do things from the place this love of yours originates, and she won't have any reason to distance herself from you. The reason women become astrange, is the weakness they detect in needy men who let their happiness and faith depend on the decision of their love interest. Be happy and outcome-independent, and your very radiance will draw her closer to to. Believe that most of the work is done non-verbally. There's nothing right or wrong, what will be will be. Know that you know that you know that you are complete in your life of love, and notice how there is no empty spot for her to fill.
I think you should tell her.
I like that, Thanks again
Because you're torturing yourself. Losing the friendship would be the best thing for you if she doesn't want a relationship with you. Plus she might actually love you back, I think it's a risk worth taking.
That's definitely how I felt before... but I agree with the other poster in that I need to find more personal strength and reclaim happiness before even considering telling her, otherwise wouldn't I just come across as needy.

On the other hand I've never shown her anything but positive affection.
And I feel confident that I can achieve that at the moment
But I might tell her eventually, just not while I'm an unconfident emotional mess
Showing is in almost all cases much better than telling.
Dude at least your holding back now we did our job of not making you look like a complete weeni.

Op the fools journey starts now but eventually you'll get good and lay some pipe for various women and the girl you love.
I sort of understand your context, but what exactly do you mean by the first sentence?
Do you even fathom the idea of your crappy confession and her crushing your hope of dating her?

Cause we save you from that colossally shit idea

"I love you blah"
" uhh I see you as a friend and I'm stupid busy"
" maybe in the future?"
" yea...(never fucken happening)"
haha, I kind of caught that vibe from the first response
To my OP, that is
Thread posts: 22
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